39 Weeks (50 page)

For the first time since
New Year’s Day I felt hope, and smiled to myself that maybe
, just maybe
,
everything might
turn out alright.
  
  

24
th
February – Week 38 + 5 Days

It had been just over a week since Rob got back and things couldn’t be worse. Well I suppose it wasn’t quite as bad as when I didn’t know where he was and if he was alright, but it was bad enough. At least when I didn’t know what was going on I had hope. Now though I didn’t even have that.

Last Friday morning Rob had come upstairs and asked if I was alright after
my practise run at going into labour the night before, and to make sure it hadn’t all started up again. For a
second
or two I was ecstat
ic until I realised that he was
only here on Marsha’s instructions, and probably not from any real concern of his own. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me, this was my chance to explain, and I wasn’t going to waste it, so I invited him in.

We stood just inside my
front door looking at each other
,
neither of us sure what to say next. After an uncomfo
rtable minute
I said ‘y
ou know you got it all wrong about what you overheard me saying to my mum.’

‘Marsha told me.’

‘I wasn’t trying to get you to marry me.’

Rob looked at me but didn’t answer and I couldn’t read his expression, it was deadpan and gave nothing away, so I ploughed on.

‘It was my mum who thought we should get married and that was because I’d told her you were the father, and well she’s always had a bit of a bee in her bonnet about me getting married anyway,
for mum the whole reason
I exist
at all is so she can see me married off to someone. But I shouldn’t have told her you were Ella’s father, it was just that . . well if you knew my mu
m you’d understand. I had to tell her
something, I didn’t even know you then not really,
it was soon after that night we met at Zee Zee’s and I didn’t think we’d ev
er see each other
again,
and your name just
sort of
popped in
to my head you know,
and . .’

I prattled on racing to say everything
I’d had six weeks to rehearse, but rehearsal or not everything came out in a rush and in no particular order. Rob still didn’t answer and eventually I dried up
and the uncomfortable silence returned

‘You didn’t have to leave
like that, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain
.’
I said turning away unable to look at him any longer.

‘I’m sorry, I should at least have told you before I went, but I was angry and I felt . . like you’d tricked me or something,
lied to me.
I had to get away, Mac was leaving and suddenly it seemed like a really good idea to just go with him for a few days.
’

‘For six weeks
you mean
?’

‘Yes well I hadn’t planned on staying away that long but the weather was so bad I didn’t have a lot of choice.’

‘You could have phoned.’

‘I lost my mobile.’

‘Yes Marsha said, but still Rob you could have
found a way to phone
and at least let me know you were still alive.’

‘I was going to, but . . a week went by, and then two, and then I don’t know the longer I left it the harder it was, and I didn’t know what to say and . .’

‘I was really worried, nobody knew where you were or if we’d ever hear from you again.’

‘I’m sorry okay.’
He said tetchily. ‘But you seem to have survived okay.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘Nothing, it doesn’t mean anything.’

‘Don’t tell me nothing, it ver
y obviously does mean something. Y
ou seem to have survived okay.’ I parroted.

‘Well what was the Chippendale doing here last night?’

‘Oh so that’s what’s got you all riled up. James was here looking after me, being my friend.’

‘Yeah course he was.’ Rob said the sarcasm oozing out of him. ‘I can see
how
worried
you were
while I was away
and how much you missed me, that’s why you were with him
. O
bvious isn’t it. Do you know I thought about you every day, worried about you every day? Wondered how you were coping or if the baby had been born yet? Did you
know that
?’

‘No I didn’t know that. How c
ould I
? You disappeared remember. I didn’t have a bloody clue what was going on.’

We glared at each other, both angry and neither of us willing to back down. Then the phone rang, it was James. Talk about bad timing.

As soon as Rob realised who it was
he gave me a sardonic sneer and said
‘f
or
God’s sake. I’ll go, and
leave you to have some privacy with
your good friend Chippy.
’ Then he left slamming the door behind him.

James had phoned to make sure I was alright, and I suspect to check up on the Rob situation. I told him I was fine and hadn’t had any more Braxton Hicks, I didn’
t mention Rob
and James didn’t ask
,
but I could sort of feel it was on the tip of his tongue
and he wanted to.

Then
straight after
that
my mum
phoned. With everything that had happened I’d almost forgotten about her date with Colin Stoddard. Apparently it had gone okay. Colin had worn his suit so that was alright. Poor guy, I mean if it ever got serious at all between him and Mum he’d have to wear his suit all the time.
Anyway the dinner date had been a success. He’d taken her to Benito’s, the Italian place where I’d had my coming out party all those months ago, and the food’s really ni
ce there, so not too much for M
um to complain about, and they’d arranged to
go out
again
this coming weekend and spend
the
day in York.

‘Wow a day trip to York, that’ll be nice.’

‘It was Colin’s idea.’ My mum said defensively.

‘It’s okay Mum, you don’t have to make excuses. I think a day trip to York would be really nice, and why shouldn’t you go with Colin. He sounds like a nice bloke.’

‘Do you really think so?’

‘Yes, I mean I don’t really know him but from what you’ve told me . .’

‘And you’re not upset or anything?’

‘Why would I be upset?’

‘Well because he’s not . .’

‘Mum I don’t care if he’s the gas man and you shouldn’t either.’

‘I was going to say because he’s not your father
.’

‘Oh. No I’m not upset about that either. You got divorced. Dad’s seeing Stella Frankham, and you’re seeing Colin. It’s fine.’

‘Well that’s good, I was a bit worried.’

This new version of my mum was a bit unnerving. I wasn’t used to my mum worrying about what I
would think
, but I suppose she’d spent her whole life worrying what other people thought, that’s mainly why s
he was always on my case
,
it wasn’t
so much
because she herself disapproved
as what other people might think
if I wasn’t
quite up to scratch, and
how that might reflect on her seeing
as I was her daughter.

‘
Anyway h
ow are you?’ Mum said. ‘I’ve been half expecting a call every day to say you’re on the way to the hospital.’

‘Well you almost did get a call yesterday.’

I told her about the Braxton Hicks, and how I’d been sure this was it and Ella was on her way, but how it had just stopped as suddenly as it had started so no Ella, not yet anyway. And then I told her about Rob coming back. Well it just sort of slipped out while I was filling in
all
the details of the previous evening.

‘So are you back together again?’

‘No. He’s sulking because James was here.’

‘I don’t think I know a James, have you told me about him? Who is he?’

‘
I have told you, he’s the one who helped me move remember and h
e’s just a friend.’ I was getting very tired of saying this to people, and briefly toyed with the idea of taking out an ad in a national paper with the headline JAMES IS JUST A FRIEND.

‘But Rob thinks he’s more, is that it?’

‘In a nutshell, yes.’

‘So where’
s Rob
been all this time?’

I explained about Rousay, and the weather, and the lost phone.

‘And then he came back to find you with this James.’

‘Yes. You make it sound like I was with him, with him. But I wasn’t, I’m not. James is a friend that’s all. He knows about Rob, knows that it’s Rob I love. He just happened to be here when all the Braxton stuff kicked off. What was he supposed to do
,
just say goodnight and leave me to it
? No he stayed and helped me. Good job too because I’d have been pretty scared if I’d been on my own.’

‘I see, and have you explained all this to Rob.’

‘Yes.’

‘And?’

‘And he’s still sulking.’

‘And have you explained
to him
about all the lies you
’d
told me, which is why he left in the first place isn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘And?’

‘I don’t know if he believes me.’

‘Do you want me to talk to him?’

‘No.’ The last thing I wanted was for Mum to talk to Rob. I’d be
quite happy if they never talked or even met each other, ever.

‘I could explain, tell him exactly what happened and how . .’

‘No. Mum you have to promise me that you won’t interfere.’

‘It’s not interfering if I’m helping is it?’

‘Yes it is. Promise me you won’t try and talk to him.’

‘Okay Judy, if that’s the way you want it, I promise.’

‘I mean it Mum, I really would rather you didn’t talk to Rob, I know you’re only trying to help but please don’t.’

‘Okay
I’ve said I won’t haven’t I.’

‘Okay.’

‘If you had that scare last night thinking you were in labour
,
do you think I really ought to be going to York for the day
?’

‘It’ll be fine. Ella’s not due until the tenth of March
according to the hospital
,
and
that’s another three weeks at least. Go to York for the day and have some fun with your fancy man.’

‘Please don’t call him that. I hate that expression.’ Now there’s the mother I’d grown up with. I knew she was lurking around here somewhere.

‘Sorry. Enjoy your day out with Colin then. There is that better?’

We said goodbye, and once again I promised to phone her the minute anything started. But I had every confidence that it wouldn’t be starting just yet. I might have another Braxton thingy, I mean w
ho could predict that stuff, and
at least
I was a bit more prepared
for it
now
, but the actual birth wasn’t due for three
more
weeks.

Rob had stayed out of my way
since last Friday
and I’d stayed out of his. Well I did pass him in the hall downstairs when I was taking the rubbish out on Monday night, and he sort of nodded, but didn’t say anything. Marsha came up to see me on Tuesday for a coffee, and told me what a stubborn ars
e her brother was, and I said ‘y
eah tell me about it’
. But apart from that the whole Rob and me thing was in limbo
and going nowhere
.
It was all over and yet technically not
quite over
because neither of u
s had actually said ‘it’s over’. S
o
in
limbo.

Shelley and Tricia came over yesterday and I had a chance to
show off Ella’s room. Of course they both
went a bit soppy seeing all the
cute baby stuff, I mean what woman
wouldn’t
, but especially Tricia
. S
he was still a bit raw from her break-up with Daniel and said wistfully that she wished
it was her having a baby. But
t
hen I told them
both
about the Rob situation
and
she seemed to cheer up a bit
, I think it was just that she took comfort from the fact that she wasn’t the only one making a hash of relationships. Shelley on the other hand
was genuinely concerned
about me and how I was coping
. Her relationship with Nick was jogging along nicely and I could almost smell the distinct whiff of wedding bells in the air sometime soon.