3volve (12 page)

Chapter 18

The scent of my coffee evades my senses. Sure, coffee is an addiction. Sure, it’s an unhealthy obsession. But
shiiit
it’s a wonderful, energy giving obsession.

              I pour myself a cup, walking out to the back porch. I haven’t been out here as much as I should. Reminders of them all around. Dad built the basketball court for the boys when they started really getting into basketball. It isn’t fancy or anything, but it worked for them. Ma’s herb garden in the back, starting to feel neglected from her touch.

              Rocking back and forth on the porch swing, I allow myself to finally embrace the memories.

Me as a little girl running around the yard, being chased by Dad. He’s trying to crack
cascarones
on my hair. But I don’t want the confetti to get caught in my braids because I have
folklorico
later that day.

Having a water gun battle with the boys.

Lying under the stars with Nessa and Charlie. Coming up with our own names for the constellations. Fighting over the last pumpkin
empanada
.

             
I keep thinking about him. I can’t help myself, but to think of him—as he once was, as we once were. I have told myself time and time again to forget him. But doing and saying are two different things. I would be lying to myself saying I don’t miss him. That I long for him.

              To long for some, to long for something that once was is just stupid. I know this. I know I caused an irrevocable taint, an utter self-destruction out of pure stupidity.

Yet, now I have the nerve to say I long for him. It’s almost laughable. I told him to leave. I told him it was a mistake.

             
Ugh.
Why didn’t I just forgive him? Why couldn’t I just push aside my pride and hurt? He wasn’t trying to hurt me on purpose. I ruined everything good in my life. But I’m too proud to admit that.

              “Hey,” Jeremiah says cautiously coming to sit down next to me on the swing. “Whatcha thinking about?”

              I sigh, “Everything.”

              “The mail came, but I don’t think you heard. Have you been out here long?” He hands me the open package from school.

              “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know the time.” I browse through the documents. Their tuition is paid in full for the upcoming school year. The relief rushes over me. I don’t have to worry about them too much longer. They’re going to finally have a shot at a future.

              “You know we can apply for the scholarship again next year, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

              “No,” I say shocked. “I don’t care about that. You shouldn’t worry about me worrying about money. I’m not worried.” I sip my cold coffee. I really have been out here a long time.

              He laughs at my rushed rambling. “You look worried.”

              “Jer, money isn’t an issue. There’s more than enough. And I have a better job now.”

              Jeremiah looks at me, smiling once he believes that I believe what I’m saying. Looking out to the basketball court, he asks, “Do you think Charlie misses us?”

              I wrap my arm around his broad shoulders. “I’m sure he misses you two very much.”

              “He probably misses you too.”

              “I don’t think so, Jer.”

              “You know, you should message him. Tell him you two are going to a new school and all that jazz.”

              “You don’t mind?”

              I ruffle his shaggy hair, I should probably take him for a haircut soon. “It’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around. I’m fine. I hardly think about him anymore.” I force a smile.

              “Okay,” he says quietly, leaning into my arm.

              And we both sit there unmoving, letting our silence and memories take over. I’m living with my choices, and I don’t mind if they talk to Charlie. They shouldn’t lose anyone else because of my pride.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

              The boys have been suspiciously absent all day, huddled together in their room. I don’t even hear explosions and music coming from video games. I perk my ears to try and make out any sounds, but nothing.

              Nervous they’re up to something, I knock on their door.

              “Germs, are you hungry? I made grilled cheese.” I jiggle on the door knob, but it’s locked.

              “No, we’re not hungry,” Jeremy says.

              “Thanks anyways,” Jeremiah muffles into the crack of the door. Then closes it again.

              They are definitely up to something. What exactly, I’m not sure. I go to relax in the living room with my grilled cheese, when I hear them running down the stairs and out to the backyard.

              I turn my head to tell them not to run in the house, but they are already coming back inside.

              “Cris, can you help us with something outside?” Jeremy comes into the living room with a basketball net. “I can’t find the ladder.”

              “Do you know where it is?” Jeremiah adds, sitting down at the edge of the couch.

              “Where it always is, in the shed.”

              “We can’t find it. Maybe someone moved it,” Jeremy says.

              I can’t believe they’re so lazy! I sigh, getting up from the couch. “I’m sure it hasn’t moved. Did you even open the shed?”

              “Of course we did. Can you go check, please?” Jeremiah opens the sliding door.

              I shake my head, and walk to the shed. It’s still locked, because they obviously didn’t bother looking themselves. I turn around to walk back for the key, when I see them standing on the other side of the door. They both wave, closing the blinds.

             
What the hell?
I run to the door, and try to open it but it won’t budge. It’s locked. They locked me outside. Oh, they are in so much trouble!

              I bang on the door, “Open this door germs.”

             
“I don’t think they are going to open it,” a familiar voice says behind me.

              Charlie?

              I turn around to see Charlie standing behind me. He squats down, pushing a button at the end of the porch. And suddenly the backyard is filled with lights.

              Lights strewn through the bushes, and wrapped around the trees. Outlining the porch and hanging down from the boys’ bedroom window. It looks beautiful.

              “So this is what they were doing all day?”

              “Surprise!” Charlie says a little uneasy.

              “What are you doing here?” I ask him.

              “I had to come and see you.”

              “Why didn’t you call? I’m all gross.” Of course the thing I choose to focus on is my Pink sweatpants and messy hair.

“The boys told me you missed me,” he says with a smile.

“And they also wear the same underwear three days in a row.”

“Right. Well…so you didn’t miss me?”

Of course I missed you, you idiot. Of course I think about you. Who wouldn’t?
I want to say all these things, but I don’t.

“Not really.” I shrug casually.

His eyebrows scrunch down the middle. And he walks closer to me, pushing me up against the sliding door. The glass feels cool against my skin. “Did you miss me?” he says again. He pulls at a strand of my hair that fell from my bun.

I can’t think. All my thoughts fly out faster than they come in. My knees feel weak, like they will crumple any minute. I stop trying to fight it.

“Yes.”

Charlie slams his mouth against mine, not wanting to waste another minute. And I give in, wrapping my arms around his neck.

When he pulls away, I want to grab him back. But I remember the boys are inside, probably thrilled they put all this together.

“I wanted it to be a surprise. There’s something I wanted to give you. I’ve held onto it for a few months now,” Charlie says handing me a piece of paper.

It’s a fortune, I unfold it and read it, “
To find love, one only has to look up.”

“It was right. I looked up and you were right there, like always.” He smiles.

“Yours was much better than mine.” I grab his shirt and pull him closer, kissing him.

“Cris,” he pulls away, “I have loved you for as long as I’ve known you. You never fawned over me like the others. You didn’t care what anyone thought, you weren’t there to appease others. You were only ever just yourself.”

He licks his lips, biting down on his lower lip. And I want to kiss him again.

             
“You always know what to say.”

              “You make it easy.”

             
Our time together is too short. He has to get back to his hotel for a conference call. He was only able to come for the night, but still has to be on-call.

              When the boys let is back in the house, they run back upstairs, afraid I’ll chase them around with my shoe. I would totally chase them down, if they didn’t actually do a good thing this time.

              I won’t admit it, but they did well. Now who else can say they were happy to be locked outside?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

              After the boys eat dinner they lock themselves in their room playing games, and I end up tossing and turning. Charlie wasn’t here long enough. I flip on my side, looking at the blaring red of my clock.

              I could go over to see him for a little bit. I mean the boys are old enough to be by themselves for a few hours. I jump up ready to put my plan into action.

              I tell the boys I’ll be back, and to call if they need me, then head over to his hotel.

I knock on his hotel door before I have time to rethink being there. Charlie opens the door, and the click of the door sets me off. I push him forward, grasping his shirt, kissing him like I’ve dreamt of doing for weeks.

He pulls back my hair, stopping to look at me, surprised. My red lipstick is smeared against his open mouth. I don’t stop. I push him against the bed and start unbuttoning his shirt.

              “I’ve missed you.” His voice sounds hoarse.

              “I’ve missed you,” I say into his ear, hoping it comes off sexy enough.

              Charlie grabs my torso and flips me over onto the bed. He throws his shirt onto the floor and slowly begins to remove my charcoal stocking. As he’s gliding them down my leg, he kisses me tenderly on my inner thigh and I gasp with excitement.

              Charlie moves back up to unzip my dress, but pauses, placing his hands on either side of my head, unmoving.

              “What are you waiting for? Kiss me,” I plead, unable to wait any longer.

              Charlie chuckles, “I was just thinking I
really
have to thank the twins later.” He smiles, making his dimples more prominent.

              I groan, covering my face. “How about we don’t mention my little brothers when you’re on top of me.”

              He laughs. “You’re right. Sorry,” he says, going back to unzipping my dress.

              Charlie’s right though. I need to thank them when I get home. I close my eyes and push the thoughts of them far from my head so I can focus on this stunning man in front of me.

              His hot kisses against my neck send me into a quiver and I can’t believe I was so stupid to let him go without putting up a fight. I put all my thoughts and passion into every move and kiss, making up for lost time.

Chapter 19

             
Missing Charlie, I sign onto messenger to send him a quick message. His flight doesn’t get in until late tonight, but I’m secretly hoping its much sooner.

              It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him. Since I’ve felt his touch. And the miles aren’t any easier, when I only have one night to tide me over.

              Me: When are you off work?

Charlie Caraway:
Soon. Meetings can be so boring 0_0

Me:
Your meetings definitely are.

              Charlie Caraway:
These are tedious, just getting the numbers out of the way before I leave. Do you know why?

Me:
Hmm…does it have anything to do with you coming back home? :D

              Charlie Caraway:
Home. I like the sound of that. Have you missed me?

              Me:
Eh barely.

Charlie Caraway:
Lies! Lol. I have to go, ttyl. :*

Me: K. See you soon!

Vanessa Blythe:
OMG. You’re always online now!
Chica, I have something to tell you! I can’t even right now. It’s too good. Were you all coming this weekend???

Me:
Idk. I think we are…

Vanessa Blythe:
Aaah! XOXOXO. Gotta go, ttyl. OMG. I’m excited!

I sign off messenger, folding my laptop closed. Nessa must be losing it because she is seriously excited about something.
Gasp
. Is it a man? God, I hope something fun is finally happening to her. Maybe then she can finally loosen that red bun of hers.

Jeremy pops his head around the corner. “We have a surprise, but—” he says.

“You have to leave,” Jeremiah finishes. He comes to sit on the stool in front of me.

“Why do I have to leave?” I ask, looking for an answer in their eyes, but they don’t budge.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Yeah, so go take pictures and come back later.”

“But the food,” I say, opening the oven to check on it.

“It’s fine. Just take it out when it beeps right?” Jeremiah asks pointing at the timer.

              “Yes, but….” I start to counter him, when they both wave me off.

              Jeremy grabs my camera and hands it to me. “Just an hour.” He pushes me towards the door.

              “Alright, alright. I’m going.” I grab my keys on the way out. They can be so pushy, I wonder where they get that from?
Pfft.

With an hour to kill, I drive to the nearby park. The people there are always fun to watch: skater boys flipping around their boards; older women walking around the track, pumping their arms focused on reaching the finish line; Geese chasing after each other, splashing in the water.

I snap pictures of interesting people I see: a young couple in the throes of love, sitting on a bench eating raspas, red syrup dripping from their clear cups, staining the green grass below them.

              There’s something about being outside in nature; it’s relaxing to the mind. The rays from the sun seep into my skin, warming me up. By the time I realize it, an hour has passed and it’s time for me to get back home.

              Back to their surprise. I just hope they didn’t burn down the house while I was gone.

              When I open the door, the smell from my lasagna drifts through the hall, and I see all the hard work they put into their surprise.

The boys set up the kitchen table with place setting for two. Candles are lit everywhere around the living room and table. Miniature Tigers is playing softly in the other room. Everything looks magical and perfect.

              I couldn’t ask for better family than this.

              I turn around when I hear the door opening. Charlie stumbles through, placing his luggage down by the couch. He stands there in the entryway, loosened tie and his coat thrown over his arm. He looks around the house, smiling approvingly at all the hard work he probably thinks I did.

              “The boys worked hard for your surprise.” I walk over to him, putting my hands up to his chest.

              He doesn’t answer but looks at me, tugging at a strand of hair over my shoulder. “It looks great,” he says to the boys sitting on the steps.

“We should let you to it.” They get up and walk a step up. “Remember tomorrow we have a game set. You’re gonna get whooped,” Jeremy says, laughing. And they both run upstairs closing the door, and starting up their game.

Charlie steps closer, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me so tight I can’t breathe. “I missed you,” he whispers into my ear.

“I missed you,” I say, resting my head against him.

“So did they cook too?” he asks me.

“No, no, I cooked.”

“Should we eat? It smells delicious. And I just got off a long flight,” he pulls me along towards the kitchen. “Feed me more than nuts and stale ginger ale.”

The entire time we eat, he doesn’t take his eyes off me. He catches me up on funny stories I missed and reassures me he won’t be going away anytime soon. He thinks it’s a great time to enjoy summer, deciding to take the next two weeks off so he can take us on a trip to the west coast. The boys will enjoy going somewhere outside of the state for once.

When we finish eating, he puts the dishes in the sink and goes back to the front, holding up a finger to tell me to wait. He comes back into the room with two small gift bags, simple pink and yellow.

He sits back down smiling, and the light hits his eyes just right so they appear almost caramel. “I brought some special gifts. I hope you like them.” He slides the first bag across the table.

“I always like your presents,” I say, pulling out the tissue paper, “Well, not those dog tags you got me that one time, but come on, it was
Terminator 3
. Totally an exception.” I peer inside to see it’s a gift box.

Oh, man. A gift box.

I trace the opening with my finger and open it. There’s a ring in rose gold with small diamonds across the band. Dainty enough so it’s not too flashy. I’m in shock. At least I think I’m in shock. Is this what shock is supposed to feel like when you get a small gift box?

This doesn’t feel like when my parents died—a completely different shock.
Shit.
Words. And the sentence forming. I remember how to do it, I think. I look up, still. Unable.
What. What?

Charlie shakes his head at my utter shock, “I know, I know what you’re thinking. How can I possibly outdo the dog tags? It was a close second though, right?” he jokes, taking the ring out, and placing it on my left hand—yeah that hand! Oh. My. Freakin’. Gosh.

“Holy shit on toast,” I finally say.

He gets down on one knee, “I'm not asking for forever. I just want right now.” He holds up his hands. “This isn’t a proposal, but one day soon, if I’m not done dealing with all your crazy,” he says smirking, “I want to have forever. Forever with you and everyone who comes along with that.”

“I’m not ready yet. I probably won’t be for a
really long time
.”

“I’ve waited this long. Seriously woman, eight long, long,
long
, years. It’s fair to say I’m in it for the long haul,” he clasps my face in both hands.

“Yes, yes, yes. Shut up already and kiss me.” I pull him towards me, not wanting to wait another minute.

“The words I’ve waited for,” he says jokingly, in-between kisses. “Oh, and the other present, not to be forgotten.” He slides the purple gift bag across the table.

“I don’t know, this can’t be topped,” I say, smiling at the ring.

I open the bag, grabbing at the tissue paper wrapped around a soft plushy present. It’s a pillow with “Sweet Bacony Dreams” scrawled along the middle over strips of bacon. I push it against my face, laughing hard at the fact he actually bought me a bacon-scented pillow.

“So what’s next, a coffee swimming pool?” I say, my eyes peeking slightly over the pillow to see his reaction.

“Nah. I still think that’s a horrible idea.” He pushes the pillow down, kissing me. His lips feel soft against mine, slipping his slick tongue into mouth, and I throw the pillow down before wrapping my arms around his neck. Knotting my fingers in his hair, I let go.

              Lying in bed after, Charlie’s body is pressed against mine. I pull the blanket up to cover myself while he lays quietly breathing. If he wasn’t tired from his trip, I’m sure he is now. He’ll probably be snoring any minute.

              I turn into him, caressing his warm skin. Charlie moans, moving to wrap his arms around me. He slowly moves circles around my lower back with his thumb. But before I have time to react, his phone chimes, then chimes again.

              “Ugh. Sorry,” he says, sleepily reaching for his phone. He slides down to see his messages and chuckles before typing away his response.

“Who was that?” I ask Charlie, settling against his solid chest while he slips the phone under the pillows.

“Eric. He’s wondering what Vanessa is doing this weekend,” he chuckles.

“Nessa?” I ask, scrunching my eyes too much it almost hurts.

“Yeah, apparently he has a wedding to go to and no one to bring.”

“But doesn’t she hate him?”             

“Things change.” He shrugs and my chest moves.

“Not that much,” I say, then my phone whistles notifying me Nessa sent a text. I reach over Charlie to grab my phone, but he threads his fingers with mine.

“You know what she’s going to say. Get it later. We have time to make up for,” he says huskily. Then flips over above me, his knees pressing tightly against my hips. “Tell me you’re not still thinking of your phone,” he nibbles on my ear lobe and my body relaxes under him.

“What phone?” I turn my head into his, kissing him. My phone whistles another notification, but I ignore it.

Things change, you have to go with it or be left behind the same. And who wants to stay the same?

I don’t know what to expect next, but I’m excited for what’s happening in the now. I never thought I would fall in love with my best friend. But being friends before anything else is how it should be. I’ve only ever been myself around him. He knows all my secrets. He’s shared a big chunk of memories. He’s seen me ugly cry and didn’t shirk away.

But above else, he makes my life better by simply being in it. And not that “He
is
my life” bullshit other girls seem to indulge in. No, no, I’ll never be
that
girl. Fuck that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~