8 Mile & Rion (28 page)

“Rion---”

“Don’t you fucking Rion me!” she screams and out here her voice carried for acres. “I’m done trying to tip toe around you! He kissed me, Loyal, alright? Then he flipped out and left. It freaked him out as much as it did me. You walked in directly after and I was still in shock. Did I want him to kiss me? Is that what you’re really getting at?”

“Stop it---” I try, but she cuts me off.

“When I was sixteen I wanted it more than anything, but I only had to wait until I was thirty for it to happen. Then when it did it felt like we destroyed years of friendship. Didn’t you ask him about that when you called him? Huh? You sure as fuck weren’t concerned about me while you were gone. Because if you had been, you would have known every day he tried to get me to love him back, only I didn’t, so he left! He left because I love
you
! Don’t you fucking dare tell me to stop it or try and spin this to where I’m screwing you here. You screwed me! Remember that! A month! One call was all I needed. Yet here I am still proving myself to you. Wake the hell up and try proving yourself to me for once.”

“Dammit if you---”

“Go fuck yourself! I brought you here because I wanted to show you the cottage, spend time with you, take you fishing---” she says, then it turns to tears and my gut cramps. “Being here hurts. This is hard for me, but I brought you hoping you could help me through it. Why can’t you just help me through it? Why are you always looking for an ulterior motive? We haven’t been here an hour and already we’re fighting. I can’t fight anymore,” she whispers walking away. “I can’t.”

Watching her walk away with her head down, I wait until she’s out of my sight before calling Rio. I wasn’t expecting him to answer, but he did. The call was quick, I made my point and it was done.

Now I could breathe again.

‘He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.’

~Elbert Hubbard

Two hours of wandering and still no answers came. Of all the men in the world why did I have to fall for the one who will never trust me? I have to be one of the most honest people out there. I have never cheated on anyone and I always gave that person my trust and respect until there was a reason not to. It doesn’t matter what I do, the trust isn’t going to be there and I don’t think it ever will be. True, I didn’t tell him about the kiss but it wasn’t to be secretive. It was because if I could take one thing back, it would be that god damn kiss.

Sitting on the back deck steps, I look out over the property wishing I didn’t have to sell it. My weekends were spent here until I went to college. Rio taught me how to fly fish and do shots of vodka here. Senior taught me everything in between. I miss my dad, but I’ve come to terms that he isn’t coming back. I miss Rio, but it’s up to him if he wants to come back or not. Looking up at the last of the day’s sun, I have to wonder when I was going to come back too. I used to be carefree, up for anything and now I feel twice my age. One day I had hoped to bring my kids here, teaching them how to ride quads and thread a hook but, I’m thirty now and that window feels like it will never open. In fact, the window felt like it was glued shut.

When he comes to sit beside me, I don’t lean into him or even acknowledge his presence. Instead, I look out over the property I’m going to miss and try to figure out a way to close this chapter of my life with grace too. Senior used to tell me when one door opens, kick another one closed because you’ve got two good legs. He said karma deserved a reality check sometimes. I wish karma would send me a text telling me what I’d done to deserve this bullshit.

“My parents were strict,” he says with his arms resting over his knees. “My dad was military, what he said, went. My mom agreed with him. I knew the rules early, followed them too. Then my brother came along and before he could learn the rules, dad died and my mom drank herself to death. The state split us up and foster care was fucking brutal for me. Never got to see my brother even if I didn’t like him much it was another loss. Still felt like it was my job to watch over him, but he got adopted and I didn’t which meant I had no say. Met Jill in tenth grade, she was a pushy bitch even then. It was easier to give her what she wanted than to fight with her. Signed up to leave and she said she’d wait. The idea that anyone would wait for me was enough. Sent her money and put her through school. Told me she was pregnant, but lied about it to keep me around. Came home to her on her hands and knees getting nailed by some guy in our bed, so I left. Came here to find my brother and didn’t. I’ve been trying to right my wrongs with them, but I keep wronging the one person who don’t deserve it. Saying I’m sorry ain’t enough and I know that. But it’s all I’ve got. Rion, I don’t understand good people because I have no history with them. I wish I’d met you in tenth grade though. I wish that more than anything. Had I met you, I’d be good instead of this…”

“You are good,” I tell him looking down at my feet. “I wouldn’t love you if you weren’t.”

“I keep this up, there’s gonna be a day you’re gonna say loved instead of love. I know that and I’m trying real hard not to let that happen. Called Rio when you took off. You’re right he needs time but I had to hear it from him.”

“Christ Loyal,” I groan, standing up. “You know he won’t take my calls but you call and talk to him? That’s a serious fucking betrayal to me, I hope you get that.”

Taking my arm gently, he pulls me into his lap and wraps himself around me. “Your best friend wants you for his own; I ain’t looking to be at war with him over you. You love me, he backs off, it’s that simple. He gets that, that’s why he left. I don’t have the experience with women to know how this shit works, but I do know men, and if you even hint to him that there’s a future he’ll come home. You can be pissed at me, and I can deal with you two being friends because I
do
trust you with Rio. I don’t trust him, Rion and he don’t trust himself either.”

“Thank you for at least being honest with me,” I tell him with total sincerity. “Even if it’s ten ways from fucked up.”

“I didn’t tell you that because I wanted you to thank me. I told you ‘cause I’m feeling all sorts of shit right now and you’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to trust. I meant it when I said I didn’t want to be friends anymore. I want you to be mine, just mine. I won’t share you.”

“You won’t have to,” I tell him taking his hand. “I want you to be just mine too.”

“Good. I took care of the wood, now what?”

“It won’t be dark for another hour, how do you feel about racing?”

“How do I feel about beating you?”

“Ha! A truck versus a Taurus is one thing, me on a banshee is another. Game on, then?”

“Game on,” he says, holding out his hand to help me up.

Let the record show, he kicked my ass
again
.

‘A friend with weed is a friend indeed.’

~ Unknown

My plan was to get her drunk and talkative. Pouring us each another glass of wine, I bring them out to the deck where she’s curled up and staring out into the woods. With a blanket wrapped around her and her hair messy on her head, she was almost too beautiful to look at. This environment complimented her. She was equal parts city and country, both made sense to me now. Sitting next to her she looks over slowly and smiles. It’s that smile that gets me. She smiles for real, she smiles for me.

Watching her be still for once even had me relaxed. Rion has a lot of energy but she does peaceful good too. When she reaches over and grabs something off the table, I look over to see her light up. Never in a million years did I peg her as a smoker.

“Jesus, Rion,” I groan when it hits my nose. “Are you smoking weed?”

“Nope,” she says coughing, “
We’re
smoking weed.”

“Where did you get it?”

“Senior had a stash,” she says passing it over. “Believe me, he never smoked the bad stuff. He took this very seriously.”

Taking it, I hit it once and inhale deep. I’ve never smoked weed, but if she was getting fucked up, I was getting fucked up. “Tastes like shit,” I exhale coughing.

“Hit it again and it won’t matter,” she says gesturing me, so I do.

Passing it back over, she hits it again and lets her head drop back. “Stars are stupid,” she says quietly, “but if Senior was a star it would be that one,” she says, pointing toward the sky. “If my mom was a star she’d be the rest of them.”

Inhaling again felt good so I did it twice. “Then why are they stupid?”

“Because they make me think. Senior said the universe rotated around her though, which isn’t stupid, it’s beautiful. If he’s up there then she’s the stars all around him keeping him safe. They’re finally together again.”

“You’re beautiful,” I tell her. “More beautiful than the stars and I’ve seen a lot.”

“Sometimes I see too much, I can’t stop it. Then I meet you. Do you know what I see when I look at you, Loyal?”

“Not even a little bit,” I tell her truthfully.

“I see the father of my kids. It’s insane to think it’s possible so fast, but I do. Here I thought that window was glued shut. Not just cheap glue either, I’m talking grade A industrial. Being single and thirty I figured I’d adopt seven cats or maybe try a dating app for fun. Then you broke into my office and boom, game over, you stole my heart. Man, I’m stoned.”

Seeing the opportunity for what it is, I hit it again and pass it back to her. Even with her talking in circles I was able to follow. When she said kids though, my chest filled up with emotion. Never thought kids were in the cards for me until she said it.

“I ain’t so sure what love is supposed to be like. But when I look at you, I think it’s how being with you makes me feel. If love was a feeling she’d be called Rion.” I offer, wondering if it makes sense to her like it does to me. “Not a second passed I didn’t think about you in that hospital. I stayed there to get right for you.”

Taking another hit she leans over and takes my hand. “I want to be a wife and mom. Soccer games, mini vans, okay well not a minivan, but maybe a kick ass SUV? I want to spend my weekends here with my family like Senior did with me. Do you see it too?” she asks, with hope in her eyes. “A future together? Me, fat and emotional? Maybe more weed on occasion? I could get used to this stuff, I know a guy we should call him. I should have brought pizza rolls…”

Squeezing her hand I tell her the truth. “Christ, Rion how can you see that far ahead with me? Not gonna lie, I love it here. But I don’t give a fuck about where I am, long as you’re with me.”

“Loyal?”

“What?”

“Would you let me make love to you tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Right here? Under the stars?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Loyal?”

“What, Rion?”

“Ask me.”

Taking a deep breath and feeling it rush through me, I turn to face her and reach my hand out again. I may be stoned but I feel so fucking good right now, I’d chop my arm off if she asked. “Will you make love to me, Rion? Right now, under the stars?”

“All you had to do was ask.”

Taking my hand, she stands up and guides me back into the Adirondack chair. When she straddles me, I grip her tiny hips. When she smiles and leans in to kiss me, I growl deep in my throat. I needed my woman and I needed her right now. How I ever made it this long without this is beyond me, but I wasn’t wasting another fucking minute. We had a lot of time to make up for, starting now.

This woman loves me. She wants a future with me, a family. Right then I wanted to buy her an SUV and fill it with screaming kids. If we made this work, I promised myself she’d never want for anything.

I knew if I let her, Rion would give me everything in return.