A Lesson in Desire: Season of Desire Part 3 (Seasons Quartet) (3 page)

‘Is it all right?’ Jane-Elizabeth asks, watching me as I stare at the phone. ‘It’s all connected and ready to go.’

‘Oh – oh, yes, it’s great.’ I slip it into my pocket and go back to staring out of the window. All I want is to be home again, and to find Miles. I have to see him as soon as I possibly can.

If I don’t, I feel like I’ll go mad.

Chapter Ten

‘Freya, you’re back!’

‘Welcome home, we’re so happy to see you!’

The minute Jane-Elizabeth and I emerge from the lift into the main hallway, I’m engulfed by two pairs of arms, and two smiling faces are pressed against mine as my sisters run over and hug me hard. We haven’t been this united for a long time. I suppose that coming back from the dead does have its upsides: everyone feels all warm and fuzzy about you.

Flora pulls away from me, a beaming smile on her face. ‘I can’t believe what you’ve been through! It’s amazing that you’re okay. Dad said your car crashed right off the mountain!’

‘We want to hear
all
about it,’ chimes in Summer.

‘It was kind of incredible,’ I reply, laughing at their puppyish enthusiasm.

‘Girls, let Freya get her breath back before you mob her!’ reproves Jane-Elizabeth. ‘Why don’t you all go through to the snug and I’ll have some tea sent in for you?’

‘That sounds great,’ I say happily. ‘You know what? I’d love some hot chocolate.’

‘Done,’ says Jane-Elizabeth. ‘I’ll ask for some food as well.’

She goes off to talk to the cook as we head to the snug, the cosiest room in this chilly glass palace. As we go through the house, I think that the staff are smiling at me in a way I’ve never been aware of before – as though they’re genuinely pleased to see me.

Miles’s remarks about what the people who work here really think of me come floating into my mind and I feel a hot burn of shame. I don’t like the way that makes me feel so I banish it quickly from my mind. I’ll think about it later, but in the meantime I resolve to be nicer if I can. At least my rescue seems to have put everyone in a good mood with me, which is a start.

Where is he?
I wonder. A tremor shimmers over my skin as I imagine him somewhere close. Dad said he was here at the house but I don’t think there’ll be any sign of him here in this part of it. The bodyguards are rarely seen on this floor, though I’ve never really thought about that before. They’ve always just disappeared when they’re not required, reappearing when necessary. It’s never occurred to me to wonder where they go. Now I imagine Miles several storeys beneath me on one of those floors I’ve never visited.

If only I’d known what was here all along. If only I’d realised… How can I see him? What’s he doing right now?

I have a delightful image of Miles in the shower, soaping his muscled arms and torso, hot water streaming over his dark head and running down his pecs and the hard solidness of his thighs.
Mmm. That’s delicious.
His eyes are closed as he turns his face to the shower of hot water. He’s clean and wet and incredibly enticing. In my imagination he turns his back to me so I can see the firmness of his buttocks with the dip on each side by the glute muscles.
Turn around for me, Miles, show me that magnificent cock of yours
… I imagine myself stepping naked into the shower with him, pressing myself against his back, the water dousing me in a hot stream. He turns, surprised, and I sink down to my knees to kiss his cock into stiffness, letting water fill my mouth and then treating him to his own personal bath inside my hot wet mouth. He’s magnificent, his length growing strong and hard, swelling under my ministrations as I lick and suck him…

‘Freya, are you all right?’ Summer is looking at me quizzically. ‘You’ve gone all glassy eyed.’

‘What?’ I jerk back to reality, almost startled to find I’m not in a hot shower administering tender oral attention to Miles’s erection. ‘Oh… sorry… just a flashback.’

I’m forced to drag my thoughts away from Miles by my sisters who bombard me with questions, not letting me get an answer out before they ask something else.

‘Girls, one at a time!’ I say, holding my hands up and laughing. ‘Please! Let’s get settled and I’ll tell you everything.’

In the snug, we sit down on the sofas in front of the fire. Three of them are placed around the fireplace and we each take one. Summer is facing me on the opposite sofa, her legs pulled up in front of her, her arms wrapped around her knees. ‘So come on!’ she urges. ‘Start from the beginning.’

Flora lounges over hers, her russet brown hair spreading out on the cushions. She has a taste for striking attitudes, it’s all part of her dramatic nature. ‘We need to know everything,’ she announces.

‘The inside story,’ adds Summer. ‘Did you know you’ve been all over the news?’

‘I wondered when I saw the welcome-home committee outside the hospital. How did they all find out?’

Flora shrugs. ‘Who knows how any of them ever find out anything? Dad tried to keep it quiet but once the search was on, the word spread very quickly. You can imagine how much the press loved the story. It was good enough when it looked as though you’d plummeted to your death off the mountain. It’s even better now that you’ve been miraculously rescued. Look.’ She picks up the television remote and clicks the TV on. Footage is playing and there I am, coming out of the hospital, Jane-Elizabeth at my side looking fierce as she holds up a hand to keep the reporters out of my face. Our driver is on my other side, one hand on my elbow as he steers us through the melee. I look pale but my dark glasses cover up most of my face. I’m just glad I washed my hair and put some make-up on – but I make a mental note to make an appointment with the hairdresser. My brown hair needs a proper blow-dry and some fresh lowlights to restore its sparkle, and my fringe definitely requires a trim.

The voiceover is explaining that Freya Hammond was missing for two days after a car crash during an alpine storm. ‘Miss Hammond is said to be in surprisingly good health after her ordeal. Despite claims of a near-fatal crash and two days in sub-zero temperatures, there are no outward signs of injury. In fact, some sources are suggesting that this could be an elaborate stunt to win back her former boyfriend, Jacob Amsell.’

I laugh out loud as the screen fills up with pictures of me and Jacob during our days together, frolicking on yachts, sunbathing on beaches and turning up to film premieres as the voiceover gives a précis of our relationship. It never occurred to me that anyone might think I’d somehow arranged to fake a crash – after all, it would be incredibly difficult to do such a thing even if such a crazy idea had occurred to me. I'd certainly have needed Miles's cooperation and it's hard to imagine getting him to agree to let one of my father's cars topple over the edge of a mountain just because I said so, and then disappear with me for two days. The press have an even wilder imagination that I gave them credit for – but I can see that it's a good story. As for the pictures of me with Jacob – just a short time ago, I’d have been cut to the core to see them and now I don’t care at all. He’s in the past. He was an asshole and now he’s history. A learning experience. One of the guys whose role in life is to teach us what we don’t want in a man.

Now… there’s Miles.

I lean over and click the remote. The sound stops abruptly and the picture vanishes.

‘It’s a good story,’ Flora says softly, looking over at me. ‘But there’s nothing in it. Right?’ She lifts her eyebrows enquiringly.

I open my mouth to rebut the suggestion that I might have faked a car crash and put my family through hell just to win back that ridiculous lowlife, then stop. My sisters don’t know the truth about why Jacob and I broke up. Miles doesn't know the full story either, even though I confided part of it to him. No one knows, except Jacob, my father, our lawyers and me. Oh, and some hookers, if they ever recognised Jacob and heard what had happened between us.

Maybe this story might be a good way to deflect attention from what really happened.

At the moment, everyone is just happy to see me back in one piece, but my father intends to find out what happened, and so do my sisters. Once it’s known that Miles and I spent two days and nights holed up together in a snowed-in mountain hut, surely it won’t be long before people begin to ask what happened between us during those long, dark, cold hours…

‘You didn’t!’ Summer says disbelievingly. ‘You didn’t cook this up, did you?

She looks indignant and I can’t blame her. It would be terrible thing to do, and tempting though it might be to throw up a smokescreen, I can’t do it.

‘No,’ I say. ‘Of course I didn’t. It’s a stupid idea. The press will get over all this in a day or two and all the ridiculous gossip will die down.’

‘They have a point, though, don’t they?’ Flora says, looking at me intently. ‘I mean, you look absolutely fine. You don’t have a mark on you.’

I say nothing but unbutton my shirt and open it to display the livid bruise, now an interesting melange of purple, green and yellow, that crosses my chest, disappearing under my bra and coming out the other side.

Summer gasps. ‘What’s that?’

‘The mark from my seatbelt. If I hadn’t been wearing that, then believe me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. And the car took most of the impact – you should have seen it. You wouldn’t have believed we could get out of there. But we did.’

Flora bites her lip as she regards the mark on my chest. The twins really look nothing like each other. Summer has that blonde blue-eyed prettiness, but Flora has a pale russet look that's not exactly beauty but is very arresting. She has almond-shaped eyes and spikes her lashes out with lots of mascara to create a feline look. Now her eyes, brown like mine but speckled with hazel, look worried. ‘I didn’t really believe those stories about you faking the crash,’ she says, almost apologetically. ‘And now I can see that bruise…’ She gazes at me as I button up my shirt again. ‘I realise what a lucky escape you had.’

‘It wasn’t just luck. It was Miles too.’ I try to keep my tone and expression neutral. I don’t want anyone speculating about us, not when I have no idea myself what is happening between us, but I can’t help talking about him.

‘Miles?’ says Summer, frowning. Then her face clears. ‘Of course – you set out with the bodyguard you can't stand.’

'I know. And I'm counting my blessings I did.' I tell them about the crash and how it was the most frightening thing that’s ever happened to me. They listened in wide-eyed silence as I describe the sensation of the car leaving the road and the impact that followed. I describe Miles getting me out of the car just moments before it slid off the plateau to vanish in the snowy valley below, taking our phones with it. I’m almost reliving it as I tell them about the terrible weather, the icy, penetrating cold, and the sense of fear and despair as Miles disappeared into the storm to look for shelter.

Summer’s eyes are wide as she listens intently. She says, ‘That must have been weird. You hated him – and he saved your life!’

I nod. ‘Yeah.’ I try to sound casual and laugh lightly. ‘I suppose he’s not so bad after all. I owe him a lot.’

Flora has been gripped by my narrative and she leans forward to say urgently, ‘But what happened? Did he find the shelter?’

‘Of course!’ I laugh again. ‘Do you think I’d be in such good shape if he hadn’t? We had the most amazing piece of luck.’ I tell them about the shepherd’s hut and they are gripped by my description of its privations.

‘Tinned food,’ says Flora, pulling a face.

‘No running water!’ breathes Summer, her eyes wide.

‘No nothing,’ I reply. ‘No
bathroom
at all…’ I look at them both meaningfully and they gasp as they take in the implications.

‘So how did you…?’ Flora can’t articulate it but we all know what she means.

‘A bucket.’

They both gasp again and Flora shudders. ‘How awful,’ she says. ‘In front of the bodyguard?’

‘He went outside.’

‘Thank goodness for that,’ Flora says and Summer nods in agreement.

‘Luckily we weren’t there for too long. I didn’t think I could stand going without a shower for much longer.’

Summer says, ‘You were so lucky though. Thank goodness for that hut.’

‘And the fact that Miles is trained in arctic weather and mountain survival.’ I can’t resist saying his name. I know that the real story of the crash is not the filthy sleeping bags and the nasty food or even surviving the storm against the odds, but I don’t want to give them any clue of what is, so I start to describe the rescue and they are quickly diverted. When I finish, I realise that Flora is crying.

‘What is it?’ I ask. ‘I’m fine, you don’t need to cry!’

‘I know, it’s just…’ She gulps and sniffs. ‘You could have died if hadn’t been for those bits of luck that saved you – the car landing on the plateau, and then finding the hut. I can’t help thinking that someone was looking out for you.’

I get up, sit down next to her and wrap my arms around her. She clings on to me and sobs.

‘I think that maybe… Mama was protecting you,’ she whispers.

I feel my own eyes fill with tears and a tightness form in my throat. I can’t speak. The same thought had occurred to me but I’d hardly acknowledged it until Flora said it out loud.

Summer gets up and joins us, clutching my hand and Flora’s. ‘Maybe Mama is your guardian angel,’ she says.

I say, ‘If she’s looking out for me, she’ll be looking out for all of us.’

Flora sobs again. ‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘It’s a happy thought, not a sad one, and yet…’

‘I understand,’ I say quietly, hugging her tighter. ‘We all do.’

We sit quietly for a while, bonded by the memory of our mother.

I barely have a moment to myself for the rest of the day. Not surprisingly, I’m inundated with calls and messages as soon as I switch on my phone. I find myself telling the same story over and over until I begin to suspect that it’s taken on a whole new life that is completely removed from what actually happened. Everybody is clamouring to see me, to invite me here and there, but I have no appetite for it. I put them all off, telling them I have to rest and get back to my old self, which seems to satisfy them.