A Heart for Robbie (25 page)

A Heart for Robbie

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Chapter 14

“HARDER,” JULIAN cried.

“That’s as hard as it goes,” Simon said, his voice strained.

“Wait, no, right there. Come on, pop it in there.”

“Is it in?”

“Almost, wait…. There, yeah. God, that was a pain to put together,”

Julian said, falling back against Simon’s legs where he sat on the leather couch in Julian’s living room. A baby floor gym sat innocuously off to the side. Robbie watched from his bouncer, obviously intrigued by the noise, but his eyes never left the colorful designs of the gym.

“Looks like he wants to play,” Simon said as Robbie’s little hands

and feet started to move spastically, bouncing him in the seat.

“I think you’re right.” Julian laughed and used Simon’s legs as

leverage to haul himself up. An ominous cracking noise resounded as he

got to his feet.

“I’m too old to sit on the floor.”

“You’re only as old as you feel,” Simon said, looking up at his

boyfriend with false innocence.

“In that case, I’m ancient.”

“You’re beautiful.”

Julian turned to look at Simon, who’d risen from the couch. Simon

laid a hand on his cheek.

“I mean it, Julian. These last two months with you have been the

best of my life. Making love with you, waking up next to you, holding

Robbie, they are the things that get me through my day now.”

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Julian captured Simon’s lips in a slow kiss, breaking it only when

Robbie started to fuss at their feet, obviously ready to be on that floor mat and playing with his new toy.

“Four months old and ready to take on the world,” Julian muttered

and unclipped the T-straps on the bouncer. He lifted Robbie and held him close, as he always did. Only this time, something was different.

Something was off.

“Simon, can you go up to the nursery and grab the stethoscope from

the back of the door, please? Hurry.” Julian carried Robbie to the couch and laid him on the center cushion. Robbie squirmed a bit but didn’t cry.

He just watched his father with soulful eyes as Julian stroked his cheek.

He heard Simon on the stairs and popped open the bottom of Robbie’s

onesie. Simon slid into the living room just over a minute later and handed the stethoscope to Julian, who put the earpieces in with a practiced hand.

He rubbed the metal part of the scope between his hands to warm it

and then slid it up the front of Robbie’s shirt to place it over his heart. No one made a sound, and Julian thought for a moment Simon had stopped

breathing all together. He listened intently. Then he put the scope over Robbie’s chest and listened to the shallow breaths, quick and harsh.

The phone was out of his pocket and in his hands before the

earpieces were out of his ears. He held down the number three and put it up to his ear. Two rings and then three, and Julian forced his breathing to stay normal. In the middle of the fourth ring, a woman answered.

“Dr. Martinez’s office, this is Sandra. How may I help you?”

“My name is Julian Holmes. My son is on the pediatric cardiac

transplant list and is a patient of Dr. Martinez. I have a medical

emergency. Is she available?”

A pause and then, “She’s with a patient. Let me go and get her for

you.”

Julian’s eyes met Simon’s over Robbie lying between them on the

couch. He rested a hand on Robbie’s chest, feeling it struggle to rise.

“I’m transferring you to Dr. Martinez, Mr. Holmes. Please hold for

just a moment.”

A click and exactly three notes of music and then the phone picked

up again.

“Julian? It’s Dr. Martinez. What’s happening with Robert?”

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“His heart rate is slow and faint, and he’s struggling to breathe.”

“Hang up right now and call 911. Let the ER doctors get him

stabilized and admitted. I’ll be there soon.”

“Bye,” Julian said as he hit the End button and immediately dialed

911. Robbie’s breathing worsened, and Simon picked him up from the

couch to hold him upright and make it easier for him to breathe. Julian

explained the situation and his conversation quickly to the dispatcher, who said they would have an ambulance there as soon as they could.

Paramedics were en route to them now. He took the phone upstairs with

him to pack a quick bag while Simon held Robbie downstairs.

Simon stood next to the door when he returned holding a backpack

in one hand and his tennis shoes in the other. After dropping the backpack by the door, he pulled the shoes on.

“Hold him for a minute so I can put my shoes on and be ready when

they get here,” Simon said, offering Robbie to Julian, who noticed that his hands were steadier than Julian’s. His calm helped Julian to bring his own fear under control.

“You don’t—”

“Yeah, I do. They’re not going to let you ride in the ambulance, and

you’re not driving yourself to the hospital.”

“You can’t go,” Julian said, holding up a hand to stop Simon from

protesting. “It’s nearly six o’clock in the evening on a Saturday. How are you going to explain your presence at the hospital if Dr. Dane or Dr.

Martinez sees you? Dr. Martinez will definitely see you. She’ll be there. If anyone associates you with me, you’ll lose your job. Please. When the

paramedics get here, go home. I’ll call you as soon as I can and let you know what’s happening.”

Simon opened his mouth to argue, but no sound came out. He

opened it again and again, as if he wanted to make Julian change his mind but couldn’t come up with a viable reason. He would lose his job, and one trip to the ER wasn’t worth that.

“There may come a time when you need to be there with me, but not

tonight. Don’t risk everything until we know what we’re dealing with.”

Julian hugged him around little Robbie in his arms as he heard a siren

approach. He slipped his hands to either side of Simon’s face and drew

him in for a quiet kiss.

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“Go wait in the kitchen until they take Robbie. I don’t want them to

recognize you and make an association.”

“They wouldn’t know who I was.”

“You want to take that risk? I don’t. It’s going to be okay, Simon,

we’ve been here before.”

Only they hadn’t, and he could see by the frown that Simon read that

from his face. They’d never rushed Robbie to the hospital by ambulance

before. He’d never had to stand there and watch his child struggle to

breathe in his living room. Panic threatened to choke him, but he held it at bay by sheer will. He needed to stay in control and help Robbie.

“It’s going to be okay,” Simon said as he handed Robbie to Julian

amid the sounds of feet pounding up the drive on the other side of the

screen door. Julian waited for the paramedics as Simon disappeared into

the kitchen.

“Mr. Holmes?” a young woman asked when Julian opened the door

before they could knock.

“Yes, and this is Robbie. He’s having trouble breathing, and his

heartbeat is slow and faint. He’s on the transplant list for a new heart because of a pulmonary atresia. His pediatric cardiologist is on staff at St.

Mary’s and will be waiting for you when you get there.”

The male paramedic examined Robbie quickly where he lay in

Julian’s arms. He didn’t say anything, but the look he gave the woman

made Julian’s blood turn cold.

“Let’s get him on the rig,” he told her and pulled Robbie from

Julian’s unresisting arms. Then to Julian, he said “We’ll take him to St.

Mary’s. You can ride up front. Let’s go.”

“I’m right behind you.” Julian grabbed his bag and raced into the

kitchen.

“The door will lock behind you when you leave. I have to go. They

want me in the ambulance. I’ll call you later.”

Simon appeared shell-shocked but didn’t slow Julian down as he

turned and sprinted for the door, down the front steps, and to the

ambulance where they had loaded Robbie into the back and were

strapping an oxygen mask to his face. He could hear Robbie screaming

behind it.

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“You need to hold him. Calm him down. He’s scared of the mask.

Please, when he cries it just makes his heart work harder.” Julian put a hand on the woman’s arm.

“Come on,” she said, grabbing Julian’s hand and hoisting him up

into the back of the ambulance. “Sit right here in the jump seat. Put a hand on him so he knows you’re there. I’m going to strap him onto the

stretcher.”

“Karen—” the guy started, but she cut him off.

“I don’t want to cause this baby more stress than he needs to have.

Just go, Davey.”

“You’re the boss.”

The ambulance started to roll out into the scarce traffic on the quiet

side street. Julian glanced out the back window and saw Simon near the

gate, watching the ambulance leave. He wanted more than anything to

tell Simon to follow them, to be at the hospital with him. They had spent almost every night of the last two months together. Most nights, Simon

came over early enough to spend time with Robbie before they put him

to bed.

Robbie started to cry again, scared by the noise, the jostling, and the

oxygen mask over his face. The paramedic had strapped the baby to the

stretcher with a five-point harness to keep him from rolling off. Julian could barely reach Robbie from his fold-down seat on the other side of the ambulance, but his fingers stretched just far enough for the little boy to grab. The cacophony of cries tapered to a whimper as he played with

Julian’s fingers.

Streets passed the back windows at a dizzying pace as the ambulance

raced for the hospital. The paramedic took Robbie’s vitals again, calling out numbers to the radio dispatcher as they approached.

“We are about three minutes out,” the driver called, probably to the

person on the radio, but it helped Julian to hear it anyway. Robbie had

started to cry again, the sound weak, and painful to his ears.

“It was Karen, right?” Julian asked her quietly after she took

Robbie’s pulse again, jotting it down on a pad rubber-banded to her wrist.

She reached up and pushed her hair back from her face, and Julian noticed that she looked younger than he expected.

“Yeah.”

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“Thank you, Karen, for taking care of Robbie.”

“You’re welcome. He’s a cute little guy.”

“Prepare to transport,” the guy called from the front seat, and Julian

felt a jolt as they pulled into the ambulance bay.

“Okay, Mr. Holmes, I want you to follow us right in. Stay right

behind the stretcher, and we’re going to take him in. They already have an ER bay prepped, and they’re aware of his history. He’s struggling but not in crisis, so they should let you stay back with him. Just try to stay quiet and out of the way.”

“I will. Thank you.”

The ambulance stopped, and Karen went into motion. The doors

flew open, and she and the male paramedic removed the stretcher.

Robbie’s eyes got wide, and he screamed behind the oxygen mask. Karen

tried to soothe him, talking quietly, but they continued to push through the open double doors. Once they got into the ER bay, a nurse gently but

firmly took Julian by the arm and pulled him out of the curtained area.

“You’re the father?” she asked, and Julian nodded.

“Okay, I’m not going to make you go out to the waiting room, but

you need to stay right here until we have him stabilized.”

She left him standing just outside the curtain against a wall where he

could hear Robbie crying for him but couldn’t see him. It tore at his heart to hear his son screaming and not be able to do anything to comfort him.

Tears welled in his eyes, blurring his phone when he pulled it out to text Simon.

If you’re driving don’t text back, but we’re at the hospital. They’re
working on him.

Julian knew he should wait to text until he had news, but he wanted

Simon’s optimism. He needed someone to tell him his son would be okay,

hollow as the sentiment would be.

Where are you?

I’m in the hall outside the curtain. I can hear him screaming.

The phone rang in his hand, and a tear fell down his cheek.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be able to talk,” he said quietly instead

of a greeting. Julian watched Dr. Martinez come in from the other side of the room and duck behind the curtain. He didn’t think she saw him.

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“He’s going to be okay, Julian. He’s in the best place he can be right

now. I’m still at your place. Do you want me to call your parents and let them know Robbie’s in the emergency room?” Simon asked, and Julian

drew strength from the calm in his voice. They moved another machine

into the curtained area, and Julian closed his eyes, focusing only on

Robbie’s voice. Had Robbie been a little older, he’d have been screaming

“dada” over and over, which would have killed him. The unformed words

in his cries were bad enough.

“I’ll call them when I have something to tell them.”

“I can be there in half an hour. Just please, remember that.”

“I will.”

They stayed on the phone for a few minutes longer, until the same

nurse who had thrown him out, the one with the bulldog’s face and the pit bull’s body, made her way over to him.

“I have to go. I’ll call you back when I know what’s happening.”

“Bye, honey.”

He hit the End button, barely hearing the “honey,” which made him

smile on the inside despite the expression of grim determination on the