A Different Side (University Park #4) (35 page)

“What?” she muttered.

“But not like this. Not while you’ve been drinking.” I stroked my fingers along her cheeks and her body shivered against my touch. The need calling from within us was strong. So strong I was ready to forget about everything I just told her. But I couldn’t. I had to do this the right way. She at least deserved that from me.

“Raven, stay with me…please,” she pleaded and I almost said yes. “I don’t want to be alone.” She released the covers, exposing herself to me. Even with a strapless bra on, she had the most perfect breasts I’d ever seen.

“If I stay with you that could be dangerous.”

“I like dangerous.” She bit down on her lower lip, pulling off an erotic look that revved up my hormones.

The rise in my pants told me to get on with it or get out. “No, you like stupid and that’s me.”

She let out a soft laugh. “You’re not stupid, Raven.”

“Well, I’m stupid, crazy for you.” It took all my strength to peel my eyes from her body.

“Will you show me just how crazy you are for me?”

Lexi knew how to tempt me. No question about that. I kneaded my fingers through her hair and rested my head against hers. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. The exchange of energy between us was agonizing. Never had I wanted someone so badly before. My soul called out to Lexi’s, dying to be connected with the piece that had been missing. Lexi held a piece of me I couldn’t function without. I needed her to be whole.

“I want to, Lexi, I really do. But I’m not taking your virginity, not like this.” I placed a soft kiss on her lips, holding back from kissing her like I really wanted to. “You deserve to feel every part of me. To remember every part of me.”

∑

Chapter 22

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

~James A. Baldwin

The rest of the night, I tossed and turned. My thoughts were all over the place. The voices distorted my mind, making it hard to distinguish between what I wanted and what they wanted. One minute, I was certain I wanted to be with Lexi, and the next, I wasn’t sure. What made it more difficult was the fact that she was a virgin. I couldn’t fathom the thought of some guy taking her innocence, yet I wasn’t sure if that guy should be me. The truth was…she deserved someone special and I still wasn’t convinced it was me.

By morning, things weren’t better. I still didn’t know what to do. Never had I experienced so much indecisiveness in my life. Maybe that’s why they say love is complicated. But did I love Lexi? I cared deeply for her and she did something funny to my insides, not to mention my heart.

“Hey, man, you up?” Josh banged on my door.

“Yeah, dude. Come on in.”

He opened the door slowly and looked around. “You by yourself?”

“Uh, yeah.” I smirked. I sat on the edge of the bed, running my fingers through my matted hair.

“What happened to Lexi?”

“I took her back to her dorm.”

A look of surprised crossed his face. “And you didn’t stay?”

“No, man, she was drunk. Give me some credit.” I held up my hands. “I’m trying to do things right, not fuck them up.”

“Sorry.” Josh crossed his arms and leaned against my dresser. “So, you back with her or what?”

“I don’t know.” I lowered my head, staring at the floor. “I’ve never been so confused. One minute, I want to be with her, and the next, I know I’m not good enough for her.”

“You still believe that bullshit?” Josh huffed. “What’s wrong with you? Did you lose your balls or something?”

“No.” I eyed Josh. “Its just…that Lexi is a really good girl.”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we get it, she’s a freaking saint, but you’re not that bad. I mean you could’ve banged her last night and you didn’t. That stands for something.”

“True. But do you know how many girls I’ve screwed while they were messed up? I put the man in man-whore.”

“You’re changing,” he pointed a finger at me, “and that’s what counts.”

“I guess,” I sighed. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“Dude, we’ve already talked about this. You like her and she’s good for you, so just tell those monsters in your head to take a hike.”

Josh had a point. I had become good friends with the voices, allowing them to dictate and control my life. Maybe he was right. I did deserve someone sweet in my life. And Lexi definitely was sweet.

“I guess.”

“You guess? There’s no guessing.” Josh shook his head. “Just do it. Get your shit together and go for it, dude. Most of all, quit jerking Lexi around. One minute, you’re with her, and the next, you’re not. She’s not going to wait for you forever.”

“I know. It’s not right. I honestly thought I was done with her, but when I saw her with that Sigma Chi, it lit a fuse inside of me.” I held on to my head, feeling the anger rise. “I was pissed and I couldn’t stand seeing him freak her on the dance floor. I’ve never been jealous before, but I was ready to punch that guy in the face. And then when I got her home, I forgot all about it. All I wanted to do was be with her. Touch her…kiss her…I don’t know what it is or what she does to me, but I can’t explain it. My chest aches, my head’s all confused…”

Josh laughed. “It’s called love, dumbass.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but I really want to be with her.”

“So, be with her.” Josh acted like the decision was easy. It wasn’t.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why? Is she still engaged?”

“No.” I shook my head. “But…” I hesitated for a moment, contemplating where I should share Lexi’s business. There really wasn’t any other way for Josh to understand my dilemma.

“But what?” Josh seemed like he was getting irritated.

I took a deep breath. “She’s a virgin.”

“Oh.” Josh uncrossed his arms and scratched the back of his neck. “In that case, I think you just need to take it slow. Like I told you. Get to know each other. Spend time together. Show you’re interested in more than sex and believe me, when you do that, the sex will happen.”

I picked at the callouses on my hand. “I just don’t know if I’m worthy. Lexi is so different from all the other women I’ve been with.”

“The more reason you should be with her. Like I said, Lexi is good for you. So pick up your head, get your balls back, and go show her what it’s like to be loved by The Raven.”

***

It took me a few hours to get Josh’s talk through my thick skull. The demons in my head were determined to stay in control, but I refused to give them the upper hand. Not this time. Aside from wanting to win a championship game, I’ve never wanted something so bad. I looked at the phone. It was two-thirty in the afternoon. I had no idea whether Lexi was still at her dorm or had already packed and left for winter break, but there was only one way to find out. I grabbed my keys and headed to Charter Hall.

People shuffled passed me, carrying their stuff to their cars. I picked up my pace, hoping Lexi was still there. A few parents eyed me as I passed through the doors to Charter Hall, but I didn’t care. I had legitimate business there. The foyer buzzed with the passing of students, but it was the piano that caught my attention.

Lexi was sitting at the baby grand, playing a familiar tune. After a few chords, I recalled the song,
Stay
by Rihanna. She played with so much intensity, it sent chills up and down my spine. The emotions she poured over the keys caused my chest to ache. Recalling the words, I knew Lexi was playing that song for us. It depicted our situation to a T.

I took off my jacket and walked toward Lexi. No doubt, I had took her around and around, confusing not only her, but myself as well. Neither of us were sure about what we had, but we couldn’t deny what we were feeling. There was definitely something about her. Something about the way she made me feel. And I knew whatever that something was, I couldn’t live without it. I wanted her to stay in my life.

I stepped up behind her and the lyrics released. “It’s not much of a life you’re living.” Lexi turned around, complete shock written across her face. I closed my eyes as I continued to sing the chorus, feeling each word deep within me. Moving me. Compelling me to confess everything in my heart. They poured out of me, helping me release all the pent up anguish I’d been holding on to. Music had a way of fixing all the broken parts inside of me and Lexi’s talented piano playing made it that much more healing.

I laid my jacket on the floor and took a seat next to her. I continued singing as she pressed the keys, making beautiful music. We stared intently at each other. The emotions exchanged between us seemed to make all the confusion vanish. My head was clear — I wanted to be with Lexi. And there was no denying what I was feeling for her. What I felt in my heart was taking control and pushing the demons aside. And it was about damn time.

We sang in unison, admitting the words we were both afraid to say to each other. We were holding on because the other person filled a hole we needed gone. In some weird, twisted way, we were both broken and needed saving. I just wasn’t sure who needed it more. All I knew was that we both needed each other.

Not missing a beat, we poured our feelings into each other. The process of filling the hole had begun and I’d do whatever I could to make her whole. It felt so good to be reunited with her. I had never felt closer to her. I was certain she knew how I felt and I was one hundred percent certain how she felt about me. We were meant to save each other.

“That was beautiful, Lexi.” I tucked a stray strand away from her face.

“Thank you, but I messed up.” She removed her hands from the keyboard and placed them in her lap. I was eager to embrace her, but I reminded myself to take things one-step at a time.

“It’s okay. No one’s perfect.” I nudged her with my shoulder. “We all make mistakes. At least, I know I do.”

She cleared her throat. “I’m, um, no exception. I make mistakes just like you.”

I cocked a brow. “Then that only means one thing.”

“What’s that?” Her voice lifted and her eyes widened in anticipation.

With a grin, I said, “We’re good for each other.”

Lexi smiled and a new, unfamiliar feeling filled the center of my chest. It was a good feeling, a happy feeling, and I wanted to hold on to it forever. Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes glossed over. I hated to see her cry. Just as I raised my hand to soothe her, I caught a single tear with my thumb.

“Lexi?” I cupped her face with both hands, dying to kiss her, to assure her everything would be okay. That I’d do my best to give her everything she needed and more.

She placed her hands on my chest and her warmth radiated through the fabric. “Yes, Raven.”

“Do you wanna hang out today?” I searched her face, trying to read her emotions. The glint in her eyes told me the answer, but I wasn’t stopping there. “And every day after that?”

She leaned forwarded, aligning her mouth with mine. Everything stopped in that moment and my entire focus was on her. Only her. “More than you will ever know,” she whispered against my lips.

My head spun and heart leaped out of my chest. That was the best thing I’d heard in a long time. I parted my mouth and her eyes fluttered to a close. I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her like it was the first time. Her sweetness filled me, covering the hole inside of me, confirming I was making the right decision. I didn’t know how to be a boyfriend, but I’d do my best to figure it out. Her hands spread across my shoulders and she pulled me closer. Her mesmerizing scent surrounded me and I felt totally drunk on her.

“Lexi?” a guy called.

We stopped kissing and she immediately pulled away.

I had to do a double take. It was Luke. Was he looking for Delaney?

“Luke. Hey. I, um…” Lexi hopped off the piano bench. “I didn’t realize you’d be here so soon.” She took out her phone and glanced at it.

“What’s going on?” Luke looked at Lexi and then at me. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open.

I got up and stood by Lexi. I rubbed my head, trying to piece things together. Delaney was dating Lexi’s brother, but she was also seeing Luke. Lexi’s brother was Luke! They were siblings. “Hey, man…good to see you.” I extended my hand, but Luke was slow to respond. “Lexi is your sister?”

“Yeah.” Luke nodded.

“No shit.” I still couldn’t believe it. But at the same time, it all made sense. Her brother played baseball with Collin. That’s how they were all connected. How did I miss that? The entire time I was trying to find out more about Lexi, I was working out with her brother.

I’m such a dumbass!

We continued shaking hands, staring each other down. The tension was increasing and I wasn’t sure what to say. The last thing I wanted was to get in a fight or argument with her brother.

“What are you doing with her?” By the grip he had on my hand, I knew he didn’t approve.

“You two know each other?” Lexi quickly interjected.

We looked at Lexi at the same time and then slowly stopped shaking hands. “Yeah, we’ve known each other for a while.” Luke kept an eye on me while talking to Lexi.

“I’ve trained with your brother several times.” I checked out Luke and then Lexi, trying to see the resemblance. “I can’t believe Luke Thompson is your brother. You two look nothing alike.”

“We’re not identical, remember?” Lexi gave me a gentle smile. “And we have the same last name, so…”

“I know, but it just never occurred to me.” I was dumbfounded.

“Luke, can you give us a moment?” Lexi motioned her head toward me.

Luke cocked a brow. His jaw worked from side to side, as if he was holding back words. But I knew what he was thinking — I’d be thinking the same thing. What in the hell is my sister doing with Raven Davenport? For the first time, I was ashamed of the reputation I had around campus.

“Yeah, I guess. I’ll be waiting out in the car.” He turned to me and said, “Give me a call. I have a new routine I’d like to show you.”