A Lethal Legacy (16 page)

Kelsey and I walked
side-by-side to the gravesite not touching or talking. When it was all over,
she touched my sleeve.

"Ed, we need to
talk."

"I know. When we
get back to the house, let's take a walk."

And so on the day
that my father was buried, Kelsey and I made plans for the future.

"Ed, there's
someone else," she said as we walked through the neighborhood.

She looked at me. I
stared back waiting for her to say it. I didn't want to make it easy for her.

"Greg, at work.
We're in love," she said.

"Greg," I
repeated. "I guess I should have known."

"I'm sorry, Ed.
I really did love you at one time. And I still think of you as a good
friend."

"You know, it's
strange, Kelsey, but that's exactly how I feel about you. I'm not sure when it
happened, but at some point I stopped loving you, too. But it's OK, isn't
it?"

"Yes, Eddie,
it's OK."

As our marriage took
its final gasps, we sadly hugged one another on this day of endings and
beginnings.

In another place, at
the same time, on the same day, Elizabeth and Gary also decided to part ways.
Even though my father's life had held disappointment for himself and those
around him, in his death others found the strength to change their lives for
the better. I took comfort in the fact that at least some meaning might come
from his death, even though in his life he never sought to understand those
closest to him.

I slowly rose from my
bed to get dressed. I would not let Gary die alone like my father. He would
have those who loved him the most near him as we tried to make his passage from
this world a safe one. After a lifetime of suffering, it was the least he
deserved.

"Where's
Claire?" I asked Rick when I passed him in the hallway on my way to Gary's
room.

"Sitting by his
bed. She won't leave him now. His breathing has already started to change.
There's a rattle," he said.

"Let's go. From
now on, we should always stay there with Claire, I think."

"I agree,"
Rick said.

We remained with Gary
for the rest of the night. It was excruciating to sit in that room. We waited
after each loud breath for the next one, dreading it, yet hoping it would come.
As the night wore on, the breathing became more irregular.

Finally, around dawn
with the new day emerging outside the shaded window of the bedroom, Gary took
one last gasp of air, but he never let it out. He had gone from us, just as the
night had slipped away, with little fanfare.

The first cry came
from Rick who began rocking back and forth in his chair next to the bed. Claire
had positioned herself on the other side standing near the head of the bed
resting her cheek on Gary's forehead as he breathed for the last time. The
tears slid down her face as I went to stand next to her, trying not to let the
sob escape from my throat. We stood motionless for an eternity each thinking
our private thoughts of the man who could finally rest in peace in a place
where demons no longer tortured young men, where fathers cared, and where
acceptance came as naturally as living on this earth.

Falling, falling,
falling. Calm and peace surround the body as the soul escapes its prison. The
living are left with the suffering. He watched wordlessly as the cloud lifted,
growing lighter and lighter and finally leaving his soul.

After Gary took his
last breath, Claire, Rick, and I sat for a long time in the room mourning the
passage of this man we all loved. Claire was the first to break the silence.

"I need to call
Kristina," Claire said as she pulled herself away from the lifeless form.
She leaned down to kiss him on the forehead one last time. "What do we do
now, Rick?" she asked.

"I've got all
the numbers in the kitchen. Go call Kris. I'd like a few minutes alone with
Gary to say good-bye."

We left him with his
memories and the body that once held such a tormented soul. We went into the
kitchen to distance ourselves from the very private ritual taking place in the
bedroom.

"I suppose I
should call Philip, too," Claire said. "I hope at least he'll come
for the funeral.

Philip never did come
to New Orleans. He didn't say much when Claire called, and he never asked about
arrangements. Claire never told him. She said we'd be back in a few days.
However, some surprising guests did attend. Both of Gary's ex-wives flew in for
the funeral.

Elizabeth's presence
I could understand. Gary and she parted amicably and still kept in touch during
the holidays. Claire and she exchanged Christmas cards, and the whole family
followed her career that had taken off since the divorce. She now hosted a
daily talk show with a variety format.

I was concerned about
Pam's decision to attend the funeral and hoped there wouldn't be any vicious
scenes. Kristina seemed unconcerned, both about her father's death and her
mother's arrival. On the morning of the funeral, Pam called me from her hotel.

"Ed, I’m here,"
she said.

"Hi, Pam,"
I said.

"Kris says the
funeral is at two o’clock, right? I really just want to give Kris support. This
isn't easy for her, you know. By the way, how were Gary's finances?"

"What do you
want to know that for?"

"Just wondering.
I suppose Kris inherits everything now. Gary did have a will, didn’t he?"

"Pam, I don't
want to talk about this right now. I'll see you at the funeral." Now I
knew why she had come all the way from Las Vegas for the funeral of a man she
despised and for a daughter she'd never really loved.

In addition to Gary's
family and ex-wives, just a small cadre of friends who hadn't abandoned Gary
when they found out he had AIDs, attended the funeral service. Pam looked old
and worn. It was hard to believe that Gary, with his penchant for all things
beautiful, had once been married to this woman. Elizabeth, as beautiful as
ever, probably wondered the same thing when they were introduced. When she met
Kristina, she attempted genuine affection, but Kristina would have none of it.

"So you're the
Miss America Gary married?" Kristina asked when Elizabeth attempted to hug
her as she offered condolences.

"Yes, and you're
the daughter he always loved," she said.

"This must be a
shocker for you. I bet you didn't announce his death on your TV show, did
you?"

"That would
hardly be appropriate, now would it? It was nice to meet you finally, Kristina.
And Pam, too, of course." She walked over to Claire leaving both mother
and daughter in her dust as they made fun of her walk.

"Come on, you
two. Stop it, she's a nice person, and she loved Gary," I said.

"Sorry, Ed. I
forgot we were in the midst of a saint." Kristina knew she would hit me
hard with that one.

"I'm not a
saint, but I do have some respect for people, living and dead," I said
before I walked away from them, too.

However, I couldn't
avoid them for very long. They pounced on me as I finished thanking everyone
for coming. I was also inviting all the guests back to the apartment for a
drink. Gary was being cremated so there would be no cemetery scene.

"Ed, now that
the funeral is over, when do we find out about the will so Kris can come
home?" Pam said as I headed for my car. Kristina followed her.

"All right, I
guess it would be better coming from me than from Rick since you're both so
interested. Most of Gary's estate has been eaten up with his medical expenses.
Anything left over will go to Rick."

"You're kidding,
right?" Pam asked.

"No, Gary told
Claire and me the day before he died. He said that Rick had stopped working to
care for him. And besides he felt he had already given Kristina enough."

"That son of a
bitch," was Pam's only response.

"That's rich,
really rich. He gave it all away to that wimp," Kristina announced to the
wind.

"He also asked
Claire and me to help you understand." I gently touched Kristina's arm,
hoping she would know that we really wanted to help her.

"Did he also
tell you to keep your filthy paws off me?" With that, she flounced away,
leaving Pam and I alone.

"What did she
mean by that, Ed?" Pam asked.

"Not sure. Why
don't you ask her? It was good to see you again after all these years, Pam, but
I really think it would be better if you didn't come back to the
apartment."

"Don't worry,
Eddie, I wouldn't want to dirty the proceedings. Besides I've got some things
to tell Kris." She walked away after her daughter, leaving me to wonder
what things she would tell her. I also wondered whether Kristina would tell her
about our encounter. With a heavy heart, I got in my car and drove back to the
French Quarter.

As I pulled out of
the funeral home parking lot, I thought about why Pam had come for Gary's
funeral. She really thought that Gary would leave something for Kristina. She
probably also hoped that Kristina would share with her. I examined my feelings
carefully and found that I didn't really care anymore if Kristina told Pam
about our one-time encounter. Nothing much mattered to me now that Gary was
gone.

Elizabeth came back
to the apartment, as did a few other close friends. We spent the rest of the
afternoon swapping Gary stories and putting him to rest with dignity and
respect. I saw the last of the guests out the door just as the sun set over the
balcony.

"Are you ready
to go back tomorrow, Claire?" I asked when the apartment was finally empty
except for the three of us. "Will you be all right, Rick?"

"Sure, sure, you
two go back. It's time we all got our lives back to normal."

When the phone rang,
I picked up the nearest extension on the armoire in the living room.

"Ed, I wanted to
apologize," Kristina said.

"For what?"

"I was ugly
today, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me. But I was pretty
devastated. Here my dad dies only a few short years after I've found him, and
then I find out he doesn't love me enough to leave me anything." She began
to cry softly.

"Come on,
Kristina, he loved you more than anyone, you know that. Leaving you money
doesn't have anything to do with love. Kristina, your father loved you." I
couldn't stand to hear her muffled sobs as she made a weak attempt at
controlling herself. "Where are you?" I asked.

"At my
apartment. I just took Pam to the airport after watching her get soused in the
lounge," she said. "She was pretty angry about the will stuff. It
just made things harder."

"Do you want to
come over here? Your grandmother and I were just making plans to leave
tomorrow."

"I'm too upset
for Claire right now. Could you come over here for a little while?" she
asked with a little girl plea in her voice. Without thinking, I told her that I
would be right there.

"I'm going over
to see Kristina. She's pretty upset. If I can get her calmed down, I'll bring
her back with me," I told Rick and Claire as I headed for the door.

When I headed out
into the New Orleans twilight, I noticed the thick pea soup fog had rolled in
once again. I drove slowly through the quiet streets to Kristina.

When she let me in
her apartment, I took in the red eyes and smeared mascara along with the big
T-shirt. She wore nothing else. She hugged me as I walked through the door. She
continued to cling to my neck as we walked to the couch.

"Oh, Eddie, I'm
so miserable. Please just hold me," she whispered.

And so I held her and
held her until she stopped crying. Then without much thought, I leaned down and
kissed her. Before long, she was kissing me back and climbing into my lap and
rubbing herself against me until I couldn't stand it any longer.

"Stop, Kristina,
stop." I tried to pull her off me, but now she was pulling the T-shirt
over her head, revealing her two perfectly rounded breasts waiting for my
attention. " Kristina, put that back on," I said.

"Now, Ed, you
really don't want me to do that, do you?" she asked as she licked her lips
very slowly. "You don't really want to stop, now do you?" She raised
herself up high enough to press one of her breasts against my lips.

As I eagerly reached
for her, she continued softly encouraging me. "We need each other, Eddie.
It's supposed to be this way. Don't stop now. I need to be loved tonight."

I couldn't argue; I
couldn't even speak. How could I refuse to give her what she needed? She could
actually make me believe that I was her savior. Only I could help save her from
herself, I told myself when I most needed to justify my actions in my own mind.

I roughly shoved her
off my lap onto the floor, and I buried myself in the sanctuary of her waiting
body. I remembered to pull the condom out of my pocket this time, but I forgot
everything else except finding a release for the both of us as we moved
together.

I forgot my promise
to Gary; I forgot my grief over his death; I forgot my familial

ties to this creature
begging me to love her and fill the void deep within her soul. I forgot everything,
except my need to fulfill her every desire, which, of course, perfectly
coincided with mine. I forgot for a few bittersweet moments that I was only
fooling myself if I thought I could ever satisfy the needs of this young woman
in my arms. After Kristina and I finished making love, or whatever it's called
when two people create a tornado of movement and feeling and cling to one
another as if the passing storm would tear them apart at the limbs, I dozed on
her couch.

Totally spent after
the events of the past week, I fell into an immediate deep sleep. The release
offered in the arms of Kristina left me even more exhausted. When I opened my eyes,
Kristina walked into the living room with her suitcase.

"Where are you
going?' I asked.

"With you, back
to Florida," she said.

"Since
when?"

"Since I called
Claire when you were on your way over here. I told her I was having difficulty
dealing with Gary's death, and I felt I needed to be with family. She invited
me to come and stay with them for a few weeks."

"Kristina, I'm
not sure that's such a good idea..."

"Why? Afraid you
won't be able to keep your hands off me?" She smiled seductively.
"Don't worry I wouldn't seduce you with my grandparents so near. I need
them more than I need you." She flipped her long hair to her back and
walked to the door.

"Ed, are you
coming?"

Gary's demons may
have been put to rest, but mine were just waking up
, I thought to myself
as the three of us drove down the flat and boring highway back to Ocala.
Kristina chatted cheerfully with Claire through the entire trip.

"Ed, you're
awfully quiet," Claire said several hours into our journey.

"I'm tired,
Claire. And you two don't need my help talking," I turned to smile at her
sitting in the passenger seat.

"Kris, what
would you like to do in the next few weeks? We have lots of options, you know,
like Disney World or Busch Gardens or Sea World?"

"I guess I'd
like to go to the beach for one thing."

"Maybe Ed would
take you to Daytona one day. Your grandfather and I don't get over there much,
but Ed knows his way around. Couldn't you manage one day next week to take Kris
to Daytona?" Claire asked me.

"I'll see,
Claire. I'm going to be pretty busy. I planned on starting the new book, and
then I've got to make some decisions about Mom."

"That's all
right, Grandma. Busch Gardens would be fun. I don't want to intrude on Ed's
life or be in the way," Kristina said.

"I'll try to
find an afternoon, Kristina, I really will. But I'm pretty worried about Mom.
Aunt Susan can't be expected to take care of her much longer," I said.

"I'm sure Philip
looked in on her while you were gone," Claire said. "Have you thought
about what you're going to do?"

"About
Mom?" I asked. Claire nodded her head. "I'm not sure. I'm almost
certain that I'll move to Ocala very soon. The doctor says it's probably
Alzheimer's, and there's no telling when she might have a major setback. Right
now she can function, but her mind isn't totally there at times, as I'm sure
you've noticed."