A Dad of His Own (7 page)

Ethan settled beside her on the bench while Cooper sat behind her. Lexie swiveled on the seat and tossed her legs over the wooden plank to face him. “You look so much better, Coop.”

“I feel good.”

She’d heard that so often, but this time she believed him. “I know you do.”

“Maybe Dr. Herman will let me go to school.” Hopefulness glinted in his eyes.

The look weakened her. “Maybe he will.”

Ethan gave him a high five. “That would be great, Coop. I’d be as happy as you are.”

“Really?” Cooper’s face glowed.

“Really.”

Ethan’s comment should have pleased her, but as always, she second-guessed the meaning. If Cooper were in school, Ethan wouldn’t have reason to spend time with him. The thought hurt. Not only for herself but for her son. She couldn’t count on this man to stay around. Ethan wanted to fulfill Cooper’s dreams, and she needed to keep his purpose in her mind and stop letting other foolish thoughts get in the way of reality.

She rose and strode to a nearby trash bin. She lifted the lid and tossed the banana peel into the container. If only she could toss away her nagging thoughts. Being grateful that Ethan cared about Cooper had to become her primary focus. He visited for a practical reason. Yes. That was his motivation. She swallowed and turned to face the picnic table. “Are you ready to go?”

Cooper hopped off the bench and darted toward her. “We’re going for ice cream. Ethan knows the best place. Ray’s. That’s what he said.”

Ice cream, Ethan said. Her child beamed up at her. How could she say no?

Lexie grinned at the sound of Cooper and Lucy quibbling over a puzzle in the second-floor playroom. Kelsey’s voice floated down the stairs as she tried to teach them how to
compromise. Good luck, Kelsey, Lexie thought. She poured two glasses of iced tea and two glasses of milk. Then she added a few cookies. Maybe a treat would help them forget who did what to whom.

After putting the drinks on a small tray, she carried the treats upstairs and set the drinks in front of the three. She settled beside Kelsey in a comfy chair away from the puzzle table. While she had too much on her mind today to be a good hostess, the playtime was needed for Cooper. Soon he would be back in school, and he needed the opportunity to socialize with others his age.

“Cooper’s doing so well. I’m happy for you both.” Kelsey lifted the glass and sipped the tea.

“It’s amazing. These last treatments have turned things around, although I thought they’d be the end of him.” Her chest emptied of air. “I’m not kidding.”

“I know you’re not.”

“He’s been having so much fun with the camera he got for his birthday. We went to the park and took some pictures. They’re pretty good.” She rose. “Come with me a minute. I’ll show you. They’re on the computer.”

Kelsey rose and followed her to the stairs. “You gave him a digital camera?”

Lexie’s pulse kicked. “It was a birthday gift.” She stopped before mentioning Ethan again. Kelsey made too much out of everything.

Inside the den, she hit the space bar, and the computer awakened. “I really think he has talent.” She turned to Kelsey. “You know how he loves all those books with pictures of national parks and nature. One of his newest has a lot of close-ups, and he was so curious.” She slipped into the chair and worked through links to the photographs, then set up a slide show. Before clicking, she rose from the chair. “Sit. You can see them better.”

Lexie stepped back and motioned Kelsey to take the seat, then clicked on the tab. The slide show began, the park, wood grain, tree bark, flowers so close a bee was caught gathering pollen.

Kelsey gazed at the monitor. “These are really good.”

Standing behind her, Lexie nodded, for once feeling like any proud mother. Not proud because Cooper hadn’t complained during his chemo treatments or how good he was when he was denied attending school, but a normal pride of her son with a talent she hadn’t known about.

The photos moved past, and Lexie chuckled at the number of shots Cooper had taken. Then her eyes widened, and Lexie couldn’t do a thing. The photograph moved from the closeup of Cooper with Ethan to one of her and Ethan nestled together, his arm evident around her back.

Kelsey stared at the photo for a moment before she pivoted and grinned. “Hmm? The big brother relationship has definitely grown into something more.”

Why had she forgotten the photo? Lexie wanted to explain, but words and thoughts muddled into her mind like a rock pile. She shifted one way and was tripped up by a boulder, then moved another and slipped on the stones. The fall hurt. “I’m not hiding anything. I don’t know what our relationship is.” She closed her eyes and pictured them together. “It’s started as a friendship, and that’s what it is now. He’s done nothing that leads me to believe it’s any more than that.”

Kelsey’s teasing grin sobered. “And you’re disappointed.”

“Sometimes.” She studied the carpet wishing she had clearer thoughts. “Then I think it’s good. Cooper’s my priority. I don’t have time to split my attention with anyone else, and I don’t know of any man or woman who wants that kind of relationship.”

“Someone with a good heart would. Someone who loves you both.”

Her lungs constricted. “Maybe, but he’s not there. Not love.”

“Not yet, but don’t toss it away, Lexie. Keep your heart open.” She rose and embraced her. “Life is lonely sometimes, and when Cooper’s well and involved with school and his life, you could be sitting on the sidelines asking yourself what happened.”

“The thought of Cooper being well is all I need right now.”

Kelsey released a stream of air. “I know. I’ve been there so often.” She stepped back and drew up her shoulders. “I don’t want you to close yourself from possibilities. Just be open.”

“I’ll try. I have dreams, too. I don’t have a heart of stone.”

A chuckle hit Lexie’s ears. “You have a heart of gold. I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t respect you.”

Respect. The conversation released another lingering thought. “This is a different subject, but I do have a question.”

Kelsey studied her a minute. “Okay.”

“You’re a Christian.”

“Sure am, and I know you question my faith, but that doesn’t—”

“I’m not challenging you. I know you care about me despite that.” She tried to untangle her thoughts. “When I was talking with Ethan, I asked him how he could believe and still accept that God allowed his wife to die, and he said he didn’t question God because God was infinite and knew what was going to happen, that God had a reason for doing things.”

“Most Christians believe God has a plan for their lives.”

“Right.” The idea hit her like one of the stumbling blocks she ran into. “So here’s the question. If God has a plan, then what’s the point? Just sit in a chair and everything will fall into place. Everyone is a puppet.”

Kelsey’s head rocked back and forth, and she rested her hand on Lexie’s shoulder. “You missed one major point.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever made a plan that fell through?”

“But God, if He’s so great, would make the perfect plan.”

“He would and He does, but the plan falls through because we have free choice. It’s one of the things the Lord gave us. We can decide to follow God’s lead or we can do our own thing. We can be quiet and listen to God’s quiet voice, so quiet it’s only the wind in our ears, or we can listen to our own big mouth. We have free will. God doesn’t want puppets. He wants children who love Him so much they want to listen and follow.”

“Free will.” Choices. She’d bungled many of her choices. Too many of them.

Kelsey nodded. “You want Cooper to mind you, not be cause he has to, but because he loves you so much that he wants to please you and do what’s right.”

That made sense. Lexie gave a quick nod.

“God loves us so much that He allows us to follow Him by loving Him back. And just like we do with our children, we forgive and offer them a second chance. Our Lord is a God of second and third chances. His arms are always open. He created us, and we are His.”

Love that deep from a God she’d never known. But He knew her. Something moved inside her. Warmth filled her chest and tightened her heart. Lexie struggled with the sensation, unfamiliar and frightening. Except for her total love
for Cooper, she had felt empty for so long. “Thanks. I need to think about this.”

“Faith is a seed, my friend. It plants in our thoughts, vines its way to our hearts and grows in our souls. It doesn’t happen overnight.”

“But things can happen during the day.” Lexie grinned and pointed to the second floor. “We’d better get up there and check on the kids, although they are quiet.”

Kelsey chuckled. “That could be good or bad. Lucy may have gagged Cooper and tied him to the chair. She’s pretty determined.”

“Sort of like her mother.” She slipped her arm around Kelsey’s shoulder as they headed for the staircase.

E
than unlatched his seat belt and shifted sideways for a better view of the elementary school’s entrance. His watch read two-thirty and within the next few minutes, children would spill from the school like puppies freed from the confines of their cages.

When the wide door swung open and two older boys bolted onto the sidewalk, Ethan stepped outside and rounded his car, his gaze focused on the doorway. He leaned his back against the passenger door as he watched for Cooper.

Weight had lifted from his chest two weeks ago when Lexie greeted him with the good news that Cooper’s latest tests showed a favorable remission, allowing him to return to school with only a few stipulations. Wanting to attend classes so badly, Cooper didn’t complain. Just being in school meant everything to him.

Ethan had his own hopes for Cooper. Dreams Come True. He hadn’t mentioned his thoughts to Lexie yet, but if Cooper could return to his classes, fulfilling one of his dreams couldn’t be far behind.

Warmed by the idea, Ethan closed his eyes aware that his excitement might not meet Lexie’s. Her concern remained obvious. Cooper’s remission could end with little notice, and
he’d be back in heavy-duty treatment again. Ethan couldn’t bear the thought.

He opened his eyes in time to see Cooper stride through the doors and stop, his gaze searching the line of cars for his mother’s burgundy sedan. Ethan raised his arm and gave a wave, and when Cooper spotted him, a smile burst on his face as he darted toward him, calling his name.

“Hi, Coop.” Ethan opened his arms to greet him. “Your mom had some things to do so I offered to pick you up. I hope that’s okay.”

“Okay?” Cooper’s forehead wrinkled. “I like you to pick me up. It’s fun.”

Fun? Reality charged through Ethan’s chest. The boy didn’t have a dad to pick him up, and here he was playing dad to the boy. He couldn’t comment. He grasped the door handle and pulled the passenger door open.

Cooper grinned at him and slipped onto the seat, dragging his backpack to the floor.

Ethan closed the door and stood a moment, calming his thoughts. He never wanted to mislead the child or make promises he couldn’t keep. But Cooper’s smile fluttered through his chest and encapsulated his heart, making his action seem right and good. He served as a role model. Wasn’t that what his aim had been?

When he settled beside Cooper, his concern had eased and then vanished when the boy began talking about school and what he’d done all day. “I can’t play at recess, though.”

“But that’s okay, isn’t it? At least you’re—”

“At least I’m in school.” His shoulders lifted. “That’s the good part.”

“It sure is. School can be good even without recess.”

He nodded as he dragged up his backpack.

Ethan concentrated on the traffic, wishing he’d thought of something fun to do with the boy. To him, picking Cooper
up at school had excited him. Trying to ignore his internal motivation failed. But Cooper wasn’t his son. He belonged to Lexie, and keeping that in mind had to be his priority. He couldn’t step over the bounds of being a big brother, a role model or whatever he called it. “Look.”

Cooper’s voice flew past him as the boy thrust a piece of notebook paper toward him.

He glanced down and spotted a big red mark at the top. “An A. Wow, Coop. That’s great. What class is that for?”

“Spelling. I got an A in spelling. I wish it had been my math paper. I only got a B-plus today.”

“B-plus is good, and maybe I…” His response died as Cooper’s statement filled his mind.
I wish.
What did he wish? What young boy dreams did he have? It wasn’t too early to gather ideas.

“And maybe what?”

Ethan’s mind churned. “Maybe I can help you with your math and next time you’ll get an A.”

“Good idea.” He grinned and slipped the A paper back into his backpack. “You can help me tonight.”

Tonight? “We’ll have to check with your mom. She’s the boss.”

Cooper giggled. “She’s the boss all right.”

A chuckle slipped from Ethan’s throat, too. “How about a treat? We’ll stop at the Dairy O. I noticed it’s opened for the season.” Cooper’s expression answered his question.

“Can we take a cone to Mom?”

“We can call and see if she’s home yet.” He gazed at the child’s wide eyes. “Otherwise it would melt before she could eat it.”

Cooper giggled. “Then I’d have to eat it.”

Ethan laughed as he turned the key in the ignition and maneuvered his exit from the school parking lot. But the boy’s
bright eyes and smile aroused Ethan’s guilt. He wanted to talk with Cooper when they were alone. Grill him was more like it. Learning Cooper’s longings, his dreams and wishes, would help Ethan begin to look into what Dreams Come True could offer the boy…and his mom. Lexie’s desire to see her child healthy burned in his gut. He’d dealt with the same wishes during Laine’s illness, and he prayed the result would be positive.

Cooper rested his head against the seat cushion, and Ethan recognized the tired expression on his face. School took a lot out of a child who faced chemotherapy and the fight to win the battle against cancer. Ethan was about to suggest they head home instead, but he recalled the boy’s enthusiasm for a trip to Dairy O. He let his comment fade. Ice cream wouldn’t take that long.

He found a parking spot, and Cooper seemed to revive as he jumped from the SUV and darted toward the outside window. Ethan gazed at the twenty-plus flavors of soft ice cream while Cooper read the choices aloud. When their turn came, Cooper ordered chocolate with sprinkles, and Ethan anticipated the rich flavor of his choice as he watched the swirl of German chocolate filling his cone.

“Want to sit outside or in the car?”

With no answer, Cooper headed for an outside table and plopped down.

Ethan grasped a few napkins from the holder on the window ledge before following him. When he straddled the chair, Cooper already had an ice cream mustache. He chuckled and handed him a napkin.

Cooper slid it across his mouth and dived back into the cone.

The boy’s innocence humbled him. The child’s life revolved around hospitals, chemotherapy, puzzles and longing for school. Where was the joy a child should experience?
Dreams Come True could provide at least one special week in Cooper’s life. He watched the boy lick the drips from the cone. “How was school today other than recess?”

His blue eyes twinkled. “Good.”

Good. Always the answer. “What’s really good is you don’t have to wish to go to school anymore. You’re in school, just where you wanted to be.” He nodded.

Questions tumbled into Ethan’s mind, but he struggled with whether to ask them. Time was available, and they were alone. He’d set up the situation, and wise or not, he wanted to know. “Now that you don’t have to wish about going to school, what else would you want, Coop? What kinds of things make you happy?” There, he’d asked.

Cooper’s forehead furrowed before he took another lick of his vanishing ice cream. He shrugged. “I want to stay in school and not have to do homeschool again. That would make me happy.”

Ethan’s gut wrenched at the simple answer. His big plans for the child sat like a massive blob in his mind. “That would make a lot of people very happy.”

“My mom for sure.”

“For sure, and I would be happy, too.” Ethan wished he could grant that dream, but the Lord was in charge of those vast desires, and they happened in His time, not Cooper’s or in Ethan’s own longing. “No other wishes? Dreams?” Why did he keep probing. He needed to let the child be content enjoying school and getting better.

Cooper pushed the end of the cone into his mouth and pulled off his cap. “This.” He dropped the cap on the table and ran his hand over his fuzz-sprouting head. “Hair. That’s what I want.”

Ethan’s shoulders weighted, but he managed to grin. “I’ve grown sort of fond of that bald head of yours.” He reached over the table and brushed his palm against the new down.

“But I look like a peach. Not like you. I want real hair.” He grinned. “And not a wig. Those are for girls.”

Trying to drag air through his compressed lungs, Ethan faltered. Pushing the boy for his own need to do something verged on cruelty. He managed a grin. “Men don’t wear wigs, huh?”

“Nope. We just wear caps and a smile. That’s what Mom says.”

Caps and a smile. Lexie’s determination bolstered her son’s joyful spirit. He’d never heard the child grumble or whine about his rotten life. He’d tackled it like a champ. That’s what he was, and Ethan realized he could learn an important lesson from the boy.

Grin and bear it. And that’s what he did. He smiled at Cooper and this time with his eyes as well as his mouth.

“Are you ready?” Lexie stood at the bottom of the staircase and called up to Cooper.

“A minute, Mom.”

She strode back into the kitchen and checked the wall clock before slipping the bag of potato chips into the picnic hamper. Eyeing the contents, Lexie reviewed what she’d prepared: cookies, chips, fruit, bread, paper plates, plastic silverware and condiments. The ice chest held their drinks, meat and cheese for sandwiches, and potato salad. She brushed her hands on her pant legs and headed back to the staircase. Ethan would be there any minute, and for some reason, Cooper had slowed to a crawl. That always worried her.

When she stepped into the living room, Cooper bounded down the staircase, his cap in his hand. “I don’t want to wear a hat. It’s too hot.”

Lexie eyed his quarter-inch stubble of hair and grinned. Seeing hair made her heart sing. “You don’t have to wear the cap anymore. I thought you wanted to.”

His head swung back and forth. “Nope. Tired of a hat.” He patted his head. “This is my itchy hair, and I’m happy to feel it.”

She moved to his side and wrapped one arm around him while her other hand tousled his bristles. “They make me happy, too, Coop.” Happier than he’d ever know. “Hello.”

Ethan’s voice reached Lexie before he appeared peeking through the front screen door. He stood there as if waiting to be invited inside.

Lexie beckoned him forward, and he bounded in, his eyes on Cooper’s hatless head. “Lookin’ good.” He ruffled Cooper’s new hair and gave him a hug.

Cooper responded with a clinging embrace that made Lexie uneasy. He’d become too attached to Ethan, but how could she ask the man his intentions without sounding like a woman begging for a proposal?

Her heart wrestled with the idea, along with another concern. Was Ethan her soul mate? A specific set of circumstances brought them together—Dreams Come True—and once Cooper’s wish had been fulfilled, what excuse would Ethan have to hang around? She admonished herself for the thought. Ethan obviously cared about her son. He’d been there for those horrible moments in the hospital and had been attentive since they’d met. But questions still rang in her head. Why? Was it compassion? Christian responsibility? Pity? The word made her cringe. Her heart stirred. Or was it the beginning of love? The possibilities bugged her.

“Cooper, quit hanging on Ethan.” Irritation rattled in her voice, but it was too late.

Cooper’s questioning eyes captured hers as his arms slipped from Ethan. He eased back, a hangdog look growing on his face.

Ethan arched his brow. “Hugs never bother me, Lexie.”

Guilt burned on her face. “I’m sorry, Coop.” She couldn’t explain her worries to him. “Do you have everything?”

“How about a ball?” Ethan rested his hand on Cooper’s shoulder.

“Can we play ball?” His gaze sought hers again.

“You can play catch, but no running bases.”

Ethan winked at her. “I doubt if I can run bases anymore.”

Cooper giggled and hurried up the stairs again to search for a ball while she stood there facing Ethan as if he were the firing squad.

“Can I help you with anything?”

Knowing where he stood would help. “Everything’s packed. You can load it in the car if you’d like.”

His eyes crinkled in a smile. “When it’s food, I’m happy to oblige.” He headed toward the kitchen. “I brought a couple of lawn chairs. I thought they would be more comfortable than the picnic benches.”

“Good idea.” She followed him, trying to get her head wrapped around her attitude. Part of her realized she wanted to protect Cooper, but part of her wondered if she were protecting herself. Having a man in her life was a new experience. Cooper’s father had been there and gone so quickly, and he really hadn’t been part of her life. At least not the life that touched the world. As she looked back, she recognized their sort of clandestine relationship. An older man and a twenty-two-year-old college girl. And she’d even hid it from her parents, knowing they wouldn’t approve.

Ethan slipped the basket on top of the ice cooler and hoisted them upward.

“I can carry the basket.” She tried to grasp it, but he shifted away.

“Why bother? I have everything. You have Cooper.”

She chuckled, enjoying his lightheartedness. “He is more than a handful sometimes.”

Ethan gave her a wink and swung past her as he strode to the front door.

She ran ahead to catch the screen and held it while he took the steps to the sidewalk. When he’d reached his car, Lexie turned back inside, lifted by Ethan’s presence. Sometimes her wavering spirit irritated her. One moment she doubted Ethan’s motivation and the next moment, she felt grateful.

Before she had to call again, Cooper arrived with a ball and Frisbee. His bristled head still looked strange after being bald for so long, but the evidence of health caused her to rejoice. She’d longed for this day. She hoped the good news was permanent. Learning to trust a cancer diagnosis had become a battle. Hope had become her mainstay. Then there was Ethan who leaned on prayer.

Cooper bound through the door and toward the car. She wanted to caution him not to run, but seeing his enthusiasm made her stop. She would let him enjoy his health while he had it. She longed for the day when that constant niggling concern would be gone from her life.

She grabbed lightweight jackets for her and Cooper from the coat closet and tossed her purse over her shoulder before stepping outside and checking to make sure the door locked.