A Jar of Hearts (14 page)

“What do you mean?” He frowned. “I did tell you the truth.”

“James, do you expect me to believe some girl just lost her mind and went all…. bitch crazy for nothing?” She threw her hands up in the air. “I told you before, I’m blind! I’m
not
stupid.”

He stood quietly with his head bowed. He didn’t know how to start. What could he say? His thoughts raced through him, sifting through the facts. What facts? He fucked her and that was it. There was no intimacy, no talk, no attachment- just wild, animalistic fuck.

“You have nothing to say,” she muttered despondently and began walking away.

He put his arms around her, back-hugging her tightly into his chest. “Stay. I’ll… try and explain, but please don’t go.”

She closed her eyes, leaning into him. “James, if you want a relationship with me, you’ve got to learn to be more open. You can’t be elusive or hide… stuff. You’ve got to be able to tell me what affects our lives.”

“And this affects you?”

“Are you kidding? She claimed to be your girlfriend while I was wearing nothing but
your
shirt. I felt I had screwed someone who wasn’t mine.”

“And my word doesn’t count?”

“I need something more than ‘she’s just a friend’. Especially not after those threats she’s made on my life.”

He sighed as he slumped heavily into a chair, taking her with him. She sat awkwardly on his lap, his arms still wound around her hips as if she would flee if he eased them just the slightest.

“Avanna is the sister of a friend,” he started, licking his lips nervously. He felt his throat growing dry and coarse. “When I met her, I was trying to deal with the loss of a woman I loved. Avanna is quite modern, for the lack of a better word, on the subject of sex and relationships. She was offering herself to me and I took it. I thought a few mindless, detached romps would help me cope with the loss.”

He stopped, his fingers fiddling with the ends of her shirt. He remembered quite clearly the stabbing ache in his heart when he had left Boston for San Diego. He had thought he would never see her again. He had compromised with his fate. He had resigned himself to the idea that Anne would be safer and happier with a man like Nicholas Bradley. But here she was. In his arms. And he could touch her again, kiss her, make love to her.

“And did it?” she asked. “Help you cope?”

“No. It just made it worse. No woman could compare to her. I gave up on probably my fifth try with Avanna.”

“And me? Do… do I compare?” she stammered, her cheeks reddening from the boldness in her question.

He smiled.
You compare? You are her.

His palm slid under her shirt, his hand caressing her legs, running up until they curved her bottom. “What do you think?”

“I think you might tire of me like you did Avanna and decide I didn’t compare at all.”

He clasped a fistful of her hair, yanking her head down to him. He crushed her lips against hers, kissing her possessively, his tongue diving into her, taking her, letting her know she belonged to no one but him.

“Don’t ever say that again,” he spat out hoarsely. “You’re the woman I love. I’m never letting you go. Not unless you want me to.”

She brushed his jaw lightly and then nestled his head under her chin. “I don’t want to, James.” She combed his hair with her fingers, letting it run delicately through them. “What happened to her? The woman you loved?”

He kissed the tops of her breasts.
She’s with me. And always will be.

“We got separated,” he said aloud. “She had a different life and I had another. We didn’t get a chance to be together under the circumstances.”

“Would you want to be with her if you see her again?”

He lifted his head and gazed into her face. He had wanted to be with her at every waking moment. Fate had given him one last gamble with her and he was going to make damn sure he wouldn’t lose her this time.

“What matters is that I love you,” he whispered. “I love you now and I will love you tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. Anne, what I’m trying to say is that until I die, it will always be you and only you.”

She cradled his head again, her tears trickling down her face and onto his brow. “Don’t say that. I wouldn’t bear it if you died too.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, kissing the length of her neck. “This time, I promise, I will make it work.”

He pulled up a chair in Mark’s office. He hadn’t expected to be here again so soon after the Derek Burns job.

“You know you’re going to have people suspecting you if you keep popping in regularly like this.” Mark frowned, throwing a bunch of files onto his desk. “Try lugging in a few building supplies just to make your trips look a little more authentic next time.”

Eric noticed a calendar on Mark’s desk with a mountainous scenic picture. The green hills were captivating and the cottage nestled between those fir trees was small and adorable. If there was a place he could escape to, it would be somewhere such as that.

“Eric, where have you gone? Did you hear me?”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Eric shook himself out of his momentary daze.

“I said, what the fuck are you doing here? We just killed Derek Burns. If anyone suspected you, you don’t want to be leading them here.”

“Don’t you FBI’s cover each other’s asses?” he retorted sarcastically.

“Yes, we do. But if Burns’ ABB gangsters find out about us and then decide to rat us out to the public, we’ll be fucked. It would be out of anyone’s hands then,” Mark replied curtly. “And then we all get marched before the firing squad. We both know damn well, Eric, that finding the guy who killed the ABB boss kinda tops their agenda at the moment.”

Eric nodded. “I’ll be careful.”

The door threw open and Casey perked her head in. “Two Pacheco gangsters coming down the hallway and towards your office, Eric.”

“Fuck!” Mark swore. “Not careful enough, it seems. You sure they’re Pachecos?”

“Can’t mistake those tatts and colors, boss. Definitely them.”

Eric raced out of the base office and towards his own. His face was pale, his heart thumping wildly inside him. Did they suspect him? He clenched and then unclenched his fingers, trying to release his tension. If they were only looking for him to pass on a message, his uneasiness would give them reason to suspect something he didn’t want found.

“They’re ten feet to your door, Eric,” Casey called out.

“I got it,” he replied, sliding open the hidden panel.

The panel slid back in its place and Eric took one last look to ensure it was disguised correctly.

The two Pachecos hammered on his door impatiently.

“Coming!” he yelled, pretending to be annoyed by their intrusion, although annoyance could hardly describe what he was feeling inside. He jerked open the door and stared at the two men in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Can we come inside?” the taller man asked, trying to peer over James’ shoulder.

James raised an eyebrow at them and then stepped to the side hesitantly. “What is this about?”

The shorter, heavier set man gave him a grin and strolled in through the door. “This is some space, man. What you intending to do with it?”

“That’s my business,” James replied sharply.

“Fuck, TJ, what do you think Juan will say about this?” the taller one asked cheekily.

“I don’t know, Skinny. Maybe somethin’ like someone is snitchin’. Are you snitchin’ Jamie?”

James scoffed. “Yeah, sure I am. To the fucking bare walls in this office. Now, are you gonna tell me what you want, or should I throw both your asses out into the hallway?”

TJ squared his shoulders. “Why don’t you just try it? I’ve always known there was something dirty about you. You ain’t like us. You’re different.”

“Are you here to check up on me or is there another purpose for your visit?” He moved away, pretending to be unperturbed by his accusation. The more he would react to their suspicions, the more reason they would have to dig into his life and his past.

“Juan wants to see you,” Skinny said.

“Yeah? He still has his phone. Why couldn’t he just call me?” He pulled a piece of drywall tape and began to cover the joints between two drywall sheets.

“You do this all by yourself?” Skinny asked curiously.

“There are other things I can do besides firing an M24.”  He cocked his head at them. “Is that all the message or are you intending to stay on? I could really do with some help with the plastering.”

They sneered and headed off towards the door. And as they slammed it behind them, James let out a breath of relief, sliding down the wall and onto the floor. This was the first time in two years he had come close to being suspected. Could it have been Avanna?

The incidents were too coincidental to be ignored. Right after he had booted her out of his house, two Pachecos had given him a calling card. Either they knew he was a snitch or they were looking for reasons to remove Anne from Avanna’s equation. 

The answer didn’t matter because Anne was in danger and he needed to do what he could to protect her.

Mark burst in through the secret doorway. “What the fuck was that all about?!”

Eric braced his head back. “I’m not sure.”

“Eric, what happened in the last few hours that they thought they needed to shadow you like you were some snitch?”

“That’s the thing. I am.”

Mark pointed at him seriously. “That is different. You’re on an undercover assignment.”

“But I am not one of you, Mark! And I ain’t one of them! So where the fuck does that leave me?”

“That is unfair. You were made aware of the risks involved in this operation before you started.”

“Unfair? Fuck you, Mark! Fuck you! You didn’t give me a choice. It was this or prison time. Weren’t those the options you put on the table? That isn’t much of a choice then, is it? So fuck the lot of you!”

“Listen, I know we started on the wrong foot. But you have to agree we’ve done everything we can to protect you.”

“And Anne?” he asked stubbornly. “You said you would protect her. Are you? Do you even know where she is?”

“Anne.” Mark threw up his hands in the air. “What has any of this to do with Anne?”

“Because it has dumbfuck. She’s in San Diego and all this shit started right after Avanna found out about her.”

Mark put his hands on his hips, shaking his head. “Wait… hang on. Anne is here? And how does Avanna know about her?”

“Anne and I… we spent the night together last night. Someone saw us and reported it to Avanna.”

Mark narrowed his eyes angrily. “I knew Avanna was a possessive bitch, especially with you. But how is it that you never told me about getting back together with Anne?”

Eric let out a puff of frustration. “Technically, we’re not ‘back together’. She thinks I am James Connelly.”

Mark leaned against a table, taking in deep breaths to calm his temper down. “Start from the beginning, Eric. And this time, don’t you leave any fucking detail out.”

Eric swiped an exhausting palm over his face. “You will protect her, right?” His voice was filled with hope. There was no one else he could turn to. He needed Mark to keep Anne safe and that would only happen if he told him everything.

“I told you to stay away from her, Eric.
That
was the only way to protect her.” Mark glared at him angrily. “For fuck’s sake, I can’t deploy a team of FBI agents to protect Anne when there is no cause. There has to be a reason.”

“I just gave you a reason!”

“It’s not good enough! And what am I supposed to tell them? That some fucking assassin is hired to go undercover to work for the Pachecos and now the gang is out to kill his girlfriend?”

“It’s the truth.” Eric shrugged his shoulders. “But you guys aren’t too fond of that either, are you?”

“Eric, only a handful of the Feds know about us and our mission. To the rest of the world, we don’t exist. However in God’s name are we going to protect Anne like this? We simply don’t have the manpower, the costs or the time.”

“Well, here’s the thing. You want Trent Harvey dead and I want Anne safe. You give me that or you won’t get the other,” he gritted angrily before storming off towards the door.

“This is not a game, Eric! This is not a nine-to-five day job. You can’t quit just because you feel like it. The Pachecos will not let you leave alive and you need me to protect your ass!”

It was Anne he wanted protected, Eric thought as he slammed the door after him. His ass didn’t matter to him at the moment.