A Holiday To Remember (15 page)

“Because we all know the man you are. Maybe it’s time you talked about it. Tell me what horrible thing you did.”

“I lived,” he choked out, ashamed, endlessly, mercilessly ashamed. This time, the horrors of war didn’t wait for dreams. The images flashed before his eyes. The men he’d vowed to fight and die beside. The men who’d died without him.

“Do you think it was your duty to die with your men?” Dad’s hand settled on his shoulder.

Unable to speak, he nodded. What would his father think of him now? “I was hit bad, but not as bad as everyone else. I don’t know why I lived. I shouldn’t have.”

“Son, it’s not your job to question. You have to trust that God knows what He’s doing. Maybe He’s not finished with working His good through you.”

“But the others—”

“You must never forget them. But God preserved your life. You have to accept this gift and live it. You cannot turn your back on the blessing God has given you. He chose you, Jonah.”

“For what?” He could not imagine what he had to offer.

“Maybe to remember what happened over there. What you and your men did and the difference you made. When you were younger, you wanted to write a book one day, remember?”

“I see where you’re going with this, Dad, but still. I can’t accept—” He felt so lost. Could this be the way out? The only honor in surviving would be to bring the memories of those men with him. Maybe his dad had a good idea.

And what about Debra? Remembering how she’d looked with the snow in her hair and the soft glow of the streetlights hazing around her like a dream brought back their evening walk down Christmas Lane. How alive he’d felt. Full of heart.

Her love for him had made the pain of the past recede. Could his love for her do the same? “I don’t want the past to destroy the best thing that’s happened to me. But I don’t know what to do.”

“Then I’ll show you. Let’s pray together. I’m certain God doesn’t want you to hurt so much. This was never in your hands, Jonah. It always was and always will be in His.”

Grateful and soul-weary, Jonah bowed his head, ready to lay down his burden at last.

C
hristmas morning. It was with a heavy but wiser heart that Debra took a look around her room at the bed-and-breakfast for anything she’d forgotten, but it looked as if she’d packed everything. Her suitcases were already loaded in the back of the SUV and Mia’s sat by the open adjoining door. There was nothing left to do but to take it, turn off the radio and go.

As she reached for the radio, the instrumental Christmas carol came to an end. An announcer’s grave voice began reporting the news. “Last night, police arrested Douglas Matthews for sabotage and attempted murder in his efforts to thwart Ross Van Zandt’s investigation into the murder of Wendy Kates. A press conference is scheduled—”

She clicked the button, and the radio fell silent. Douglas Matthews. He certainly had fooled a lot of people with his golden-boy-does-good facade. She remembered how he’d behaved outside the diner and felt sad for the peoples’ lives he’d damaged or destroyed.

Debra took a sip of steaming coffee from her travel mug. Mia, kneeling in prayer, whispered earnestly, as if with all her heart. Such high hopes. The girl had refused to give up her belief that God had more in store for them on this trip—although there was only a few more minutes left for God to work it all out.

“Amen,” Mia whispered faithfully, lifted her head and opened her eyes. Her fingers remained clasped. “Oh, hi, Mom. Do we have to go now?”

“We’ll be late to Christmas dinner if we don’t get on our way.”

“I don’t want that.” She rose, looking very festive in her Christmas-green cable-knit sweater and black jeans. Her fashionable suede boots matched the jacket she’d chosen. “Do you know what I really want, Mom?”

“To come back and visit your uncle Ben and his family soon?”

“Yes, but I already knew we were going to do that.” Mia paused over buttoning her coat. Her dark hair fell like satin, framing her innocent heart-shaped face. “It’s something else that I want more than anything.”

“To not go to the Stanton School. I know.” Debra held out her hand. “C’mon, kid, let’s you and I hit the road.”

“Mom, I’m not a kid anymore.” Mia slid her palm against Debra’s and clasped their fingers together. “I’m a teenager now.”

“I’ve noticed something like that.” Debra couldn’t help smiling as she checked around Mia’s room—nothing forgotten here, either—and followed her daughter into the main bedroom. The wide window looked out over trees flocked white with snow. Phone lines and rooftops and every surface were frosted with a fresh icing like sweetness.

It
is
a wonderful life, Debra decided. She asked Mia to carry the cup of coffee for her as she snagged the suitcase’s handle on the way out the door. They had everything. There was nothing else to do but leave.

Because it was so early, they were quiet as they descended the staircase. Debra stopped to haul the keys out of her jacket pocket and tuck them into the little key-collection box for the morning clerk to find.

“Mom.” Mia was taking one last look around at the garlands and wreaths and the dark Christmas tree standing solemnly in the corner. “You were wrong about me not wanting to go to school. I mean, I don’t want to go, sure, but that’s not what I want more than anything.”

And what would that be, Debra wondered, unable to ask the question. Her heart hurt too much with what could not be. A forever love with Jonah. An adorable little bookshop. Having more children. All that seemed lost now. But she didn’t feel down. Maybe God had something marvelous in store for her somewhere in the future. She would hold out hope for that.

Debra reached for the doorknob, but didn’t get a chance to turn it.

Mia was talking again. “I want you to be happy, Mom. Really happy. I’ve never seen you as filled with joy as you’ve been here in Chestnut Grove with Jonah. Do you think we could see him before we go? So we could maybe invite him to New Year’s Eve, too? Uncle Ben and Aunt Leah are coming and I thought—”

“Jonah isn’t interested in getting married to me.” It was the truth, a fact, that was all. She could not let it sound like anything more. She would not allow herself to feel the jagged edges of her freshly broken dream. “Ben will bring the rest of the furniture when he comes for New Year’s. You could call Jonah and thank him then.”

“Mom.” Mia no longer looked like a little girl, but a younger woman who could understand. “I’m sorry. I know you really liked him.”

“I loved him.” Debra shrugged as if it were not the end of the world. And it felt like it was not. There was no fix and no cure but maybe time would heal the pain. She didn’t know. But she had Mia—the best blessing of all. “I’ve been thinking about that school you don’t like.”

“I don’t like it because I’m away from you, Mom.”

“That’s why I don’t like it, either.”

“Really? You don’t mean—” Hope lit Mia’s face. She paused, as if she were afraid to say the words.

“I would like you to finish out the year. But I’ll come visit more and we’ll zip you home for as many weekends as you want.”

“Mom! That’s the best Christmas present ever. Do you really, really mean it?”

“Yes, and we’ll choose next year’s school together.”

“But what about tradition?”

“It’s not as important as being with you. I think Grandmother Millie would understand.”

“Oh, thank you, Mom!” Mia launched herself at Debra. Her hug was one-hundred-percent pure glee. Good thing the travel mug had a spill-proof top.

Overcome with love, Debra pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead. “You’re growing up on me, baby. You’re not my little girl anymore.”

“But we’ll always be best friends, right, Mom?”

“Right.” Tears of gratitude blurred her vision as she followed her daughter to the door.

Thank you, Lord,
she couldn’t help sending a little prayer heavenward.
Thanks for bringing us back together.

“Mom,” Mia said on the other side of the front door, “look who’s here. It’s Jonah.”

Jonah?
Debra stepped out into the bitter chill of the early morning. There, straight ahead of them, leaning against their SUV parked in the loading zone, stood a tall, powerful-looking man in a parka, jeans and boots. It was his smile she didn’t know she longed for until she saw it. Her spirit rejoiced simply from having him near.

And why was he here? That momentary joy ebbed as she sensibly reminded herself that there was a perfectly rational explanation for Jonah’s presence. He’d come to say goodbye and nothing more.

She took the stairs slowly, taking care on the snowy steps. It was so early, no one had cleared away the falling snow yet, and she was thankful because it gave her something to think about as Mia ran ahead, careful to keep her voice low in the morning stillness, and chat excitedly with Jonah.

Keep your eyes down, she told herself as the suitcase bumped on the steps, and don’t let your broken heart show. She’d held it together this long. Surely she could manage a few more minutes. The icy wind and snow battered her face. Seeing him hurt like a freshly cut wound, but maybe this was better. She could say goodbye with her dignity intact and end this thing between them on a positive note. She loved him. She knew beyond all doubt she would always love him.

“Let me get that.” Jonah’s voice. Jonah’s gloved hand closing over hers on the suitcase’s handle. Jonah blocking her from the brunt of the storm.

Jonah. Her one true love. Debra froze, paralyzed in place as he gently took charge of the suitcase. His dark eyes met hers and, in that perfect moment, there was no rejection, no lost chances and no shadowed pain. Only her love for him blazing in her soul. Only the same brand of love reflected back at her in his gaze.

He broke away, leaving her motionless in the middle of the stairs, glossed with snow and iced with cold. Had she imaged it? she wondered as he tromped away and stowed the last suitcase in the back with the others and closed the back hatch. Hope began to rise within her.

This sacred morning, frosted with white perfection felt like the right place for wishes to come true. For love to prevail. Her boots carried her forward in the soft cushion of downy snow. She could have been walking on clouds.

“I couldn’t let you leave without your Christmas present.” Jonah pulled a small package from his jacket pocket. His hand trembled a little as he held it out.

Debra could only stare at the gift wrapped in white-and-gold wrapping perched in the center of Jonah’s outstretched palm. The present was no larger than her cell phone. While she’d heard the cliché good things come in small packages, she sensibly told herself that this was a token, nothing more, but merely a gift to exchange because she had given him one. Why, then, did her hopes lift as high as a prayer?

“Open it, Mom.” Mia’s eyes were bright with expectation. “I want to see what it is.”

Jonah padded closer, so close only the falling snow came between them. “Go on. I was up half the night making this.”

“You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble.”

“It was no trouble because it was for you. Go on. Open it. Please?”

She could not say no to him, but she feared he was asking too much. There was a plea on his rugged face she did not understand, so she tugged off her gloves and stowed them in her jacket pocket. The cold nipped her fingertips as she picked at the tape on one end of the package. The paper came away to reveal a delicate wooden box, like a tiny jewel case.

“It’s exquisite,” she breathed, knowing he’d made it, incredibly, himself. The wood grain was red oak, she guessed, with inlaid cherrywood rose petals, held in a cup of raised, carved leaves. “I’ve never seen anything so lovely.”

“Wait until you see what’s inside.”

She was intrigued. The box was small and flat. What could it hold? She didn’t think he would give her a piece of jewelry, but it was the only thing she could guess the box might hold.

When she lifted the lid, there was a silver door key inside lying on a bed of gold velvet. Just a key. Nothing more. What did it mean? She looked to him for an answer, but he only gestured toward his truck parked and idling behind her SUV.

“It’s a short drive. Do you want to come with me?”

Yes, her heart answered. Those broken dreams had taken shape again and she began to wish for that future she’d gotten a glimpse of—the one with Jonah in it.

The streets were empty this time of the morning, the roads shining with an icy gloss. He concentrated on his driving, or maybe he was thinking hard, and he didn’t speak until he turned left and it was clear he was taking her to the carpentry shop.

Her hopes sank back down to the ground. The key could not be a significant gift. She was still puzzled. Still hopeful. She straightened her spine, pressing her back against the leather seat and managed to keep an indifferent look on her face. That might be best for whatever lay ahead.

Jonah pulled against the curb halfway down the block. “Mia, do you mind waiting here where it’s warm? I need to speak to your mom outside.”

“Sure. You talk to her all you want.” Her wide smile said it all.

Mia and her high hopes, Debra thought as she unlatched herself from the seat and opened the truck door with clumsy fingers. Jonah was there before her boots hit the snowy sidewalk. His hand cupped her elbow. Love lit his face.

Love. Not torture. Not sadness. Not grief. He was no longer the man turning away from her and pushing her away. He no longer looked like a man with nothing to offer.

He cradled her face in his hands. “First off, can you forgive me for the way I treated you? I’m sorry. Debra, I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know you are.” How could she forget how tortured and grief-stricken he’d looked? “I know you were hurting, Jonah.”

“That doesn’t excuse it. I was trying to spare you more pain. I wasn’t ready.” He looked agonized in a different way now. “I thought you wouldn’t understand what happened to me over there. That you would think I’d let my men down. I didn’t feel I could deserve someone as amazing and precious as you.”

“Of course I understand and there’s nothing to forgive.” Dear Jonah. Of course he hadn’t let his men down. He deserved all the happiness in the world. What a good man he was. Strong of character and even stronger at heart. Endless love for him welled up from her soul, filling her until she brimmed with happiness. With hope. “I know the man you are, Jonah. The man I love.”

“Love? I’m sure relieved you said that. Because I love you, too. With all I am and all I have.” He paused, his throat worked as he gathered the right words. “Debra, will you marry me?”

What? Had she heard him right? Debra stared at him for a full beat. It was the key that had thrown her. Now he was offering her a ring? Tears filled her eyes, blurring him, and she let them fall. Happy tears trailed down her face as she heard another voice ring out from behind her.

“Yes! She’ll marry you, Jonah. I know she wants to.”

Debra wasn’t surprised to see her daughter leaning out the window, beaming with happiness. “It’s not polite to eavesdrop, kid.”

“Yeah, I know, but you need my help, Mom.” Mia clasped her hands together prayerfully. “Say yes, ’cause I think I know what that key is for.”

Debra hadn’t realized where they were standing. Jonah hadn’t randomly pulled over along the street. Snow hazed the scene, and when the big man blocking her view stepped aside, she recognized the little bookshop. The sale sign in the window was gone. She looked down at the key in the box in her hand.

“Surely this can’t be for—” Her throat closed on the words. “You couldn’t have bought—”

“The bookstore is yours.”

“Mine? But—”

“Shh.” He brushed away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. “Sorry, there will be no excuses, no protests, no way out. This is a gift from my heart to yours. Because your dreams are my dreams. Because you are my dream.”

“You are my dream, too. You make me melt. All my defenses. All my practical, sensible plans.” Her beautiful eyes sparkled up at him full of love. Endless love. “You make me want everything.”

And because he knew exactly what she meant, because he wanted everything with her, too, he kissed her tenderly and true. Love swept through the places within him that had been full of hurt and regret. With faith in his future, he asked her one more time. “Say yes. Marry me. Please.”