A Kiss of Color: The Complete 3 Book Collection (20 page)

“Well…I…I’m doing some surgical practices next week. I’ve been studying for them for a while so I suppose I’ll do well…and the move is going pretty well.” In fact, the move wasn’t going as well as she would have hoped because she was having reservations about the space and how they were going to fill it. “Um…I guess there’s not really a whole lot going on with me…just now.”

Jesus. She was lying to Brandy – a woman she’d come to think of as her best friend.

It wasn’t like she had a choice! What was she supposed to do! Just blurt out the fact that she’d been callous, thrown caution to the wind completely and gotten herself knocked up at the worst possible time in her entire life?

“How’s that flu doing?”

Helena swallowed thickly. Honestly, she might as well have the flu. Contemplating all the choices she was currently faced with was enough to make her physically ill. She forced a long-suffering grin. “I’m alright. Another week or so and I’ll probably be fine.”

That was the plan, anyway.

“That’s good to hear.” Brandy seemed genuinely relieved to hear that she was getting better, which didn’t help to assuage the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach at all. “When you’re better, we can celebrate.”

The word made Helena arch a brow. Celebrate? “What will we be celebrating?” The waiter brought their wine to the table, showing them the label with flourish before popping the cork to pour them each a glass. Helena immediately grabbed for hers and made to down it like a lifeline – but before it touched her lips, she stopped.

Would the alcohol hurt the baby?

Not like she was supposed to care. She was getting rid of it, wasn’t she? Then why did she feel slightly sick when she gazed upon the Moscato she knew would help her soothe her troubles?

“Well,” Brandy gave her a secretive smile. “Hank and I have decided that we’re ready to start trying for a baby.”

Helena’s eyes widened as her mouth dropped open slightly. Even as shock lanced through her, she knew she should be supportive. She should be excited and happy – congratulating her friend and helping her pick out baby names. Instead, all she could wonder was how on earth she would be able to do any of those things.

When Helena remained silent, Brandy only looked at her expectantly, her smile fading somewhat. “Helena? Are you alright?”

“I’m…fine.” The dark-skinned woman managed, trying to drum up the wherewithal to display the appropriate response. “I just…I’m surprised. That’s all.”

Brandy laughed lightly, her lips curving upwards comfortably one more. “You? Of all people? I feel like I’ve been drowning you for the past few years with all my talk of wanting a baby. I imagined you, of all people, would be the least surprised!”

That might have been the case –if she hadn’t been contemplating her own pregnancy.

Helena’s gaze centered on Brandy’s exuberant expression and she felt her stomach start to churn. This was all wrong. She should be jumping up and down right alongside her friend. Instead, she felt something dangerously close to envy beginning to well in her gut.

Brandy could afford to have a child. She was successful, as happy as could be expected with her parents as repressive as they were, and she was confident in the knowledge that she would be a good mother. And why wouldn’t she be? Watching Brandy with her younger sister was more than enough to see that she would dote lovingly on a child. She was kind, understanding, and just indulgent enough to make her younger sibling feel loved and appreciated.

Helena, on the other hand, hadn’t the slightest idea about what it would mean to be a dutiful mother. She had a glass of wine in her hand when she was pregnant, for God sakes!

All at once, it seemed as if the weight of the world was pressing down on her shoulders. The Zen that she’d been attempting to cultivate all evening began slowly leeching away and she felt panic and nausea beginning to take its place.

“Helena…you’re looking awfully pale. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Brandy’s concerned expression was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Setting her glass of wine down on the table before her, she rose in a smooth motion, tears gleaming in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Brandy, but I can’t do this right now. I have to go.”

With that, she turned on her heel and fled the restaurant, leaving the shocked blonde staring after her in complete surprise. Helena burst out onto the street, managing to swallow her tears but not the hot moisture that tracked down her cheeks, ruining her artfully applied makeup.

She couldn’t take this anymore. The choice itself was torturing her just as much as the possible happiness that lingered just beyond her reach. She wasn’t like Brandy. She couldn’t rejoice at the prospect of being a mother. Any child she had would, in all probability, end up just as masterfully fucked up as she herself.

As much as she loved Xavier…as much as she
wanted
to have his child, she couldn’t. She wouldn’t risk it.

Which was why she was going to call the nearest clinic first thing tomorrow morning, and end this nightmare.

End her child.

The thought made a fresh wave of tears spill down her cheeks.

Heaven help her
.

***

God, he was exhausted.

Xavier came awake groggily. He’d been awake until almost dawn negotiating a supply deal with a Japanese manufacturer and had all but stumbled into bed. This had come after an entire day of work, and a meeting for which he’d had to miss dinner with his sister.

The guilt had followed him into the boardroom, only to be assuaged when Helena told him that she was going with Brandy instead. Theirs was a solution that had allowed him to go about the rest of his day feeling slightly less like a cad – even if he had ultimately gotten a paltry four hours of sleep.

He had heard his lover come in the previous night, though, from his new home office, he hadn’t seen her until he’d slid into bed. She’d been wrapped in the sheets, fast asleep, her lovely mouth turned downward into a deep frown that made him wonder what she dreamt of. Some exam or upcoming class, no doubt.

Xavier slid into bed next to her, hoping that his presence would calm her somewhat, but he hadn’t the wherewithal to stay awake long enough to see if his methods had worked. When he woke around ten am, Helena was absent from bed, despite it being a Saturday. Groaning, the programmer rubbed his hands over his eyes, trying to gather the strength to go and seek her out.

They were supposed to meet with Brandy and Emily later on that day, but for now, they could find a little time to be together. Lately, Helena had been more withdrawn than usual, and he wanted to make sure that he took time out of his schedule to soothe any fears she might have.

With a wide yawn, Xavier hauled himself from bed, stepping up to the tall mirror they’d placed on the wall that separated the bedroom from the bathroom. He looked a mess. Hair mussed, stubble overgrown…and he hadn’t been to the gym in almost four days. Not a big deal to the average man, but the gym was where he found his inner peace – and maintained his physique. The young man was on the cusp of making his way to the shower before his gaze fell to the cell phone on his bedside table.

There were no less than four missed calls from his sister.

Immediately, he arched a brow in inquiry. She was in the same city as him. What could be so important that she could call him so many times before ten in the morning? Picking up the device, he put the call on speaker as he made his way towards the bathroom. He was brushing his teeth when Brandy picked up.

“Xavier?” She sounded frantic with worry, making the young programmer’s brows knit together.

“Yeah, Brandy?” He spat out minty froth. “What’s going on?”

“Is Helena alright?” The attorney asked, concern evident in her tone. “She left me at the restaurant last night looking really upset – really sick. I’ve been trying to call her, but she hasn’t answered my calls.”

Xavier felt his heart sink. There had been a part of him that suspected that Helena wasn’t as well as she’d let him to believe and this simply confirmed it. “What happened? Did she eat something bad?”

“That’s just it! We didn’t eat at all. She didn’t even touch her wine. We were just talking about Hank and I and she just…well…” Brandy trailed off for a moment before sighing. “I mean, I guess I should have known something was wrong. She was acting…off.”

“Off how?” Xavier’s sister now had his full attention. When it came to matters concerning Helena, he could afford nothing less.

“…I wanted to wait until we were all together to tell you this, but I might as well spill: Hank and I are trying to get pregnant. When I told Helena, she just got this look on her face…lost. Sad. I’m not sure what happened, but I think I upset her.”

Xavier bit his lip, leaning over the sink. He was torn between wanting to congratulate his sister on finally taking steps to have the child she so wanted and asking about what had seemed to upset Helena so. “Brandy…that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you and Hank.”

“I was too…but now I’m a little more worried about Helena. Could you please talk to her, Xavier? I don’t want to think I did something…I mean…you know her better than I do.”

Most of the time, Xavier liked to think he knew Helena better than anyone else alive, but then, there were times like this – when even he was confused.

“I’ll do my best, Brandy. But don’t lose sleep over it. You know how she can be sometimes. I’m sure this will all blow over in a day or two.” It usually did, at any rate. He would be willing to bet that this all boiled down to something having to do with the young woman starting surgical trials, or some exam that was driving her to stay up late.

“Ok. Emily says hi.” He could hear his younger sister murmuring in the background. “We’ll see you guys later then, I guess. And, Xavier?”

“Yeah?”

“Be gentle with her…
very
gentle. I’ve never seen Helena like this before.”

Xavier knew better than to take Brandy’s words with a grain of salt. Though she could sometimes come off as an airhead, the eldest Thompson child was amazingly perceptive. It was an attribute that allowed her to assuage her parents while remaining close with the brother who didn’t approve of their methods.

After he hung up with Brandy, Xavier gave himself a long, twenty minute shower to contemplate how he was going to address the subject with Helena. She and Brandy were good friends. In theory, he knew Helena should be able to overcome her own worries about having children to help celebrate her companion starting her own family. That she had, instead, fled entirely spoke to a deeper, underlying problem. He would address her as delicately as he possibly could – perhaps over lunch, and, as they always had, they would talk out the problem rationally.

If there was one thing Helena prided herself on, it was her rationality.

After he dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he made his way down the hall to the kitchen, towards the faint sound of his lover’s voice. He was distracted momentarily from the task at hand by the flowing floor plan of the home they’d chosen. Though he knew it would be a long while before they even contemplated children, it was nice to gaze around the lovely space and imagine little girls with their mother’s questioning gray eyes and sweet smiles running all over the gleaming pine floors.

He paused for a moment just beyond the kitchen, peeking past the partition to see the young woman seated at the kitchen table in just a tank-top and a pair of lacy boy-shorts that emphasized her glorious behind. Xavier’s pants immediately tightened – before he took in the distraught expression on her face and the tension in the hand curled over the edge of the table.

She was clearly in distress.

Though Xavier didn’t mean to eavesdrop on her conversation, he found himself doing so, eager to know who was causing her issue and how he could best go after them.

“You don’t have
anything
for today?” Helena scowled even more deeply. “How about tomorrow?....You’re closed tomorrow. Well, I have work on Monday!” Her voice had risen to an almost hysterical pitch that gave Xavier chills. “No, I can’t wait another week. I need the procedure done now.” Helena ran a hand through curls already mussed by the same action performed hundreds of times before that exact moment. “No…I don’t want to discuss my options at a Planned Parenthood. It’s
my
body and I want it gone.”

Xavier’s heart stopped.

Planned Parenthood?

There were precious few reasons he could think of for why someone might refer a woman to Planned Parenthood, and Helena wouldn’t fit into any of those scenarios. Unless there was something she hadn’t told him.

When his lover very clearly enunciated that she wanted “it” out of her body, Xavier’s blood turned to ice in his veins. Suddenly, her behavior over the past few weeks made complete sense. She’d been sick – pale and nauseous, and she hadn’t spoken to anyone about what had caused her discomfort. Instead, she’d provided half-hearted excuses and withdrawn into herself when he expressed concern.

Stepping into the entryway of the kitchen, Xavier stared at her in disbelief. “You’re pregnant.”

Helena leapt from her seat, ending her call immediately to face him, her eyes wide. In her expression, he read a myriad of emotions, from shock, to guilt and helplessness, among others. The young woman only stared at him for what seemed like an eternity before she straightened, setting her jaw. “Not for long.”

Her words were like a physical punch to the gut.

“You were going to get rid of the baby without even telling me?” As uncomfortable as he knew Helena was with the idea of having children, he never dreamed she would do something like this. They were supposed to understand one another – to speak frankly and work out their problems.

“Xavier…we can’t have a baby right now. I thought we’d already discussed this.” Helena’s expression was pained.

“We didn’t
plan
to have children just now.” He rebutted. “But now we’re faced with a decision that you were going to make without even consulting me. It’s my child too, Helena.” She understood how much this meant to him – how much
family
meant to him.