A Hand to Hold (10 page)

His father added a sprinkle of salt to his meal. The room suddenly seemed ten times too small. He had to get out of there. His appetite gone, he stood. “Have to
geh
check on Maggie.”

Zach kept his composure as he left the house, but once outside, he lost it. He stormed to the barn a few feet behind the house. He’d already fed his horse before coming in for supper, but he grabbed a pitchfork and started throwing clumps of hay into her stall anyway. After a few minutes, he slammed the pitchfork on the ground.

How could his father do this to him?
Daed
knew Zach needed money to repair the schoolhouse, but he hadn’t said a word about having a job available or hiring anyone. Not until now. Zach barely knew this Mullet kid, and he was sure his father didn’t know him that well either. Yet he trusted him enough to work with him in the shop? Trusted a near stranger more than his own son.

Zach sat down on a hay bale and ran his hand over his dripping face, taking in a deep breath. The barn smelled of horse sweat, old hay, and manure. He had half a mind to forget about being responsible and prove his father right, along with everyone else. Even Ruth didn’t trust him, and she barely knew him. Which didn’t make sense. He’d shown up at the schoolhouse and worked hard, as he’d promised. What did he get in return? Just a snobby attitude. She was even too good to eat lunch with him. Then he got himself a job, like he said he would. And how did his father act? Like he couldn’t care less. Not a pat on the back or a word of encouragement. Just his past failure rubbed in his face over and over again.

Great plan, God
.

Chapter 7

D
eborah woke to the sight of Will standing by the edge of her bed, his face only inches from hers. Not realizing who he was at first, she sat straight up, her heart pounding. Then her son’s face came into focus. “William Moses Coblentz, don’t do that again. You almost scared me to death.”

Will’s eyes widened and his lower lip started to tremble. “Ma.”

His mewling of her name brought her fully awake, and she picked him up. “It’s okay,
sohn
.” She hugged him close. Her mother was being buried today. Kissing his cheek, she fought the tears, keeping them from Will. Her heart felt like a rock in her chest. How was she supposed to get through this?
Lord, be with me today
.

She dressed Will, then sat him on the braided rug in the center of the floor with a toy drum that played music. While she put on her black dress, white
kapp
, and black stockings, she thought of what Naomi’s reaction to the fancy toy would be. But right now Deborah didn’t care. It was one of Will’s favorite toys, and she wasn’t about to take it away from him. She scooped him off the floor and carried him downstairs and into the kitchen. Naomi was there, setting out a platter of coffee cake on the table.

“I don’t have time to cook breakfast.” Naomi picked up a carton of orange juice and placed it next to the cake. Also dressed in black, her white apron was cinched tightly around her tiny waist. She looked at Deborah. “I suppose you’ll have to take him to the funeral.”

“There’s no one to watch him.”

“I can watch him.” Sadie came into the kitchen. She took Will from Deborah’s arms and planted a big kiss on his cheek. He giggled. “He’ll be fine with me.”

Deborah looked at her aunt. “Aren’t you going to the funeral?”

Sadie shook her head. “I thought about it, but I should stay here. I can be more useful watching Will and getting things ready here. I’m sure you’ll have lots of company before the service is over.” She glanced at Naomi. “That’s if I’m allowed.”

Naomi didn’t say anything for a long moment. Finally, she nodded and left.

With a sigh, Sadie sat Will in the chair. “I’ll never understand her. Hard to believe you came from the same parents.” Her head shot up. “Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry.”

Deborah swallowed. “It’s all right.” She understood that Sadie hadn’t meant to be insensitive. She also understood how Naomi was feeling. They were the only two who could share the pain of losing their mother. Well, they could if Naomi was willing to. But Deborah didn’t have the will to try and forge a truce, since she knew it wouldn’t work anyway. Today, though, she didn’t want to fight with her sister.

On the way home from the cemetery, Naomi sat in the front of the buggy with their father while Deborah sat in the back. Naomi hadn’t said a word during the service, or when their mother was laid to rest. She also hadn’t shed a tear. But Deborah had cried enough for both of them.

Their
daed
turned the buggy down their drive, and Deborah noticed several buggies already outside their house. As soon as they parked in the barn, Naomi got out and hurried to the house.

Deborah expected her father to get out too, but he remained, staring down at his lap. Alarmed, she moved to sit beside him, placing her hand on his arm.
“Daed?”

His black hat was pulled low on his head, enough so that she could only see half his face. “I’m all right, Deborah. I just need a few moments alone.
Geh
check on Will. I’ll be along shortly.”

She hesitated, unsure what to do. Then her father looked at her, his eyes clear but still filled with grief. “All right. I’ll see you inside.”

Deborah started for the house but stopped just short of the front porch. A sudden attack of nerves hit her. The same people inside the house had been at the funeral, but she was so focused on her father and consumed with grief at the sight of her mother being buried that she hadn’t paid much attention to them. But now she had to face everyone, something she hadn’t done since she’d gotten pregnant and left Middlefield. The Amish weren’t a judgmental people, but knowing that didn’t make her less nervous. She wasn’t worried for herself as much as she was for Will. She couldn’t take it if anyone rejected her child, no matter the circumstances of his birth.

“Deborah!”

She looked up to see a young, blonde-haired woman dash out the front door. Her nerves quieted and she grinned. “Elisabeth!”

Elisabeth Detweiler held out her arms and ran to her, enveloping her in a big hug. “I didn’t get a chance to greet you properly at the funeral.” She took a step back, her arms still around Deborah’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry about your
mudder
.”

Deborah’s grin faded. “
Danki
. Oh, Elisabeth, I’m so glad you’re here.” Tears burned in her eyes.

Elisabeth nodded. “I’ve missed you,
mei freind
.”

“Me too.” Deborah didn’t realize how much until now. Elisabeth was the best friend she’d ever had. She remembered the time she had invited her to a party at the Yoders’ barn. Elisabeth hadn’t wanted to go, but Deborah had badgered her into it. At the time she had thought she was cool. She had been running around with some wild Yankee kids, and several Amish kids who were into partying. At the party, she had gotten drunk and had no idea how Elisabeth got home. During those months, she’d been a terrible friend to Elisabeth, even refusing to speak to her for a while.

Then when she became pregnant with Will, the only person she could turn to was Elisabeth, and Elisabeth had been a supportive and faithful friend. They had been close ever since.

“I saw your Will inside.” Elisabeth smiled. “He’s adorable. Looks just like his
mami
.” She winked.

Deborah had always thought he looked more like Chase, but she liked hearing the compliment. “Was he still with
Aenti
Sadie?”

“
Ya
. She’s holding on to him tight.” Elisabeth linked her arm through Deborah’s. “Let’s
geh
inside.
Mami
and Moriah are helping Naomi in the kitchen.”

They went inside. People were milling throughout the house, talking and eating. There were even a few bursts of quiet laughter, and for that, Deborah was grateful. Her mother would have wanted her family and friends to celebrate her memory.

Elisabeth released her arm. “Do you want something to eat or drink? I’ll be happy to get it for you.”

Deborah shook her head. “That’s all right. I should
geh
help Naomi.”

“Don’t worry about that.
Mami
and Moriah have everything running smoothly. They tried to get your sister out of the kitchen so she could visit with everyone, but she refused.” Elisabeth paused. “Have you had anything to eat today?”

“I’m really not hungry—”

“Deborah, you have to eat something. It’s late afternoon. You don’t want to get sick.” When Deborah started to protest, she held up her hand. “I’ll be right back. You can at least eat a cookie. And don’t worry. I didn’t make them;
Mami
did.” Elisabeth took off before Deborah could say anything else.

Still standing near the front door, she searched the living room for her aunt and Will. She saw both of them across the room, Will sitting in Sadie’s lap, his finger in his mouth and an expression of wonder on his small face as he stared at all the strangers. She walked toward them, only to bump into a tall Amish man.

“Sorry.” He looked down at her. “I should have watched where I was going.”

“
Nee
, it was my fault.” She stared up at him in sudden recognition. “Hello, Stephen.” She didn’t know Elisabeth’s younger brother very well, only from passing conversations when visiting the Byler house a few times over the years. He was two years younger than she and Elisabeth, and she’d never paid too much attention to him. It was hard not to pay attention to him now. He seemed to have grown six inches since the last time she’d seen him. She’d never been good at estimating things, but she figured he had to be at least a foot taller than she was, with broad shoulders and a lean frame. Deborah shifted her gaze to his face. His eyes were a similar blue color to Elisabeth’s. But that’s where their similarities seemed to end. His hair was a darker blond, nearly light brown, which matched his thick brows. He had a long face, but it suited his large frame.

“I’m sorry about your mother.”

He had the deepest voice she’d ever heard, a rich, strong tone. “
Danki
. And
danki
for stopping by.”

Elisabeth showed up, holding Will in her arms. “I didn’t get a chance to get the cookies, but I thought you’d like this better.”

Will held out his arms to her. Deborah took him and kissed his cheek.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Stephen stepped to the side. “It’s getting a little crowded in here. Think I’ll step outside for a minute.”

Deborah watched him go, still amazed by his size. “It was nice of him to stop by after the funeral.”

“I know he wanted to pay his respects,” Elisabeth said. “And he’s right; it is too crowded in here. We should
geh
on the porch. It’ll be easier to talk there.”

As they threaded their way through the crowd, Deborah paused to accept everyone’s condolences. When they made their way out to the porch, they sat down on the chairs, and Deborah settled Will on her lap. She looked at her friend. “So tell me about married life.” When Elisabeth didn’t answer right away, she added, “It’s okay. I’m happy for you and Aaron. I’m glad you found each other. I wish I would have been able to come to the wedding. It was too close to my due date.”

“I understand.” Elisabeth smiled, her lovely blue eyes twinkling with happiness. “Married life is wonderful. I’ve never been so content. And Aaron has the patience of Job himself. He eats the terrible suppers I make without complaint. All he says is ‘You’re improving.’”

Deborah laughed. “And are you?”

“
Nee
. Not at all. But he’s sweet to want me to think that.”

Deborah smiled. Talking to Elisabeth helped her forget about her grief for a moment. “Maybe you need some cooking lessons.”

“
Mami’s
tried.” Elisabeth let out a dramatic sigh. “Unlike Aaron, she doesn’t have infinite patience. Oh well, he isn’t going hungry. That’s all that matters.”

Elisabeth’s words made her think about Thomas. He had to have some patience, too, considering he’d waited so long to get married. But she didn’t know the reasons he had waited, except that he wasn’t concerned about marrying someone he loved.

Maybe her aunt was right. She should forget about Thomas and wait on love. She saw the way Elisabeth’s eyes shone with love as she talked about Aaron, and deep down she wanted that kind of devotion for herself. But one thing made her hang on to the idea of marrying Thomas. He had already accepted Will and would be a father to him. She couldn’t be sure anyone else would be willing to do that.

Elisabeth reached out and touched Deborah’s hand. “We shouldn’t be talking about me. How are you doing? This has to be so hard on you.”

Deborah nodded. “I miss her very much.” She touched Will’s head, running her fingers over his baby-fine, dark brown locks, which had started to curl at the ends. “I regret she didn’t spend much time with Will. I should have come back as soon as he was born.”

“Why didn’t you?” Elisabeth’s eyes widened. “Is that terribly nosy of me?”

“
Nee
, it’s okay.”

“It’s just that I always wondered. I knew why you left, especially after how Chase reacted. He was awful.”