A Love Like This (37 page)

“Sure. Tomorrow, I’ll let the staff know
that you’ll be in charge.”

“I’ll need to update my phone for
international use, so I’d like to expense that as well.” It would
be easier than getting a new one.

“Of course. Not to look a gift-horse in the
mouth, but why the sudden change of heart? Are you and Ryan
squabbling?”

I hesitated, but what was the use in lying.
“We both need a little clarity and we aren’t seeing
eye-to-eye.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sweetie. Never
thought I’d see the day that you and doc-hottie had problems.” She
cleared her throat lightly. “Does he know where you’re going? Am I
supposed to cover your tracks?”

“For now, I think that would be best, but I
don’t want to think about it or I’m going to change my mind about
going.”

“Enough said. I’ll have someone line up a
hotel and text you details. Call me once you get settled.”

I should have felt exhilarated, but all I
felt was deep sorrow. I hung up the phone, got online, and booked a
flight. Two hours later, I was in a cab on my way to JFK. I
couldn’t afford to think anymore. I needed to bury myself in work.
I needed time and distance to come to terms with seeing Jane’s
blatant attempt for Ryan. But, I had to be honest; the reason I was
leaving had less to do with Jane, and more to do with Ryan. He
needed to miss me, like he’d never missed me, and hurt like I was
hurting. Obviously, neither one of us was sexually deprived, but I
missed my best friend. It ripped my guts out to intentionally hurt
him, but maybe he’d understand why I had to leave. I really had no
idea what I was going to do once I got there, but in New York, I
was too close to the fire… and it would leave me in ashes.

~11~

It was hard avoiding Jane, but I did my
damnedest. My eyes landed on her, and of course, she was watching
me like a hawk. I wanted to go off on her for the shit she said to
Julia, but part of me, the regular guy part, wanted to just blow
her off until she disappeared. I’d done it often enough in college,
and I wasn’t proud of it, but it was easier than dealing with
female hysterics. I’d had enough of those from Julia.

The fucking thing was, I shouldn’t have to
go through this shit with Jane. We weren’t lovers. We weren’t even
good friends. I mean, sure, she knew me better than anyone else I
worked with, but that was to be expected after that night. How she
got from there to trying to kiss me was beyond me. I wracked my
brain for what the hell I did to give her the wrong impression, and
I couldn’t come up with one Goddamn thing. I treated her with
respect and as a friend. Sure, I’d visited her quite a bit when she
was recovering, but I would have done that for any of my
colleagues. And I felt responsible. Part of me still did, but she
was making it difficult to really care for her. What kind of a
friend tries to tear apart your life? Resentment surged inside
me.

She set whatever she was holding on the desk
of the nurse’s station and started walking toward me, her eyes
never leaving mine. I inhaled and turned away, ready to duck into
the bathroom, just to put a door between us. I was concerned I’d
fucking lose it, and I didn’t need to air my personal problems at
work, especially not in front of the senior attending. I didn’t get
more than five steps when a hand tentatively touched my
shoulder.

“Ryan.”

I stopped abruptly and turned on my heel. I
physically felt my guard go up, as if a solid steel gate just
slammed down between us. Both my hands perched on my hips as I
glared down at her. I knew I looked pissed and I didn’t try to hide
it. I
was
pissed!

“What is it?” I spat out impatiently.

Jane had the grace to flush. Her face was
getting red and sort of blending in with the bright pink scrubs she
was wearing. “I…” she stopped and looked away then back again. “Can
we talk about what happened last night?”

I stared down at her, unmoving. “There’s
nothing to talk about. I’ve asked you nicely to respect my time
with Julia, and last night I laid it out as clearly as I can.
There’s nothing else I can say to you. This is my life you’re
fucking with, not only with Julia but with my career. It has to
stop.”

She nodded weakly, wringing her hands in
front of her, now unable to meet my gaze. “I know. I wanted to
apologize. I didn’t mean to… care about you, but you’re just…
you’re just so…”

I put my hand up to stop her. “Stop. I’m
just
so
married,
Jane. Julia is the one who deserves
an apology. I don’t know the whole story about what you said to her
last night, but I heard enough to know you were way out of line.
Julia has been nothing but nice to you. I don’t care what you’ve
done for me, you had no right to deliberately hurt and belittle her
like that.” My voice was quiet but firm and insistent. I had a hard
time keeping my voice free of loathing. “And just to be clear, she
does a hell of a lot more for me than you can ever know.”

Her eyes began to glisten, and she swallowed
hard enough for me to see her throat working. “Okay. But, did she
tell you she slapped me?”

I was momentarily stunned that Julia would
do that, and I knew her well enough to know that she had to really
be hurting to lash out like that. I wondered if she’d seen Jane
kiss me before or after their confrontation, but I’d be damned if
I’d ask Jane to clarify. The situation was beyond awkward.

“That’s not like her, Jane. You must have
said something ugly. Nevertheless, I’m shocked she would do
something like that.”

“I had too much to drink last night, and my
emotions got the better of me. I can’t help how I feel, but I’m
really sorry. If you want me to call Julia, I will.”

“No. Just leave her alone. I’ll take care of
Julia.” I wanted to get to the bottom of exactly what Jane said to
my wife, but that was on the bottom of my list of priorities. I
turned and walked away, relieved that this confrontation was over.
One down; one to go.

*****

It was midnight again, and I didn’t have a
clue what I would face on the other side of the apartment door. I
pinched the bridge of my nose and paused for a beat before I shoved
the key into the lock. My mind wore me out thinking of this shit
all day long, and it was made worse when Julia didn’t return any of
my texts or the two phone calls I’d attempted. I was met by
darkness when I pushed through the door, with only the lights
flickering in from the windows to cast everything into varying
shades of grey and black. It was barely enough to see clearly.
Julia usually left the light over the stove on so I could find my
way around the kitchen, but not so tonight. I walked in and flipped
on the kitchen light, shrugging out of my leather jacket and
hanging it over the back of one of the chairs at the same time.

My brow furrowed. The quiet was eerie, and
something in the air felt weird. That steel wall I’d placed between
me and Jane paled in comparison to the one I felt between Julia and
I. I opened the refrigerator, but there wasn’t a plate waiting. My
eyebrow shot up.
Hmmm… she really must be pissed.

I grabbed a bottle of water, opened it, and
chugged half of it down before shutting the door harder than I
needed to. Frustration made my muscles tight and my neck ache. I
reached up to knead the offending flesh.
Screw eating
, I
thought as I ignored the low rumble in my stomach.
Whatever.
Maybe things would look brighter in the light of day. I wasn’t
looking forward to another fight with Julia and longed for the
nights when I would slide into bed and pull her close to me,
without worry that she’d pull away. These past few weeks had been
the most hellish that I could ever remember in our relationship,
and I couldn’t fucking stand it. I wanted a hot shower and sleep,
but I didn’t have a day off until Friday. I didn’t think I could
live with things the way they were until that evening when Julia
came home from work. I meandered lethargically down the hall,
running both hands through my hair.

Our bedroom felt as unwelcoming as the rest
of the apartment, once again shrouded in darkness. No small light
on in the bathroom; confirmation that she hadn’t softened at all.
Just fucking great! I sighed heavily as I kicked off the new shoes
she’d given me and left them on the floor near the foot of the bed.
I barely glanced at it before heading in and stepping under the
hottest water I could stand. I didn’t stay in there long, just a
quick rinse of my body and fast shampoo of my hair. Briskly
toweling dry, I didn’t even bother wrapping one around me. I
dropped it in a damp heap on the floor and turned off the light,
looking forward to closing my eyes but not to another fight with my
wife.

Today had been particularly brutal. Besides
the torrent of my thoughts and the uncomfortable shit hanging
between Jane and me, the team had a really bad burn victim—he fell
asleep smoking in a recliner and lit up like a candle. I’d never
seen anything like it, and medical school didn’t prepare me for the
horror of seeing someone’s skin slide off and hang in sheets off
his arms, legs, torso, and around his fingers. Eighty percent of
his body was covered in third degree burns, and he literally wept
body fluid onto the ER floor. It was unreal and just…
unspeakable.

I bent to pull the covers down and noticed
for the first time that the bed was empty. My hand pushed through
the covers to smooth across the cold sheets. I closed my eyes and
fell onto the bed, not bothering to cover up. Defeated, I flung an
arm tiredly over my eyes. It wasn’t the first time she had to work
into the morning hours on some late deadline or Mike Turner
fuck-up. I was too tired to be angry that she didn’t call, but I
wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t know what was going on. I
inhaled deeply and got up, grabbing my phone from the belt of the
scrubs I’d left on the floor of the walk-in closet. I went back in
and turned on the lamp on the nightstand closest to me. I scanned
my phone. I had a missed call from my dad, a text from Caleb, and
one from Aaron. Nothing from Julia. Panic seized my entire
body.

I grabbed a pair of sweats from the third
drawer of our dresser and pulled them on with one hand, the other
pressing Julia on speed dial. It went immediately to voice mail.
Her phone must be off. My heart rate sped up, and my chest
tightened painfully. We were fighting, sure, but it wasn’t like her
to not let me know where she was at all times. I wondered if
something happened. It was Sunday, and even if she were working,
I’d normally be able to reach her, but it was too late to call the
office. I ran out of the apartment and took the stairs, racing down
to the garage. Both hands slammed into the heavy door to swing it
open. I ran the few feet needed to see her car sitting next to my
CRV.

“Fuck!” I inhaled and stood there with both
hands threaded over the top of my head. I turned, scanning the
entire garage. Nothing looked out of sort. My stomach ached by the
time I got back to the apartment. I stalked around the living room,
unsure what to fucking do with myself. I flipped on the TV then
flipped if off again. I called Aaron, but it was Jenna who
answered.

“Hello?” She sounded half-asleep.

“Hey, Jen. It’s me. Have you guys heard from
Julia? She wasn’t here when I got home, and there isn’t a note.” I
swallowed and ran a nervous hand through my hair.

“That’s not like her.” Her voice became more
alert. “Have you tried to call?”

“No,” I said, irritated. “I thought I’d wait
for hell to freeze over before I did the first obvious fucking
thing.”

“I can hear you’re upset, but you can stop
taking it out on me, asshole!”

My breath rushed out. “I know. Sorry. I’m
just… worried sick.”

Jenna’s voice softened. “We haven’t heard
from her. The last time I talked to her was on Christmas Day. If I
were her, I’d bitch slap that Jane. Maybe she had something to do
for her job.”

“No,” I returned abruptly. “She would have
called or left me a message. This is completely out of character.”
My voice elevated with anxiety. I walked from the bedroom through
the rest of the apartment, finally rummaging around Julia’s art
table for a clue that might tell me where she was.

I flung myself down on the couch, one hand
covering my eyes and my stomach twisting in knots.

“Was something going on between you
two?”

“Obviously you know what’s going on, or you
wouldn’t have mentioned Jane, right?”

“Yeah, so fix it, dickhead.”

Anger exploded behind my eyes, and I bolted
upright. “What the hell do you know about what I’ve been doing?” I
railed at her. “I’m freaking the fuck out, Jenna!”

“Calm down, Ryan. I only said that because
you guys can work out anything.”