A Long Distance Love Affair (2 page)

I've always been concerned too that I don't intrude on you so I deliberately keep myself back.  If things were different I'd be sending you flowers every day if I could in gratitude for the happiness you make me feel, and text messages to cheer you and to warm your heart and phone calls to let you know you 'fill my heart with gladness' and emails every night full of the affection I have in me for you.

But I try to keep a grip of myself and wait for a response from you before I launch off again on another passionate outpouring.  I feel like Mt Vesuvius most of the time, rumbling away there, keeping the potential of an all consuming eruption at bay with these spasmodic and irregular outbursts.

I wish I could do things for you and be helpful to you in some way in your life.  I wish I could make you a cup of tea and touch you tenderly as I gave it to you.  I wish I could let you know how wonderful I think you are through a lingering glance and a warm smile. I wish I could just sit next to you with our bodies partners in happiness and familiarity, just brushing up against each other peacefully and contentedly. 

Poor me.  I'm crazy about you.  What am I to do?

I will MISS you next week.  I hope it all goes well for you.  Travel safely.  My spirit will be with you.

From you adoring, all desiring and still trembling Anna

My Adonis

Never the cold shoulder.  How could you think that?  Mine are very warm especially for you and are waiting for you to test this out for yourself. (As are other parts of me...warm...and waiting...)

I'm fascinated that you're an art lover.  I don't have very sophisticated tastes here so you'll have to teach me.  Not surprisingly I like the impressionists, especially Renoir and Turner...how did he manage to get off with painting essentially the same view in many of his works?  I can't respond to modern art at all. I find it too intellectual and passionless.  The Cubists and people like Kadinsky leave me cold.  What about you?  What do you like?  And there are wonderful galleries here in Melbourne especially the Ian Potter Gallery at Federation Square which I'd love to walk through with you, and look into your face and smile at you.

I have been deliberately trying to hold myself back from contacting you too much in case you get the impression that I'm overly eager for you....(yes I'm laughing at this too).  I wish I could speak to you every day and be held by you and have an outlet for the overwhelming passion, affection, warmth I have for you.  And I wish I knew more about what/whether/if you are thinking of me.

Drop in again tomorrow.  I will call on my muse overnight.

With many warm embracements/kisses to you my lovely one.

And a phone call would be good.

Anna

My Summer

I am possessed with thoughts of, and feelings for you this morning (writing on the train again).  Despite it having been a cold, bleak, dark week of Melbourne winter weather, and despite work being its usual frustrating, overwhelming mayhem, I'm full of indescribably lovely feelings - because of you -.  When I'm reading, I seem to come across things that make me think of you, or when I'm listening to music, or when I'm just walking in the street, you're always there in me, influencing my outlook and heightening my receptivity to the simplest experience, and making me notice and appreciate things that would normally not have had much effect on me.

What is it about you that has such an influence on me.... I don't know!  But I think you're so lovely...you're thoughtful..... I really like your intelligence and I find you so sexy.  There are times I can't believe I'm saying these things to you - I've wanted you for so long and you were just a dream to me.  Now you're like a delicious unexplored package.  The bits of you I am familiar with I just adore.  I melt at the thought of doing the simplest, yet quietly intimate, things with you, like gently removing your glasses and stroking your face.  I want to kiss you below your ears, and on the nape of your neck - the softest, warmest, most affection filled kiss you can imagine.

When we met in Melbourne I had a glimpse of your forearm - very briefly and fleetingly - and it caused all my nerve endings to suddenly connect and ignite throughout my entire body.  I could have undressed you there and then!  See what a state I'm in over you.  How will I ever cope when 'all is revealed'?? (both at the time and later on???)  I'm such a hopeless case when it comes to you - all reserve is banished; all dignity - GONE - You undo me so!

I wonder what you think and feel when you read all this...Forgive me for it, I just can't help myself.

Looking forward to your safe return and hearing your divine voice again...

    "For summer and his pleasures wait on thee,

     And, thou away, the very birds are mute."

Still warm...still waiting....

Anna

Heart’s desire

What a thrill to receive an email from you from Hanoi!  Thank you for taking the trouble to respond.  I’m so glad I sent you some messages even though I thought you wouldn’t be able to access them till you were back.

I’ve been missing you sorely since you’ve been away.  Somehow it’s different when you’re out of the country and I feel the longingness more acutely than the normal longing I suffer when you’re here (even though when you’re here, you’re still miles away and not here!)

You know how, when ducks are born, they ‘imprint’ on whoever they first lay eyes on.  Well… I think that’s happened to me with you.  Yours is the face I seek in every face, yours are the eyes I search for.  I find the shape of you face is so incredibly attractive.  You have a truly lovely bone structure and jaw line.  What I like most is the strength and masculinity of your face and when you smile – well – it just sets me aglow!

I am finding our closeness so moving.

It’s still really bleak down here with a cold wind that goes right through you and my dog ate the fingers off my gloves last night. 

It’s funny to think of you feeling hot and sweaty when it’s so cold here.  I’d like to see you in other circumstances that make you hot and sweaty….

And speaking of gloves:

            “See how he leans his cheek upon his hand!

            O that I were a glove upon that hand,

            That I might touch that cheek!”

I’m full of adoration for you tonight my lovely one.

Anna

PS.  Quack quack!

My Dear Chariot

As you said in your last email you want to be 'the vehicle for me to actualise my desires' so you are now my Chariot.  As a Chariot, you have turned out to be a complete Rolls Royce!

It occurred to me this morning what a good sports coach I would make – not for my sporting prowess (far from it:  I was always the kid at primary school who nobody wanted to pick for their team …) but because I’m really good at visualising things that I want to happen. …..  Yes, you guessed it… this is a lead in to visualising about YOU.

I was thinking this morning how I would love you to be standing naked with your back to me, so that I could gently place my hands on your shoulders, then slowly glide them down the length of your back in parallel, and as I was doing that, bend my knees as my hands descended so that I could kiss you at the base of your spine.  I would also like to stroke the back of your thighs and kiss you behind your knees.  Once I get to see these parts of you (if I ever do!) then these imaginings will be even more divine!

I have been thinking how wonderful it has been for me in my dealings with you to be able to use email in a way that has enabled so much expression, confession and reflection and sense of connection that no other medium could have provided.

I’d  better let you go now so you can get into your backlog of emails…

There’s no poem today.  I’m totally consumed with the basest of animal desire for you this morning.  If you were here, by God I’d make you hot and sweaty despite the cold.

Meanwhile, I’ll keep visualising….

Anna

Dear Chariot

How very clever and charming of you to call me Chariette!  What a pair we make!

When it comes to you I wish I had more than two hands.  But then, being the imaginative creature I am, I think also about using other parts of me to fulfil my desire to physically interact with you.  Every morning in the shower I wish you were there with me so that I could lovingly lather your back and then rub myself down you from your shoulders to your ankles holding on to your hips as I went.  Not sure how this would be physically achieved, but I'd manage it somehow.  The thought of you always fills me with delicious lascivious yearnings which I have to fight off or I'll go mad....I adore you so...

How will I ever concentrate now???

I'm glad you're back.  You feel closer now. I hope you recover from your travel fatigue soon.  I know of an excellent way of achieving a high state of peaceful relaxation which I would be glad to help you with if you were here... (I'm off again...)

 "For nothing this wide universe I call

 Save thou, 'my rose':  in it thou art my all"

Thinking of you, desiring you, imagining you, WANTING you, ....

Chariette

Dear Chariot

Spring is in the air here at last...there are glimpses of blue skies and blossoms on the trees.  Mind you, it seems to me that spring has been throbbing through my veins since we met in March.  That was such a surprising and wondrous meeting for me.  I still have visions of your face, can still hear your voice and picture the way you were sitting.  I was just stunned that you appeared to be interested in me in ways that I thought I could only ever have dreamed of.  And you know now what it is that I have been dreaming of...

I wonder how it will unfold when we are finally together and where we will be.  I’m so full of desire for you.  I’m looking forward to a passionate coming together equally as much as lying in your arms afterwards and gently stroking your chest and twining my fingers in yours and kissing your fingertips.  And I’m most looking forward to telling you how beautiful I think you are and feeling relaxed in your company.  What are you looking forward to?

I love making love to you in emails like this.

I’ll have to write a list of all the things I want to do to you so I don’t forget... it will be a very long list.