A Beautiful Struggle (6 page)

He reached out and ran his finger over the
still pink scar that ran down the side of my face along my hairline and past my
ear. “Does he ever call you?”

“Yes,” I whispered moving my hair to cover
that side of my face. “But it’s nothing to worry about - he just leaves
messages; I haven’t seen or spoken to him since you got me out of there…
Listen, I have to go and talk to mum, I need to tell her I’m sorry for being a
bitch.” I stood up to leave and finish this conversation. Christopher wasn’t a
subject I liked to stay on for too long.

“Alright, I have to go and meet someone
anyway.”

“Of course you do; you man whore,” I joked
with him.

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek, “I’ll
see you later, be nice to your mum.”

“I will.”

David headed for the front door, calling
out goodbye and thanks for dinner to my mother who was in the kitchen washing
the dishes.

I walked over to her and put my head on her
shoulder, “I’m sorry mum.”

She stopped what she was doing and leaned
against the sink sobbing, “You’re right,” she choked out.

“No I’m not.”

She turned around to face me, “But it’s
true Katrina, if I hadn’t encouraged you to move in with him when he asked, it
never would have happened.”

“You don’t know that, it could have
happened anyway. Mum, I’m sorry I said what I did – I don’t blame you. I don’t
blame David. I only blame him. That’s it. Mum, I just snapped because I don’t
want to talk about boys and dating right now. I’ve got enough on my plate as it
is. I will date again when I’m ready, and I will do it on my terms ok?”

“Ok,” she sniffed, “and please don’t move
out. I missed you when you were gone, and I’m glad to have you back.”

I gave her a hug and grabbed a tea towel to
dry the dishes. “Where did David go?” she asked.

“Oh off to meet his current girl for a
quickie I think,” I told her nonchalant.

“Katrina! Why do you have to be so
crass?" she chided, flicking bubbles at me to make light of the situation.

I grabbed some and flicked back at her
laughing. “Because I like seeing your face go all pink!”

The tension broken, we fell into easy
conversation about anything but relationships.

I woke with a start the next morning way
before my alarm was due to go off after a night filled with unsettling dreams.
Giving up on sleep I decided to head to the pool for training early.

I flicked on my bedside lamp before I swung
my feet out of bed, catching my reflection in the mirror – I was a mess; my
blonde hair was sticking up all over the place, and I had a crust from drool at
the corner of my mouth. My normally clear blue eyes were dull and bloodshot
with dark circles underneath them, and my golden tan looked pale causing my
scar to look an angry red instead of the pink it had begun to fade to.

I pulled out a baby wipe and cleaned my
face, discarding it before I raked my hair back into a ponytail. I squeezed
the  cream I used to help fade my scar onto my finger and rubbed it in – it was
getting better; you could barely notice it when I was wearing makeup, or if I
had my hair out, I was lucky that was the only facial scar I got.

Sighing to myself, I quickly put on my
bathers along with a pair of shorts and a hoodie jacket. I padded quietly into
the kitchen and grabbed a banana as well as my training bag before I slipped
out into the cool morning air.

I usually trained with a squad so the coach
could help me with my stroke as swimming was my weakest leg but being there
this early I would miss them. I hadn’t even checked if I could come at that
time, something I wished I had considered before driving there.

Thankfully, they let me in and after a
quick chat with the coach; I was allowed to join the squad in the water. I
spent two hours swimming up and down the pool trying to clear the fog out of my
mind.

I had lied to David the night before, I had
seen Christopher, he had come to the hospital after David had gotten me out of
the flat, and I had promised not to press any charges, as long as he wasn’t
home when I went to collect my things.

He had broken down and cried, begging me
not to leave him. If I hadn’t been laying in a hospital bed, I might have
changed my mind, but I wasn’t interested in risking a repeat performance. I
wasn’t really sure that I could survive another one.

He kept sending gifts and would call me to
beg me to take him back, and I did cave and meet him once for coffee, but it
was just to say that I needed him to stop with the gifts and the begging, it
was over. Now he only called occasionally to say he missed me.

I probably should have told someone that I
saw him, but I feared that if David, Aaron or my father knew they would follow
me and kill him.

Once I was too exhausted to think about my
problems, I dragged myself out of the pool and went into the change rooms to
shower before heading off to uni.

***

David met me on my way to the lecture rooms. “Hey babe! Did you sort
everything out with your mum?”

“Yeah I did, thanks. What’s with calling me
‘babe’? Isn’t that your generic name for the girls you date so you don’t have
to remember who you’re with?” I teased as I elbowed him playfully in his side.

He reached his arm around my shoulders and
hugged me to him good-humouredly. “I could never forget you Katrina – you’re
the sole reason I get up every morning,” he told me solemnly.

“You’re an idiot,” I laughed. “Did you get
all of your reading done?”

“Yes! And my eyes are burning from working
so hard – seriously; it's a full-time job keeping up with them! I might have to
take a speed-reading course or something.”

“You know, if you didn’t spend so much time
at my place or going out with your girlfriends – you’d find it a lot easier.”

“This is true my dear Trina, but the heart
wants what the heart wants, and mine wants good company in the form of my best
friend and good sex in the form of a willing but not too clingy partner.”

“Eloquently put,” I told him as we rounded
the corner and entered the lecture room to take our seats, David turned around
and started chatting up the girl sitting behind us, and I unpacked my things
and turned my mobile phone to silent.

 After the lecture we had a short break
which we spent in the library – me studying, David socialising; he drove me mad
with this as I worked so much harder than he did, and he’s the one that got the
better marks. Almost every assignment came back with a Distinction or High
Distinction for him while I tended to get Credits with the occasional
Distinction thrown in when I was lucky. 

After the library, we parted ways as we
both did double degrees. My other degree was Humanities and David’s was
Commerce, so this was an area where we both had to go solo.

“We still painting the town red after work
tomorrow night?” he asked me before heading off.

“Absolutely, I want to go to check some of
the bars out at Darling Harbour.”

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll pick you up from
your work, and we’ll walk down together.”

“Cool, see you then.”

“Bye Babe,” he said mischievously.

“Har har har, go to class,” I told him as I
watched him walk away laughing to himself.

It was Friday, and I was at work again; the
conversation of the day was based around Friday drinks and where everyone was
going afterwards. I told Kayley and Albina that I was going to stay for maybe
half an hour and then go out with David to Darling Harbour.

“We’re going to Pontoon," said Kayley.
“You should come too.”

“Who’s David? Your boyfriend?” asked
Albina.

“No he’s just a friend,” I directed at
Albina, “and yes we might stop in to Pontoon,” I said to Kayley.

I decided that after the altercation I had
had with Bianca on Wednesday that I might actually go to the gym upstairs and
do some weights instead of running again.

I had my bag over my shoulder and was
waiting for the lift at lunch time when I saw Elliot walk around with his running
gear on. He noted me with my work wear still on and gave me a questioning look.

Maybe half a dozen other people were waiting
for the lift to go down and knowing he didn’t like feeding gossip, I just
pointed to my gym bag and indicated that I was going up. He nodded slightly in
acknowledgement as the elevator pinged and the doors opened on its way down.
Impatiently I pressed the up button again, when I stepped back I nearly stood
on Elliot’s foot.

I spun around startled and placed my hand
on his rock-hard chest to steady myself; I had assumed he got on the lift with
everyone else. “What are you still doing here? Couldn’t you fit in the lift?” I
asked confused, slowly forcing my hand to move back to my side instead of
letting it caress the smooth skin that was showing at the neck of his singlet,
like it wanted to.

“I thought I’d come up too, are you using
the treadmills, the bikes? You’re not doing a spin class or aerobics are you?
Because I won’t join you doing that.”

“I’m doing weights,” I informed him, taking
a step back to gain some distance so I could breathe. I looked at him
quizzically, wondering what his game was.

“Alright, weights it is,” he agreed while
watching the numbers of the elevators.  “What?” he asked when he saw the way I
was looking at him.

“When did this happen?” I said moving my
finger to point between myself and him. He looked at me as if he didn’t know
what I was talking about. “Since when did we become training buddies? What
happened to the Elliot, who doesn’t like to be seen talking to any of the girls
in the office?”

“Oh, I’m not Elliot, Elliot’s my evil twin
remember? I’m Evan.”

I laughed, “Alright then Evan, as I recall,
you’re the friendly one – are you going to drinks tonight?”

“Elliot goes most weeks, but I could be
persuaded to take his place. Will you be there?”

The elevator pinged and we both got on with
a couple of other people who worked on the floors above us.

“I’m only going for maybe half an hour,
then I’m going out with a friend.”

“A friend huh? Would this friend be a guy
friend or a girl friend?”

“A guy friend, a very platonic guy friend,”
I replied as the lift doors opened and we both stepped off and entered the gym.

Elliot was a member and had a card on his
key chain that he scanned to get through the turn styles. I told him I needed
to line up to pay for my visit.

He shook his head, “Wait there. I'll get
you a guest pass."

I stood still for a couple of minutes while
he spoke to a girl behind the counter who was smiling and batting her eyelashes
at him more than was necessary for a business exchange, and who could blame her
really? Elliot was divine to look at. He thanked her as she handed him the
guest pass, and he walked towards me signalling that I come over to him. He
scanned the piece of paper that was my pass, and the turn styles activated to
let me through.

“Thank you for that. Looks like Evan is a
bit of a flirt,” I said noting the way the girl at the counter was all
sweetness and light when he was looking but had nothing but death stares for
me.

He looked over at her, and she smiled
sweetly, “Just one of the perks of being the good twin,” he joked.

“Doesn’t Elliot flirt?”

“No, he doesn’t know how to have fun; he's
all about the work that guy.”

I laughed and said that I was going to get
a locker and change. He told me to come and find him on the treadmills when I
was ready.

When I had finished I found him running
full trot on a treadmill looking out the window where you could see people
milling about below. I took my time walking up to him, so I could spend some
time ogling him, I wasn’t the only one who liked what I saw, there were quite a
few women who had migrated toward the machines that surrounded him and were
happily staring at his arse and his long muscular legs as he ran without falter
like a well-oiled machine. With one last sinful look at his behind, I walked
around to let him know I was there.

He smiled, “Do you want to warm up first?”
he asked as he slowed to a walk.

I took great delight in the disappointed
faces of the women around us as he got off and touched my shoulder before he
gave me his machine. He stood in front of me stretching and watching me as I
gradually picked my pace up to a run. I don't know if it was the way he was
looking at me or the running, but I was starting to feel incredibly warm.

“Jesus Christ, you have better abs than I
do!” he exclaimed.

I put my hand on my stomach; I was wearing
a pair of short black running tights and a mint green crop top that had the
running bare logo printed across the breast area, leaving my midriff exposed.
Under his scrutiny, I suddenly felt like I was naked, my insides clenched, and
I almost faltered my step, almost.