A Curvy Christmas (8 page)

He went to move towards her, wanting to give her some support while she spoke, but she put her hand up to stop him.

“I didn’t know what to do. So I did nothing. And then my mom went away for the night with work, and I arranged to stay with my friend, a sleep over. But I’d forgotten the movie we were going to watch. And I went back home to get it.”

She took a bigger gulp of her wine.

“I let myself in, his car was in the drive, so I knew he was home. He wasn’t in the lounge or kitchen, so I thought I’d run up to my room and get the DVD and he wouldn’t even know I was there. By then I had distanced myself from him a little, but he had no idea I already knew he was having an affair.”

Greg wanted to speak, but it was best to let her carry on, although he could see the emotion building in her.

“He was in my mom’s bed with this other woman. He had brought her to our house while my mom was away, and he was fucking her in my mom’s bed. I tried to keep quiet, but he heard me on the stairs, and flew after me.”

Tears trickled down her face. “Robin, you don’t have to go on.”

“Yes. Yes I do. I want you to know what happened. If we are going to have a future together I can’t keep this from you, because it’ll come out, sooner or later you’ll find out. So I want us to have no secrets.”

He nodded, and she continued. “He grabbed me, his hand around my throat, and threatened me with what would happen if I told. He ... he said I would lose my mom. I shouted at him that she thought more of me than she did of him, and he just laughed. When he let me go, I ran.”

Greg knew the worst was yet to come, that whatever the outcome was, it had affected Robin for the rest of her life.

“I stayed at my friend's house until the day my mom got back. But he’d got to her first, when I started to tell her, she shouted at me, told me I was a jealous little whore. My own mom. I asked her what she meant. He’d told her that when she was away I’d crept into his room and tried to seduce him.”

He couldn’t hold back, he went to her and held her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her and kissing her head. “Shhh. Let it out. If you need to cry just let it out.” And she did cry, her body shuddering against his as wave after wave of pent-up misery escaped her.

“After all we’d been through together she believed him, chose him over me. I wanted to leave, but I was still in school. So instead I practically lived at the library, or my friend’s house. But sometimes I had to go home. That’s when he cornered me, he laughed in my face, told me he could do whatever he wanted to me, and my mom would believe him over me. He even said he would rape me if I wasn’t such an unattractive thing.”

She trembled in his arms, he wanted to make this right, to make it go away, but it was impossible.

“I stole his credit card, booked a flight and left. I haven’t seen them since that day. I took every bit of cash I could get off his credit card before he cancelled it. I lived for quite a while expecting to be arrested. But mainly I just put myself in a state of oblivion.”

“And Carl?”

“He was so good looking and fun, I wanted to be with someone like that. I thought that if a man as handsome as him could want me, then it proved something. But all it proved was what an idiot I was.”

“None of this is your fault, Robin.”

“No. But it’s tainted me. I think it was the reason I had such a blow up with Max’s dad. And I ruined their relationship. So what if in some way I sabotage us? I don’t want to drag you into something I’m not capable of sustaining. I should never have come to see you yesterday.”

“I’m so glad you did, Robin. There’s nothing we can’t work through together. Nothing.”

“You're too good for me Greg. You’re just too nice.”

Self loathing didn’t even begin to cover it. From that day to this, she had been consumed with guilt, although she had done nothing wrong. However, it didn’t take away from the fact she had lost her mom over it, and she had always feared that when other people found out they would disown her too, which is why she had never told Max.

Greg simply held her, while she sobbed her heart out. It didn’t feel any better now someone else knew, it just felt sordid, leaving her with a sense of grubbiness that wouldn’t ever wash off.

When he tears started to subside, he drew back from her, but when she tried to face away from him he firmly turned her to him, tilting her chin up and saying the words she had always needed to hear.

“You did nothing wrong, Robin. If that’s the way it happened I don’t see why you should feel guilty. He was in the wrong.”

“But I should have told my mom when I first saw him with is girlfriend. But I was too weak, and it gave him power over me.”

“You didn’t want to spoil your mom’s happiness. You were a child, that is not an easy thing to deal with. Your mom had her own reasons for not believing you. Perhaps she loved him too much, if she had been on her own for so long, she might have been scared of losing him.”

“But not scared of losing me.”

“Kids grow up, they go and live their own lives, she could see you growing up. I don’t know. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but the one thing I am one hundred percent sure of, is that you handled it in the best way you could. I cannot imagine how scared you must have been. Now I understand.” He kissed her gently on the mouth. “Thank you for sharing your story with me.”

She placed her head on his chest, listening to his strong heart beat. He made everything feel better, his words made her feel stronger. Or at least not so weak.

“Don’t you ever worry that if you have a family of your own you’ll screw their lives up? I see Helen, and see the sacrifices she makes, and I don’t know if I could ever handle myself that well. The responsibility of just been in a long term relationship has always scared me too much to take a chance.”

“Then I am doubly honoured that you have shared your past with me and are also willing to share your future.”

“But am I long-term material?”

“Look at your relationship with Max. That’s been long term, you've lived together, helped each other and supported each other. I bet there are times when you two were like an old married couple.”

She laughed. “Yes. Without the sex.”

“There you are. You’re just scared Robin, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It makes you just like the rest of us.”

“You mean I’m not so unique after all?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Wow. What a downer.” She managed a short laugh.

“That’s better. Now let’s drink wine and eat until we feel sick, and then go to bed. Tomorrow is Christmas.”

She looked up at him, not caring how blotchy and red her face looked. “And I can’t think of anyone I’d rather share it with.”

“Even Carl?”

“Even Carl.” She smiled, and he bent his head and kissed her. Threading her arms around his neck she pulled him close, wanting to feel his strength. Emotionally drained she leaned on him, until he bent down and picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom.

He placed her on the bed, and then pulled a blanket over her. “Why don’t you have a rest? You look worn out.”

“If you stay with me.”

“Of course I will.” He went back to the kitchen and fetched their wine, and some food, and then came and lay next to her.

“Shall we watch TV? If you don’t mind. It might help me get back into the Christmas spirit.”

“What ever you want.”

She patted his arm. “Fun Christmas huh. I bet you wish you were with Carl instead of me.”

“That I will not admit to. I told you life will never be boring for us, Robin. Good with the bad.”

“Mmm,” she murmured and drifted off to sleep.

***

When she woke up it was dark, and Greg was gone. A moment of panic hit her, he had left after all, her secret too much for him to take. She slumped back down, tears in her eyes, but then she made out his silhouette against the light from the streets which poured in through the window.

“What are you looking at?”

“You’re awake,” he said, a tinge of excitement in his voice. “Come look. It’s snowing.”

Shivering after being in the warm bed, she went to him, pressing herself against his body for warmth.

“It is. I have never seen a white Christmas.”

“How do you feel?”

“Better.”

“Good. Then lets wrap up and go out in it.”

“OK, I thought I was the insane one.”

He got up. “Come on. Lots of layers. There’s something I want to show you, and this seems like the perfect time.”

“Really?”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Is that a challenge?”

“If that will make you come outside with me, then I guess it is.”

She shuffled off, switched the light on, which momentarily blinded her, and then started to drag on a sweater, hat and gloves, followed by a thick fleecy coat. Then she added a rain coat, just to make sure.

“I think I’m ready.” She stood, hardly able to get her arms to straighten due to the bulk of her clothes. He laughed, and she said, “I also think you’re mad. It’s lovely and warm in here, and you want to go out in the snow. It will still be there in the morning.”

“You, Robin, need to rediscover your sense of adventure.”

She paused at his words, he was right, these last couple of months, her ability to want to try everything and anything had slowly eroded. The fear of losing Max, and reverting to the sad creature she had been before she met her best friend, had been hanging over her like the heavy snow clouds hanging over the city.

Pulling her scarf down, away from her mouth, she said, “Let’s go. I think I need to chuck a snowball at you.”

“Ahh, a challenge. That’s more like it.” Greg pulled his coat on, and wrapped his scarf around his neck, finally digging his gloves out of his pockets and pulling them on.

“I’m a good shot,” she countered.

“So am I.”

He grabbed her hand, and they ran out of the apartment, and into the falling snow. Other people had come out to enjoy the sight too, and the air was filled with happy voices, and snow balls.

Robin balled some of the cold white powder up, and threw it at Greg, who ducked. In return he snatched up a handful of snow and threw it, hitting Robin on the arm.

She ran after him, well waddled in all her clothes, laughing as she managed to land one in his face, timing it perfectly as looked back to throw a snowball at her.

“Yuck,” he shouted, and she collapsed into laughter, while he tried to stop the melting snow disappearing inside his coat.

“Sorry,” she said, laughing, and going to him to help him. But as she reached him he gathered up a handful of snow and pressed it into her face, leaving her gasping, and nearly turning the air blue with her language. “And I thought you were a gentleman.”

“All is fair in love and war,” he laughed. “OK. Truce, I want us to still be on speaking terms by the time I show you my surprise.”

“Funny way of showing it,” she said, still trying to recover from the shock of the cold snow against her warm skin.

“Come on, I’ll warm you up later.” He grabbed her hand and raced off, with Robin slipping and sliding behind him.

As they approached the building, he felt suddenly nervous. What if she completely hated the idea? After all she had shared with him today, this might just prove to be too much for her. But she had trusted him with her past, hopefully she would trust him with their future.

Other people were passing them by, some walking slowly with their faces up to the sky, catching the falling snowflakes in their mouths. Others were weaving along the road, filled with too much Christmas cheer, and going home to sleep it off. It always amazed him how differently people celebrated Christmas. He suspected all those with children were making their final preparations before the new day dawned and excited faces appeared much too early, filled with eagerness to see what Santa had brought them. One day he hoped to have that ritual to go through, he hoped it would be Robin at his side, their children excitedly opening presents under the tree.

“Here,” he said at last.

“Did the snow get into your brain? This is an empty building.”

“Ahh. It’s more than that, it’s an empty building filled with possibilities.”

“What are you up to Greg?” She cupped her hands around her face and pressed it to the window. The space was big, in need of a good clean and a coat of paint.

He took his glove off and put his hand in his pocket, drawing out the key. Fiddling with the cold metal, he managed to put it in the lock and turn it. Pushing the door, he stepped inside, and then turned to offer Robin his hand. “Coming in?”

Looking intrigued she took his hand and followed him, her gloves cold and wet against his skin.

“Another new enterprise?” she asked, looking around whilst he locked the door behind them.

“That depends,” he said, smiling nervously. No. This was definitely not as easy as he thought it would be. He didn’t know her well enough to have done this.

“On what?” She followed him deeper inside, the street lights illuminating the space just enough for them to see.

“You.”

Now she looked scared. “What do you mean, me?”

“I saw this today, and something made me think of you. You and all that wonderful food you make.”

“Is this a new gallery? Do you want me to cater for the opening party? I’ve never done anything like that, Greg. I’m not sure.”

He took a deep breath, now he knew how nervous she must have felt telling him about her past. This was the most nerve-racking thing he had ever done. “It’s a bit more than that. I thought it would be the perfect place for you to start your own business.”

She paled, but then smiled at him, he felt his heart rate slow down, it no longer thumped in his chest. This might work out OK after all.

“Greg, this is Christmas, not April Fools.”

His heart skipped a beat instead. Should he go along with that, tell her he was joking?

“I’m not joking, Robin. It’s ideal for you. There’s an apartment above, you could move in there once Max gets married.”