A Leap of Faith (18 page)

Holy Shit! James wasn’t kidding when he said Hannah was cranky. I had never seen her like this. She was usually the most level headed and relaxed of the group. She hated confrontation.

Dan froze as he realized he was out of his depth, looking around helplessly for any assistance as he backed away from Hannah.

“Hey, Hannah.” I hugged her tenderly. “Why don’t I help you finish up dinner and make us some virgin Margaritas? No way I’m drinking beer!” I screwed up my face to convey my disgust.

“I’m sorry,” Hannah sobbed. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. These last few days I feel like shit. I hate it, then I feel guilty cause I should feel euphoric like they say in all the books. I don’t feel euphoric, I’m not fucking glowing. I haven’t seen my feet in months, everything hurts and I need to pee every two minutes. I’m a horrible mother and the baby hasn’t even been born yet.” Hannah wept into my shoulder.

James looked on nervously, unsure what to do. The other guys shot each other scared looks unable to handle a pregnant, emotional woman, especially one who last time they had seen her had been rational and happy.

I rubbed Hannah’s back gently, “Hey, you are an amazing woman and you are going to be an amazing mother! Of course you feel like shit, you have another person growing inside of you, literally sucking the life out of you. Who cares what those books said, yes it’s a beautiful thing but it’s a big fucking deal Han. It’s sure as hell not easy and it’s a big ask of a body. I saw Kate go through it four times and while the end result was a beautiful, healthy baby she was an unbearable bitch the weeks before delivery.”  

Hannah relaxed, her gentle sobs easing slightly, “Really? I feel like some kind of a freak. I was thinking there was something wrong with me.”

“There is nothing wrong with you, everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. Just don’t be so hard on yourself.” I hugged Hannah tightly.

“Come on, let’s get those drinks. You can yell at me about getting married without you.” I laughed.

Hannah smiled as she wiped her eyes. “I’m still pissed about that.”

James looked at me and mouthed a relieved, silent thank you as I ushered Hannah out of the room.

I improvised with some fruit juice and crushed ice and made something resembling a cocktail as Hannah pulled a massive tray of lasagna out of the oven.

James came in to check if his wife was ok, gently rubbing her back and kissing her tenderly before she shooed him out of the kitchen, instructing him to set the table.

Everyone had gathered in the dinning room, taking their seats as they called out praise for the wonderful feast that lay before them. After two months on the road, a home cooked meal was a little piece of heaven.

“You are amazing.” Alex whispered as he slid into his seat beside me.

“Me? Why?” I asked, pulling the napkin into my lap.

“You were so good with her.” Alex motioned to Hannah, “You knew exactly what to say.”

“Yeah people I know, I know exactly how to handle people. Besides as I said, I remember what Kate went through. It’s kids I’m worried about.” I whispered back.

“Kids are just smaller people Baby.” Alex smirked.

“Yeah, Yeah. Pass the salad Smart-Ass” I bumped Alex’s shoulder with mine.

After her initial outburst, Hannah relaxed and while still a little fragile, the conversation through dinner was easy and light.

James, Troy, Jason, Dan and Alex were slowly becoming more “animated” as the beer bottles piled up. I smiled in the secret knowledge that Alex’s “merriment” would ensure I would be driving the Maserati home. I kept Hannah company, drinking our glorified fruit juice even though she insisted I didn’t have to.

Dan’s phone chimed from his pocket and he struggled to pull it out, falling out of his chair as he attempted to retrieve the message.

“Son of a BITCH,” huffed Dan as he slammed his hand on the table.

“What’s up dude?” Asked Troy curiously glancing over his buddy’s shoulder.

Dan, visibly agitated, stood up and seemed to sober slightly as he fumbled with the phone to dial a number.

“FUCK! I got to make a call, hang on.” Dan waved off Troy as he paced the room.

I looked at Alex puzzled, who shrugged and took another swig of his beer.

“Ma! It’s me... listen, I will work this out ok. Don’t worry about anything... Ma... no... Ma… I bought it first... That sack of shit… Sorry Ma, I didn’t mean to swear. Just leave it to me Ma, I got it under control.” Dan circled the room, his agitation growing as the conversation progressed. “Ma, listen I got to go. I will handle this. Don’t you worry about anything. Love you.”

“Dude? What the Fuck?” Troy asked genuinely concerned for his friend.

“Fucking Joey Tippton!” exclaimed Dan as he tossed his phone to Troy.

Troy exploded into laughter as he examined Dan’s phone, passing it across to Jason.

“Who’s Joey Tippton?” I asked, wondering who could invoke such a strong reaction in Dan.

“He’s Dan’s nemesis.” Troy managed to blurt out in between hysterics.

“Dan has a nemesis?” I questioned further, not understand what that had to do with Dan’s mother who had clearly been the one on the other end of the phone.

“Don’t even start with that shit Troy. You know that fucking Tippton is a cock-sucker and he’s pushed it too fucking far this time. Get your keys, we’re driving to Yonkers.”

“Dan you guys can’t drive, you’ve all been drinking!” Hannah exclaimed, just as confused as I was.

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” I questioned. Troy and Jason were still laughing hysterically at Dan’s phone.

“Joey Tippton bought his Mom the same fucking lawn jockey as I got my Ma. The sack of shit. I found it special, got her one painted in the Jets colours with Joe Nameth’s number and everything, and he went and got the same fucking one!” Dan explained indignantly.

“Wait, What? What the hell is a lawn jockey?” I looked around confused at Alex who too was laughing uncontrollably.

“A lawn jockey, a lawn jockey!” Dan waved his hands impatiently at me, like saying it repeatedly was somehow going to explain what it was. “The little dude you put on your front lawn, with the lantern. Gee don’t you have lawn jockey’s in Australia?”

I still was bewildered as to why he was upset, “So you are mad cause this Joey guy bought his mother the same lawn ornament you got your mother? Are you serious?”

“Oh God,” laughed Jason, “Lexi, duck and cover!”

“Am I serious? Yes I’m serious!” exploded Dan, his face becoming more contorted the angrier he got. “This family has been the thorn in my side for years. The kid Joey, is the fucking worst. I’m telling you. Troy, get your keys man... serious, I’m ripping that lawn jockey right off his lawn. Jase you’re coming too.”

Troy made a big production out of trying to locate his keys, Dan pacing impatiently as he waited.

“Fucking Joey Tippton
!” Dan muttered, “I hate this kid!”

I looked to Alex for further explanation, still not understanding what was transpiring. Alex was able to stop laughing long enough to explain. “The Tipptons lived down the street from Dan. It’s kind of this running joke that whatever Dan and his family did, they did the same. Dan’s family went to Rockaway Beach for vacation, the Tipptons went to Rockaway Beach for vacation. Dan got a new bike, Joey got a new bike. It’s been going on for years.”

“And now they have the same garden gnome?” The smile crept up on my lips.

“See, it’s funny! It’s almost worth a drive to Yonkers to see this play out.” Alex laughed as we watched Dan pushing Troy out the door.

“Dan, its late, stop acting crazy!” Hannah tried to hinder their progression to the front door.

“Step aside Han, this is a matter of
honour. Joey is probably sitting there laughing at me right now. Don’t try and tell me he didn’t know what he was doing! Of all the fucking lawn jockeys in the whole of America he had to go get the same fucking one? I got mine first, this shit ends tonight.”  Dan huffed as he tried to sidestep Hannah who was blocking the hall.

“James, do something!” Hannah called out, the situation visibly causing her distress.

We followed the commotion out the door. I waited to see how long they were going to let this go on.

“Sweetheart, Troy isn’t going to let him drive. Trust me. Don’t get yourself worked up about it.” James laughed as Dan stormed out the front door to wait at passenger side of Troy’s VW beetle.

“C’mon Troy. We got to crank this thing or what?” Dan jumped up and down, as Troy walked out his car.

“We are not driving out there tonight man, we’re both loaded. We’ll go tomorrow and hijack this thing ok?” Troy chuckled as he tried to steer Dan back inside.

Dan not content with this plan turned and pointed to me. “YOU!  You’re sober... you drive. Give her your keys man!”

My eyes widened in the realization he was serious. “Dan, I’m not going to be an accessory in kidnapping a garden trinket.” I shoved Dan back away from me.

“Lexi, come on! I thought you were a team player?! We can’t let Joey get away with it!” Dan exploded.

A cry came from inside the doorway. We all turned to see Hannah slumped, desperately trying to support herself on the door jamb.

“Hannah, Oh God! Are you ok?” James rushed to her side.

“No! I’m not ok. My water just broke. I think I’m in
labour.”  Hannah’s voice strained as James supported her.

“Oh Shit!” Alex raced to help James support Hannah.

“I need to get to the hospital, I need my bag. It’s up in our bedroom.” Hannah puffed as a contraction took its grip.

Being the only sober p
erson, I took control. “Ok, James- where’s the keys to the Suburban? I’m driving us to the hospital. Troy, go get Hannah’s bag!”

Troy raced up the stairs to collect Hannah’s hospital bag as Jason dashed back into the house to retrieve the keys.

“My back hurts,” Hannah wailed. “I’m not due for another week and a half.”

“It’s ok baby, just breathe... it’s going to be ok
.” James instructed as he tried to calm Hannah down.

“See - Joey Fucking Tippton,” muttered Dan, “always screwing shit up.”

“SHUT UP DAN!” I yelled “Or that lawn jockey is going to find a new home up your ass!”

Troy and Jason returned, keys and bags in tow, trying to stifle their laughter at my tirade
, as Alex and James helped Hannah into the massive car.

“We’ll call you guys when we get to the hospital. Troy, keep the Vigilante under control.” I climbed into the car and eased into the driver’s seat. The V8 engine roared to life. Alex took his seat beside me and James
clamoured into the back with Hannah.

“I need directions, do we need the GPS or are you guys sober enough to direct me?” I drove down the long, tree lined driveway.

“I’ll direct you, head out to the main road and turn right.” Alex buckled up his seatbelt.

“Ok Hannah” I soothed. “Let
’s go have a baby!”

I eased into the Emergency entrance of New York Presbyterian Hospital on Broadway.  Hannah had been having contractions on the drive but they were still eight minutes apart. I knew enough about labour to know that we weren’t going to be delivering Baby Bowden in the back of the Suburban on the Henry Hudson Parkway.

James leapt out of the car and burst through the double glass doors in search of a wheelchair despite Hannah’s protest that she didn’t need one, while Alex assisted her out of the backseat.

“I’ll park and then meet you guys in there.” I called over my shoulder.

Alex looked over at me nervously, “I don’t want you walking back alone.”

“I’ll be fine, I just need to find a space for this Tank and I’ll be right in. Stay with James and Hannah.” I winked.

Alex reluctantly closed the door and I drove off to the Greenberg parking garage on East 68th Street. It wasn’t close but then again, there rarely was street parking in the city. I realised how incredibly spoilt I’d been in Melbourne, where despite bitching about price there was always something close by. The gruff parking attendant had no interest i
n who I was as he directed me through.

It was a beautiful June night and the three kilometre walk back to the hospital was invigorating. Even though it was almost 10 p.m., the city was still bustling with activity. I cut through Central Park and back down 7th toward Broadway, the illuminated signs of Times Square lighting my way.

I felt no fear wandering the streets on my own at night. The beautiful city still wore its scars of post 9/11 with a high police and military presence stationed on the streets making its citizens and visitors feel safe.

No one even gave me a second look. I guess without the traveling freak show of the Paparazzi or my hard to disguise tall and sexy husband in tow, I looked like every other woman in New York. I blended seamlessly into the foot traffic as I picked up my pace, the adrenaline spiking as I got closer to the hospital. I couldn’t wait to meet this little boy or girl. I hadn’t realised how excited I was until now.

- Where are you? I should have come with you. Love you Alex xx

- Relax! I’m about 5 mins away. I parked on E 68th and I’m walking back. How’s Han? Love you too baby xxx

- YOU ARE WALKING?!?! WTF LEXI!!!  WHERE ARE YOU? I’LL MEET YOU THERE!

- Don’t get overexcited with the caps lock Alex. I am more than capable of walking a couple of blocks. I’m downstairs - which section are you in, this place is like a fucking maze.

- We are in Tower 10. In the Labour and Delivery unit. They just put Han in a room. James is a little freaked out.

- In the elevator. I have coffee, though guessing you are both pretty sober right now :-)  L x

- I’m in the hall and I can hear screaming :-o I think the coffee is redundant !

LMAO you’re not squeamish are you Baby? :-P

- Squeamish, No!  Unnerved? Hell YES! 

I rounded the corner with the tray of takeaway coffees I’d picked up on the way as I navigated through the labyrinth of halls and buildings.  Alex’s worried face eased as he saw me walking toward
him; he was pacing alone in the hall. He threw his strong arms around me, encasing my slight body as I balanced the tray in my hand.

“Please don’t do that again, Baby. I know you are capable of walking the streets but things are different for you now that we are married. I just need to make sure you are safe. Not everyone out there is
friendly
.”

“Alex, I can’t just change who I am. I am not going to start being tailed with a security detail every time I want to go for a walk. I think that maybe you are over-thinking this. No one even gives me a cursory glance unless you are with me. Trust me, I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.” 

I knew Alex was worried about how I would assimilate to the craziness of fame, I had had a taste of it before while we were dating but now we were married - it made me famous by default and “free game.” For the most part, fans and photographers saw getting to me as a way of getting close to Alex, so showed a genuine interest in me as a person, though I don’t think I would ever get used to my urban habits being broadcast on Twitter.

Alex released me slightly as he took a cup from the tray, “I know Baby.  Did you ever think maybe the security is for them?” I sensed his attempt to lighten the tension with humour.

“I promise not to go all Britney Spears!” I laughed, gently kissing his check.

A pale James stepped out into the hall, he pulled the door firmly behind him.

“Hey Daddy! How’s it going?” I offered James a cup from my prized cardboard tray.

“Thanks Lex.” James gave me a half-hearted smile. “I feel kind of helpless in there. Hannah is in pain and all I can do is watch. She’s on some crazy mission to do this med-free and totally natural. It could take hours. I ain’t going to lie, it is freaking the HELL out of me!”

“Can I go see her?” I asked, anxious to ease my own fears over Hannah’s condition.

“Yeah, I think she would like that. Her Folks are on the way too. I just came out here to call security. We were caught a little off guard. So if you can keep her company till I get everything squared away, I’d appreciate it. ” James rubbed the back of his neck.

He pointed out the correct door and I tentatively knocked before entering. “Hannah, it’s me, Lexi. Is it ok if I come in?”

A “yes” accompanied by muffled moan came from beyond the door.

Hannah was hunched over the hospital bed while a fair-haired, middle-aged midwife rubbed her back.

“That’s it Darl, breath through it. You got a long ways to go yet.”

Hannah tried to level her breathing as evidently another contraction gripped her.

“This fucking hurts!” She winced as her hands balled around the sheets on the bed.

I rushed to her side in an attempt to help, not knowing exactly what to do. I’d never been in a labour suite before and I had no idea what Hannah was going through but it DID NOT look pleasant.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked feebly, understanding why James had felt so helpless as I held her hand.

“I don’t know if I can do this Lexi. This is the most intense pain imaginable. I don’t think I am going to be able to go through with this.” Hannah’s pained face pleaded as she breathed out the last of her contraction. “I’m only at 5cm dilated!” she cringed, “I’m not even close!”

“Firstly Han, it’s a little late to try and back out now, don’t you think?” I raised my eyebrow as I squeezed her hand, “Secondly, you may not think you can do this but I know that you can. Just think about that little baby that you are going to get to meet in a few hours, look at how far you’ve come. You got this far Hannah, you just need to hang in there a little while longer.”

“That’s it Sweetie. Keep talking to her.” The midwife adjusted the monitor fastened across Hannah’s swollen belly. A loud, steady heartbeat filled the room.

“WOW, is that the baby?” I asked as the heartbeat was replaced by a loud sw
ishing sound before resuming its rhythmic thump.

“Yep, we got an active one here. A good, strong
heartbeat. That’s what we want,” smiled the midwife as she read over the print out. “I’m June by the way. Are you family?”

“Hi June, I’m Lexi...” I started to explain as Hannah clasped my hand in a death grip.

“She’s family!” Hannah puffed, “She’s family! Oh My God... Where is James? I need James!” Yet another contraction ripped through her body, her face contorting as she tried to breathe through it.

“They are getting closer, that’s what we want. Might be time to check you again.” June helped Hannah back onto the bed.

“I’ll go get James,” I reasoned, not really wanted to sit there while June inspected the dilation of Hannah’s cervix.

“Nooooooooo,” screamed Hannah, “Don’t leave me!” Her eyes filled with fear and desperation,  “I changed my mind, I want the drugs... get me the drugs! I want an epidural!!!”

June smiled sweetly as she smoothed Hannah’s hair. I really had no idea how she could remain so calm and why the hell wasn’t this woman running to the drug dispensary for some fucking pain relief? Lord knows I could use a sedative or two myself.

“Now Sweetie, let’s check you and see how much further you need to go before we throw your birth plan out the window.” June winked as she hitched up Hannah’s hospital gown and pulled on a pair of latex gloves.

Oh God, here we go... Look away Lexi, you do not want to see this. I focused my attention on Hannah as June did whatever she was doing...
down there
.

“So you have any kids Lexi?” June asked casually. Was she seriously making conversation while she had her hand firmly ensconced up Han’s Vjay-jay?

“No, no kids,” I retorted, keeping my gaze on Hannah.

“But you are having kids right?” Hannah asked, sensing the hesitation in my voice.

“Han, I don’t know. Alex and I haven’t decided yet.” I was not really wanting to have this discussion now!

“What? Alex loves kids! Of course you are going to have kids!” Hannah flinched as she tried to breathe through yet another contraction. “DRUGS!!!!! WHERE ARE MY DRUGS?” she yelled as June removed her glove and adjusted Hannah’s gown.

“Well Sweetie, bad news is it’s too late for drugs, good news is as soon as we get that husband of yours back in here you can start pushing. I’ll page Doctor Stevens.”

“No! No, I’m not ready!” Hannah shook her head, her panic stricken eyes welling with tears.

“Let me go get James. You can do this!” I comforted Hannah as I released her fingers from the death grip around my wrist.

“Hurry Lexi! Oh My God! I feel pressure. I feel like I need to push!” Hannah cried.

I turned and ran through the door and straight into the path of a very large male nurse. The force of our impact sending me crashing to the floor in a very spectacular and ungraceful tangle of arms and legs.

“Lexi!” James and Alex simultaneously yelled as the poor nurse tried to help me off the floor.

“James, it’s time. You need to go back.” I stuttered as I tried to climb to my feet, Alex scooping me off the floor.

“What? They said it would be hours!” James stared at me in disbelief.

“Well the baby had other ideas. Get in there!” I pointed furiously to the door.

James raced through the door as Alex lowered me back to my feet, the nurse apologizing intently and asking me if I’d hit my head. 

“I’m not hurt,” I assured them both as I waved off their concern.

The nurse nodded then turned and slunk down the hall.

“She’s going to have the baby!” I exclaimed as Alex tried to inspect my head closer.

“Are you sure you didn’t hit your head?”

“I’m fucking fine!” I huffed as I pushed his hands away. “Did you hear me? They are going to have the baby now.”

“I heard you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you frantic before, I wanted make sure you weren’t concussed.” Alex smiled as he ran his hand down my jaw.

“I’m just... I’m... I heard the heartbeat Alex. I heard... it’s little heart.” I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by what I’d heard. The little life growing inside Hannah, so helpless and yet so strong.

Alex wiped the tear as it fell down my face, emotions I had never felt were being stirred within me.

“I think I want that.” I whispered as he held me close.

“Lexi, I told you. You don’t have to make any decisions now, Baby. I love you.” Alex kissed the top of my head.

“No. I want it for us. I want it with you. I want to have our baby, Alex.” I titled my head to look into his astonishing blue eyes.

“Are you sure?” Alex asked tentatively.

“Yes I’m sure,” I nodded.

As much as I knew it would make him happy I wasn’t doing this for him. I knew that those fears I’d held, my family’s legacy, no longer had any place in my life or in my heart. I was free.

~~~~~~

“So you want to come and meet my son?” James proudly declared from the doorway.

“No Way! Congratulations Brother!” Troy hugged him tightly before slapping him firmly on the back.

Alex walked over silently, James seemed to understand his wordless exchange. They embraced tightly, Alex whispering something into James’ ear before James nodded.

“Thanks Man, you being here...” James looked over at me before continuing, “I love you both!”

“You aren’t going to cry are you?” Dan grinned as he clapped James on the shoulder.

“I already did and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Seeing my son for the first time - best feeling ever.” James laughed.

“Is that why you get more attention than us? Girls dig that emotional bullshit?” Dan asked puzzled.

“Yeah that’s why numb-nuts!” Jason chuckled as he brushed past Dan to congratulate James. “Well done, Brother. Luckiest little boy alive to have such an awesome band of Uncles!”

Alex had called Troy shortly after my teary admission of wanting to have a family. Bear and DarNell, along with the security team descended on the hospital, bringing with them the rest of the guys.