A Love Undone (16 page)

“Absolutely. I had nothing to hide.” She sighed. “Maybe if I’d been a little more defiant, losing them wouldn’t have been like losing myself.”

“I doubt anything would’ve eased that time. My guess is even those who are estranged from their parents grieve deeply when they die, only for different reasons than you grieved.” Did Eva miss Tobias? When she died and Tobias was informed of it, whether his son was a young man with children or a grandfather, would he grieve for her, for all they never had?

“After all this time, I’m not sure how much of myself I’ve gotten back.”

“It’s understandable, Jo. You lost a lot in less than a year, and few people could’ve done half as well as you have. Most would be a
wreck.” This was a perfect opening. Should he take it or not? “But you did lose some ground, and you, of all the people I know, deserve to regain it.”

She leaned in, smiling. “I like the way you see me.” Looking pleased and beautiful, she sat back. “So what is missing from my life that bothers you?”

“Enjoyment of simple things, starting with the creek.” He motioned from the chairs to the creek, indicating the distance from one to the other. “You and Lester come here, but you’ve never gone down the bank or sat on the log?”

“I can’t swim.”

“You could at least wade in it or sit on the log and feed the fish or put a chair on the bank and read a book while letting the water rush over your feet.”

She watched the creek. “You honestly think something like that matters?”

“I do. None of us can get back every piece that’s been stolen from us, but we should retrieve as much as possible. Get a phone. Play in the creek. Clear the air with Van.”

“You seem to have me pegged.” She pulled an apple from her backpack and held it out to him.

“Am I out of line?” He reached for it.

She pulled it back, just out of his reach. “No. Not as long as I get an invitation to spend ten days at your place and discover all your weaknesses.”

It was an invitation he could never give. Surely she knew that and was just teasing. “I’m sure I have plenty of weak areas I’m not
aware of.” He hoped the young woman sitting next to him wouldn’t become one of them.

“Jolene,” Hope whispered loudly, grinning. “Look.” She pointed down the path that led to the clearing and waved.

They couldn’t see through the underbrush of the woods, so Jo got up and walked to the start of the path. She put her finger over her lips, telling whoever it was not to yell, and then she waved before returning to her chair. “It’s Glen.”

Glen? Immediately he felt concerned for Jolene. He shouldn’t have caved and agreed to this picnic. Working beside Jolene at the farm was already pushing the boundaries, but for a married man to go for a picnic beside a creek with a single woman was careless on his part.

Jolene pulled a water bottle from her backpack and opened it. “I had no idea he was off work today.”

“What does he do?”

“Renovations of old but fine hotels. He came to this spot a few Saturdays last fall with his boys, but it seems strange he’d come here on a workday, doesn’t it?”

“Not strange at all.” Andy figured the man had numerous stakes in this situation, starting with his job as a preacher to protect Jolene’s reputation. Most of all, he apparently desired to protect his interest in Jo. Had the two gone out already? She hadn’t mentioned it.

The crunching of leaves grew louder until Glen came into view and stopped at the edge of the clearing. A little boy about five was holding his hand, and another boy about four sat on his shoulders. Both were jabbering to Jolene and waving. Glen’s straw hat was in his
free hand. Andy knew from the years of Tobias riding on his shoulders that a man could not wear a broadbrim with a little one on his shoulders. Glen was lanky with a little gray edging in his black hair and beard. The other thing Andy had noticed was that he had kind eyes, especially when talking to Jolene.

Jo smiled and went to Glen, speaking in Pennsylvania Dutch to the little ones. “This is a surprise.”

“Ya.” Glen glanced to Andy. “I was going by Lester’s and decided to drop in to see if I could lend a hand. He said you were out here.” He removed his son from his shoulders. Both boys headed straight for the old firepit. They started gathering sticks and stones and tossing them into the pit.

“I have graham crackers and water if they’re hungry,” Jolene offered Glen.

“They would like that, Jolene. Denki.”

While she grabbed the crackers from her backpack and returned to the children, Glen meandered to the chair next to Andy. The boys asked to feed the fish, but Jolene talked them into crumbling the crackers and spreading them on the ground for the birds.

Glen leaned back. “I didn’t know who you were when you arrived, but I do now.”

Andy nodded. Maybe Glen had asked Lester, or maybe he’d called Andy’s bishop to talk, one minister to another. That was common, but however he’d learned about Andy, he now had something pressing on his mind.

“I need to ask you something, Andy.” Glen propped an ankle on his knee. “It’s not an easy thing to ask, but it’d be much worse to have to approach Jolene.”

Andy figured he was here for a specific purpose. “Sure. Ask anything.” It was the preacher’s job to look out for those in his flock.

Glen watched Jolene with his sons. “She’s a remarkable young woman. Smart. Gutsy. And sweet.” He shifted. “It seems to me that she’s incredibly innocent about certain things. Would you say that’s right?”

Glen had known Jolene her whole life, so he should know the answer to his question. “That’s my impression, ya.”

He pursed his lips, nodding. “Since we never shave our beards once we’re married, and grass widowers are such a rarity, I was wondering if it’s clear to her that you’re married.”

“Ya, of course it is. I asked her about it.”

Relief seemed to ease through Glen. “That’s good. She wouldn’t spend this kind of time around a married man she was attracted to. Your bishop assured me that up to this point you’ve been a man above reproach, so I trust you will continue in that same manner.”

“I’m trusting that I will, ya.” Andy could control his actions, but where Jolene was concerned, he sensed that his emotions wanted to branch out further than a married man could allow.

Ray helped move cabinets onto the truck while Chad sat in the driver’s seat, waiting to take him and Josiah to Mrs. Coldwell’s place. All the work was done at the Coldwell place except for installing the cabinets in the garage, which wouldn’t take more than a day, so this would be Ray’s last chance to see Teena for a while. “Josiah?” They edged the tall cabinet into the truck and set it upright.

“Ya?” Josiah was a little out of breath.

“You sure I have enough money to hire a driver to take me to visit Teena?”

Josiah dusted his hands together. “You need to think about that question for a bit.” He headed to the loading dock to get more cabinets.

Ray followed. Did he have enough money saved to hire a driver? More than half of everything he earned, which according to Old Man Yoder wasn’t much, went to help Jolene pay bills. But for the last two years, he’d saved the rest, almost every penny.

After their folks died, Jolene and Josiah worked really hard to keep bills paid, including those for Ray’s physical therapy. Plenty of good Amish folks gave money on a regular basis too. Maybe that’s why he believed in saving.

But his need to save probably had more to do with a recurring dream in which he desperately needed food but couldn’t afford to
pay for it, and no one would loan him the money. Each time, terror gripped him as he handed over all the cash he had, and the person behind the cash register said he was two pennies short. In the dream no one was allowed to loan him the money, and he couldn’t take a single item off his tray. Either he could afford every item, or he had to do without.

When Ray woke from that dream, he was in a pool of sweat, and his heart pounded like mad. So in the real world, after Ray gave Jolene a portion of his paycheck to help with bills, he put the rest in the bank, hoping if he was ever caught in a similar real-life situation, he would be prepared.

But he could spare enough to hire a driver to visit Teena. What was he thinking? Embarrassment burned inside his chest and climbed up his neck. He was slow and scattered on a bad day or when he was upset, but he wasn’t naive. Teena wasn’t looking for someone like him to be a boyfriend. It was enough that she wanted to be his friend.

Josiah said they could take an extra-long lunch break today. Today would have to be enough … unless Teena asked him to visit her. That would make a huge difference. He smiled to himself. Today was going to be a good—

“Ray!” Old Man Yoder’s voice echoed from somewhere inside the shop.

Why did Uncle Calvin rely on someone like Yoder to be his right-hand man? Yoder was a screamer whenever Calvin was out of the shop for the day. Ray rolled his eyes, but Yoder’s anger didn’t shake him like usual. Ray had helped Josiah do a really good job at Mrs. Coldwell’s, and he had Teena, Alvin, Urie, and James as friends
now. Oh, and he had the man’s dogs. Is that why Yoder’s screaming didn’t bother Ray today? He stood on the platform of the loading dock. “Out here.”

Yoder busted through the swinging doors of the shop, a clipboard in one hand and a small plastic bag in the other. “You put the wrong hardware on the cabinets for the McClains’ place, and we’re supposed to deliver them this afternoon!”

Josiah stepped forward. “We’ll get it straight. It’s not that big a deal.”

“
He
will get it straight. You’re heading to the Coldwell place. Take another worker with you.”

Ray jolted. “I need to go to the Coldwell place with Josiah.”

“And I needed you to follow a simple set of instructions. All you have to do is read the numbers on the order sheet and compare them to the numbers on the boxes of hardware
before
installing the hardware!”

“I did. I triple-checked the numbers.”

“And now you can redo the work because you did it wrong. It’ll take all day. Josiah goes. Ray stays.” He pointed his finger in Ray’s face. “And try not to be useless without your brother here.”

Josiah raised his voice and snatched the order sheet from Yoder, saying something to the man, but Ray couldn’t catch it. The world became blurry, fragmented moments. This felt worse than his money dreams. It was as if he was a child again, injured from being struck by lightning, lying there afraid and too weak to move while his mother was outside his room whispering mean things about him. The familiar sense of self-hatred and powerlessness returned.

“Ray.” Josiah snapped his fingers in front of Ray’s face.

Yoder was gone, and other workers were now outside on the platform, staring at him, thinking the same thing Yoder did—that Ray was useless.

Ray shook himself free of his thoughts, but something didn’t let him loose. “What?”

“I went inside and checked. Yoder’s right about the hardware, so we’ll just do as he says, okay?”

Ray fought not to march into the truck and kick in the doors on the cabinets. “Why are you trying to reason with him?”

His brother shrugged. “What do you want me to do? I’m not sure what happened, but a mistake was made. It’s not a big deal, but it has to be fixed.”

“What about Yoder? I’m supposed to let him treat me like this?”

“We work here because of Uncle Calvin’s generosity, Ray.”

Ray’s anger stopped cold as disbelief took over.
They
didn’t work here because of Uncle Calvin’s generosity.
Ray
worked here because of that. Josiah was good at the job, and he’d worked here for ten years. Ray wondered why Josiah hadn’t been moved up to a supervisor yet.

Yoder usually made Ray feel broken inside, but something in him was different this time. His thoughts weren’t scrambled, and he didn’t wish the roof would collapse on him. An idea came to him, and he felt calm, methodical. It was time Yoder experienced the feeling of being shattered inside. But he couldn’t be impulsive, not this time.

“Okay.” Ray lowered his voice, feeling something new—a sense of power. “I’ll stay. By the time you’re back, I’ll have everything fixed.”

Josiah’s eyes narrowed. “You’re okay with this?”

“Ya, I get it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Ya. I messed this up, and I’ll fix it.” He’d fix Yoder too but not right this minute. Ray went to the set of cabinets and began removing the hardware. Josiah left, and all the men but one returned to their posts. Wilmer didn’t say a word when he entered the small room where hardware was added to the cabinets. He simply started working beside Ray.

Ray’s mind never felt so clear, so sure of what had to be done. But he needed to finish this job first. When lunchtime came, Wilmer and all the other men scattered—some to the small kitchen in the shop, some to the bakery or nearby diner. But Ray kept working. He didn’t need food. He needed to be done. Wilmer returned, and by three they had all the right hardware in place.

Wilmer stepped to the door of the small hardware room. “Yoder.”

The old man entered, clipboard in hand as he began his inspection. “We’ll have to discount the cabinets.” He ran his hand over the inside of a door. “I can see where the compound was added to fill in the holes.”