Authors: J. P. Barnaby
Tags: #erotic, #Bdsm, #m/m
A HOUSE OF CARDS
The Forbidden Room – Book Two
J P Barnaby
P. O. BOX 462, Griffith, IN 46319
Table of Contents
A House of Cards - Deconstructing Ethan
Copyright © 2010 J. P. Barnaby Edited by: Valerie Waitt, Lisa G. Levy
Cover photograph: Copyright © 2010
Raisa Kanareva -Fotolia
All rights reserved. Except for the use of brief quotations in any review or critical article, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented including xerography, photocopying, scanning and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval is forbidden without the prior written permission of:
J. P. Barnaby,
P. O. BOX 462, Griffith, IN 46319
Any similarity to actual persons, events, or existing locations is entirely coincidental.
The practice of BDSM, or any form of bondage or discipline is dangerous and should only be practiced by consenting, knowledgeable adults. The author makes no claims of expertise, nor encourages the practice of any scenes depicted in this book. The content is for entertainment purposes only.
This book is dedicated to those that carry the monster in their heads, know that you are never alone. There are always those of us that understand where no one else could.
The soft light filtering through my bedroom window woke me. It must have been just past dawn. The oppressive stillness, the unnatural quiet pressed on me as I watched small particles of dust floating in the ray of light cast carelessly over my bed. Warm and comfortable, I quietly reveled in the promise of the new day and, for one solitary moment, I felt content. Looking around, I noticed two things simultaneously; I was naked and I was alone. As I rolled to check my bedside clock, the soreness caused by my first willing lovemaking from another, brought with it a flood of memories from the previous night. The feelings that had warmed me and had made me feel whole even just for one night; Jayden’s lips against mine, his face as we made love and that feeling in my chest when I had told him that I loved him. That was when I noticed the time.
He was gone.
The previous night had been our farewell and he had left for Chicago early that morning. I hurled my clock at the wall, the current bane of my existence, and it shattered on impact causing further damage by its not-so-subtle contact with the floor.
For the longest time, I laid there, curled up on my side and wondered if things would have been different had Jayden’s parents survived. He would not have been forced to move to Chicago to help with the family business, but would I have had the moment of weakness to ask what I did of him? I needed to know what love felt like, even if it was physical and fleeting.
All I found was more confusion and pain. The ache in my chest grew as I lay in bed which suddenly felt too big, too empty; and his absence loomed like a physical presence weighing on my chest. It wasn’t just my body that was naked; my soul had been laid bare as well. As I stared blankly at the ceiling, my throat burned and a sob broke through my sealed lips. I could no longer contain my anguish at the void he had created, not only in my bed, but in my life. I’m not sure what I thought would happen once we’d made love. Would he have stayed with me? Did I think that things would just go back to the way they had been?
Careful of my lingering discomfort, I turned slowly and buried my face in the pillow. The catharsis continued until I was utterly spent. Not knowing if the release lasted for minutes or hours, when it was over, it left me drained. I had just enough energy to roll back onto my side and fall asleep. Not for the first time I wished deep in my heart that the sleep would last forever. When I was asleep, I didn’t have to feel, I didn’t have to think. Sleep meant quiet, dark and peace.
When I awoke again, the sun had set and I heard a distant pounding. It certainly wasn’t for me. I had no one. Not one person cared enough about me to pound on my door. Within minutes, it had stopped. Glancing around my Spartan room, I took in the drab blues and reliable creams. Was this all that my life had become? I guess I should be thankful that I’m alive at all, but as the lack of personality shone clearly through every corner of the room, I began to wonder if I was actually living. It seemed more likely that I was just going through the motions.
I closed my eyes again and contemplated getting up to use the bathroom when my bedroom door flew open. Blinking against the light from the hall that hurt my eyes, I could barely make out the slight figure silhouetted there.
“What the fuck, Ethan? I’ve been calling you for hours!” Nicole yelled and then softer, away from me she said, “No, Jayden, he’s here. He looks okay, I’ll call you back.” She waited briefly for his response and then snapped her cell phone shut. I closed my eyes and moved onto my stomach, burying my head under the pillow, trying to deaden the sound of her voice. “You know I’m still your emergency contact at the hospital, right?” Damn, I had missed my shift, but just couldn’t bring myself to fucking care.
It was enough of a testament to my sad and lonely life that my former BDSM play partner was my emergency contact. Nicole was the closest thing I had to a friend, next to Lexi and Jayden, but they were both gone.
I was painfully alone.
“Why are you here?” I asked half into the pillow, surprised when my voice cracked. My voice sounded broken and lost as I heard my sorrow pouring into each word.
“The hospital called me. I called you and didn’t get an answer, so I called Josh for Jayden’s cell. I didn’t know he….well, Jayden asked me to use the key hidden under the porch to come and check on you.” I felt the mattress shift under her weight as she sat on the bed beside me, her fingers gently moving through my hair. “Did you two have some kind of fight?” she asked in a concerned whisper. “No. He had a family obligation and moved to Chicago. He left…he left this morning.” My heart broke a little more with each word. “I’m surprised Josh didn’t tell you.” By some weird twist of fate, Jayden’s sister, Kimberly had fallen in love and married Nicole’s cousin, Josh. If I believed in that kind of thing, I’d say that Jayden and I were destined to meet. But I don’t, because that would mean the monster that destroyed my life was meant to torture me. “This won’t happen again, Nicole. I’ll call the hospital tomorrow and take an indefinite leave.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, now stroking my upper back. It felt nice, soothing. It reminded me of something I had most likely buried, but I had pushed that thought away because my feelings were so raw that they tore at my insides. I wasn’t used to feeling my emotions this strongly. My stomach churned in a tight little ball and there were knots along my spine and shoulders. The stress and the tension were a physical manifestation and I ached both inside and out. I had successfully pushed everything down and felt numb for so long. Until Lexi and Jayden opened this fucking hole in my chest and deserted me, I had been in control. They had been my submissives, trusting my control over them, and now I had nothing. I shook my head and Nicole got up, starting to dial someone as she went out the door. I had a feeling that I knew who that someone was.
After I finally heard the front door close, I got up and headed for the bathroom, not looking back at the bed where Jayden and I had made love just the night before. Feeling the soreness in my virgin muscles as I washed up, the discomfort burned the memory of our coupling in my mind. When I could no longer stand to think about it, I headed downstairs. I hadn’t bothered getting dressed knowing that I always kept the curtains closed. I didn’t like people looking at me; it had been that way since I was a kid, since…well, for a long time.
Reaching the bottom stair, I glanced around and was struck at the normalcy of the scene. He was gone, but yet everything in this room looked the same. The immaculate chocolate leather couch, the chairs, the rugs, the TV; everything was in the same place. When I entered the kitchen, I noticed the same thing. The refrigerator, the cabinets; nothing was different even though it felt like my world had just changed completely. Worse than that, it was almost like he’d never been there, like maybe I had imagined him.
Dropping several ice cubes into a glass tumbler, I headed to my liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of very old, very expensive scotch. I hadn’t needed this in a long time, but I just couldn’t handle things today. I needed to not think. The walnut and glass paned door slammed shut as I nudged it with my knee, my hands full of temporary liquid relief. I wished to God that it would help, but deep down I knew it was a wasted effort.
On the way back to my bedroom, I stopped on the second floor landing as if I couldn’t go any further. I was in his room before I realized I had moved. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the stark emptiness of the room, almost like he had never been there. The pain in my chest only worsened with this harsh confirmation that he was out of my life. The only sign that he had ever been there was a faint trace of bitter cinnamon from the overpriced coffee he loved. The rug scratched my naked skin as I sat down and rested my back against the cold, bare wall, letting the chill seep into my bones. There was a deep seated cold that had already taken a hold of me from his absence; the wall was just but a shadow of it. The cold was countered only by the scotch that burned as it hit my throat. I had disregarded the glass entirely and took a pull straight from the bottle. I didn’t care; I needed the numbness that it would grant me. After the scotch started to counter the desperate and cold feeling in me, my mind drifted back to the first time I had ever seen Jayden.
I was nervous about taking on a boarder, but I was also tired of being alone. Lexi had suggested that bringing a stranger into my home might help me to be more comfortable around people, maybe even help me to make a few friends. Was that really what I wanted? Like a worn out quilt that has long past its prime, being alone was comfortable, easy and familiar. As hard as it was, it was easier than being around people. I don’t know what had happened with Lexi though, being around her was just different – it had always been that way with her. She had become more than just my sub, she had become my friend. It’s weird, even though I had heard of Doms getting too close to their subs, I never thought it would happen to me. But, rather than end things with her, I had just decided to let it run its course, hoping the novelty would wear off. My biggest fear was that it might head a direction I couldn’t go, because I couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing her again.
When Jayden called to answer the ad, the voice on the phone had been pleasant enough. His odd accent was strangely alluring and I found myself asking him inane questions just to listen to him speak. With his schedule and his future plans, he seemed to be an excellent choice for a roommate. When he stopped by to check out the house, I waited for him in the front room. Half watching out the window for his arrival, I was unable to pinpoint the exact reason for my edginess, chalking it up to meeting a new person.