A Holiday To Remember (11 page)

“Why, that’s mighty thoughtful of you girls.” He took the bag and peeked into it. “These are pretty decorations. Too fine for the likes of me. Now I guess I have to get a Christmas tree.”

“You mean, you don’t have one yet?” Mia slowly shook her head from side to side in complete disapproval. “Did you hear that, Mom? What are you going to do about that?”

“I don’t know, kid.” Debra drew her arm around her daughter, drawing her close, struggling to keep the corners of her mouth straight. “Jonah doesn’t strike me as a humbug, but if he wants to be, I’m not sure there’s anything I can do about it.”

Her mirth was infectious. He couldn’t resist teasing back. “I prefer my humbug existence. I’m not about to let two lovely ladies talk me out of it.”

Ben added from across the room. “He’s not as tough as he sounds. Debra, I say, go for it—date him.”

To her credit, she blushed bright red. “Well, I don’t know about that. When it comes to dating I’m very picky. What if I don’t want to ‘go for it’ with a humbug?”

She had him there. Jonah snagged his coat from the closet by the door. “Maybe I’m not such a humbug.”

She was still blushing.

He jammed one arm into the sleeve of his coat and then the other, and the red foil bag of decorations crinkled and rustled as if hinting at him, too. “Let’s say I get a Christmas tree. I’m going to need some help with these fancy decorations.”

Mia clasped her hands together and danced in place, as if trying so hard to hold back her youthful enthusiasm. She struggled to sound grown-up and calm. “I’m sure we could help you with that.”

“Not if you don’t really want to,” he couldn’t help kidding her. “I can tell you really aren’t thrilled at the notion.”

She laughed. “Oh! You know I’m trying to get my mom to help you!”

“I’m fully aware of that.” He took in the deeper shade of red staining Debra’s lovely face and gave thanks for it. That gave him courage. “What do you say, Debra? Want to go Christmas tree shopping with me?”

“Oh, well, if it will help celebrate the season. I can’t have you turning into a grinch.”

It was what she didn’t say that he heard so well. Somehow, he knew she felt as bashful as he did about these feelings. They were a lot alike, he realized. And he liked the idea of being with her—but there was one catch. He was afraid to be alone with her, afraid of where these feelings would take him. He had no right giving Debra the idea that he could be serious about her.

“I appreciate your concern,” he said instead, “but what about Miss Mia? I might need her help, too. I am in serious danger of turning into a grinch.”

“Wait!” Mia protested. “You two should, uh, go alone. So you can talk and stuff.”

Debra wheeled toward her daughter, looking a little more than surprised. “What
and stuff
do you mean? What else would we do besides talk?”

“Uh…” Looking innocent, Mia rolled her eyes to the ceiling as if thinking up a reasonable answer.

Jonah figured he already knew. Miss Mia was looking for a husband for her mother. Debra hadn’t realized that yet, but it looked as if she was starting to get the drift. He cleared his throat. “I can swing by the bed-and-breakfast and pick you up after work tomorrow.”

Ben cut in. “It’ll be dark by then. It might be best if you take off at noon and make an outing of it.”

Leah rose to join her husband. “Yes, wouldn’t that be nice? There’s the tree farm just out of town where you can pick out your tree and they cut it down for you. We got ours there.”

“It was real fun,” Olivia added as an incentive.

Jonah was satisfied with that suggestion. He’d be able to spend time with Debra and it was a safe way to do it. His heart wasn’t likely to get more involved if they kept it light. “There. That cinches it. I’ll pick you girls up at noon, we’ll grab a bite and head out to the farm.”

“A bite?” Debra arched her brow.

When he’d first met her, he would have figured she was too sophisticated for a drive-through burger, but he knew her better now. “I’ve got one question for you. Do you have a weakness for French fries?”

“A terrible one.” She said it without an ounce of shame. “Are you telling me that I’m going to have to blow my diet?”

“A diet? What do you need a diet for?” She was perfectly lovely. Then again, he was realizing exactly how biased he was when it came to Debra Watson.

“All right, my healthy nutritional food plan does not include fast food.”

“Something tells me that you’ll make an exception.” He concentrated on zipping his coat. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Then how can I refuse?” She reached down to hold the placket for him, since he was zipping with the handicap of the bag.

He did his best not to notice the vanilla scent of her shampoo or the gentle curve of her face or the way his heart brimmed right over with tenderness for her. Yep, it was a good thing he was keeping things light.

Ben put his arm around his wife. “Debra. When you get to Jonah’s eyesore of an apartment, make him show you the Purple Heart he keeps hidden in a drawer. I made the shadow box for him to display it in—but he’s humble.”

Did Ben have to mention that? Jonah yanked the door open to the frigid night. “On that note, adios. I’ll see you two ladies tomorrow.”

“We’ll be ready!” Mia piped in. “Right, Mom?”

“Right.” When Debra lay her hand on the open door, to close it after him, her gaze met his. “As one grinch to another, I think this will be good for both of us.”

“You don’t look like any grinch I’ve ever seen.” He couldn’t resist adding as he hesitated on the porch, with the freezing fog crisping around him. “You are far too lovely to be a grinch.”

“You are wrong. Until lately, I hadn’t realized how little I’ve been using my heart. What is the phrase? I think it’s been two sizes too small, but I’ve decided to change that.”

He didn’t know how she could say such a thing, as good and kind and gentle as she was. Being with her brought him peace, made him feel like the man he used to be before the war. And he knew he was wrong for wanting to feel this way a little longer. It was wrong to want to stay in her presence and to feel whole. Instead of doing the right thing and moving away, he leaned closer and kissed her on her cheek.

“Tomorrow,” he said with a wink. He turned on his heels, marched down the walkway and waited until he heard the door close in the stillness of the night before he looked behind him. It was her face he longed to see looking back at him through the window and she did not disappoint him. She blushed again, as if being embarrassed at being spotted, and let the curtains fall closed.

He was left with her image as he drove away, the vision of the kind of love he’d always figured he would have one day. That lost dream seemed to follow him home and haunted him right along with the nightmares throughout the long, merciless night.

The grandfather clock in the formal living room chimed the midnight hour. Douglas Matthews chugged back the tumbler of scotch and let the alcohol burn a fiery trail to the pit of his stomach. It felt like the pit of his soul.

It was starting to fall apart. All of it. The divorce papers he’d been served with stared up at him from the corner of the coffee table where he’d flung them. His vision was blurry from downing a good portion of the bottle of scotch, but he was still able to remember what his attorney had said.

She’s got a good case, Doug. A doctor has confirmed her injuries are consistent with spousal abuse. You’re lucky if she doesn’t press charges.

“She wouldn’t dare!” His words echoed with hate in the professionally decorated room. His showcase. What good was his image of a good Christian husband and father if his wife wasn’t here with their boy, proof of his faith? How was he going to pull off his big Christmas special now?

He slammed the crystal tumbler onto the two-thousand-dollar coffee table. With surprise he realized the glass had come apart in his hand. When he shook his hand, crystal tinkled onto the tabletop and a tiny fissure of blood traced across his palm.

How about that? He didn’t feel the pain. The scotch had numbed him, but not enough. A different kind of agony tore through him. Everything he’d done and he still didn’t have the national show that he wanted. Didn’t he deserve the best? Why shouldn’t he be raking in all the fame and fortune he could? He was worth it. Didn’t everyone understand that?

He thought of Lynda. She was probably floundering without him. She couldn’t find her way out of a shoe-box. She needed him. Let her have her little tantrum. Get it out of her system. She was probably regretting walking out on him and the advantageous lifestyle only he could give her.

Douglas sprang from the couch and paced the length of the room. Maybe everything wasn’t falling apart. He could still save it.

The network deal was still in the works. Just because his agent was ready to dump him, didn’t mean he had to take that kind of treatment. He’d turn the tables, get another agent, get his wife back and keep his image.

It all depended on his Christmas show. He had the feeling that was what it would take. He nodded, yes, he would go all out and do a family-values show. Everyone would see that he was still at the top and deserved more.

He stopped at the window and pulled back the drapes. The night was dark and stormy but not without hope. He was sure Lynda was trying to figure out a way to come back. She couldn’t make it without him. He would try to show her what a good husband he was, ready to forgive her.

He went straight for the scotch bottle. A plan like this deserved a toast.

M
ia pushed open the door and stuck her head into their rooms. “Mom! Jonah’s pulling up in his big red truck!”

Debra kept her cell phone tucked against her ear and chin as she took one final glance in the beveled mirror. She was determined to look as casual about this outing with Jonah as she had decided to feel. “I have to go, Dad.”

Her father sounded amused. “Sounds like you two are having a good time. But be sure and let Ben know that we’d like to see him and his family soon.”

“I’ll tell him.” By the time she’d said goodbye and tucked her phone away, Mia already had her coat on and was frantically digging through her things.

“Have you seen my hat, Mom?”

“I have it, kid. It’s here with mine.”

“Whew.” Mia swiped a shank of hair out of her eyes. “You look nice, Mom.”

“Thanks, so do you, cutie.” Debra grabbed Mia’s coat along with her own. “Are you ready? We don’t want to keep Jonah waiting.”

“I’m glad you’re wearing your hair down, Mom. It’s really pretty.” Mia tromped over to take her coat and snagged her hat off the edge of the bureau. “I’m glad you really like Jonah, too.”

There it was again. They’d been too tired last night to talk about any serious issues and it wasn’t as if they had a lot of time now. But as she tucked her wallet into her coat pocket and grabbed her keys from the dresser, she took time. “You know that Jonah can only be our friend, right?”

“But you really like him.” Mia glanced up at her for confirmation.

Debra saw a flash of her daughter’s dreams. Just a hint in the wide hopeful eyes and the way she bit her bottom lip, so vulnerable and idealistic in the same moment. “Are you hoping that Jonah and I will—” She hesitated, unable to say the words.

“Get married?” Mia supplied.

Oh, boy, Debra thought, here she was worrying about liking Jonah too much and Mia was already planning the wedding. “Is that what you’re hoping for? Is that why you wanted me and Jonah to go alone today? And why you invited him to dinner last night?”

“Well-l-l-l.” Mia drew out the word, giving herself time to think. “You need a husband, Mom.”

“Do I? That’s news to me. What on earth has brought you to that conclusion?”

“You wouldn’t have to work so hard if you had a husband.” Mia shuffled out into the hall. “Plus, you wouldn’t have to be alone with everything. Wouldn’t that be nice? And—”

Extremely curious about what else her daughter had to say, she stepped into the hall, paying close attention as she locked the door. “And?” she prompted.

“And then maybe I could get a baby sister. I think that would be nice.”

Sure it would, but Debra knew her child enough to know there was one more thing—and odds were that she could guess what it was. “You think that if we had a family like your cousin Olivia does that you wouldn’t have to go away to school.”

“Well-l-l-l, kind of. I was hoping that might work out. But mostly, as much as I hate school—and I really, really hate going away to school—I want a real family more. Don’t you?”

Those words were like arrows to her heart. “I do, but you can’t get your hopes up, kid. You know we’re here for the rest of the week and then we go back home to Baltimore. Nothing can happen between me and Jonah. We’re just friends, that’s all.”

“But I can tell you really like him. I mean, he’s cool and you two like the same stuff.”

“I know, but it’s complicated. Love—the real kind that makes a marriage and a family happy—it just doesn’t come along like snow falling from the sky. It’s rare and I’ve never been able to find it.” And, Debra didn’t add, she didn’t have a lot of confidence that the real thing would happen to her, as much as she wanted it to.

Mia took the stairs two at a time. “I keep telling you, Mom. You’ve got to believe in the power of prayer.”

Debra froze at the top of the landing, watching her little girl float down the stairs. Once she’d been that innocent and naive, believing so easily in what could not be seen. Then she’d had to grow up very fast, and had vowed to not be so easily misled. That hadn’t brought her peace or happiness and she wished, how she wished, she could grab hold of that innocence again to believe, truly believe in the power of what could not be seen. To trust in a power strong enough to change the winds of her life.

In the foyer below, the front door pushed open and there was Jonah in a haze of sunlight. She thought she felt a brush against her soul, like a touch from heaven. She wasn’t usually so fanciful, but it did feel like more than hope, like believing again.

She watched Jonah find her on the landing and joy spread across his handsome face. Joy at seeing her changed his rugged features and made her hopes lift.

“Hey, there you are.” He seemed to see only her. “Are you ready for an adventure?”

“Adventure?” Debra found herself gliding down the stairs, drawn to him. “In my limited experience, procuring a Christmas tree has always been a rather tame undertaking.”

“Obviously you’ve never done this the right way.”

Debra’s boots took her straight to him. “Then I guess it’s a good thing you came along.”

“A very good thing.” He held out his hand, palm up, and despite the wool of his glove, it was an intimate gesture and a protective one. “Careful, snow’s melting and the floor’s wet and it’s slicker outside. The freezing fog is making it tricky.”

Yes, she was perfectly capable of noticing that, but it was nice of him to help out, since she wasn’t noticing anything else but him. She wasn’t sure what to think as she walked through the door he held for her and Mia, and followed her daughter down the walkway to the inn’s cleared parking lot. Although the cement and blacktop had been carefully cleared, it was slick. Mia skated ahead, intentionally sliding and slipping toward Jonah’s truck.

Maybe it was something in the air or maybe it was from spending so much time with Mia or, Debra realized, perhaps it was Jonah at her side that made the gray day feel like perfect weather. Whatever the reason, she was grateful for this day and this time spent with Mia…and, yes, Jonah.

The ride to Jonah’s favorite drive-through was a short one. He pointed out his apartment in a newish complex as they drove past. He ordered cheeseburgers all around, milkshakes and big tubs of crinkle-cut French fries and golden onion rings. They ate in the warmth of the pickup, juggling ketchup packets and merry conversation. It was the best lunch Debra had had in quite a while and she found herself laughing as freely as Mia, without worrying about her responsibilities and the messages accumulating on her voice mail from the office.

After they’d eaten way too many fries and the burgers were demolished, Jonah drove through town, pointing out landmarks like the gift shop Tony Conlon, the man who’d played Santa Claus, owned. Jonah added colorful stories of the town and the people he’d known all his life, while Debra and Mia sipped their chocolate-cherry milkshakes.

“Mom! Look!” Mia leaned across her to point at the bookstore. “There’s a For Sale sign in the window.”

“How could there be? I was just in there.” Debra whipped around to catch a flash of a sign in the shop’s front windows before it was out of sight.

There had been a sign in the window, but she hadn’t been able to read what was on it. She remembered how happy the lady who owned the place—Pamela—had seemed running the place. “Could she really be selling?”

“I’m sure of it, Mom.” Mia collapsed back against the seat. “I go to the Stanton School, you know, so my reading comprehension is very high.”

Debra couldn’t help it—she tilted her head back and laughed. She couldn’t explain it. Maybe she’d finally heard herself reflected back in Mia’s words. Normally, Debra would have been the first to agree and use it as the reason why Mia had to stay in school. But now, it was hysterical. She couldn’t actually say why.

Jonah glanced at her. His dark eyes glittered with amusement. She supposed she was keeping him entertained. What had he said to her last night?
About the time I think I’ve got you pegged, you do something that throws me off.
He had that same look he’d had last night, one of amused puzzlement. Apparently she was surprising him again.

“Mom, you’re laughing.” Mia slowly shook her head from side to side as if she couldn’t believe her mother’s behavior, but she was giggling, too. “I mean, you’re
really
laughing. For real. Like you’re happy.”

“I guess I am.” Debra took a sip of milkshake and hoped the creamy thick iciness of the drink would help calm her. The happiness remained in her heart, like a little bubble of laughter. “How much does a bookstore like that cost?”

“Good question.” Jonah finally spoke, his brief gaze narrowing as he sized her up and then focused back on the road. He sat confidently with both hands loosely on the wheel, his air of capability unyielding. “Why? Are you interested?”

“Just wondering.” That was the practical answer, of course. One didn’t give up a comfortable life, a very well-paying job and family expectations to follow a less impressive dream, right? At least the Cunningham and Watson families did not. She sighed. She was so used to putting aside her dreams, it ought to be automatic after all these years. “The evening I was in the shop—”

“You mean, when we ran into one another?” Jonah glanced at her over the top of Mia’s head and the puzzled look was gone from his face.

“Yes, that’s the only time I’ve been in the shop. The owner mentioned her husband had recovered from a health crisis. Maybe that’s why they’re selling.”

“Probably. They’re at the right age to retire and enjoy themselves. Pamela has run that place day in and day out as long as I can remember.”

“It’s a lovely shop.” A hint of longing sounded in her voice and she felt a little embarrassed. Surely Jonah did not want to hear about her complaints in life—she didn’t want to hear them, either. Her life was what it had to be. As her mother had said long ago, “You keep the child and support her. It’s your own fault you don’t have a husband beside you, so you have to do the job of both. Cunning-hams do not shirk their duties, especially not to family.”

How long, Debra wondered, had she taken those words as law? As the only way to earn back her mother’s love? To make up for her father’s disappointment in her? To ease the guilt at Mia growing up without her father?

Now, remembering her talk with Jonah in Pamela’s bookstore, she had to wonder if she’d taken her mother’s words the wrong way. Maybe her mother had been speaking of her own life and regrets. Maybe Debra had spent her life doing what she thought her mother wanted, when that wasn’t it at all.

The fog chose that moment to melt away like gray cotton candy being pulled apart. Wispy sheets of airy sugar melted before a cool blue sky. Streaks of sunshine cut like heaven’s light on the endless rise and fall of the white landscape. A billion sparkles in the snow winked and twinkled like the happiness inside her.

What a beautiful day. It had been a long time since she’d felt so much. Longer since she’d felt anything but the duty and responsibility she’d imposed on herself. She’d simply wanted her parents to love and forgive her. Most important of all, she’d been terrified of being a single mother and worked to provide security and comfort for her only child.

But she was starting to see there was more to life. More to loving. More to being a mother and a woman. She wrapped one arm around her daughter and drew her a little closer, as close as the seat belt would allow, and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

“Jonah, look! Is that the tree farm?”

“That’s what the sign says.” The amusement in his voice rumbled with a cozy feel.

It felt right somehow to be together with him. She liked—no, she loved—the way he was strong and quiet but gently good-humored. She watched him with new eyes over the top of Mia’s flyaway hair and knew at week’s end when she went back home she would miss him. Very much.

Jonah guided the truck off the road and into the parking lot marked by a low, split-rail fence. What impressed her most about him was that he seemed to know so many people, so she wasn’t surprised when a man loading up a tree in the parking lot waved to him. The man’s friendly smile and obvious regard for Jonah said everything. It was how everyone treated him. Her assessment of the man, unlike with Jeff, seemed to match everyone else’s. Jonah was without a single doubt the kind of man who always did what was right and true. He had never let anyone down nor would he ever.

Maybe it was safe to admit just to herself that her heart was doing more than taking a little tumble for him.

By the time she’d unbuckled her seat belt and had opened her door, Jonah was there, offering his hand to help her down. She did not dare meet his gaze as she laid her woolen glove on his palm and stepped to the ground. It felt as if her heart kept going, falling all the way to the snowy down at her feet.

Behind her Mia was chattering away, thrilled by the crisp sunshine and scent of trees and the field stretching out ahead of them full of spruce and fir.

“We always get one from the lot by the church,” Mia was explaining as Jonah shut the door. “Mom pays to have it delivered and we sometimes get to decorate it, but mostly we’re too busy.”

Jonah sounded amused as he hailed over a down-vested employee. “I’ve been too busy to get a tree lots of times.”

“Yes, this year Mom ordered a tree without even seeing it and the decorator had it all done. I was away at school.” Mia shook her head as if it was an obvious tragedy. “It’s not tradition. Grandmother Millie always decorated her Christmas tree.”

“Sure, now you quote tradition.” Debra wrapped her arms around her daughter and gave her a quick squeeze.

“I know, I’m just saying—” Mia gave a good-natured huff. “Maybe sometimes tradition’s good and sometimes something else is better.”

“Maybe.” Debra felt Jonah’s gaze on her. He was quietly watching them with an inscrutable look—something more than approval and strangely like wistfulness. “How much room do you have for a tree in your apartment? Are we looking for something small? Medium? Huge?”

“Small. Definitely small.” The sparkles in his eyes dazzled when he chuckled. “I can tell by the look of you two that I’m in trouble.”