A Different Side (University Park #4) (31 page)

∑

Chapter 20

Bad things do happen, how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have — life itself.

~Walter Anderson

Everything sucked.

Life.

School.

Love.

The only thing I had going for me was football. Sunday was the press conference and I couldn’t wait. All the analysts had pegged our opponent as Tri-Gold State University Eagles and I was counting on their predictions. They had a twelve and two record, making them a perfect match for PHU. Playing at the Lone Star Bowl would be a dream come true.

The door to the apartment opened and Josh stomped in. “Woo!” He dumped his backpack on the floor. “I’m done! Yeah!” He made a fist and jerked his arm back.

I turned and shot him a sloppy smile. “Congrats, man. Once semester left.” I held up a half-empty bottle of whiskey. “Cheers.”

“What the fu—?” He slammed the door. “Are you done with finals, too?”

“Nope.” I shook my head. “I have one on Monday and one on Wednesday.” I retracted my hand when he didn’t take the bottle.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” Josh grabbed the bottle before I could take another sip.

I shrugged. “Celebrating for you and the bowl game.”

He eyed me suspiciously as he sat on the coffee table in front of me. “Bullshit.” He took a whiff of the bottle. “Whew. If you’re going to get drunk at least drink something better than this shit.”

“It’s all I could find.” I nodded toward the kitchen.

Josh set the bottle next to him. Resting his arms against his legs, he leaned forward. “So, you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“What?” I shrugged. “I’m good.”

He shook his head, not buying my lies. “What did you do now?”

I crossed my arms behind my head and leaned back. “Nothing, man. I’m telling you.”

“You just felt like downing half a bottle of cheap whiskey for the hell of it?”

Closing my eyes, I tried not to think of the real reason. I hated being weak. Letting go of Lexi should have been easy. Nothing to it. But it wasn’t and I hated that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I had to do something, anything, to stop thinking about her. Drinking was the first thing that came to mind.

“Yeah, why not,” I slurred, feeling the room spin around me. The liquor had hit and I was drunk. But I didn’t care. I liked how it numbed my head, making me forget all the incessant pain in my chest. A pain I never felt before and I was sure had something to do with love. Love sucked. I would never fall for it again.

“Okay, if everything’s good, let’s go get something to eat. Shelby’s on her way so call Lexi and let’s go.”

My eyes shot open. “Not happening.” I tried to stand and then fell back against the cushions.
If everything would stay still then I could get up and leave.

“Why not?” He pressed me for an answer. “Huh?”

I dragged my hands over my face, wiping away the sweat. “Because we’re done.”

Josh grunted. “Since when?”

I brought my arm up to my face and stared carefully at my watch. “Since twenty-three hours and seventeen minutes ago.”

Josh laughed.

“What’s so funny about that?” I allowed my arm to fall to the couch, resisting the urge to punch him in the face for laughing.

“You’re drunk off your ass and you can still count. It’s crazy.”

I chuckled. “That’s because I rock when it comes to numbers.”

“Yeah, man, you do.” Josh patted my leg. “So, what happened between you and Lexi?”

I cringed. I wasn’t prepared to explain, even though the answer was easy. But nothing in life was easy. There were no happy endings. No precious moments. Life gave you everything you deserved. Shit. And then more shit. And when you thought you couldn’t handle any more, it laughed and threw even more shit.

I rolled my shoulders, trying to work out the ache in my chest. I hated it and wanted it to go away. Liquor. I needed more. I leaned forward to grab the bottle.

“No.” Josh snatched the bottle from the table before I could get it. “You’ve had enough already.”

“Come on, man. Just one more drink.” I shuddered at my own words. Every time I slipped, I would always say,
Just one more hit. C’mon, what’s one more?

And then I felt that hunger. It filled my body, salivating every gland in my mouth. I longed for the taste of it. The rush. The thrill. Nothing felt as good as the smoke filling my lungs and funneling through my blood as every muscle relaxed. The calmness it brought, erasing every hurt and bad memory with each puff.

No!

I refused. My demons wouldn’t drag me back down that path. I’d come too far. Not now. I had a bowl game ahead of me. Weed was not the answer for my pain. Not this time.

Josh took a swig and then wiped his mouth. “Not until you tell me what happened.”

My head fell forward and I stared him, trying to focus while the room tilted from side to side. “She’s too good for me and you know it.”

“Aw, man.” Josh moved from the coffee table to the couch. “Who told you that lie?”

I tried to grab the bottle from his hand, but he refused to let go. “It’s no lie. It’s the truth.”

“I disagree. She’s perfect for you and she’s exactly what you need.”

“Whatever, dude.” I reclined against the couch. “She’s like this perfect angel, the epitome of what every guy dreams about and wants.” Images of Lexi danced around in my head and I wanted to call her so bad. “She deserves so much better, so much more. Not a fuck up like me, Josh.”

“Raven, you need a good girl. Not one of these hoes who are just in it for the money.”

Josh was right about one thing. Lexi wasn’t part of the fantasy wife’s football club. She wasn’t after me because she hoped I landed with a pro team. Her goal wasn’t to be my trophy wife. She liked me for who I was — with or without titles. She had her own goals and aspirations. That made her different from most of the girls caught in my trap and that’s what I liked about her. She was definitely an upgrade.

“You’re right about that, but come on, look at who she was engaged to. Collin Norris. The poster child for PHU athletics. How the hell can I compete with that?”

“You don’t have to.” Josh took another drink from my bottle. “That battle is over. You already won, dude.” He handed me the whiskey. “You should drink to that.”

And I did. Maybe he was right, but then again, I wasn’t what she deserved. “Yeah, but she’s so innocent. So perfect. And I’m like the thug from the opposite side of the tracks. I know her parents want the best for her and it’s not me.”

I took another swig and then Josh took the bottle and swallowed a gulp of the amber liquid. “How do you know that? Have you met her parents?”

“No, not yet.” Though I didn’t want to admit it, I was scared to meet them. I reclaimed the bottle once again and took several swallows.

“Then you shouldn’t worry about that right now. Just get to know her, like I told you. Spend time together, like you’ve been doing. Let the relationship grow.”

“It will never work.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling the numbness take over. “I’ll just bring her down with me and you know it. It’s only a matter of time before I fall again.”

“What?” Josh snatched the bottle from my hand. “I don’t think so. I’m not going to let that happen.” He shot off the couch and headed to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I stumbled my way to the bar.

Josh was emptying the bottle in the sink.

“Why are you doing that?” I tried to stop him, but it was too late. The liquor was gone.

He turned on the water. “You’re done getting drunk. Time to sober up and face your demons. We’ve got a championship to win.”

“Whatever, dude.” I collapsed on the barstool. “I’ve been battling them forever. They’re not going anywhere.”

He opened the fridge and took out two tall bottles of water. “Drink up.”

I rolled my eyes as I broke the seal to the cap. I chugged half the bottle and burped. “Happy?”

With both hands on the counter, he leaned forward. “Look, man, I don’t want to see you slip back to the wrong side. You’ve come too far.” He pointed at me and then himself. “We’ve worked too hard for you to return to the pits. I won’t let you get pulled back under, not again.”

I continued drinking the water. “Thanks, man, I appreciate that. But the truth is…I can only be strong for so long. It’s not easy.”

“Damn it!” He pounded the counter with his fist. “That’s not the right answer,” he pointed his finger at me, “and you know it.”

“Sorry, man, but it’s the truth.”

He shook his head and ran a hand down his face. His temples pulsed and his nostrils flared with each breath he took. “You’re better than that and you know it. You’re
The Raven
, best damn quarterback in the South Central Conference. Hell, the entire college football conference.” He raised his hands in the air.

I threw my head back and laughed. “If that’s the true, why aren’t the scouts coming after me? Huh?” He glared at me, at a loss for words. “Because no one wants a guy like me with off- field issues. And you know it.” I pointed to him.

“Then change, damn it!” He pounded the counter again. “You’ve got too much at stake not to. Can’t you see that?”

I crunched the plastic bottle in my palm. He had a point. I was
The Raven.
Fast and light-footed. Taking flight across the field like a bird — a raven. That innate instinct made me nearly untouchable. The saying was they had to touch me first before they could tackle me. And not many could. That’s what made me a damn good quarterback.

“I do…and I will,” I whispered under my breath. “I refuse to fail.”

“Damn right!” Josh lilted. “You’re a Dragon. You play with passion and pride. You fight to the end.”

The words circled around in my head, igniting a fire in the pit of my stomach.

I am a Dragon.

I play with passion and pride.

I fight to the end!

And I would fight to the end. I would win this battle against my demons. No girl, not even Lexi, would pull me back into the depths of despair. I was better than that.

“Yeah, man!” I pounded my chest, feeling the adrenaline rise within me. Josh was right. I couldn’t throw all of this away over some girl. What the fuck was wrong with me? The team was relying on me. We had a bowl game to win. And we would win it.

“That’s what I’m talking about.” Josh high-fived me. “Now, either call Lexi and get back with her, or move on, dude. No time for crying over pussy.”

He was right, again. I dug my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through my contacts. I stopped when I saw Beth’s name. The Raven was back.

***

It didn’t take me long to resort back to my old ways — at least when it came to women. They were as familiar as the turf beneath my feet. After a memorable night with Beth, and another night with Macy, and the next night with her and her roomies, I was as good as new. Who could blame me? When you got it — you got it.

Sunday was the best day ever. The press conference went smoothly and I talked up PHU, convincing every reporter and fan we would win the bowl game. And we would. We had the right skills, the right players, and the burning desire to set the Arizona Eagles on fire. We’d send them back, bald and featherless. Because that’s what the Dragons did. We destroyed our opponents.

I aced my finals, too. Thanks to Beth, she gave me a thorough lesson in History, not to mention other things as well. Yes, I was back and stronger than ever before. That’s what I kept telling myself anyway. Deep down, I felt the guilt burning, and silently, I was hurting. Because despite all the attention and sex, it wasn’t with the person I wanted the most.

Lexi.

I’d just have to keep going, like Josh said. Keep moving on, from one girl to the next. I stared in the mirror, applying gel to my hair. I cracked a smile, thinking of all the women who would be at the Sigma Chi party. The grin quickly vanished when I thought about Lexi.

For the past week, I’d managed to avoid her. No texts, no phone calls from either of us. I was positive she’d either gone back to Collin or moved on. And it killed me every day. But I had to get over her and the only way to do that was through alcohol and sex. And there would be plenty of that tonight.

The party was packed with students and even some people who didn’t attend PHU. But I didn’t care. That just meant more women, and the dessert tray had every variety available. From sweet to rich and black to white, they were all there, turning up the heat level by twenty-five degrees.

Macy was there with her roomies and I hung out with them for a while. I told them I’d find them later and they assured me if I didn’t, they would. And by the hunger circling in their eyes, I knew I had left them famished for more of me. I headed to a back room and played beer pong with a few of the guys. Shawn and I were on one team, and Quinton and Marcel on the other. The score was six to three and we were winning.

After a victorious win, I headed outside. A couple of guys were filling up a kiddie pool with blue Jell-O. Imagining what was going to take place, I made a note to come back outside and check it out later. Last year they had banana pudding wrestling and by the end of the night, I was in the pool with all the women. It was sticky and slimy and tasty. I’d do it again.

“What’s the rush?” I asked a couple of girls as they ran past me in their bikinis, screaming as the cold air hit them.

“We’re going to go play in Jell-O.” A cute blonde with huge boobs grabbed my hand. “Come with us.”

I laughed as I gave her body a full overview. The girl had deafening curves. “I will a little later. It’s kind of early to get sticky.” I winked.

She tilted her head to the side and gave me a girlish giggle. “If you say so, Raven.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be out there.” I ran my finger along her perfect jawline.