A Dad of His Own (4 page)

“Right now he’d give anything to go to school, but—” She shook her head. “Maybe this last treatment will turn things around.”

Ethan wanted to give her a hug. “That would be great.”

“It would be.” She gave him another feeble grin. “His doctor is optimistic, but optimism doesn’t mean much to a seven-year-old. Every time I tell him he can’t go to school yet, my heart breaks seeing the disappointment on his face.”

“Really tough.”

Moisture filled her eyes. “Cooper’s so smart. He loves books, especially about nature and beautiful places. He talks about going to see some of the national parks, and I bought him a book about them. He just stares at the photos all the time.”

Her misty eyes glowed as she talked, and Ethan’s chest
swelled with her description. “I love to see children interested in positive things.”

“No guns and tanks for Cooper.” This time her face brightened. “He likes puzzles, all kinds of them, and books. He can read, too. Easy things, naturally, but he tries to sound out larger words. I really wish he could be part of his class.”

Ethan’s voice knotted in his throat, and he swallowed to control his emotion. “So do I.” School would mean he’d be ready for the foundation’s involvement. Ethan couldn’t think of anything better except for an amazing healing. He sent the thought to the Lord as a prayer.

“The teacher sends homework and a visiting teacher comes to the house. The school’s been very helpful.”

“The last time we talked…” Stupid comment. The only time they’d talked. He tried to relax. “I know you didn’t mean it, but you said you’d like me to meet him. I’ve been thinking about that. I would love to meet Cooper. He sounds like a terrific kid.”

He could see her struggling with a response.

She tilted her head, her eyes questioning. “But why?”

Why?
Ethan could give a number of reasons. He liked kids. He understood the horrors of cancer, and he knew how hard it was to deal with it. And he felt compassion. But along with those reasons, he liked Lexie. He sucked in air, hoping he could say what he felt without coming across as a lunatic. “I admire you. I’ve experienced the heartbreak of a horrible disease affecting a loved one, but I love that Cooper has a chance to make it through this. I guess I’d like to see someone win.”

“Win?” She appeared to toss the word around in her mind. “That’s what we want.” She rolled her eyes and grinned. “It’s more than a want. I insist. I demand. And then realistically, I hope.”

“And there we are, back where we began when we talked last week. Hope.”

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “You’re right.” A sincere smile blossomed on her face. “Interesting how we always come back to that word.”

Ethan had so much he longed to tell her and to ask. Was she a believer? Did she know that the Lord loved her, and she could count on Him to be with her through the good times and the bad? But he was smart enough to know coming on too strong would chase her away. A tender feeling wove through his chest. What this woman did to him felt amazing. “So what do you say?”

She scowled. “About hope?”

He grinned. “About my meeting Cooper.”

“Oh.” She gave a soft chuckle before looking away for a moment. “I should ask Cooper if he’d like to meet you.”

“Right.” His stomach sank. “Could I call you?”

She pressed her lips together, her eyes searching his again. “Give me your business card, and I’ll call you.”

I’ll call you.
He’d never heard the line personally, but he knew what it meant. He arched his back, dug out his wallet again and drew out a card, certain it was a waste of time.

When he handed it to her, she dropped it in her purse. “I’d better get home. Cooper needs these meds, and I have a wonderful lady who stays with him when I’m out and I promised her I wouldn’t be too long.” She stepped past him, then turned back. “It was nice seeing you again.”

His “It was great seeing you” followed her as she strode toward the pharmacy exit.

Ethan slipped the papers into the folder and rose. The Dreams Come True meeting ran shorter than usual. No new requests had come in, and so they reviewed plans for a trip to New York City along with a Broadway play for one teen
girl and a day at a firehouse including a ride in a fire truck for one young boy. When Ethan listened to the reports, his mind drifted to Cooper. He’d hoped to hear something from Lexie, but she hadn’t called. At this point, he could do nothing but wait.

A hand clasped his arm, and Ethan looked over his shoulder at his friend Bill Ruben.

“How did the presentation go at the senior center last week?”

“You mean the Mothers of Special Kids?”

Bill grinned. “Moms something.”

“It went great.” Yes, the meeting, but his head and heart hadn’t faired as well. He eyed his friend, then grasped the opportunity. “Glad you asked.” He drew in a lengthy breath. Now or never. “Do you have a minute?”

Question settled in Bill’s eyes. “No problem. Anything wrong?”

“No.” “Maybe” was the better response. “I just want your opinion.” Ethan gazed around the emptying meeting room and motioned to a chair. “Let’s sit.”

Bill eyed him again as he pulled a chair from beneath the table and turned it around. He straddled the seat and rested his arms across the back without saying a word, though his face showed his concern.

“It’s a couple of things.” Ethan shifted in the chair, his nervousness evident in his jiggling knee. He forced his foot to the floor, confused why he felt so edgy with Bill. He’d thought about talking with someone, and Bill had a good head on his shoulders. “The meeting was fine, and after it, one of the women bumped into me as we were leaving. I’d noticed her earlier. She had a nice smile, and…I don’t know…something about her caught my attention.”

Bill’s frown vanished, and a half grin took its place.

“Nothing like that.” He waved his hand, but he felt like a
fraud. It had become something significant. Lexie and her son had begun popping into his thoughts numerous times a day, especially since he’d run into her again. “She had a flat when we went outside. I helped her. We talked, and—”

Bill snickered. “Love at first sight.”

“No. It’s…I don’t know.” Now Ethan questioned why he’d even brought the whole thing up. How could Bill understand his emotional struggle?

Bill leaned his shoulders over the chair back, his brow drawn. “So lay it on me. What happened? What’s the problem?”

“The child has leukemia. Cancer.”

Bill blinked. “Ahh.” He rocked back in the chair and shook his head. “That kind of cancer is different, Ethan. The outcome can be more hopeful. You know that.”

“I know that in my head.”

Bill braced the heels of his hands against the chair back. “So what are you asking me?”

He blew out a stream of air. “I don’t know for sure.” He tried to untangle his thoughts. “I walked away that day.” He allowed his eyes to connect with Bill’s. “The day we met. I helped her change the tire and then left, but here’s the thing. I ran into her again.”

“At the next meeting?”

“No. At a pharmacy. It struck me that…I don’t know. She’d been on my mind, and I’d wished that I hadn’t reacted as I did. It seemed our meeting again was providence.”

“You mean God planned it?”

“That sounds odd, but I felt it was meant to be. She talks about her son with such love, and I don’t have kids. I asked to meet the boy. He doesn’t have a dad, and I—”

“And you’d like to be his dad.”

Ethan’s pulse skipped. “Don’t be ridiculous. The boy needs a man’s attention. Like a big brother.”

A faint grin etched Bill’s mouth. “You have no interest in the mother, but you want to be the kid’s big brother?” Bill’s eyebrows arched to his hairline, and he snickered.

The comment smacked Ethan. “Okay. Whatever. I’d like to be a masculine influence for the boy. Fill that hole.” Lexie’s image flashed through his mind. “Not to say the boy’s mother isn’t doing a good job. She is.”

Bill shifted and wrapped his fingers around the chair back. “Why not meet the boy? Do it if his mother approves.”

“But is it right? Am I stepping over the boundary of Dreams Come True? No one said we should get friendly. We’re here to plan events and trips for these kids, not to be friends.”

“I don’t know of any rule that says you can’t be a friend.” He leaned closer. “Or are you worried about some other problem?”

Ethan had to admit that was a concern. He’d been drawn to Lexie from the moment he looked at her. “That, too, I suppose.”

“The mother?”

“No one’s fascinated me the way she did.” He shook his head. “And without saying a word to me. She was in the room with ten other women that first day.” He flexed his palm upward. “And don’t ask me if it’s her good looks. Yes, she’s very attractive, but it was something else. Maybe the purposeful set of her jaw, the affirming glimmer in her eyes. Whatever it was, it drew me like a magnet.”

“And she just happened to bump into you.”

“It was an accident. When she turned around, I—” Ethan gave him a shamefaced grin. “I had walked her way, hoping we might talk.”

A thoughtful expression lit Bill’s face before turning to a frown. “Did she flirt with you? Or encourage you to get involved with her?”

“No. She’s not like that. She’s careful. Strong-willed yet gentle. Lexie’s focused on her son.” Their conversations filtered through his mind. “She’s different. Not the flirty type.” He lowered his head. “Unless I’m stupid.”

“That’s a possibility.” Bill chuckled.

He ignored Bill. “Lexie hasn’t agreed to let me meet Cooper yet. She wanted to ask him first. Does that sound like a woman who’s running after me?”

“No. She sounds like a caring mother.” Bill straightened in the chair, his teasing expression gone. “Listen, you have to go with your heart. When Marian and I met, something happened. It’s a feeling I can’t explain, but it sort of felt right.” He looked past him a moment as if thinking. “Like maybe God had meant it to be.” He chuckled. “So maybe your ‘providence’ feeling was the Lord prodding you forward.”

The Lord.
The pit of his stomach tightened. “I’m not sure Lexie’s a Christian so I doubt if the Lord had anything to do with it.”

“God works wonders, pal. Don’t doubt His ways.”

“Doubt? No, I wasn’t—” Had he doubted? “I was just—” But Bill was right. Had he been led to Lexie as a faith influence and nothing more? A hollow feeling drove through his chest and parked. The unsettling emotion forced Ethan’s gaze upward. “You’re right. The Lord guides us for His purpose, and maybe that’s it.” He rose and slid the chair beneath the table. “Thanks.”

“Listen, Ethan. I wasn’t trying to be a downer for you.” He stood and moved the chair aside. “I’m no counselor. I’m not even good at making my own decisions. Marian’s more decisive than I am.”

Ethan rested his hand on Bill’s arm. “What you said gave me something to think about. I need to use common sense as well as what my heart is prodding me to do.”

Bill slapped his back. “You’re a good man. You’ll do the right thing.”

He questioned Bill’s confidence in him. Sometimes doing the right thing became caught up in dreams, not in reality. “I hope so.”

E
than stepped from his SUV and eyed the house in front of him, a terra-cotta-colored brick bungalow, typical of many of the homes he’d passed in Clawson, but this one had a generous porch across the front, adding to its charm. Large tapered columns with timber detailing supported the porch roof, and above rose one gable with a double window. A large maple tree stood in the center of the small yard, its leaves giving a hint that spring had arrived.

His talk with Bill had resolved some of his issues, and he wanted to put it in God’s hands. When more than a week passed without a word from Lexie, he chalked it up to the Lord wanting him to back off or maybe telling him he’d been too forward. The woman had a sick child and didn’t have time for a stranger. But he’d been wrong. Her phone call had surprised him, and her message even more. Cooper was anxious to meet him.

He leaned back into the car and pulled out the paper bag with the local bookstore logo. The boy loved books, and Ethan wanted to give him a small gift when they met. A book seemed perfect. He shut the door, hit the remote’s lock button and headed up the concrete walk. When he stepped onto the porch, he noticed a vaulted ceiling over the door.
Being a contractor, he couldn’t help but appreciate the quality of the building.

When he reached for the bell, the door opened, revealing Lexie standing inside the entry. Her pleasant expression didn’t hide a hint of uneasiness.

She pushed open the door. “Come in. Cooper’s driving me crazy. He’s been counting the hours.”

The weight of Ethan’s action struck him. Lexie’s love of her son, the joy on her face when she talked about him, had piqued his interest, but he’d given no consideration to what the child might expect of him. He had little to offer a sick child, but he’d wanted to meet the boy who lived under the burden of a tragic illness and somehow remained eager to read books and loved faraway places. His confidence sank to his stomach.

He held out the gift bag. “I brought Cooper a present. I hope that’s okay.”

She gazed at the package. “That was thoughtful. You should give it to him yourself.” She tilted her head to the right. “He’s in the den doing his homework.”

Ethan looked past the staircase to the living room with a fireplace centered across the room flanked by two windows and below them, window seats. The homey feeling warmed him. Through the archway, he viewed a dining room with another room beyond that was closed off by beveled glass doors. The den he guessed. “Nice house, Lexie. Large and open. You can’t appreciate the size from the outside.”

“It does fool you, doesn’t it.” She strode ahead of him, and as they passed through the dining room, he noticed the sunny kitchen with a large island and a plethora of cabinets.

She pushed the glass doors, and they slid into the wall. When he followed her inside, he was taken with Cooper. The boy’s face radiated when he looked up. Though Cooper was bald, Ethan could imagine the boy with satiny brown hair
like his mother’s. And he had her eyes—a bit darker blue, but with the same inquisitive depth.

“Hi, Cooper.” He strode toward the sofa. “I’m Ethan Fox.”

Cooper’s eyes shifted to the package in Ethan’s hand. When he looked up, he grinned. “I have leukemia. That’s why I’m bald.” He demonstrated by rubbing his scalp. “But I feel good.”

“I’m glad.”

He glanced over his shoulder to see if Lexie had left. She waited near the doorway, watching them. Unexpected discomfort rattled his confidence again, and he questioned once more why he had asked to meet the child.

Cooper patted the cushion beside him. “Can you do math?”

Hearing the boy’s eagerness, Ethan dislodged his confusion. “I’m pretty good with arithmetic. I’m a contractor, and I need math in my work. Do you know what a contractor is?”

A frown settled on the boy’s face, and he shook his head.

Ethan sank into the cushion beside him and tucked the package between his leg and the sofa arm. “I help people decide what kind of new home they want me to build.”

“You can build a house?” His eyes widened as his gaze swung around the room. “By yourself?”

“We have crews. Lots of men who build them, and sometimes I help people design additions to their houses.” He gestured to the room. “But this house doesn’t need any improvement. It’s good just as it is.”

“We could have a library in it.”

Ethan’s pulse skipped. “Yes, I suppose you could.” He scanned the one long wall across from the large side window.
“This room could have been a library. See that wall? It could be filled with shelves.”

Cooper leaned over as if he could get a better view of the wall. He eyed it for a moment. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

A laugh burst from Ethan. “I don’t think your mom wants me redecorating your house.”

“Can we, Mom?”

Lexie stepped through the doorway. “Not today, Cooper.” She stood above them and grinned. “Did you want Mr. Fox to check your math?”

He nodded, and the library topic appeared to sail from his mind. He handed Ethan his workbook and pencil. “This is subtraction.”

“It is.” Ethan scanned the page. “Excellent. Not one wrong.”

The boy beamed. “Mr. Fox said they’re all right.”

“I heard him. That’s great.”

“I think that deserves a present. What to you think, Cooper?” Ethan pulled the package from beside him and extended it.

“Mr. Fox brought me a present, Mom.” He eyed his mother as if asking if it was all right to accept the gift.

“I know.” She nodded. “You can open it.”

Cooper reached for the bag, but Ethan didn’t let go. “But only if you call me Ethan.”

Again Cooper looked at Lexie for approval. She nodded, and Ethan slipped the package into the boy’s hands. He pulled open the bag and a smile filled his face. “A book.” He held the gift into the air. “Look, Mom.”

She nodded, appreciation fluttering on her face.

“I like books.”

Ethan’s heart warmed. “I know. Your mom told me.”

“You did?” He grinned at his mother who nodded back.

Ethan didn’t notice when Lexie slipped from the room.
Cooper opened the book, and they sat side by side, mesmerized by the photographs and brief descriptions of insects and flowers, lovely close-ups that provided minute details. His chest tightened as he listened to the boy talk about the pictures and sound out the larger words. He read well, very well for a boy his age, and Ethan understood why Lexie extolled her son’s ability. A sweet child. So special Ethan ached.

The ringing telephone jarred his ears, but it stopped after the first ring. Lexie must have taken the call, and he pulled his mind back to Cooper and pondered what he could do for him. How could he make the boy’s healthy days more pleasant? What fun things could a man do with a child being treated for leukemia?

And then Lexie slipped into his mind. Nervous but open, that’s how she’d greeted him. She’d opened the door of her home to a virtual stranger, trusting that he wanted the best for her son. And he did. Life wasn’t always fair, but he couldn’t question the Lord’s purpose. Too often he wanted to. He remembered a book about why bad things happened to good people. That was the question that charged through his mind today.

“Are these drawings?”

Ethan jerked from his thoughts. “No. They’re photographs. People took them with a camera.”

“So close?”

He nodded. “They’re called close-ups.”

“I like close-ups.” He leaned his head back against the cushion.

The boy’s action stirred Ethan’s concern. “Are you tired?”

He shook his head no, but Ethan read his expression. “Why don’t you rest awhile? The book is yours so you don’t have to look at the whole thing today.”

“He’s right, Coop.” Lexie strode across the carpet, her look tender. But a dark shadow had settled in her eyes.

Ethan rose. He needed to leave now and not be a nuisance, even though he wanted to stay. The longing flustered him.

Cooper drew his legs onto the sofa. “My birthday is coming in a week. Will you come to my party?”

Ethan froze in place. When he thawed enough to think, he sought Lexie’s eyes.

She gave a faint nod. “You’re very welcome, but don’t feel you have to. Cooper gets overenthusiastic sometimes.”

Ethan didn’t blame the boy. His life revolved around treatments and doctor’s offices and not being able to go to school. A birthday party held promise of presents and cake and fun. “I wouldn’t miss it.” The words had flown from his mouth without him weighing them.

Lexie took the book from Cooper and tossed a pillow beside the arm of the sofa. “I want you to lie down, okay?”

Cooper gave a resigned nod and wiggled around until he had curled up into a ball with his head on the pillow. Lexie took a throw from the back of the sofa and spread it over him, then looked at Ethan. “I’ll let Ethan know when the party is later, Coop.”

“Okay.” He gazed up at Ethan with heavy-lidded eyes. “Thanks for the present.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Lexie strode toward the doorway and Ethan followed. He sensed something caused her change of mood and hoped it wasn’t something he’d said or done. Outside the room, she slid the door closed and continued to the kitchen. Ethan paused, not knowing if he should say goodbye or follow her. He chose the latter.

She began mixing something in a bowl without looking behind her.

Ethan shifted one of the stools sitting next to the island and slid onto it. “Did I do something wrong?”

She lowered her spoon to the counter before she turned. Moisture clung to her lower lashes. “No. You’ve been very kind. I know Coop loved the book.”

“Then what’s…” Ethan searched her face. He should respect her privacy, but his unwilling heart prodded him onward. “You’re upset. Can I do anything?”

A faint shake of her head gave him the answer.

“I suppose I should go then, and let you be alone.” He slipped from the stool and placed it beneath the island bar.

“You don’t have to go.”

He faltered, juggling the questions vying in his mind until he gave in and asked. “The telephone call? Was it bad news?”

She closed her eyes. “I’ll deal with it. So will Coop. We always do, but when we hear his test results, I often get discouraged until I get a grip on myself.”

“You can’t lambast yourself for that.” He stepped to her side and rested his hand on her shoulder. “Seeing that wonderful kid sick tears me up, and I don’t really know him. He’s great. So bright and eager. I admire your strength. I don’t know if I would be that strong.”

“You were once.”

Laine’s struggle dropped into his mind. “I managed, but not like you.” The warmth of her body traveled from his palm up his arm. His chest tightened with the closeness, and he forced his hand from her shoulder and stepped back. His lungs tugged for air. Ridiculous. It made no sense at all. He barely knew these people.

He wandered back to the island and leaned against it, keeping his distance before he did something he’d be sorry for. “When my wife, Laine, wasn’t around to see me, I’d kick at stones and throw things that got in my way. I felt
tremendous anger. God and I stood on opposite sides of the line. I was furious with Him.” He lowered his head. “I hate to admit that.”

Lexie shifted to the island and rested her elbows on the surface, the work top separating them. “Really? I have a difficult time imagining that. You seem to be a man with a lot of faith. Picturing you angry doesn’t fit.”

“It doesn’t. But Christians are human like anyone. The belief doesn’t keep us from falling prey to our own wants and our own time frame.” He watched her drink in all that he’d said. “But I learned from it, too. I learned that the Lord promises to be by our side through the good and the bad. And He has been. I learned that God’s time and mine are different. Things don’t always go as I want them, but through it all, He’s there. I only learned that when I quieted and listened. As Laine’s disease worsened, I grasped those times and hung on.”

Lexie closed her eyes, her full lips pressed together as if to keep herself from speaking. When she opened them, she drew in a breath. “I think I understand what you mean. It’s when you stop fighting that help comes.”

So simple and exactly what he was trying to say. Ethan rested the flat of his hands on the island bar. “Let me take my own advice. I’ll be quiet and listen. What did the oncologist say?”

“Cooper’s cell count doesn’t look good.” She ran her knuckle below her eyes, collecting the moisture that had formed while she talked. “Now he’ll be dealing with heavy-duty treatments, and the oncologist said they’ll try some new medication that can have adverse effects on Cooper, and next week is his birthday. He’s so looking forward to it.”

Ethan longed to hold Lexie in his arms and make things better. He longed to help Cooper become healthy again, but
what he wanted didn’t count. What the Lord wanted did. He sent up a silent prayer.

“So that’s why Coop’s birthday is up in the air. I don’t know when we can celebrate it, but whatever we do, I’ll let you know.”

“I’ll be happy to come. Just call me when you decide.” His mind wrapped around the moment, wanting to say so much more, but cautioning himself, he took the chance. “I’ll be praying for Coop’s treatment and for your peace of mind.”

She gazed at him without shifting an eye. “Thank you. I realize prayer means a lot to you, and it can’t hurt, can it?”

“Not one bit.” His hopes soared as he looked into her beautiful eyes.

“If there is a God, He’ll hear you, and if there isn’t, then it doesn’t matter.”

The impact of her remark struck him like a kick in the gut. He stopped himself from responding. Too much too soon. He had to let it go. Lexie was honest and direct. If he planned to be around her, he had to accept her the way she was. The comment wasn’t an attack on him. She’d only stated her viewpoint.

But he didn’t have to like it.

Lexie sat in front of her computer, her mind on everything but the CD cover design she’d been trying to work on for the past hour. Cooper’s birthday was this Thursday, and with his new treatment happening that morning of all things, she hesitated inviting anyone to come. Ethan’s image hovered in her mind while her pulse raced.