A Bride Worth Billions (63 page)

Most people mistake social anxiety for shyness. Not everyone who gets nervous in public has social anxiety disorder and not everyone who is socially anxious is shy. Everyone gets self-conscious now and then, but this type of shyness has not hindered their functionality. Social anxiety is more than timidity. It impedes the daily routine which causes grave distress in the long run.

It’s normal to be jittery before a job interview, but social anxiety will make the person extremely apprehensive about it for several days or even weeks. Socially anxious people have particular social situations, which they are comfortable in like singing on stage but walking in a public aisle makes them nervous.

Certain symptoms and feelings have been linked with social anxiety disorder. These can be divided into two categories: the physiological symptoms and the behavioral symptoms.

Common physiological symptoms can include:

• Simple blushing
  
• Obvious confusion
  
• Shortness of breath
  
• Shaking and weak voice
  
• Freezing of face
  
• Hot flashes
  
• Excessive sweating
  
• Shaky hands
  
• Nausea
  
• Upset stomach and sometimes diarrhea
  
• Dizziness
  
• Muscle tension
  
• Breakouts
  
• Tightness in the chest area
  
• Racing heartbeat
  
• Rising of blood pressure
  

Behavioral indicators of a socially anxious person may include:

• Extreme fear of interaction with a stranger
  
• Unwarranted and obvious nervousness in daily and normal situations
  
• Fear of humiliating yourself
  
• Avoiding conversations with anyone for fear of embarrassment
  
• Intense restlessness over an upcoming event
  
• Avoiding any situation that might put you in the spotlight
  
• Staying alone and quiet in the background
  
• Wariness of everyone surrounding for fear or judgment
  
• The need to bring a companion with you wherever you go
  
• Fear of somebody noticing your anxiety
  
• Overanalyzing a simple social situation like a smile or a handshake
  
• Constant identification of your flaws
  
• Drinking before an event in an attempt to calm the nerves
  
• Always expecting the worst scenario in a social situation
  

Children with social anxiety disorder may display their nervousness through a boisterous tantrum, loud crying, refusal to speak to anyone, and over clinging to their parents.

Symptoms may vary for every socially anxious person but these are the general symptoms. A mix of several symptoms may manifest in the face of situation triggers. If you see these symptoms disrupting your life or someone you know, you may be suffering from social anxiety. The long term distress can actually be avoided by recognition, awareness, and treatment. Social anxiety is a mental health condition that can be treated.

Seeking Professional Help

There is a way out of anxiety disorders such as social anxiety. If you want the help of a therapist, you must find one who truly understands the problem and has experienced treating such anxiety.

If you are living through social anxiety, you recognize that your thoughts exaggerate 90% of the time. You are aware of your absurd and illogical feelings. You know that people are not watching you but it still feels like they are closely judging you. If you are feeling it, then it is real. Social anxiety is real.

If your therapist does not understand the reality of your emotions and thoughts, then they may not be able to help you. At this point, you probably know more about social anxiety than they do. Therapist whose main task is to make you face your fears to make it go away does not understand the inner workings of a socially anxious mind. The presence of fear and facing daily fears has overstayed in your life. You faced it already but now it has grown even bigger. It’s time to take a different approach.

Seek another help if your questions are not welcomed and your sessions becomes too scientific. You should have support in a friendly environment. It is easier to absorb treatment that will change our views in a stress-free atmosphere.

The current, and the most effective treatment for social anxiety is called cognitive-behavior therapy or CBT. Cognitive-behavior therapy’s main purpose is directing your irrational thoughts to the reasonable road and overcoming anxiety during stressful situations. You will be taught how to give a different response to your anxiety triggers.

CBT may slowly expose you to your fears by helping you imagine your dreaded situation and working through it in a safe environment. A real life exposure will not be done without the help of your therapist and at times, the help of your anxiety group.

Seeking counsel alone will improve your social and relationship skills and boost your self-esteem. Sometimes, a group of people going through the same thing is a great aid in overcoming social anxiety. Shared experiences and shared thoughts makes you realize that you are not alone and that there are people who succeeded in defeating this anxiety. 

Medication, in extreme cases, may assist the turnaround of your brain’s thoughts. There are times when a drug is paired with cognitive-behavioral therapy to make it more effective. Drugs such as sedatives, antidepressants, and beta-blockers help minimize some of your physical reactions to social anxiety. Nausea, rapid heart palpitations, and the shakes can be reduced. It also helps regulate your sleeping habits.

Challenging the Anxious Thoughts

Social anxiety is a disorder that can be reduced or eliminated. You can call out your anxiety and challenge it to a duel. The methods may vary from one person to another but here are a few things you can try to beat this disease.

Your negative thoughts take up a lot of space in your brain and anxiety thrives in this pessimistic environment. These feelings would creep up even if you started the day right. You end up thinking that you’ll do something wrong if you help somebody or you’ll just embarrass yourself if you join the crowd. Challenge your negative thoughts by identifying and analyzing it. You feel that everyone thinks you’re stupid. Ask yourself why do you feel that way? How do you know for sure that it’s what everyone thinks? 

Once you challenge your initial thoughts by a logical train of questions, gradually replace them with optimistic and realistic thinking. You’re not stupid. Though not everyone thinks you’re smart, a lot of people know that you are. Turn the situation around and slowly, it won’t be a part of your trigger list.

Avoid making a catastrophe out of the situation. Do not personalize the unknown thoughts of other people. Avoid mind reading and fortune telling. Do not assume their thoughts and do not predict the worst out of everything. These are the type of negative thinking that you can steer clear of. Climb out of these thoughts one at a time.

Social anxiety tends to put yourself in a microscopic manner. Lessen your self-focus by shifting it to the larger picture. Start by looking around you and paying attention to your surroundings. If you are in a conversation, listen to what is actually being said and tune out your thoughts. You’ll be naturally and unconsciously engaging this way. You really don’t have to speak if you don’t know what to say. Silence is fine. Some people will speak and you can just comfortably listen to them.

Learn how to slowly face your fears. Social anxiety or social phobia will make you a handicap in social situations but there is a way to straighten it. One of these techniques is to face head on whatever is crippling you from asking that girl out.

Avoiding it may give you a short relief but continuance of this habit can lead to more problems. You may never be comfortable in a date. Be frightened but move even if you are afraid and in time, it will be less frightening. Never mind if your voice is shaky but open your mouth and ask her out for a cup of coffee. Eventually, you will reach your ultimate goal.

You shouldn’t take on your main fear right away. Forcing yourself may strengthen your social anxiety even more. Be patient with yourself and slowly practice happy, rational thoughts in a calm manner. Slowly work your way up. If you still find yourself struggling with the crippling symptoms of social anxiety, it’s perfectly alright to seek more help.

The Lifestyle Remedy

Social anxiety may require some professional help but there are a few steps that you do on your own. You can help yourself, lessen the symptoms, and handle any situation.

Begin by investing yourself in better relationships. A relationship may sound scary at first, but it’s an effective way of overcoming social phobia and building communication skills. Start by reaching out to people that you feel comfortable with. It can be a group of people with the same interests or hobbies. You can just talk about the things you love and focus on that. Your bond will slowly develop and you’ll find yourself looking forward to each meeting.

Change your lifestyle bit by bit. Try to exercise regularly even if you’re at home and if you can go out, go out and go for a walk or a little run. Get plenty of sleep to avoid your vulnerability to anxiety. A well rested brain gives you calm thoughts. Avoid caffeine and nicotine for they are stimulants that may increase your symptoms. Alcohol may calm you for a short time but don’t overdo it because it can also be the cause of anxiety attack.

Identify the stressful situations that you dread the most. Then, imagine and practice them until the stress has been reduced. Even if it’s difficult, attempt to eat with a friend or a family member in a public place. The next steps may be too challenging but you can do this. Muster up your courage and smile at the first person you’ll meet. Ask for directions. Give a small compliment or call somebody to make weekend plans.

Most of the time, you can’t really avoid social situations that may make you feel uncomfortable. However, you can prepare yourself for it. If you start preparing for it, your coping skills will be naturally reinforced within you and it will come out naturally in tense situations.

When you want to join a conversation, prepare for it by reading the news or finding a story that can interest you both. Imagine your most embarrassing scenario and look at it closely.  You will notice that what you fear actually doesn’t happen. If an embarrassing situation actually happens, learn to manage your panic attack and remind yourself that whatever you’re feeling will pass. It will pass and nothing will happen that you can’t handle. 

Practice and practice until the positive changes are embedded deep down into your brain. Your response will eventually become habitual. One day, you will automatically find yourself calmly coping with whatever situation is thrown at you.

Breathing Exercise for Anxiety Relief

The first change that happens in your body when anxiety attack happens is the noticeable, quick breathing and heaving of chest. When you inhale too much, there will be imbalance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your body. The results are additional symptoms like rapid heartbeats, suffocation, and lightheadedness.

Relaxation technique through breathing exercise will help you get a hold of the physiological symptoms that bring anxiety. Shortness of breath is one of the primary symptoms that you can easily manage. You can practice this at home to give you immediate relief when you suddenly find yourself at the center of attention.

Sit in a comfortable chair, relax your shoulders, and straighten your back. Place one hand on your chest and place the other one on your stomach. By doing this, you can feel your breathing movement while exercising.

Close your mouth and slowly inhale through your nose. Inhale deeply for four seconds and slowly count to ten. You will feel a slight movement in your stomach and your chest should stay still. While counting, open your sensitivity by noticing all the sensations on your skin.

Using your mouth, slowly exhale and push air for five to ten seconds. The hand on your stomach will move again as you push all that air out. Repeat the exercise of breathing through your nose and out of your mouth. Practice ten times daily.

Exercising regularly will make you notice the control that you have over your breathing. It’s the control you thought you didn’t have during anxiety attacks. When an attack is happening, sit down and do the breathing exercise. You will immediately notice the calming of your body and thoughts.

Social phobia is more than the conventional shyness. It causes panic and panic means disorientation, fear, and physical stress. It gets in the way of life’s fun and opportunities to experience fresh and rewarding experiences. You can’t get much out of life because of it. You can change this though. Try the following tips to begin paving your way to confidence.

1. You must realize that anxiety is natural and inevitable. It’s a normal fight or flight response so you don’t have to beat yourself up. Even worry for what others are thinking is normal. You are not an outsider who thinks differently.
   
2. Though anxiety is natural, you must also realize that it is not reality. The monologue inside your brain that feeds your anxiety is lying. Don’t listen to the liar in the room.
   
3. Re-label your negative thoughts. Instead of thinking “I’m a failure,” say “My brain is telling me that I’m going to fail.” The difference in the statements will give you the upper hand and the perception that these are your thoughts, they are not you.
   
4. Sing your negative thoughts or say it in a funny way. Yes, it will sound ridiculous but just notice that the injection of humor will immediately lighten the seemingly heavy thought.
   
5. Do what you want to do. Do what you’re thinking and once it’s out, there are no more negative thoughts left.
   
6. Ask questions that requires more than a yes or no response. Your curiosity will make people interested in you in a positive way. This is an excellent way of cultivating new friendships.
   
7. This may be tough but accept life’s uncertainties. Life won’t always go our way. It’s the unfortunate truth and all you can do is accept and deal with it.
   
8. Know what you really want. Instead of negative thoughts, feed your brain some positivity by giving it direction. Know what you want out of a situation and focus on that.
   

Social phobia makes us care too much on what other people think and it paralyzes our life’s spontaneity. You can overcome this and lead the life you’ve been dreaming of. If anxiety attacks, ask yourself if what you’re thinking is important, helpful, or the truth. If the answer is no, take the small steps of pulling yourself out. There is definitely a way out.