A Demon Made Me Do It (10 page)

The closer I get to campus, the faster
my heart pounds. Once there, I scan the parking lot for his truck
but don’t see it. I linger by the front entrance and casually look
through my backpack. Maybe when he arrives, he’ll see me here and
come talk to me again. Maybe he’ll want to walk to English class
together. One can hope.

Two minutes later I zip up my bag,
disgusted with myself. Why am I going all stalker on some new guy?
Pathetic much? I head down the crowded breezeway and spot Corinne
waiting by my locker.

“
What’s wrong? You look
awful,” I say when I reach her.

“
I didn’t get much sleep
last night. Mom’s got a new boyfriend, Bill, and they were partying
all night long. He thinks he’s a guitar player.” She makes a face
like she’s trying to keep from crying.

I frown, knowing Corrine’s troubles at
home are far worse than she lets on. A few years ago when I was
telling her how I hated coming to school every day, she’d confessed
how much she looks forward to the hours here away from her abusive
home life. “I’m sorry, that totally sucks,” I say, closing my
locker.

We’re halfway to class when she stops
and turns to me.

“
Um, Liora, I was wondering
if you wanted to come over for dinner on Friday…it’s my birthday
and my mom promised to be sober and make something nice.” Her plump
face is bright red and she shifts uncomfortably on her
feet.

Damn
.
Oh, Corinne, please don’t do
this
.

She’s practically the only person
who’s been my friend since I became fully human. At first, I
thought my life after the “split” would be just like it was before,
only with no powers or cognizant awareness of anything that happens
at night. But as I got older and entered high-school, people
started asking more questions like: “What happened to your
parents?” “How do you take care of your blind grandmother all by
yourself?” “How do you guys get your money?” And of course, my
favorite, “Why can’t you ever hang out at night?”

The questions were exhausting, almost
as tiresome as the continual stream of lies and excuses I had to
use to get out of doing things normal girls my age enjoy and take
for granted… going to slumber parties or out on dates, attending
school football games, studying with friends at night—or just
hanging out. Even eating dinner with a friend for her birthday.
Things I wanted to do.

The more I had to say ‘no’ to friendly
invitations, the fewer and further between those invitations got,
until they dwindled to nothing. The people I’d been forced to shun
now wanted nothing to do with me.

Now most people just think I’m some
sort of snobby, reclusive freak. But it’s better this way. Corrine
has always respected my boundaries and never judged me. I really
hope this isn’t changing.

“
Um…I don’t think I can. My
grandma might need me. It’s hard for me to leave her alone, her
being totally blind and all…” I stammer.

“
Right, of course. Forget I
mentioned it,” she says quickly, biting her lip.

Now I feel horrible. Corrine is really
nice, but a lot of the other kids pick on her because she’s
overweight and wears shoddy clothes. I’m one of the few people at
school who will even talk to her. And now I just hurt her
feelings.

“
Maybe we can do something
else instead…” I say, cautiously choosing my words. “Maybe Saturday
day we can…I dunno…go down to the lake and bring lunch or
something. Or go into town and hit up a matinee or
something…whatever you want, as long as it’s during the
day.”

Her face brightens. “You mean it?
You’d actually want to hang out?”

I smile. “Sure…as long as it’s during
the day and I’m home before dark. I can’t leave my grandma alone at
night.”

She nods enthusiastically, her stringy
blonde hair flopping in her face. “I understand, totally. Daytime.
No prob…we’ll think of something fun to do.” She’s so happy, I feel
even more horrible for rejecting her invitation in the first place.
I suspect she was more crushed by my initial reaction than she let
on.

“
So where do you think
Kieron is? I don’t see him anywhere,” Corinne says as we continue
down the hall to English class. I ignore the looks of disdain from
Drusilla and her friends as they pass by. All dressed in soft
pastels and perfectly coiffed pony tails with one strand wrapped to
hide the elastic, they glance at me in my black t-shirt, jeans and
combat boots as if I’m a cockroach in their spinach
salad.

“
Mmm, I dunno,” I say as
casually as I can. Truth is, I haven’t stopped looking for a
glimpse of him either, but I don’t want to mention this to Corrine.
She’d understood when I explained yesterday how he was only talking
to me to ask if I could help him catch up with his studies. But I
know she’s crushing on him hard, and I don’t want any further
tensions between us.

The final bell rings. As we
enter the classroom, I realize I’ve been holding my breath. The air
comes out in a
whoosh
. Wordlessly, and with my heart in my stomach, I head to my
usual spot in the back.

The seat beside mine remains
empty.

There have been many strange events in
my life, but nothing as thoroughly bizarre as the utterly
irrational and borderline insane feelings I experience sitting
through class without Kieron there beside me.

Part of me wants to cry. The other
part is angry ‘cause I’m being such a basket case. My crushing
disappointment that he’s not here is so completely ludicrous—what
the hell is wrong with me?

I suppose in a twisted way
this all makes sense. It was only a matter of time before I
went
officially
crazy; I’m just surprised it hadn’t happened before now. Maybe
I should go talk to the school counselor. Maybe I should go into
her little office with the tacky 80’s décor, have a seat on her
cracked vinyl couch, and tell her that being a demi-demon who stays
up all night drinking, tormenting humans, killing other demons for
kicks, and crushing on an incubus-slash-Hound of Hell is really
starting to take a toll on my emotional well-being. See if she has
any helpful suggestions for me.

I sigh, much louder than I
mean to, and the girl in front of me giggles. Mr. Sodenberg shoots
me a warning glare but keeps reading. Grateful for the pass, I
focus on my book and vow to make it through the day, one
excruciating minute at a time. How
stupid
I was to think some random new
cute guy would change
anything
in my life.
Nothing
has changed. In fact, his
being here only makes things worse. Makes me more aware of what I’m
missing, what I can never have.

That there truly is no place for me in
this world.

A few years ago, Tatiana
confided that she believes I’ll always remain human. So I had to
learn to be like a human, assimilate, and really
become
one. Prepare for
my future life as a regular human. But really, what hope for a
normal life could I ever hope to have? Most girls my age will go to
college or get jobs, find husbands and raise families. Sure, I
guess I can get a job, but there’s no way I’m suffering through
more school. And forget ever falling in love and getting married.
How could a human male ever understand? And I
loathe
other demions, even more than
they despise me. I’m a freak of their kind, nothing but a pathetic
“Sapie” girl. Having kids is out of the question, too. No way will
I be responsible for bringing any more monsters into this
world.

The only thing certain about my future
is that I’ll be living it all alone. Just me and Tatiana. And
probably a bunch of cats. Isn’t that how spinsters live?

Tatiana always tells me my humanity is
a gift…a blessing. But to me, it feels like a cruel curse. I’d
secretly hoped Lucky would be successful in killing the Amazèa,
even though the odds aren’t in our favor. Death isn’t nearly as
frightening as the prospect of living the rest of my life alone as
an unwanted outsider. Before that horrible day, I knew who I was
and where I belonged. Not anymore. Now I’m nothing but an empty
shell void of the supernatural powers and abilities that define my
kind. I straddle two worlds but belong to neither.

Maybe, if Lucky does manage to kill
the Amazèa one day, I’ll return to how I was before. Things were
very different then, but they were good…turning off my painful
feelings in a blink whenever I wanted to. Never feeling scared, or
alone. Most importantly, feeling like I was always going to be all
right.

Wouldn’t
that
be nice.

******

I move through the rest of my morning
like a robot, vaguely aware of speaking when spoken to and nodding
my head at the appropriate times. Kieron isn’t in any of our
morning classes, so as I head out to join Corrine for lunch, I
force myself to accept the fact he’s not showing up
today.

It’s funny, though, how no one else’s
world seems any different for it. While I feel like something
precious and valuable has been taken from me, I see Corrine happily
chatting by the fountains. Across the quad, Drusilla is holding
court with her cronies looking as smug and satisfied as ever.
Neither seems to notice or care that Kieron’s not
around.

Corinne is already sitting with two
other girls, Emme and Skye. Emme has blue hair and three nose
rings, and Skye has kept her head completely shaved since last
year. They’re nice enough, and mostly keep to themselves. Corrine
and I consider them our ‘outcast allies’. I take a seat beside Skye
and slowly unwrap my tuna sandwich.

I try to pay attention as they yap
about music and boys, but my mind wanders back to
Kieron.

“
Hello, Earth to Liora,”
Emme waves her hands in front of me.

“
Huh?” I snap out of my
daze.

“
Are you going to the
stupid dance or what?”

“
What dance? Oh…” I finally
notice the signs promoting the winter formal in a few weeks. “…No.
Dances are lame. Especially school ones.” I shrug as if I’m way too
cool for such things. But deep down it bothers me that something as
simple as attending a school dance is just one more thing I’ll
never get to experience.

I start to fantasize about what it
would be like to go with Kieron as my date. I’d get all dressed up
in a pretty gown…maybe even one that isn’t black… and he’d pick me
up wearing a tux that made him look like a movie star. He’d take me
in his arms and together we’d waltz slowly under the starry
sky…Everyone would be green with envy at how happy we are, how
perfect we are together. All the girls would die from jealousy
seeing how much he obviously loves me…

“
Liora!
” This time it’s Skye snapping impatiently.

“
Huh?” I blink.

“
Do you want to go to the
bonfire Friday night? We can ditch the football game, and I can get
us some beers. We can get wasted…”

I sigh. “Can’t. Sorry.”

Emme nudges Skye. “See?
Told ya. You know…” Emme turns to me, “It’s kinda weird how you
never want to hang out
ever.
I mean come on, we know your grandma is blind and
all, but it’s not like she holds you prisoner...You leave her alone
when you come to school, what’s stopping you from ditching the old
bag for a few hours after she’s gone to sleep?”

I pick at the crust of my sandwich. “I
just don’t want to. I hate leaving her alone, and during the day
someone else is with her, but at night I’m all she’s
got.”

“
But still,” Emme presses,
“It just seems like
once
in a while you’d be able to hang out…why would you
want to stay home every night? It’s a Friday night…you should be
out partying with everyone else, not staying home with someone five
times your age….come on, live a little…”

“
Can’t. Sorry.” I stand up
and brush the crumbs off my legs. Corrine gives me a sympathetic
smile, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I make up some
excuse about having to finish some homework and head off to the
library for the remainder of lunch period.

Even though I should be
used to it by now, Emme’s words cut deep, a stark reminder of all
I’m missing. Even if getting drunk at a bonfire isn’t exactly my
idea of a good time, at least it’s
something
. I’m actually surprised
Skye even asked me to go. Maybe it was just so they could give me a
hard time when I refused.

After what seems like an eternity, the
final bell of the day rings. Freedom. I race to my locker, toss in
my books and charge to the parking lot. I’m mid-stride when my body
stops so suddenly anyone watching would think I had slammed into an
invisible glass wall. I inhale sharply, staring .

He’s here.

I remind myself to breathe as Kieron
starts his slow lope toward me. Although I’m happy to see him, at
the same time I’m terrified by how much this happiness consumes
me.

“
Hey, Liora. So where
should we do this?” he asks.