A Chance for Sunny Skies (26 page)

I didn't care that I had lived close to ten years in a similar darkness, I still felt like the next week was the deepest, pitch-black, how-will-you-ever-crawl-out-of-this-hole days of my life so far. There wasn't even a job for me to pull my butt out of bed for, no one to shower for, nothing to live for.

Though I'd lived without friends and boyfriends and my family for years before, this time I couldn't point the finger at anyone but me. I told Brian to move out. I froze on local television. I hurt my best friend with my terrible, jealous words.

Years and years ago, I had decided that it was too hard for me to make friends. They were simply out of my reach and not worth the pain. I had fallen deep into the worlds in the movies and shows I loved. I had chatted, sure, with the like-minded people on the message boards, but my existence was primarily based on living vicariously through the characters I liked so much better than myself.

This time, however, I decided that it was too hard for people to stay friends with me.
I
was not worth
their
time. The apartment felt like my own black hole and it pulled me in far far far. Far away from life and love. Even though I wanted nothing more than to think of anything else, I wondered and pondered and went over and over the last image in my near death flash forwards. The pond, though it looked like a place where one might find only peace and contentment, now felt like a grim sign from the universe, signed with anonymous, cut out letters and slipped under a dark door. In this gloaming, I felt certain that the pond, the final of the seven visions, was the universe's full-circle way of telling me that I should have just drowned the first time. A, "Look, you screwed it up even when you were given every chance" kick when I was down.

At first I laid by the window, looking up at the vast sky because it still amazed me. Then I started noticing the cloud patterns and predicting weather and that made me cry all over again because I had actually enjoyed it so much. So I sat with the blinds drawn tight after that.

On one of my angrier days, I came across a pair of Brian's jeans in my dresser. I ripped them out, stomped over to the kitchen, and grabbed the scissors. There was a brief Edward-Scissor-hands moment (the part of the movie where he's out of control and cutting people he loves, not the part where he shapes beautiful shrubberies) where I sliced and cut and most likely yelled a bit. When I opened my eyes, I had shredded one of the legs and cut the bottom off the other.

Seeing it so destroyed (like my life, relationships, everything) made me crumple into a ball and hold the disconnected piece to my chest. After that, I wore the jeans, one-leg-missing and all, and I slipped the cut up cuff onto my arm like a crazy bracelet that I used to wipe my tears when they inevitably found me again.

I would have sat there forever, I think, if Benny hadn't gotten sick, but he did.

In my murk, I could hear his throat go "blek -- ek -- blouk" and I could see his little shaved throat try to cough something up that may or may not have been there. Cats do that crap a lot, so at first I was annoyed because, "Who dare interrupt my sulking?" but then it became all he did and my anger fizzled and tightened in my chest, leaving only worry and guilt.

I may have brushed my hair, but I definitely still wore the cut up jeans when I rushed into the vet, Benny in tow. He crouched silently in the cat carrier which had worried me most of all, being that his normal volume was yell-all-the-time. The nice girl behind the counter only looked at me oddly for a second before her attention focused completely on Benny and his symptoms (thank goodness she probably saw her fair share of crazy pet people and the way I looked wasn't too much of a surprise). She whisked him into the back and told me she would come tell me when she knew anything.

I sat in their waiting room for a half hour before I just couldn't anymore. So I told the girl I needed to take a walk; did she think it would be okay for me to step outside. She nodded and said there was a nice garden back there to explore and that she would come find me, she promised.

The fresh air didn't feel good in my lungs as it should have. Nothing felt right. My furry friend, the living breathing thing I was supposed to be caring for was sick because I couldn't stop wallowing in my own push-all-the-people-away misery. Despite my feelings of guilt, I rounded the building and started laughing.

The garden was peaceful and beautiful and it had a pond... with stone steps crossing it... with a willow dipping the finger-tips of its branches into the mirrored surface.

The last image from the universe.

Really?

I kept laughing as I walked closer, but just like the day I was pulled from the sea, the laughter soon turned to sobbing as I stood in front of the pond and threw my hands up. This was just cruel. What was I supposed to do with a pond? Did it really want me to drown for real this time? Finish the job now that I knew how miserable my life was?

I knelt by the edge of the water and looked around hopefully, my eyes desperately wanting to land on a person, someone connected to this last image, someone to tell me how to fix everything. I stood up and started walking across the stones to the other bank. I stopped on the middle stone and scanned. Everywhere. I looked around, up, down.

Down at the water. That's when I saw someone. She had frizzy red hair, her face was covered in freckles, she had on a gross worn-for-a-week shirt and her ex-boyfriend's cut up jeans. I knew right away, right when I looked at her, that this someone could fix everything. She was strong, she was good, she might not think things through as carefully as she should, but she had a big heart and a sharp mind.

The universe had known all along that
I
was the person who could change my life for good, last of all. I couldn't agree with it more.

I dried my eyes, my face, and my nose. Then I hopped the rest of the stones until I was on land once more (because, let's be honest, I needed my feet on solid ground for this one) and I pulled out my phone. I wanted to say what I was about to say in person, but Benny was here, he needed me, so I had to settle for a call. Could a call fix things?

"Hello?"

"Brian. It's me."

I could almost hear him smile sadly through the phone. "I know, Sunny. I have caller ID."

"Sure. Right." I shook my head. "So..." and suddenly I had forgotten everything I wanted to say to him. "I'm at the vet with Benny."

"Is he okay? Oh my gosh, it's not because I--?"

"No," I said quickly. My chin quivered, but I tried to keep my voice steady. "It's something with his throat. I think he's going to be fine, he's with the vets right now."

"Man. Sorry."

I bit my lip. "Me, too." Just as suddenly as it had up and left, my purpose came back to me. "I shouldn't have yelled at you, I shouldn't have kicked you out, I..."

Brian sighed. "I know. I feel awful about everything, too. I can't believe I shaved your cat, Sunny. I don't know what I was thinking."

I chuckled. "Me neither." My heart felt light, happy, on-the-mend.

"But I think we ultimately made the right decision."

Right. Nix all that on-the-mend stuff.

"Oh, I..."

"I really care about you, Sunny, but if we can't live together, I think it's a sign it's never going to work. We're so different in that respect. Maybe it's good we found out now."

I nodded and pressed my lips together as tears slid down my cheeks and my chest burned with air I wasn't letting go of, not yet. "Sure," I managed to squeeze out.

"Hey, I've got to get back to work, but let me know how Benny does."

"Yeah, I will."

He was gone. In all senses of the word that meant anything to me at that moment. Everything was not fixable.

I sat on a small stone bench by the water's edge, cried, and stayed put until I heard a door open and footsteps approach. I looked up, wiped my eyes and worried that, depending on what news she had, they might be wet again in a few seconds. I didn't want to look at the girl's face; I wasn't ready to lose someone else I care about.

I did look, because it's life and that's the job.

Thankfully, she smiled at me and said, "Your cat is going to be okay. He's going to need surgery, but what he has is totally treatable." I let out a breath covered in relief and followed her when she said, "If you'll just come inside, I'll have you fill out the paperwork and we can get him under as soon as possible."

I signed a bunch of stuff I didn't understand, giving them permission to help my cat with a problem that I couldn't pronounce, but once it was done and I knew Benny was in good hands, I grabbed my purse and left. Benny's surgery and recovery would take a few hours at least, the girl had said. That meant I had that much time to get my life back on track.

I drove to the teahouse first. My heart ached as I pulled up and realized how many amazing memories I'd already made there in only a few months, all of which had to do with the crazy, dynamic, head-scarfed blonde inside. I swallowed my fears and walked forward, so ready and yet so not at the same time.

Cliff was there along with a few others I didn't recognize. Rainy came out of the kitchen, spotted me, clenched her jaw, and walked past me. I closed my eyes for a second and followed her.

"Excuse me," I said. She didn't turn around. "I'm looking for a tea that might help a terrible person apologize for shitty stuff she said."

Rainy paused for a second, but then kept working, kept ignoring me. She had every right to.

I walked behind her and said, "What about something herbal that stops a person from putting her stupid problems on the super-cool people she cares about?"

Rainy stopped, looked at me, and said, "Tea doesn't fix stuff." She stuck her hip out, but stayed put.

I nodded. "You're right. It doesn't." I watched her. "You do."

Her face tightened for a moment.

"You fixed me, Rainy. You're my best friend, you believed all the crazy-ass stuff that happened to me, and I'm so sorry I yelled at you when you were just trying to be a great friend like you've always been."

She watched me and her mouth pursed to one side. She switched the heavy-looking tea pot to her other hand and fiddled with the towel wrapped around it.

"The universe put your picket fence first because it knew you were exactly what I would need, from the start."

Her mouth curled up into a smile. "You know, you're a pretty good friend, too." She swiped the towel in my direction. "Last week not included." She dipped her shoulder and said, "Come here." She pulled me into a hug, but pulled away and tipped her head to the side. "So... you look like crap." Her eyes scanned me up and down. "Let's talk about that for a minute."

I followed her gaze. Still in Brian's cut-to-pieces jeans. Still wearing the disconnected cuff as a crazy bracelet. Still wearing a snotty, stained green t-shirt. I blinked and shook my head.

"Benny got sick. Raced him to the vet. Saw the last sign. Came here." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Is he okay?"

I nodded. "Had some sort of polyp in his throat. He's in surgery now."

She sighed, whispered, "Crap, Sun. I'm sorry," then put her teapot down, and plopped onto the couch.

I scooted in next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. "Really, I think he'll be okay. Now tell me all about this new guy," I said. "I need details."

We chatted for a while, settling back into friendship and it felt nice.

"Wait," Rainy said after a while. "What about Brian?" Her eyes were narrowed and waiting.

I blinked at the heat behind my eyes, met her gaze, and shook my head.

She grabbed my hand and patted it. "Damn. I really liked him."

"Me, too." I sighed and told her all about the phone call.

She scooted forward on the couch and toward me. "Wait. You called him? Why didn't you go see him. You can't give someone a life-changing let's-get-back-together kiss over the phone. That's what went wrong!" She stood up, like I was going to do it right away.

Even though she had me thinking, I kept my butt planted on the couch. I tipped my head. "Okay, you have a point. I won't give up on him yet, but there are a few things I have to take care of first."

"Like what?" She put her hand on her hip.

"I want to fix all the shit in my life before going to Brian again." I could see her open her mouth to protest, to say something about how Brian liked me no matter how screwed up I was, but I held my hand up and said, "For me. I want to be a Sunny who has a life, who's settled before I think about a relationship again."

Rainy sat down again. "Okay, and what needs to happen for you to feel fully Sunny?"

"Well, I have some more apologizing to do." I gave her a pointed look.

She would understand that. She nodded.

"Then I need to figure out my future."

When Rainbow raised her eyebrows I elaborated.

"I was good at the forecasting." I smiled and looked down at my hands. "The being on TV part, I could care less about. In fact, it was my least favorite part. I actually really like the meteorology stuff and..." I wrung my hands in my lap. "I want to go back to school, get a degree, and work for the National Weather Service."

Rainy sat back, taking it in.

I grabbed my phone and pulled up the site I had been looking up for the school Paul had mentioned. "Look, it's mostly online with classes every Saturday at the main campus, which will be a lot of time, but I think it'll be worth it." Rainy leaned forward, looking interested. "There's an internship at the local NWS station. I could do that during the day and go to school at night. I think I misread the lightning picture sign. I had always assumed that meteorologist and weather girl were the same thing, but they aren't. I don't think I was ever supposed to be a weather girl."

She listened and nodded. "It all looks great, Sun." She pulled the phone close. "Why aren't you clicking the 'Sign me up' button?" She scrolled the screen.

I laughed, grabbed the phone from her, and said, "Well, the internship is super competitive, so I'd need a reference if I have any chance of getting it."

Rainy's shoulders deflated a bit.

"However, the good thing is, that I know a person who could give me that reference. Paul, the guy that did the forecasting for the station, he used to work for the NWS and he knows the person I'd be interning under."

Rainy threw her hands up. "Well, get your butt over to Paul and have him write you a recommendation!" She stood again.

This time, so did I. "Okay. I will." I started to turn to leave, but Rainy stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"Um, dude. On second thought, you can't go like this. You look like a total nut bar."

I frowned and looked down.

"I don't know that they're going to let you back into the building in the first place, let alone looking like a crazy person who's done nothing but drink soup broth for the last week."

I put my hands up. "I'm not going to get revenge. What am I going to do? Shoot them?"

She cocked an eyebrow at me. "They don't know that. You're quiet and they fired you. I love you and I know you're not crazy, but they don't. You're not getting back in there. Unless..." She scrunched up her shoulders and squinted her eyes as she thought up what I hoped was a plan.

She pulled out her phone and narrated as she texted Anna and Lizzy. "I'm telling them to meet us at the station in fifteen minutes." Before I could respond or ask what we might be doing in fifteen minutes, she pulled me upstairs with her. She started throwing black clothing at me, followed by a bunch of scarves.

I tried to hold them up, examine them, but more kept flying out. "Rain --"

"Here it is!" She walked out with a black dress and snatched a scarf off the bed. "Put this on." She held up the skimpy dress. "We'll cover your hair with this." She waved the scarf around. "No one will recognize you."

I gulped. "Yeah, because actual Sunny would never be caught dead in anything this slutty, no offense."

She smiled. "Exactly." She pushed the dress at me and let go, so I had to take it. "And I'll have you know that Derek really likes that dress."

I laughed as I disappeared into the bathroom. "Yeah, I bet he does," I yelled out as I shimmied into it.

It was the tightest, shortest, and lowest thing I'd ever seen. "I hope you got this for a great deal, because there's more fabric in a tissue than on this thing." I announced as I stepped back out into her bedroom.

Rainy gave me a wolf whistle and threw a pair of heels at me. I sat down and while I put them on, she wrapped my hair up into the green and blue scarf. My feet and legs were wobbly as hell, but I managed to stand up with help from the chair. Then I was ambushed by some makeup and sunglasses. By the time she pivoted me so I could see myself in the mirror, an entirely new girl stood next to Rainy.

I moved my arm and tipped my head. The girl in the reflection did so, too. Wow. It was me, but it really wasn't me. With the big sunglasses and the scarf, I felt like Audrey Hepburn. I tugged at the hem of the tissue dress and hoped it was at least covering my butt. Rainy slapped my hand. "No adjusting. You need to look like you own this dress, which you do, by the way. You are an important woman and no one is going to want to get in your way."