A Changed Life (28 page)

“Why didn’t Uncle Jack and Aunt Sara ever adopt?”

“After they went through their horrifying ordeal and when she entered into remission, again they were just happy to have Sara alive. They traveled and spent all their time together. Sara’s dreams of opening a restaurant came true, and it developed into now what we call, the ‘Neighborhood.’ Aunt Sara also feared if her cancer were to return, and they did have a child, the thought of leaving him or her motherless was inconceivable for Sara.”

“We made Uncle Jack aware of what was happening with us, and after discussing it with Sara, he offered his help. Mom was over the moon with his generous and unselfish act of kindness. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I was having a hard time with it.

You see, Nicolette, Jack and I weren’t always close growing up, and I always felt Jack was the favorite son in the Vanelle family. When Jack was older, he exhibited the same qualities my father had, and grandpa was extremely proud of his first born son. I always tried to prove that I was just as smart, and wanted to make my parents proud of me.

My father’s lack of support drove me to work twice as hard to achieve my success. Nicolette, I found all of that in my song writing. When I met your mother, I knew my heart had been secured forever. I didn’t need to win over my father’s affections anymore. I had Christina, and that was enough. Jack always supported my dreams, but I just wished I could have been a better brother. He gave me the greatest gift, and I will never be able to repay him. Jack gave me you, and for that, I am so grateful.”

Dad continued with his story, and how Uncle Jack made him promise that he would always play a role in raising me, and having a say in my life. It was never an issue until my parents made the decision to leave Chicago and move to California. Dad confessed after the decision was made to move, something broke in Uncle Jack. He hid his feelings remarkably well, but he was deeply hurt by my parents. I remember begging my parents to let me stay. They never wavered on their decision, and insisted I would have to go with them to California.

Uncle Jack agreed I would eventually know how I came into the world when I was old enough to understand. I always believed that the adults in my life, whom I loved more than anything, would never hurt me. The truth is, I wasn’t hurt by this revelation, and maybe I should be, but it simply wasn’t true.

I have two amazing parents. My mom can drive me crazy most of the time, but I never doubted their love for me. Uncle Jack was a constant presence in my life, along with Aunt Sara. They all shared the important moments in my life. From watching me take my first steps, to dancing in my first recital, or falling off the balance beam at my gymnastics meet. They were always by my side. This couldn’t have been easy for my dad to explain it all, but he did it. How can I be angry with him? I love my father very much, and he just proved once again, how much he loves me.

Now at the lowest time of my life, Uncle Jack is here by my side again. I couldn’t shut him or my parents out even if I wanted to. These three are a force to be reckoned with. I did have questions for my father, as he knew I would.

“Daddy, why is Uncle Jack so angry with you?”

“He blames me for what happened to you, Nicolette. If I had let you remain in Chicago, then this horrible act of violence you suffered would not have happened. As your father, it was my job to protect you. Jack is right, I have failed you.”

“Daddy, don’t you ever say that to me again! None of us knew what Michael was capable of. What happened to me could have happened in Chicago. I have made so many mistakes with Michael. I should have been honest with you, and tell you and mom everything he was doing to me. This is on me daddy, not you, nor mom, or even Simon.”

My father pulled me into him, and cried how sorry he was for not being there in time to save me from Michael. He blames himself for what happened. I said all I could say to help him through this. He would have to search his own soul for the absolution he needs. I would also have to do the same.

Wiping away my tears. “Daddy, you need to leave now. I’m sorry but I just can’t talk anymore tonight.” The look on my father’s face showed me that I had broken him even more, but I was exhausted and drained. Dad understood and ducked out of my room with his head down.

My head was spinning after talking with daddy. I took a valium Dr. Jonas prescribed to me. I needed to shut down my mind, and within minutes that's exactly what happened. I was out.

Waking up to the reality that I just spent my first night in jail was all too surreal for me. The smells in here were overwhelming. My ribs were throbbing, and having to sleep on this uncomfortable cot was too much to endure. My head hurt from the sounds coming from other cells throughout the holding area. I needed to get out of here. I was waiting on my lawyer and father to arrive. I needed a hot shower, and a decent meal. I wasn’t going to spend one more night in this hell hole.

As much as I wanted to get out of here, my mind drifted to Nicolette. I needed to see her, and make sure she was alright. I never told anyone about my mysterious visitor who nearly choked me to death. I didn’t know who he was, and he didn’t give me a chance to find out.

A guard approached to open my cell, and bring me to a holding area to wait for my arraignment. I joined my lawyer John, who was waiting for me. We went over what was to happen today, and we were discussing what I was going to say when asked by the judge what my plea was to be.

I already knew how I was going to plea, not guilty of course. John advised me on the long list of evidence the police collected, and plan on presenting it today in court. I silently kept telling myself that what happened with Nicolette, and I was consensual. She got scared and freaked out, leading into our physical fight. I should have been more sensitive to her needs. I may have pushed too far, but I did not rape her.

John’s phone buzzed breaking me out of my deep thought. “Michael, your father has arrived. I’m going to go meet him and I will be back in a few minutes.”

I muttered under my breath, “whatever” as he left me on my own. Noticing he left his cell phone on the table. I glanced around and saw no one. I took this opportunity of sheer luck to call Nicolette, praying she would answer her phone.

Opening my eyes to the morning sun shining through my room. It looked like a beautiful day for December in California. The holidays were upon us, and this should be a happy time, but today would not be. It was Michael’s arraignment day. I stayed in my bed until nature was calling, and I padded my way to my bathroom. I washed my face and ran a comb through my tangled mess of hair. My sleep was restless, even though I had assistance from a pharmaceutical. My phone was ringing, and I didn’t know where it was until I found it under my pillows. Not recognizing the number, but answering the call anyway. I stood frozen after hearing his voice.

“Nicolette, sweetheart, are you there? You don’t have to talk to me. I just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

I found my voice and it wasn’t pretty. “Michael, you don’t know the first thing about love. You are a monster who preyed upon and savagely raped me. I hate you Michael. I hate you Michael. I hate you Michael!” By the third time, I was screaming into the phone, and my dad had busted through my locked door, grabbing the phone from my hand.

“How dare you call my daughter?” The line went dead as I fell to my knees, and was shaking uncontrollably. Uncle Jack and mom came running in, and he scooped me up off the floor, holding me as I continued to shake. My dad looked lost as I was consoled by Uncle Jack. I didn’t care. I needed to feel safe, and Michael’s phone call destroyed my safety net I had found within my own home.

“Uncle Jack, he found me. He actually called me. I’m not safe here. I have to get out of this house.”

“Nicolette, it’s okay baby. We have you, and you are safe. We will not let that bastard ever get near you again. I promise you with every breath that I have, he will not hurt you again.” Here stood my family, and they were all huddled around me, promising to protect me.

My tears subsided and I had three sets of worried eyes staring at me. I couldn’t even begin to process the night before, and now this morning with Michael contacting me, my head again was spinning. My father immediately phoned Detective Westphall, explaining how Michael was in contact with me this morning.

He assured my father, this would be passed on to the prosecutor assigned to my case. Dad left to go down to the court house, while my mom and Uncle Jack stayed at home with me. My empty stomach began to rumble reminding me that I missed dinner the night before. Mom raising her eyebrows at me, smiled for the first time since my attack. It was welcomed by me and I launched myself into her arms. She led me down into the kitchen with Uncle Jack following. After having consumed three of Gracie’s delicious pancakes, bacon, and a heaping latte, it was time to address the elephant in the room.

“You can stop staring at me, Uncle Jack. I’m not going to flip out again.”

“We need to talk Nicolette, can you please hear me out.” Uncle Jack implored me to listen.

I can’t believe after everything I have been through, Uncle Jack was pressuring me. Normally, I could talk to him about anything, but this? Uncle Jack, being my real father? It was just too much!

After Michael’s phone call this morning, I was not ready to have this conversation, but he pushed anyway. Taking in a few breaths to calm myself, I looked up to Uncle Jack, who was staring back at me.

“What do you want from me? What can I say to the two of you? Daddy explained everything to me last night. If you want to know the truth, here it is—Deep down, I had always suspected that you were my father, Uncle Jack. I thought maybe you and mom had a secret affair, and she was pawning me off as my dad’s kid instead of yours. I never wanted to explain how or why I felt this way, because it would have hurt my family. I love my dad way too much to destroy him like that, so I kept quiet and loved you both.”

Mom was now crying. Looking at her was making me more upset, I hated to hurt her and I already regretted even opening up my mouth. Uncle Jack got up from where he was sitting, and I just put my hands up to stop him. “I can’t take any more family bonding right now. You have to give me time to process all of this. I was raped last week. I just found out about my real father. My rapist is getting arraigned this morning. I think I have a lot on my plate right now, don’t you agree?” Fighting back the tears now about to spill down my cheeks, I mutter, “Sorry” and got up to leave.

Wiping back my tears, Could my heart break even more? The look on Uncle Jack’s face as I pushed him away was too much for me to take. I immediately regretted the way I had spoken to him. This is Uncle Jack, my hero. I love him so much and now I’m hurting him.

Grabbing my keys and walking as quickly as I can for the front door. Mom calling out to me, “Where are you going, Nicolette? You shouldn’t even be driving.” I didn’t answer, and didn’t even bother looking back at them. I needed to keep moving and get to my car. All I wanted was to get the hell out of here, and I knew where I wanted to go, and who I wanted to see.