A Christmas to Believe In (32 page)

taste of bile, she mounted the stairs. His empty room waited

for her at the top, but like a terrifying nightmare she couldn't

wake up from, she couldn't stop her feet.

"Jesse, he's at Sam's." Clint's shout drifted up the

stairwell.

It took a few seconds for the full meaning to reach her

brain. When his words sank past her immediate panic to

register with logic, she turned around and raced back to the

living room. Still standing near the door, Clint held a sheet of

paper in one hand.

"Where'd you find that?"

He gestured at the back of the chair where his coat lay.

"There."

Jesse crossed the room in four quick strides and snatched

the note from his fingers. Ethan's scribble stood out in thick

black marker.

At Sam's.

Wave after wave of relief crashed around her, threatening

to knock her over. She grabbed at the countertop to steady

the sudden weakness in her legs. He'd left a note. Not

vanished. He wasn't out in this ridiculous snowstorm. He was

with Brenda.

Though she knew the fact Ethan left a note at all meant he

hadn't lied, she couldn't stop herself from going to the kitchen

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and picking up the phone. She punched out Brenda's number

and listened to the line ring.

Brenda answered on the third tone.

"Brenda, this is Jesse. Is Ethan with you?"

"Just a minute." Rustling drifted through the receiver. In

the background, the loud drone of the television diminished.

Brenda's voice returned more quietly, "Sorry, the boys were

sitting right there. Yeah, he's here. Is everything okay?"

"We had an argument."

"That's what he said. He called and asked if I'd come get

him. I tried your cell, but couldn't get through."

Jesse glanced at her bag, still sitting where she'd left it

after she'd come home from work. She gave herself a mental

kick for neglecting to think of her cell phone. She should have

had it with her in case Ethan needed to reach her.

"If it's not a problem, I'll bring him back when the roads

clear up tomorrow. Is there anything I can do?"

"Just..." She paused to worry her lower lip with her teeth.

Brenda knew a lot about Ethan. Had Ethan said anything

about Clint? Probably not. Explaining would mean confronting

why
he didn't like Clint—and Ethan avoided that topic like hot

coals. He'd made progress, but it would take several more

years of therapy and security before he could overcome his

birth mother's abandonment.

"No, thanks. We'll get through this. Just let him know, if he

says anything, that I love him. Thanks for being there. I

really appreciate it. I'm not sure what he would have done if

you'd refused."

"Anytime, Jesse. I'll call if something comes up."

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"Thanks."

The phone felt like a heavy lump of lead as Jesse dropped

it back into the cradle. Defeated and confused, she looked at

Clint through watering eyes.

He was there in an instant, his strong arms gathering her

close so she could soak in all the strength he offered. She

wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tight, afraid if

she let go, all the horror of today would snatch her up and

carry her off to some place she might never escape.

"You want me to stay?" he asked into her hair.

She snuggled closer, buried her cheek a little deeper into

his chest. "Can we go to your mom's? I don't...I don't want to

be here. Not tonight."

His lips tickled through her hair, and his warm breath

caressed her scalp. "That's fine, sweetheart."

Without breaking contact, he turned her around. One

protective arm wound around her shoulders. He held her

close as he guided her to the door, picked up his coat, and

escorted her outside.

Unwilling to let go of the only hold she had on sanity, she

climbed in and sat in the middle, close enough her thigh

meshed against his. He dropped his hand to her knee. Gentle

fingers squeezed.

The ride to Amelia's ended before it began. They pulled up

in front of her brightly lit house, and Jesse's spirits lifted at

the warm, welcoming glow. There would be people here.

Laughter and love. All the things her house lacked on this

frosty night...and everything she yearned for.

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Clint helped her from the truck, hauled her in close for a

chaste kiss. He led her to the door, those strong fingers

clasping hers, reminding her she belonged to him. For a few

more days at least.

The door opened on laughter. The dull
thump-thump
inside

her chest morphed into a jaunty beat, and Jesse looked up at

Clint with a genuine smile.

He led her inside, and Jesse turned around to greet the

rest of her extended family. Only, as she searched for Alex,

Heath, and Amelia, her eyes halted on the pretty blonde

sitting in
her
place on the couch. Her cordial greeting stuck on

her tongue. That Keeley might still be here—that her brothers

wouldn't be—hadn't even registered in her mind.

Clint watched the surprise pass over Jesse's features. In its

wake, her narrowed gaze warned she wasn't at all happy to

have a stranger in what she considered her house. The chill in

her usually warm voice only spoke to it more. "Good evening,

Keeley."

He supposed he should have warned her Alex mentioned

Keeley was staying with their mom. But in the chaos of today,

he hadn't thought it important. She'd been so shaken by

Ethan's absence, he hadn't considered mentioning it then

either.

Sensing Jesse needed support, he reached for her elbow.

But Jesse made a quick retreat into the kitchen, giving Clint

the opportunity to offer a brief explanation for whatever

distance she might show. He looked between his mother and

Keeley and murmured, "Jesse's had a crappy day. Give her

some room."

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Something he couldn't define passed behind his mother's

eyes. She tipped her head, inspecting him, then stared at the

sounds that drifted from the kitchen. Resigned to the

inevitable fact she'd corner him and probe for details later,

Clint dropped into the couch beside Keeley. He jabbed her in

the ribs with his elbow. "Hey, sis."

"Hey yourself." She returned the playful strike with a

bright grin. "How'd the wine go over?"

Despite thirty-six years of experience with women, to

Clint's shame, heat crept into his cheeks. The memory of all

the things he'd done to, and with, Jesse the previous night

took life in his mind. Jesse on her knees, her incredible

bottom flush against his hips as he nibbled at the back of her

neck. Jesse in his lap, the weighty softness of her breasts in

his palm. Humiliating him further, his cock responded to the

vivid replay, and Clint shifted in the cushions.

Keeley laughed before he could stammer an affirmation.

"Good."

"How'd you know she'd like it?"

With a shrug of her elegant shoulders, Keeley answered, "I

know a few things about wine."

Jesse's footsteps returned from the kitchen. In her hands,

she carried a wicker tray that could have only come from Zoe.

It held an assortment of bite-size sweets, some with fruit

centers, some glazed, others covered in chocolate. In the

corner, she'd situated a coffee carafe, from which she quickly

poured four cups. Jesse passed Keeley one with a cordial nod.

As she passed his mother a cup, Amelia caught her hand and

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gave it an affectionate squeeze. Jesse returned the greeting

with a kiss to his mother's cheek.

She handed him his, then claimed the last mug on the

tray. Setting it aside, she dropped into the couch beside

him... much closer than he'd anticipated. Not that he minded.

Hell, his heart skipped a beat at her unhesitating affection. He

just hadn't expected she'd announce just how deeply they

were involved by curling her legs beneath her and cuddling

into his side.

Reveling in the softness of her curves, he settled an arm

around her shoulders and gave his fingers permission to

stroke her arm. This felt too right. Too damn perfect. Jesse at

his side, his mother looking on with approval, and Keeley

hiding her earlier smile.

"So," his mother began. She sat forward, set her cup on

the table at her right and turned to look at them fully. "Alex

isn't marrying Sydney. The wedding's off."

Clint choked on his coffee. Several long seconds passed,

no one brave enough to comment. But as Clint surveyed the

faces surrounding him, he realized no one was particularly

surprised with the announcement. He released Jesse long

enough to set his coffee cup down and reach across to pat his

mother's hand. "Bet that makes you happy."

Jesse giggled as Keeley spluttered. His mother shot Clint a

frown, laden with false offense. "I would never want your

brother's engagement to fail."

"Yeah well..." Clint feigned a cough. He glanced down at

Jesse, his breath catching as he met her upturned gaze.

Humor touched the corners of her eyes, but in that indigo

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stare, lay affection so profound his breath caught. To relieve

the sudden discomfort in his tightening chest, he brushed a

kiss against her forehead. Looking back to his mother, he

couldn't hold back a grin. "Oh, C'mon, Mom. You know you

didn't like her. None of us did."

Amelia's mouth twitched. Though she suppressed a full

smile, it twinkled in her eyes. "I'd rather him marry a goat."

The room erupted with laughter, and normalcy descended.

They chattered about the girls' adventure into the snow, what

they could do with all the food Zoe had prepared for the

reception, how they intended to handle Christmas and Santa's

dependable arrival. All of the sadness that had clung to Jesse

throughout the day dwindled away with every chuckle, every

humorous remark. He felt it seep out of him as well—the

tightness in his lower back eased, the vise around his chest

loosened its oppressive hold.

As the hours passed, and Jesse even warmed to Keeley,

Clint began to realize he couldn't possibly walk away from

Jesse on the twenty-sixth of December. Every bit of decency

he possessed, every bit of faith he held on to, would vanish if

he tried. This would be their first Christmas together as a

couple, and he'd spend the next however long it took working

himself until exhaustion forbade movement, to make sure

they shared a second.

Accomplishing that would involve working things out with

Ethan. If it came down to nothing else, he'd insist Ethan

spend part of the summer on his farm. He might hate every

minute of being around Clint, but he'd love the time with the

horses. They'd find a way to bond, if it killed Clint to try.

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Struck with the overwhelming need to closet Jesse away

from everyone, he dropped his head to whisper near her ear,

"Come to bed with me?"

At her subtle nod, he stood up, her hand firmly tucked in

his. "I'll think we're calling it a night."

His mother turned her head, smiled at him and Jesse, and

pleasantly answered, "Goodnight, dear. After today, I think

we could all benefit from sleeping in, so breakfast is on your

own."

"Okay, Mom."

He paused to let Jesse kiss his mother goodnight, then

escorted her to his bedroom. Inside, he let go to shut the

door. When he turned around, she was already removing her

clothes. He stripped quietly, and joined her in the bed.

The feel of her silky skin as she snuggled into his waiting

arms swirled heat through his veins. He wanted so much from

this woman. Things he dared not even hope for. A life

together. Little girls like Alex's. Summer days playing ball

with Ethan. His heart ached with the mountains that blocked

him from the one thing that mattered even more than horses.

Yet the path to that distant dream wouldn't be easy. He had

no right to ask.

Still, he could not curb the selfishness that drove him to lift

onto his elbow, nudge her to her back and gaze down into her

brilliant blue eyes. "Jesse. I..."

Not love. Not yet. Not until she made her decision. If he

confessed his feelings, she'd stay out of loyalty, not because

she liked his proposal. He took a deep breath and started

again. "I've been thinking. What do you say to my coming

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back to Missouri a few times a month? Maybe you and Ethan

could come down over his school breaks if you can get away.