A Fractured Light (17 page)

“Stop,” I said. “Stop. Stop!”

“What?” he asked, breaking away. I pushed my hands against him, sending him stumbling back. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did you see something?”

“No,” I said, struggling to catch my breath. “It’s this. You! This isn’t right. There’s Asher, and you—you tried to kill me!” I felt myself growing angry again, felt the heat begin to rise in my chest. At any second, the ground should have rumbled beneath us. But this time, I focused on Devin and held my wild emotions at bay. “You did what they told you to because they told you and for no other reason. You didn’t even believe that you should. You just
did it!
” I yelled that last part, and I could feel my face turning red. But there was no fire, no thunder rippling through the clouds. I was just angry; that was all.

My training with Asher was working.

Devin looked at me sadly.

“You’re right,” he said. “It isn’t meant to be. I don’t deserve you.”

The shadows seemed to come between us then, or maybe it was just my heart playing tricks on me. But I couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. I turned and walked away.

Dan drove us home.

He and Cassie murmured softly to each other in the front seat. In the back, I curled myself up against the window, beating back the memories of Devin’s lips and ignoring Ian’s concerned glances in my direction.

In bed, as I was falling asleep, I clutched the notebook to my chest, trying to hold on to my mom’s words, hoping that somehow, in some small way, this tiny book would guide me in the right direction.

Chapter 21

I
fought against the wind and leaned over the edge of the slope.

Coach stood behind me, timer in hand. “Ready, girls?”

“Ready,” I said, pulling my goggles down.

“Ready,” said Ellie, doing the same.

It was our final Sunday practice before the last race of the season. The final race was the upcoming Friday afternoon, and the claws were out. Ellie had spent all morning staring me down and talking about me loudly with her friends. Girls who I used to be friends with, too. Whatever.

“On your marks,” Coach said. We crouched low at the same time. “Get set.” We leaned forward. “Go!”

I pulled ahead, but Ellie was on my tail. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her pulling up alongside me, trying to edge me out. I pushed forward, let the wind swish past my face.
This isn’t about the best time
, I repeated over and over in my head.
It’s about keeping control. You’re not trying to beat Ellie. You’re trying to make yourself strong.

That was what mattered, right? Not getting named captain. I had huge and important decisions to make, outrageous powers to learn how to use effectively. Becoming captain of the ski team seemed so frivolous.

So why was this so important?

It just is.
There was some part of me that wasn’t ready to let go of my normal teenage life. I’d wanted to be captain since Aunt Jo had taken me skiing for the first time, when I was eight. You don’t forget about the things you’ve always wanted just because your boyfriend is a Rebel angel, a Guardian angel kissed you in the woods—oh, and you’re preparing for a battle between the forces that control destiny and those that fight against it.

I tried to channel that energy into my race. I closed my eyes and tried to feel the course, remembering how Asher had tried to help me control my powers when my emotions ran high. His lips had been so close to mine, our foreheads nearly touching—and yet I had focused all of the energy between us into summoning a storm large enough to wash the fire from the trees. I tried to recapture the moment. But something wasn’t working. Instead of Asher’s face, I saw Devin, kissing me hard, running his fingers down my arms. . . .

“Eat my powder, Skye,” Ellie called, sailing ahead of me.

“Not likely!” I shouted. But it was too late. I’d never be able to catch up to her. I saw clouds rolling in, dark and ominous.
Reminding me that if I lost focus for one fraction of a second, I could lose everything.

And when it was a matter of life or death, losing everything wasn’t how you wanted things to end.

At the finish, Ellie whooped, pulling up her goggles and throwing her fists in the air.

“Good job, El!” my teammates called from where they were watching. God, why were they so obvious about picking sides? I swished over the finish and scrunched to a stop on the hard snow, panting.

“Nice job, Skye,” Ellie said, skiing up to me. “Looks like you may have some competition after all.”

“Really?” I asked, looking behind me. “Where?”

She huffed and skied off to rejoin the team.

I threw my head back and tried to get a grip on the rolling clouds, but they kept churning above me, closing in. It started to snow.
Great
, I thought.

The last race of the season was five days away. And I was determined to win it. Not only that, I was going to control my dark powers once and for all.

After practice, Aunt Jo sat with me while I ate lunch and griped about the team. “I don’t know why they hate me now,” I mumbled through bites of leftover pasta.

“People hate what they think is a threat,” Aunt Jo said in an annoyingly rational voice.

“Do you have a masters in I’m Always Right or something?”

She laughed. “No, Skye, but you left the team—that was something you chose to do. You left them. Then you swoop back in and expect that everything is going to go back to normal. But it takes time for that to happen.” The subtext of her little speech was crystal clear. My life wasn’t just waiting for me with open arms. I had to work at regaining everyone’s trust. She leaned across the table and took my hand, fork and all. “Give them time,” she said. “They won’t hate you forever.” I sank back into my chair and polished off the rest of the pasta.

“Whatever happened to Devin, Skye?” she asked, catching me off-guard. “He was one of the two new guys you were spending time with, wasn’t he?”

“He was,” I said.
He still is
, I wanted to add. But I kept that to myself. Cassie would yell at me. Dan would take Cassie’s side. And Asher—

Asher would never look at me again.

What had happened in the woods the night before—that could never happen again. Whatever I had once wondered about between me and Devin was in the past. If I tried to revive it now, it would only lead to trouble. And trouble was what I was trying so hard to avoid.

“Which one was he again? Snowball Fight?”

“Yes.” I twirled my fork along my empty plate, not offering any more information.

“Got it,” Aunt Jo said, taking the hint. “Shutting up now.” We sat in silence for a few seconds. “That Asher’s pretty cute, though.” She frowned to herself. “He’s charming, and he knows it. The flowers . . . and the sweater . . .”

“He just wanted to impress you,” I said. “And can you blame him? You glared at him all night and barely gave him a chance!”

“He’s your boyfriend! Of course I’m going to be judgmental. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I want what’s best for you.”

“And you don’t think he is?”

“He’s just so charming, Skye. Don’t let him pull you along with whatever he has planned.”

“Who said I am?” I felt my temper rising, and tried to calm my mind, focus my emotions.
Keep control
, I told myself.
Don’t let go.

“No one, but I see the way you are with him. You’d do anything for him. Just make sure it’s the right thing.” She stood up.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said hotly.

“Then why are you getting so defensive?” Aunt Jo crossed her arms and gave me a pointed look. “Why would you care if there wasn’t a kernel of truth to it?”

I took a few deep breaths and tried to keep my voice as calm as possible as I said, “I’d rather be in love and make the wrong choice once in a while than always be right and be alone.” I pushed my chair back and walked out onto the deck. I felt the slight tug of guilt at what I’d said, but I didn’t dare turn around and admit defeat. How could she possibly give me advice like that about Asher? She didn’t know him at all! She thought she had him pegged, but there was so much more to him than what she saw.

I looked up, and Asher was standing by the railing. His foot was tapping.

“I thought I’d surprise you after practice,” he said, shrugging.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“Oh, everything.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I have no idea why she’s being that way.”

“Don’t be. She’s just being protective. I’m the same way.” He looked a little sheepish. “Do you forgive me?” he asked. “For the other night? I don’t like keeping things from you, but honestly there’s not a lot I know.”

I looked down. I felt so, so terrible. Asher would never betray me the way Devin had. Why was I suddenly acting this way all over again?

“I know,” I said. “And I do. Forgive you. I’m sorry, too.”

“Come here.” He sat down and pulled me into his lap in the Adirondack chair, wrapping his arms around me. We stared out at the mountains as the peaks began to turn pink with the sunset. I leaned my cheek against his chest and sighed.

“I think this is my favorite place,” I said. “Here, with you. It may be my favorite place in the whole world.”

“Yeah,” Asher said. “Mine, too. And I’ve been a lot of places.” He squeezed me. “But only as long as we’re together. Otherwise it’s just a sunset.”

“I don’t want to watch any more sunsets without you,” I said quietly. I felt him kiss the top of my head.

“Me either, Skye,” he whispered into my hair.

I tried so hard to keep my focus the rest of the week. It was difficult, and there were a lot of rainstorms because of it.

Asher loved creating fire—it was his signature move. But my favorite element to control was the weather—the storms in particular. I could feel the lightning aching in my fingertips and surging across the sky. For once, my name didn’t feel like such a coincidence. It felt like something massive, so much larger than me or my problems. When I could think a simple thought and cause rain to fall from the sky, I felt so connected to the earth and to the forces of nature surrounding me.

Standing in the middle of the field, soaking wet and beaming, I would look at Asher and see his eyes flashing. With the lightning crashing around me, the sheer force of everything I felt for him would threaten to topple me, and I drew from it. I knew my feelings for Asher made my powers stronger, and he knew it, too. We fed off each other.

“You’re killing it,” he’d whisper into my ear as he helped me draw the strength I needed to inspire a clap of thunder so loud it knocked my teeth together. “You’ll be the strongest Rebel yet.”

“Tell me what we’re preparing for,” I asked over and over again. “Tell me what’s coming.”

“I don’t know,” he kept repeating. “I don’t know what’s coming, yet.”

I knew he was hiding the truth from me. And my annoyance would cause the sky to crack, and Asher would grasp my hands tightly in his, and the power surged between us, so that there was no difference between love and anger, frustration and joy. It was all the same when we were together. It was exactly what he’d said that day back at the cabin. It was a partnership.

I hadn’t yet told him about what, exactly, I’d seen in my visions. I wasn’t sure he’d understand. I hadn’t had one in a few days, and I was thinking about this one day in the field as we worked silently, side by side, at manipulating the size and shape of raindrops. If I concentrated hard enough, could I force myself to have a vision? And if I could, what would that mean? Did any other Guardians have the same kinds of visions? I knew I shouldn’t, but I needed to talk to a Guardian about what I was seeing. I still needed to talk to Devin.

When the house was dark and quiet that night, I opened the door to my room just a crack. No light shone under the door of Aunt Jo’s room, which meant she wasn’t up late reading. Here was my chance. I needed a way to talk to Devin outside of school, where Guardians and Rebels might be watching us. I’d blurred his destiny—the Gifted wouldn’t be able to track where he was. As long as we met outside of school, we were fine.

At least that’s what I told myself.

I waited ten minutes to make sure Aunt Jo really was asleep before tiptoeing through the front door. Summoning my dark powers, I caused a massive clap of thunder to mask the sound of the car starting. Then I drove.

I hadn’t driven to the apartment complex on the edge of town since that one time I’d gone home with Devin, but it wasn’t hard to find. The light was on in his window when I pulled up. I hesitated. What if Raven was there? Or the other Guardians? What if they were all staying with Devin now? My heart pounded audibly as I got out of the car and walked to his door as quietly as possible.

In my hand was a small purple flower I’d picked outside my house. I tied it to the doorknob with a length of string. He would know what it meant.

I drove away as quickly as I’d come. I knew he would find me. I would just have to wait.