A Is for Abstinence (11 page)

Robin blinked and pulled a pair of flip-flops from a drawer in her desk. She bent over to try and put them on. She couldn’t reach very well, so I squatted down and slipped them over her feet for her.

“Well, aren’t you just full of surprises,” she said.

“See, I can be a nice guy. You shouldn’t be so skeptical.”

“Thank you for the help with my sandals, but I was actually talking about you pledging the abstinence challenge. Do you really want to do it?”

She held her hand out to me as if she literally needed my help to get out of her chair. Actually, she probably did. “Are you sure you should get up? I think you should rest.”

My concern amused her. “Five o’clock,” she said, smothering a laugh. “Quitting time. I was just getting ready to leave when you walked in.”

“Oh. Sorry.” I helped her out of her chair, surprised that I was disappointed I wouldn’t get to explain my plan to her.

She walked with me to the door, and as she turned out the lights she asked her question again. “Do you really want to sign up for the abstinence challenge?”

I shrugged. “Why not? I’ve already given up casual sex, and I think signing up for the challenge would make Val happy, so…”

“So you’d go on record—officially—and tell your fans that you’re doing the V is for Virgin abstinence challenge just to make Val happy?”

“Yes.” Robin held the door for me and then locked it after we were both outside. “I would do that for Val. She deserves it. Here’s the thing, though. If I’m going to do this—officially—then I’m going to do it all the way. I want the whole freaking world to know that Kyle Hamilton’s not doing it. I want to be a spokesperson for you guys, like Val was.”

Robin stopped walking so abruptly that she stumbled out of balance. The momentum of her giant belly nearly made her fall over. “Are you
kidding
me?” she asked when I grabbed her by the shoulder to steady her.

Robin’s was basically the same reaction I got from my managers when I’d revealed the plan to them earlier today. I decided to give her the same argument I’d given them. “I have to do a press tour to promote my new album, and people are going to ask anyway, so I thought I could sort of combine the two things.”

“You want to promote the Not Everybody’s Doing It Foundation on your press tour for your new album?”

Ok, it sounded ridiculous when she said it like that. “Val’s the reason I wrote my new song and it’s about
waiting
for her. She’s the reason I started writing again, the reason I decided to put out a solo album. I almost
have
to explain it. Plus, I’ve already agreed to donate a portion of my record sales to The Not Everybody’s Doing It Foundation, like Val did with her jewelry, so I’ll have to bring that up in interviews anyway. I may as well be an official spokesperson, right?”

Robin leaned her hand against the brick wall of the building and gaped at me with wide eyes. “Holy crap, you’re serious,” she breathed.

“Would you please sit down before you hurt something?” Was it possible to shock someone into labor? “Maybe I should talk to someone else about this. You’re in shock. I don’t want to make you have a baby on the sidewalk.”

“I’m fine,” Robin promised, still dazed. “I just can’t believe it. With your fame and your reputation, and especially your history with Val, do you know how much press you would get? Do you know the kind of good you could do? How many lives you could touch by doing this?”

Ugh, this was the part I was least looking forward to. I didn’t want her gratitude, or anyone’s. I didn’t want people to make me out to be some kind of saint. I wasn’t good like that. I wasn’t like Val. I might be doing something good, but my motives were hardly pure.

“Look, don’t get all mushy, okay? Don’t mistake me for a do-gooder. I don’t really care if I touch people’s lives. I’m doing this for Val, not anyone else. It’s completely selfish. I’ll leave all the caring and making-a-difference stuff to you guys.”

I was officially uncomfortable and wanted more than anything to be far from that office and away from Robin’s speculating eyes. I pulled one of my manager’s cards out of my wallet and handed it over. “My managers are ready to work with you guys to set something up. You just need to have whoever’s in charge contact them at this number. They’ll be waiting for the call.”

Robin took the card as if it were the Crown Jewels of England. Once she got over her shock, she put the card in her purse and looked up at me with another calculating expression. “Walk with me,” she said.

“What?”

“You and I need to talk, and there’s a Taco Bell a block down the street calling my name.” She rubbed her belly and the smile on her face didn’t match her next sentence. “This little devil-munchkin is determined to turn me into a hippopotamus before he arrives.”

I laughed but didn’t follow her. I was appalled at the thought of her walking anywhere. Seriously, pregnancy looked awful. I was so glad I’d been born a guy. “Fine, but I’ll drive. I’m not letting you walk anywhere like that.”

Robin laughed and changed course for my car. As I helped her into the passenger seat, she grinned up at me. “You’ll make a good father someday.”

“I hope so. Someday.”

. . . . .

Between the two of us, we pretty much ordered the entire menu at Taco Bell. I’d managed to make it to the table without being recognized and Robin managed to make it without needing an ambulance, so we were both in good spirits as we started in on our mound of food.

“So what did you want to talk about?” I asked, once I’d eaten enough to politely hold a conversation between bites.

Robin put down her nachos and gave me a hard look. “Are you in love with Val?”

The question made me choke on my burrito. I coughed a minute and took a long sip of soda before I answered. “No. Of course not. That’s crazy.”

Robin sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Is it?”

Why was my heart suddenly pounding in my chest? I wanted to shake some sense into Robin and force her to stop asking me about this. Val and I definitely had a connection, but how could I love her? “I hardly know her,” I said. “I haven’t seen her in four years and I barely knew her back then.”

“Then why go through all this?”

“Because I want to know her. Val and I have a connection that’s worth exploring. This is the only way she’ll give me a chance.”

Robin studied me for a minute. I’m not sure what she was trying to find, or what she thought she knew, but the look in her eyes scared me. She stared me down with a determination I hadn’t seen in anyone except for maybe myself and Val.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Kyle. This idea scares me,” she said, digging into her nachos again.

I was a little offended. “Why?” I heard the disappointment in my tone and knew Robin heard it, too. “I’m only trying to help you. I could give your foundation so much publicity. I could do you guys a lot of good. Val would want me to do this.”

“That’s just it. You don’t really understand how
much
it would mean to Val. You don’t understand how much
you
mean to her.”

That was the last thing I’d expected her to say. “What do you mean?”

Robin sighed and pushed her food away. She pierced me with a grave look. “If you start this and then screw it up, you will break her heart in a way she’ll never recover from.”

Whatever she meant by that, she was one hundred percent serious. I put down my burrito, no longer in the mood to finish it. “Explain.”

“Val told me all about what happened between the two of you after the concert that night. She cried on my shoulder for days after you left. She was afraid she’d made the wrong choice. She started second-guessing herself, worried that she expected too much from people and that she’d thrown something special away when she let you go. She was in
love
with you, Kyle.”

I reared back in my chair, shocked by Robin’s confession and how much she meant it. Every word she said felt like a physical blow. I wanted to believe her, but I didn’t want to hear it at the same time. I hated to think that I’d hurt Val.

I didn’t like the thought that I’d made her question herself. The fact that she was so confident and determined, that she knew who she was and what she wanted, was the thing I liked the most about her. We were the same that way.

Robin continued on with her lecture, refusing to pull a single punch. “Val always hoped that one day you’d understand her choice and respect it, but she never dreamed you’d actually see things her way. She wouldn’t let herself dare to hope you’d ever be willing to wait for her.”

“But I am now. Why is that a bad thing?”

Robin tried to smile for me, but it was a sad smile. It was full of pity. “Val has faith in you,” she said. “She’s always had faith in you. She saw something good in you even when she didn’t want to. Even when I tried my best to convince her otherwise.”

“Gee, thanks,” I teased, but the jab was halfhearted. I understood why Robin would want to warn Val away from me.

Robin shrugged, unapologetic. “If you do this, if you commit to this cause, you’ll give her the hope that she’s been denying herself for years. You’ll suddenly be the perfect man, the hero, the dashing prince come to give her the happily ever after she’s dreamed of her whole life. She’ll fall again, Kyle. Hard and fast. You have to think about that. Don’t play with her heart.”

“Are you saying that I have to be ready to marry her if I want to ask her out?”

“No, but—”

“I’m not playing games with this,” I insisted, voice low. I was seriously frustrated. I took a breath and forced myself to stay calm so that I wouldn’t call attention to myself. “There’s something there between Val and me. You know there is,” I said, daring Robin with a look to deny it.

“I know,” she admitted hesitantly, but the defensiveness in her tone had lessened.

When I spoke again, it sounded like a plea. “I want to see what would happen if we gave each other a real chance, but she won’t give me that chance if I can’t commit to the abstinence thing first. I’m not thrilled about it, but she’s worth it, and I want her to know that. Doing this will help her see that I’m serious.”

Robin shook her head. “I get that,” she said. “And I think it’s great that you’re willing to try. But I don’t think you understand what you’re committing to. You said you’re only doing it for Val, which means you still don’t really get it. The abstinence challenge isn’t a game. It’s not a joke. There are so many people who take it seriously, and with you being who you are, your pledging would be a big deal to a lot of people.”

I started to argue, but Robin wouldn’t let me interrupt. “This is different than fame,” she insisted. “Pledging to the cause and becoming a spokesperson would make you a role model. People would look up to you. They’d put their faith in you. One mistake and you’d let them down. Some you’d disappoint, and others you’d simply prove right. They’d have a field day with your failure. If you screwed up even once, you’d do a lot of damage to yourself
and
to Valerie and the campaign she’s put so much work into. You could destroy everything she’s built. Are you ready for that kind of responsibility?”

“I—”

I didn’t know what to say. I’d driven to the foundation this evening, so sure of myself. I’d spent hours arguing with my managers and that had only strengthened my resolve, but suddenly I was sweating.

Robin reached her hand across the table and squeezed mine. The anger and skepticism were gone, replaced with endearment. I didn’t understand the mood swing. I’d just decided she hated me and thought I was a lost cause, so I wasn’t sure why I was getting a smile from her now.

“You’re a good guy, Kyle,” she said. “I know you care about Val, and I know she still cares about you. I love her and I want to see her happy. Believe it or not, I think you could do that. You’re right. There’s something between you guys. There always was. I would love to see the two of you work it out. I just want you to understand that Val comes with strings attached. You need to know what you’re getting yourself into, and you need to be sure it’s what you want before you do it. Maybe you should talk to Val first, too. You might want to make sure she wants to date you before you pledge your abstinence to her in front of the whole world.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that last burrito. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. “Do you think she won’t give me a chance?”

“Nothing personal.” Robin shrugged. “She’s been hurt quite a bit over the last four years. It’s made her wary. She’s a stubborn, busy, determined woman, and dating doesn’t really fit into her agenda right now. If you’re going to convince her, you’ve got your work cut out for you.”

Well, that was disheartening. And extremely good to know.

I sat back and let everything she’d said today sink in. This was going to be a lot more complicated than I’d originally thought.

After a minute, Robin broke the silence. “She
is
worth it, Kyle,” she whispered, giving my hand another squeeze.

The second she said that, I knew. “Yeah,” I agreed. “She is.” I pulled myself out of my own head and smiled at Robin. “Thanks for the talk.”