A Dinner Of Herbs (102 page)

and was known to be a generous employer. That was more than could be said for a lot of the farmers

around and particularly for his supposed father-in law.

Old Hal Roystan had had a seizure, else he would be along the line this minute, because it had been

murder, plain and simple, murder. The young brother kept saying that. Of course there

was another

witness, but she denied having seen anything of the fight, as she had fainted.

But that wasn’t what the boy said about her. Of course she wouldn’t speak against the old man, ‘cos

wasn’t she going to marry the son. Now there was a scandal for you, if ever there was

one. A man forty

years old marrying a bit lass like that. She was supposed to be nineteen. Nineteen, they could say that

again. Seventeen would be more like the mark, and if that. And she was a foreigner. It had leaked out

through Terry Briggs that she didn’t get on very well with the missis either. Well, that was

understandable wasn’t it? Anyway, there was one thing sure now, they’d have to engage

another hand or

two on the farm, and likely the same inside an’ all, for hadn’t the daughter Maggie gone off the rails an’

all. Now there was something. They said she’d got a bellyful through the cowman, him

that dressed like

his betters.

But a bellyful, and at her age! By! The things that were happening on that farm. Anyway it just showed

you, put a devil on horseback and he’d ride to hell. And what did he find when he got

there? Just that

he had to pay for his ride, and by God! Hal Roystan was being made to pay through the

teeth for his.

But odd, now wasn’t it, that he should be going the same way that Bannaman went,

paralysed, and deaf

and dumb into the bargain, when he himself had helped to bring Bannaman to that state.

Life was funny,

they’d say. By! yes.

“You wish that I should go away?”

“No, no.” As John pulled her to him and held her close and muttered vehemently,

“Never. Never,” he

knew that what she proposed would help solve the problem of the house, yet he couldn’t now let her go.

Life had become grim, and how long it would go on he didn’t know. Each day as he

helped to turn his

father from one side to the other and saw his mother’s agonized face, he could see no end to the

problem.

It was now five weeks since they had carried his father home, and still there was no

change in him one

way or the other, so he reckoned this pattern of life could go on year after year, and without the solace of

this beautiful loving being in his arms he didn’t know how he could stand it, nor, should she stay, what the

strain would do to her. And this he said.

“I never want you to leave me, you know that, but can you stand this way of living? My mother shows

no sign of changing. Life could become unbearable for you.”

She looked up at him without speaking for a moment, and then she said, “As long as I

have you, I will

bear it. If I return to France I shall be alone, so ... so very much alone.”

“Not for long.” He shook his head.

“You would marry.”

He had not expected anything like her reply, for she said, “Yes, yes, I could. Most

Frenchwomen, they

want to marry, and I would likely, yes, yes, I would likely, but... but it would be a.

convenience not a

love.”

He looked at her in silence. This is what people could not see in her, the adult, she looked so young, so

girlish. And for this very reason he hadn’t been into the town with her yet; in fact, he hadn’t been into the

town since before the funeral. Willy and Maggie had been doing the selling. My God!

What would the

place be like when they went? And that would be soon. Well, one thing he knew he must

do before he

was left on his own, and that was to face his mother and tell her he was going to see the parson about the

banns.

He heard Maggie’s step outside the kitchen door and, pressing Yvonne from him, he went to the other

side of the table, and as Maggie entered the room he was saying, “What are you going to make for us the

day?”

And Yvonne answered, “Maggie is to show me pastry, the kind she uses for her pies.” He looked

towards Maggie, then asked her quietly, “Is Mam still up there?”

“No. She was in the office the last time I saw her.”

As he turned to go up the kitchen, she said, “Your boots.” And he, looking down at them, replied,

“They’re dry.”

“That won’t make any difference.”

“They’re staying on, Maggie.”

She said nothing to this, but now asked, “You haven’t forgotten that Willy and I are

going over

Corbridge way this afternoon?” And he paused for a moment, looking back at her before

saying, “No, I

haven’t forgotten, Maggie.”

He pushed open the door of the office and saw his mother sitting behind the desk at

which his father had

sat for years, and where he himself had never sat.

“May I have a word with you?” he said.

“Aye, yes.” She looked up from an open ledger, saying, “They didn’t do bad on Saturday.

Surprising

how the prices go up and down. Sit down, John; don’t tower over me.” Then she went on

without

pause, “Your dad thought of ploughing the east slope this year. He said it could be done.

Joe Hodgson

lives higher up than us and....”

“Mam.” He stopped her stalling.

“I don’t want to talk of Joe Hodgson’s doings; or what Dad intended to do, I want to talk about me and

my life ahead here. I’ll come straight to the point. I’m seeing the parson on Sunday with regard to the

banns. I’m marrying Yvonne, Mam, no matter what you or anybody else thinks. If I can’t marry her

here, then’—he paused and turned his gaze to the side now “ I’ll marry her someplace

else. “

He watched her close the ledger, push it to one side, then draw a letter towards her,

unfold it, and

spread the corners out with her fingers before saying further, “You know what you’re

doing to me, Mam.

You’re checkering me life. I’ve never known any real happiness until I met her. From

then I’ve sort of

come alive; I know there’s something else besides a fourteen-hour day grind. At least

there’s something

for me at the end of it, not just the unhealthy prospect of waiting for Dad dying so I can take over, and,

as things were, that could have been years ahead. But even as they are now, his toughness could keep

him going for God knows how long. “

“John! for you to talk like that.”

“Mam, face up to facts. For God’s sake! face up to facts.”

She pulled herself up from the chair and, leaning her hands on the desk, she bent towards him and

hissed, “I am. I’m the one that’s facing up to facts, and the fact is you’re expecting mete spend the rest

of my life with that bit of a lass who reminds me every time me eyes rest on her, not only from where she

springs, but for what she’s brought on this house.”

“She’s brought nothing on this house, Mam.” His voice was loud now.

“Whatever has come about. Dad is responsible for. As Kate said, he’s been wanting to do something

to a Bannaman for years. He was baulked in doing it to Ben. Ben saved his life or else God knows what

might have happened. In the face of that he had to change his tune. But from that lad was born, from the

very first sight of his black hair and dark eyes. Dad loathed him, because he saw the

Bannaman man,

whoever he was, and his daughter, the woman who was supposed to torture him.”

“No suppose about it.” She was yelling at him now.

“She did, and tried to murder him in the process.”

“Well, he got his own back, didn’t he? He murdered a young lad. And now he’s paying

the price.”

With a thud she dropped back into the chair, saying, quietly now, “Is that how you see your father?”

And as quietly he answered, “Yes, Mam, that’s how I see my father.

Because I’ve recognized for years that, latent in him, was a deep hatred, a feeling of revenge. His

blustering couldn’t cover it up. But now all this is in the past, it’s beside the point. It’s the future I’m

putting to you, Mam, my future and Yvonne’s. For marry we will, and if you don’t

change your attitude

towards her and accept her into the household, then your life is going to be as miserable as you yourself

make it. I’ve thought things out. I’ll have a couple of rooms built on the west side and take in two of the

bedrooms from the end up above. That’ll give us a place of our own and you won’t have

to see her

more than you need. And you’ll need help in the house. I’ve already thought about that.

There’s the

Conway twins.

One won’t stay without the other. Well, you’ll need two lasses here to train up. They’re sixteen and

hard-working. Maggie had a word with them some time ago. They are more than willing

to leave their

place in Hexham. They don’t like it, they want to be in the open air again, to be brought up in the wilds,

so to speak. So there you are, there’s the plan as I see it for the future. “

“In the name of God!” Mary Ellen turned her head slowly to the side and looked down

the room, and

as if addressing someone at the far end, she said, “That it should come to this. Me

lifetime’swork should

come to this. I’ve got to be told who’s coming into me house. I’ve been given an

ultimatum. It’s a good

job me mind’s still clear and I still have the reins in me hand, else I’ll be put into the workhouse.” She

now turned and looked fully at John, ending, “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe all this is happening to

me. I just can’t.” Her voice broke; then on a high note that was almost like a thin scream, she said, “Get

out! Get out of me sight. Go! Go on, go on.”

And he went out and stood in the hall, his hand to his head. And when Maggie saw him

standing like

this she went up to him, saying gently, “Rough?”

He brought his hand slowly down over his face as if attempting to pull down a shutter, but he didn’t

speak, he just made a helpless motion and turned from her.

Maggie stood looking towards the office door as she thought. Thank God, in a little while it’ll be all

over. We’ll clinch it this afternoon. Then once I’ve broken in the two lasses, I’ll be gone.

We’ll be gone. And she wondered if she should go and remind her mother that she was

going out this

afternoon, but decided to leave it for a while, she’d just had a do with John. She’d talk to her when she

took her father’s tray up. It was two hours later when she went upstairs carrying the bowl of beef tea.

As he could only swallow liquids this was his main form of nourishment. She knew she

would find her

mother sitting at the bedside talking to him. It was weird. She herself didn’t believe he understood a

word that was said to him, but her mother was convinced that he was aware of

everything. The doctor

had said it could be so or it couldn’t be so; there was no way of telling unless he made some sign.

Outside the door, she heard the mumble of her mother’s voice, and when she opened it

she was saying,

“This is one thing I won’t be able to stand, Hal. I won’t. I won’t.”

She turned as Maggie put the tray on the table to her side, and when, her voice low,

Maggie said,

“Remember, Mam, I’m going out this afternoon over to the place. It’s the settling day.

I’m going to get

ready now,” Mary Ellen said nothing, she just watched her daughter go from the room

after having calmly

told her she was going out of her life, was leaving her, leaving her with that chit

downstairs. Oh, no, no,

no. No! The last word was like a scream in her head and she jumped up from her chair

and rushed to

the door, to see Maggie going into her room, and she burst in on her, crying, “Maggie!

Maggie!” Then

came to a dead stop, and Maggie, her mouth agape, said, “What is it, Mam? What is it?

Dad?”

Mary Ellen shook her head. Her lips opening and shutting, her breath now coming in

great gasps, she

cried, “Maggie. Maggie don’t leave me.

For God’s sake! don’t leave me. “ And with that and tears spurting from her eyes, she

threw her arms

around her daughter and clung to her crying, “ Lass! Lass! For God’s sake! have pity on me and don’t

leave me! “

Maggie could never remember her mother putting her arms around her.

Whenever her hand had touched her it had been in the form of a push, and she had never forgotten the

blows she received the day she had brought the news of Ben’s relationship to the

Bannamans. And now

here she was being held by her and she was listening to her pleading through tearing

sobs, “LassA Lass!

I’ll do anything, anything You say, only don’t go. Let him go. Let him go to France with her, only you

stay with me. And Willy. Yes, and Willy.”

Slowly Maggie raised her arms and put one hand on her mother’s hair, saying, “There

now, quiet

yourself, Mam. Come and sit down. Come and sit down.” And as she did so she thought

of Annie,

because two days before she had dropped down dead in the kitchen she had said those

very words to

her. She had had a row with her mother and when Mary Ellen had stormed out of the

kitchen, Annie had

put her arms around her shoulders and led her to the settle, and she had added, “Aw lass, aw lass, I