A Father's Promise (16 page)

Dear Reader,

Renee is the kind of person who is trying to seek
meaning in her life by taking care of her mother. But at the same time, it is as
if she is immersing herself in her mother’s life and losing her own. Everything
she does is for her mother. Even when Tricia comes back in her life, Renee is
torn between what she feels she should do and what she wants to do. Thankfully,
she comes to the point that she is able to let go. To let God’s love free her
from the guilt she takes on again and again. To let God help her find her own
story and her own meaning in her life.

I know each of us carries some type of guilt for something we
have done. Sometimes our actions have repercussions we are faced with every day;
sometimes they are merely a memory. I know that each evening of each day I must
come before God, confess what I have done and be thankful for His forgiveness.
And though there will be repercussions for the things I have done, I know that
ultimately I am forgiven. I pray you, too, may feel God’s peace and forgiveness
in your lives.

Carolyne Aarsen

P.S. Reader mail absolutely makes my day, so please,
feel free to write me at
[email protected]
or check out my website at
www.carolyneaarsen.com
.

Questions for Discussion

1. Renee is a woman who seems to be dealing with a lot of guilt. Why do you think she felt guilty about her mother’s accident?
   
2. Why do you think Renee made the choice to give up her baby when she did? Did you agree or disagree with her choice?
   
3. The father of her baby didn’t want to be involved in Renee’s life, or their baby’s. What was Renee’s reaction to that? How would you have felt?
   
4. Zach and his wife, Molly, were having marital problems before Molly died. Why do you think he stayed with her? What would you have done?
   
5. Do you think allowing Tricia to make a scrapbook of her mother was the right thing to do? Why or why not?
   
6. Though Renee was a member of a book club, she only liked to read a certain kind of book. Do you remember which kind it was? What does it say about her personality?
   
7. Renee’s mother and Zach’s father seemed intent on getting Renee and Zach together. What was your reaction to their matchmaking? Have you ever had anyone try to set you up with someone else? How did you feel about it?
   
8. As Renee and Zach grow closer together, they both seem to be fighting their feelings for each other. What are some of the things that keep them apart?
   
9. Zach seemed reluctant to tell Tricia about his and Renee’s relationship. Why do you think he did that? Do you think he was right to do so? Why or why not?
   
10. When Tricia told Renee that she hated her biological mother, what was your reaction to this statement? Why do you think Tricia felt the way she did?
    
11. This story ends on a happy note, but I am sure there will be things that come up in Zach and Renee’s relationship in the future. What do you think some of the difficulties they will have to deal with will be, and how do you think they will handle them?
    

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Chapter One

“I
’ve already told you, Marla. I don’t want to get involved with this ‘Lives Under Construction’ place.”

The anger in the man’s voice and the mention of her new employer piqued Sara Kane’s interest so much, she stopped reading her book on the northern lights.

“Yes, Marla,” he said with a weary sigh. “I know you told me I need to get involved, that you believe it will facilitate my recovery. And I will get involved. Eventually. But I told you I’m only going back home to Churchill to settle things. I’m not looking to get involved and I’m certainly not staying.”

Sara suddenly realized she was listening in on someone’s private cell phone conversation. Shame suffused her, but it wasn’t as if he was whispering!

Sara tried to refocus on her book but couldn’t because he was speaking again.

“Fine,” he agreed with some exasperation. “I promise you I will touch base with Laurel Quinn while I’m there, since you’ve already told her I’m coming.”

Did that mean this man knew Laurel? Maybe he, like her, was one of Laurel’s former foster kids, Sara mused.

“But touching base is all I’m going to promise you, Marla. You’ve been a wonderful therapist, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. But I have to stand on my own two feet now.” Though he barked out a laugh, Sara heard an underlying bitterness. “Two feet—get it? That was supposed to be a joke.”

Sara didn’t understand what was so funny, but then that wasn’t unusual. At twenty-two, there were a lot of things she didn’t understand. But she would. She was going to Churchill, Canada, to work, but while she was there she intended to do all the things she’d missed during the ten miserable years she’d been in foster care.

First on her to-do list was finding her birth mother.

“I don’t know what my future plans are, Marla. That’s what I need to figure out.” The man’s voice suddenly dropped. “Everything I loved doing is impossible now.”

The words brimmed with such misery, Sara had to force herself not to turn around and comfort him.

Don’t give up,
she ached to tell him.
Life will get better.

“You’re breaking up, Marla. I’ll call you after I get to Churchill. Bye.”

Churchill, Manitoba. Her new home.

A wiggle of satisfaction ran through Sara. This was her chance to start over. This was her opportunity to figure out how to be like everyone else instead of always being the oddball, and how to have the life she’d dreamed of for so long. Most of all, it was her opportunity to find the love she craved.

For Sara, Churchill would be a beginning. But for the man in the seat behind her, it sounded as if Churchill was going to be an ending. She couldn’t help wondering why.

The train rumbled along. People went to the dining car to eat their dinner. Forewarned by Laurel, Sara had brought along a lunch so she could save her money. The thermos of homemade soup was warm and filling. She’d just sipped a mouthful when
he
rose behind her. His hand pressed the seat back near her head, dragging on it as he stood. A moment later he walked past her down the aisle, paused politely for a woman with a child to precede him, then followed her into the next car. Sara’s curiosity mushroomed.

When the angle of his body and the dim overhead lights didn’t give her a good view of his face, Sara decided she’d pay more attention when he returned. That way she could ask Laurel about him when they arrived in Churchill.

But though she waited long hours, the man did not return. Frustrated that her formerly fascinating book on the northern lights no longer held her attention because
he
kept intruding into her thoughts, she finally exchanged that book for another in her bag, a romance about a hero determined to find the love of his life, who’d disappeared five years ago.

Yet even that couldn’t stop Sara’s mind from straying back to
him.
He was returning to Churchill. Because someone he loved had lived there, someone he’d had to leave behind? For a while she let the romantic daydream she’d been reading become his story. What would it be like to be loved so deeply that someone actually came to find you?

The train seemed to hum as it rolled along the tracks. Outside, darkness began to drape the landscape. Weariness overcame Sara. She leaned back to rest her eyes and again her thoughts returned to him. She’d heard deep longing in his voice when he’d mentioned settling things, as if he ached for someone.

Sara didn’t understand a lot of things, but she understood that feeling.

She ached, too, for somebody to love her.

Maybe, just maybe, she could find the love she sought in Churchill.

* * *

“Churchill, Manitoba. End of the line.”

Kyle Loness grimaced at the prophetic nature of the conductor’s statement. This seemed like the end of the line for him, for sure.

He peered out the window, waiting for everyone else to leave before he rose and reached for his duffel bag. The bed in his sleeper hadn’t afforded much rest. Now the bag’s extra weight dragged on him, making his bad leg protest as he went down the aisle to the door. He winced at arrow-sharp stabs of pain. Though it felt as if there were still glass shards in his calf from the explosion, he knew that was a mirage.

He knew because there were no nerves below his knee. In fact, there was no leg. A prosthesis allowed Kyle to walk. Yet the phantom pains were very real, and for a moment, just before he stepped onto the platform, he wished he’d downed another pain pill.

“Can I help you?”

The whisper-soft query came from a young woman dressed in clothes clearly inadequate for this place. Her long caramel-brown hair flew every which way, tormented by a gust of icy wind off Hudson Bay. Her gray-shot-with-silver eyes blinked at him, wide and innocent-looking between the strands. She shuddered once, before steeling herself against the elements.

“Thanks, but I’ll manage.” Kyle immediately regretted his gruff refusal as surprise flickered across her face. But she said nothing. She simply nodded once and waited for him to move.

To prove he was fully capable of maneuvering, Kyle stepped down too quickly. He would have toppled onto the platform if not for the woman’s quick reaction. She stepped forward, eased her shoulder under his arm and took most of his weight as he finished his ungainly descent.

While Kyle righted himself, his brain processed several fleeting impressions. First, she seemed too frail to survive Churchill. Her thin face looked gaunt and far too pallid in the blazing sun. The second thing Kyle noted was that she jerked away from him as soon as he was stable, as if she didn’t like him touching her.

Well, why would she? He wasn’t exactly hunk material, especially not since a roadside bomb had blown off his leg and scarred most of the rest of him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, embarrassed that he’d needed her assistance.

“You’re welcome.” She didn’t smile. She just stood there, watching him. Waiting.

Kyle turned away, pulled up the sliding handle of his suitcase and leaned on it. He needed a moment to regroup before negotiating the long walk through the old train terminal and down the street toward his dad’s house.

Except—his breath snagged in his throat—his dad didn’t live there. Not ever again.

A knife edge of sorrow scraped his already-raw nerves. Kyle sucked in a breath and focused on getting out of here.

There were taxis in Churchill—two of them. But he was pretty sure both would have been commandeered by the first people off the train. He could wait for them to come back, but the thought of doing so made him feel as though he couldn’t rely on himself. He’d grown up learning how to be independent and he wasn’t about to give that up, despite his disability.

Kyle felt the burn of someone staring at him and knew it was her. The woman’s scrutiny puzzled him. Once they glimpsed his ugly scars, once they realized he was handicapped, most people—especially women—avoided looking at him. She didn’t. His surprise ballooned when her fingers touched his sleeve.

“May I know what happened?” she asked in that whisper-soft voice.

“I was in Afghanistan. I lost part of my leg.” The words slipped out automatically. He steeled himself for the mundane murmur of
I’m sorry,
which everyone offered.

It never came.

“I’m so glad you’re safe now,” she said.

The compassion in her eyes stunned Kyle as much as the brief squeeze she gave his arm.

“God bless you.”

God? Kyle wanted to snort his derision. But her sincerity choked his reaction. Why shower his frustration with God on her? It wasn’t her fault God had dumped him.

“Thanks.” Stupid that her fleeting touch should make him feel cared for.

Alone. You’re alone, Kyle. Get on with it.

They were the only two people left on the platform. Kyle led the way inside the terminal. She held the door for him but he refused to say thanks again. He didn’t want her help. Didn’t need it. Coming here was all about taking back control of his life. About not being dependent.

On anyone.

“Hey, Kyle.”

“Hey, Mr. Fox.” Kyle added the traditional Native greeting in Cree then waved his hand at the stationmaster he’d known since he’d moved here when he was ten. He ordered himself not to wince when the old man ogled his scarred face.
Get used to it,
he told himself. Folks in Churchill weren’t known for their reticence.

“What was that?” The young woman stood next to him, her head tilted to one side. “Those words you said?”

“That was Cree, a Native language. It means something like ‘How goes it?’” Kyle kept walking, pausing just long enough to greet his former schoolteacher in French before moving on.

“How many languages do you speak?” the woman asked.

“A few,” he admitted.

As a toddler, Kyle’s first words were in French, thanks to his European mother. Then as a child, while his father consulted for the military, he’d become fluent in both Pashto and Dari. After that, learning a new language had come easily. In fact, his knack for languages was what had changed Kyle’s status from reservist to active duty, and sent him to Afghanistan two years ago.

“It must be nice to speak to people in their own language.” The woman trailed along beside him, held the station door open until he’d negotiated through it, then followed him to the waiting area out front.

“Yeah.” He glanced around.

The parking lot was almost empty. Trains came to Churchill three times a week—often not on time, but they came. Natives of the town were used to the odd schedule and disembarked quickly after the seventeen-hour ride from Thompson, anxious to get home as fast as they could.

Tourists usually took longer to figure out the lay of the land. Local businesses got them settled, signed them up for some excursions if they could and fed them. Churchill made a lot of money from tourists. Except that somehow Kyle didn’t think the woman behind him was a tourist, he decided after taking a second look. It seemed as though she was looking for someone.

So who was she?

Once Kyle had known all the town regulars. But he hadn’t been home in two years, and a lot of things had changed. Things like the fact that his dad was never again going to stand beside him while they watched a polar bear and her cubs play among the ice floes in the bay.

Dad was gone and Kyle was damaged goods—too damaged now to scout the back country, climb the rocky shore or do anything else requiring intense physical effort. He wasn’t even sure he could manage the walk home.

He paused to reconnoiter while his hand massaged his hip, as if it could short-circuit the darts of pain now shooting upward.

“Is something wrong?” Her again. Her quiet question was neither intrusive nor demanding. Just a question.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Kyle grimaced. Again he sounded sharp, irritated. He didn’t mean to, but the rawness of the place matched his mood. Still, he’d better get rid of that chip on his shoulder. This woman was not his enemy. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

“Okay.” That calmness of hers—where did it come from? What made her so accepting, so gentle in the face of his irritation?

None of your business. Stop thinking about her.

But he couldn’t because the soft slap of her sneakers against the pavement told Kyle she was right behind him.

“Are you following me?” he asked, turning to stare at her.

“Sort of.” The wind had tinted her cheeks pink, but now the color intensified into a rose blush. “Someone was supposed to pick me up.” She checked the plain watch around her too-thin wrist.

Kyle thought he glimpsed the faint white mark of a scar, but then it was gone as she shifted her small overnight bag from one arm to the other.

“I’m late and they’re not here.”

“Stay here. They’ll come to the station for you. Everyone in Churchill knows when the train comes in.” He studied her again, curious about this waiflike woman. “Who are you waiting—?”

“Sara!” The yell came from a blond-haired woman who screeched her van to a halt, jumped out and rushed over from the parking lot. “I’m so sorry I’m late.” She flung her arms around the younger woman in a bear hug. “Welcome.”

“Thank you.” Those silver-gray eyes grew shiny.

Tears? Why? he wondered.

“You must be Kyle Loness. Marla told me you were coming.” The new arrival laid a brief hug on him, too, then laughed. “Welcome to you, too, Kyle.”

Oddly enough the embrace felt good, even though it knocked Kyle slightly off balance.

“Thanks. I’m guessing you’re Laurel Quinn.” He smiled when she slid an arm around Sara’s waist and planted a hearty kiss on her cheek in the same way his mom had done to him before cancer had sapped her strength. “You’re the woman who’s starting the youth center, right?”

“That’s me. I see you know Sara.” Laurel glanced back and forth between them.

“Uh, not really,” he said, suddenly too aware of the younger woman standing silent, watching him. “We just got off the train together.”

“Well then, Sara, meet Kyle Loness. Kyle, this is Sara Kane. She’s going to be our cook at Lives Under Construction.” Laurel beamed as she proudly said the name.