A Curvy Christmas (4 page)

“Never said a word.” She smiled back at him, relaxing now that there was no decision left to make. He was here, he was going to come in and have coffee, and they could talk. Simple. Nothing complicated going on here.

However, as she put her key in the door, she wished for complications. Nice intense complications.

“Right, I’ll get the kettle on,” she said going in and switching on the lights.

“No Max?” Greg asked coming in behind her. “Is she out with that fiancé of hers?”

“They’ve gone to her parents. I expect big drama to unfold. Dan’s mom and dad have gone too.”

“You’re all alone then?” he asked, appearing at the kitchen door.

“Yes. I upset Max’s father some years ago. I’m good at that,” she added. “So I didn’t get an invite.”

“Christmas alone? Or do you have other plans?”

“No plans. Well, except those that include too much food and too much TV.” She switched the kettle on and stood with her back to the counter, arms folded across her chest. Standing here in her apartment, he looked more handsome than ever. Nothing like the boy he had been.

“And you? Will your family let you take Carl along too? Because if not, please don’t tell him I’m alone. I don’t think I could stand a whole day of him making advances.”

“I won’t tell. Scout’s honour.”

“Were you ever in the scouts?”

“No. My parents never wanted me to be adventurous.”

“But when we met first, that was an adventure for you and Carl. Hawaii, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.” And then he asked, “Is it really that vague for you?”

Robin didn’t want to talk about it, or even think about it. “It was a difficult time. I did some things I will always regret. But I smoked so many bad things I’m lucky, I can’t remember half of them.”

The kettle finished boiling, and she turned away from him, grateful to have something to do. Her past was something she chose to leave behind her, not even Max knew everything about those dark days. Knowing that Greg would always be a constant reminder should make her see sense and distance herself from him.

“Sugar?” she asked.

“No, thank you. Just milk, although I like it strong.”

She stirred the coffee absently, her thoughts drifting back to the night she had slept with Carl. Vaguely a picture of Greg’s face came to her, his anguish, and jealousy. For a moment she let it cover her, the spoon continuing to follow it’s mesmerising path around the inside of the coffee mug.

“Robin?” he asked softly, coming to stand behind her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, turning to face him. “I never meant to hurt you.”

He smiled crookedly. “I know that now. But back then ... it stuck with me.”

“For how long?”

“Seven years, and ... I don’t know ... three months. I could probably tell you how many days too...”

“All these past weeks we’ve being seeing each other. Why didn’t you say?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It changed between hurt that you never remembered me, to relief that you never remembered me.” He smiled ironically.

“That is mixed up.”

He shrugged. “That’s what you do to me. I’ve dated other women, been in love. At least I think so. But always you were there. What might have been. If only I was Carl.”

“I was bad for you then, and I think I’m bad for you now. You were probably right to be relieved I didn’t remember you. I’m sorry I walked back into your life today.”

“I’m not, Robin.” He stroked her cheek, and she leaned into him, yearning for his touch. “I need to see where this is going, or else I’m going to wonder about it for the rest of my life. Let’s forget the past, and think of the present. Right here, right now.”

“Will you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive, the boy I was wasn’t right for you. But the man I am just might be.”

She moistened her lips, her anticipation at fever pitch. This was it, their first kiss, and she wanted it to be perfect.

He leaned forward, kissing her neck lightly, testing her, still unsure about this moment, although he had waited so long for it. Her head screamed at her not to disappoint him, to make this moment magical. Tilting her head away from him she let him kiss her neck softly, butterfly kisses trailing up to her jaw, and then at last it happened.

At first, he questioned her, waiting for her answer him in a language beyond words. Robin cupped his face in her hand and pressed her lips firmly against his, moving them gently, opening for him to push his tongue inside her mouth to tease her bottom lip. She sighed against him, relaxing into his body, his arm going around her waist to pull her tight against him.

Along her thigh she felt the press of his hard length, giving her no doubt about how he felt about her. Normally with a man she would have touched him, shown him exactly what she wanted, but this didn’t have to be rushed, she wanted them to spend the rest of their lives together exploring each other’s bodies. Finding out everything about each other, inside and out.

And then he pulled away.

“Sorry.”

“For what?” she asked breathlessly.

“For taking advantage of the situation.”

“Taking advantage?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes. You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’m not the same person I was then. I can accept life’s disappointments.”

“I don’t understand?”

“It’s been an odd day. I shouldn’t have told you how I felt. In no way do I want a sympathy shag from you.” She burst out laughing, making him frown. “Listen. It was a mistake coming here. I should have just gone home.” He turned and made for the door.

“No. No, Greg.” She reached him and grabbed his arm. “Stay. Let me explain.”

“No, really. I feel I’ve made a big enough fool of myself.”

“Will you stop being so ... nice, for one minute.”

“Nice.” He repeated the word as if it was a foul four letter word.

“Yes. Nice. It’s not meant to be an insult, but I need you to be honest. Do you want me in your life, or did I blow it when we first met. I understand perfectly if that’s the case, and I swear I never meant to hurt you, my thoughts were not clear enough then to even consider intentionally hurting you. I slept with Carl, simply because he was there. I lost my virginity to him, and for a long time now I’ve regretted throwing it away, but I was ... tainted. And I needed an attractive man to give me some self-worth. I never knew it would work in the opposite way and I would end up feeling worse than ever. But hey, we all make mistakes.” She stopped then, her throat constricting with emotion.

Greg's body softened. "Hey, I never knew that you were so down on yourself. You always gave the impression you were in control, going after exactly what you wanted."

"That is probably the furthest from the true me you could possibly get, But I put a good game face on don't I?" She cocked her head and tried to smile, but it fell so short, and instead she hiccuped, trying to wallow a sob which fought it's way out.

"Robin," he said, coming back to her and stroking her cheek, pushing her hair back from her face. "Let me in.”

"I don't know how. The only person that has ever seen me at my weakest is Max."

"Let me in," he repeated, pulling her gently into his arms.

He held her close, her body rigid as he stroked her back, soothing away the tension filling her. This was what she wanted, for him to hold her, yet she couldn't fool herself, this time it was Greg that must be filled with pity. Who could ever learn to love a pitiful creature like her?

A shuddering sob escaped her. “I don’t know if I can.”

“I’m not asking you to tell me everything. I’m simply asking you to trust me.”

Robin felt so vulnerable in his arms, for the first time he believed he was seeing the real woman beneath her hard exterior. If only he could break through her emotional defences once and for all. Yet he knew if he pushed too hard she would throw up everything she had to protect herself.

He knew first hand what it was like to pretend to be something you weren’t just to protect yourself.

Greg let her cry herself out. Unlike some men, a woman crying did not frighten him. Once the tears had subsided, she leaned against him, occasionally taking a deep breath, her body shuddering as it fought to keep itself together. He didn’t rush her, he was simply there, supporting her both physically and emotionally.

“I’m so sorry, Greg,” she said at last pushing herself away from him. “I don’t usually let myself go like that.”

“Maybe that’s the problem, you hold it all inside.”

“Maybe it is, but I’m too tired now to go over everything you need to know.”

He tried not to look pleased. Her words meant she was willing to let him in, but he didn’t want to look smug in this small victory. “It’s late. Why don’t we get you into bed?”

“Yes, I think I need to sleep it off. I feel as though I’ve been put through the washing machine and come out all bashed around and wrinkled up.”

He chuckled. “You have a way with words, Robin.”

“I must look a fright,” she said, drawing her finger along the bottom of her eye and contemplating the make up that appeared on it.

“I don’t care. I just want you to be happy. I’m sorry if this evening dragged up some uncomfortable forgotten memories.”

“No. It’s not your fault, not really. I suppose if I’m ever going to make a fresh start I need to stop hiding from who I am.”

“Who you were.” Greg tilted her chin up. “You are not that person any more.”

“I know. I meant, I have to face the person I’ve become.”

“There’s nothing wrong with who you are now, Robin. I can assure you.”

“Yes, there is. I’m a coward.”

“We all are in are own way. But the first part of getting over it is to recognise what you’re afraid of, and learn to deal with it.”

“And what are you afraid of Greg?”

He could simply bluff his way out of this, or he could put his heart out there and see what happens. This was a now or never moment. “I’m afraid of walking out of here tonight and never seeing you gain because of the memories I bring back to you.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

That shocked him. What was he going to do about it?

“Stay.”

“Stay,” she whispered, and he thought he’d overstepped the mark with her.

“I’m sorry, it just came out. Spontaneity was never my thing, now I know why.”

“No. I want you to.”

“Robin, that’s not such a good idea. You’re emotionally on edge, and this will simply make it worse.”

“Please, Greg. Stay with me.”

“I am going to help you settle down, and then I’ll leave.”

“So you don’t want me?”

“That’s not fair.”

She pulled his head down to hers and kissed his lips. Greg groaned against her, and gave into his base feelings. His hands going around her waist and pulling her into his body. Robin threaded her hands around his neck, the kiss deepening, as he slid his tongue along her lower lip, tasting her, savouring this moment.

It would be so easy to take her to bed, to show her how he could please her. He had dreamed of this moment, desperately wanting for things to move forward, taking them out of friendship and into desire. His hand slipped down over her bottom, and he pressed himself against her, leaving Robin in no doubt as to how much he wanted her.

In response she slipped her hand between their bodies and stroked his hard length. His breath hissed between his teeth, and for a second he thought he would explode in his pants, and make a complete fool of himself. But he put his mind elsewhere, and tried to calm himself.

Yet her breasts were pressed against his chest, her hard nipples easily felt against his flesh. Knowing he would hate himself for being weak he cupped one of the full globes in his hand, and brushed his thumb against her nipple. She groaned against him, and urged him on, her mouth so soft and sweet against his.

Breathless he broke away, and took her by the hand. “Bedroom?” he asked.

Robin, her eyes heavy with desire, led him out along a hallway, past two doors and then into a room filled with trinkets from her travels. Not everything from her past life needed to be kept out of sight.

He turned her around, and sat her down on the edge of the bed. Kneeling before her he unbuckled her shoes, easing them off, and then rubbed her right foot.

“That is wonderful,” she said, lying back on the bed while he massaged her other foot. She covered her eyes, and for a moment he thought she was asleep, but when he stopped, she sat back up, looking terrible.

“Right. Go and clean your teeth and take your make-up off,” he said, coming to his senses and taking charge.

“Romantic. Do I look so bad?”

“No. But you will regret it in the morning if you don’t.”

“OK.” She looked a little bemused as she went off to the bathroom, appearing a few minutes later looking gorgeously well scrubbed, her skin pink and flushed.

“You’re right, I looked a fright. I can see why you wouldn’t want to make love to something like that.”

“Robin, I am not going to make love to you tonight.”

“Oh,” she said, disappointed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, because I really, really do. But it wouldn’t be right.”

“I see. You can’t forget that I slept with Carl?”

“No,” he said, lifting himself up from the bed and grabbing her hand, pulling her to sit by the side of him. “It’s not that at all.”

She looked up at him, tears threatening. “Then why?”

“Because when we do ... make love, I want it to be with a clear head and for the right reasons. You said yourself you’ve lived with the regret what happened between you and Carl for a long time.”

“I’ve regretted it for as long as you’ve wanted me.” She looked at him sadly. “Greg, I don’t want to lose you now.”

“You won’t. I am going to sleep right next to you, hold you in my arms, and then tomorrow we’ll talk properly.”

Reluctantly she got changed, he even made a point of turning his back so he didn’t see her naked. Although he struggled to resist the urge to watch her when he realised he could see her reflection in the mirror.

Robin climbed into bed, and then watched him remove his shoes and tie before slipping onto the bed next to her.