A Marquess for Christmas (24 page)

She
wanted him to go. Wanted to erase the wounds he’d opened yesterday. She wanted
him to stay. Wanted to recover the pleasure they’d known two days ago when she
loved him and there was still hope.

He
hadn’t left yet. She could still tell him. She could say the words he wanted to
hear. If she took his side, maybe he would stay.

But
the Kit she loved was brave, confident, honorable. If he could not be the man
she believed in, then she did not want him to remain. Violet had taken care of
so many lost boys in the war, she’d taken care of a husband who had lost
capability and his confidence due to the illness that racked his body. Kit had
shown her that it was time that someone took care of her. If that could not be
him, then she would be patient and hope to find the man that could.

* * * *

There
was a knock at the door. Violet did not want to answer, but Miriam went ahead
and opened it. From her bed she could see the duchess standing in the doorway,
her hair in loose curls, wearing a periwinkle blue dressing gown made of satin
brocade.

“Violet?”
The voice, soft as a will-o’-the-wisp swaying in the breeze, startled her. She
sat up in bed, setting down another handkerchief in the pile beside the pillow.

“Yes,
Isabella?”

“May
I come in and join you?”

Violet
nodded and gestured for her guest to come inside. Bella came and sat on the bed
and took her hand.

“I
heard that Danny left this morning.”

“Yes.”

Elegant
fingers stroked her hand in slow circles. “I apologize for yesterday. It was
most unseemly.” Bella sighed. “Kit and I bring out the worst in one another
sometimes. He will calm down in a few days, as he always does.”

Violet
nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“Danny
and Papa had a hard time when my mother died. They could not cope very well
without her and I was never quite enough to fill that void. Papa sunk himself
into women and cards and when he was sober, he’d make ill-conceived attempts at
finding me a husband.” As she spoke, each word was measured. “Danny thinks I do
not know about our father, but I am six years older than my brother. I was old
enough to know what he was doing.”

Why
was Bella telling her this? They both knew Kit was troubled and that his pain
started long ago, upon the death of his parents.

“My
aunt looked after us. She was stern, but she devoted what energy she had to us
until she took ill. By the time father died, I was eighteen and ready to marry.
Kit was still a boy, though growing into manhood. I looked at his wild antics
and I panicked. I feared he would become the same as my father, which even Papa
had not wanted. I pushed and pushed until Danny became exactly what I was
afraid of.”

Violet
thought of herself at eighteen, a new bride, wanting to be the perfect wife.
She could easily imagine Bella’s driving need to become the perfect sister, the
perfect surrogate mother.

“Danny
and I come from a long line of obstinate and autocratic lords and ladies. We
are creatures of habit. I cannot stop smothering him and he cannot stop running
as fast as he can to get from under my thumb. He loves me, so he always comes
back.” Bella winked at her. “Though good sense should tell him that I am more
stubborn than he, so he should give up fighting me.”

That
made Violet chuckle. A hiccup took over her body and Bella gave her a smack on
the back. “I do not want you to worry that this row will cause a rift between
me and Danny.” Her head fell and her voice grew soft. “I know I need to let him
go free, to trust that he will make good choices. It is just hard to see him
throw his life away.”

Violet
squeezed her hand. “Kit loves a thrill. He loves to push himself to his
limits—” she blushed as she continued, “—and push other people,
too. But he is not so reckless as you believe. He tests boundaries, but he
always knows what those boundaries are. If he were as bad as you seem to think
he is, he would have run off to India or America where he could live a
hedonistic life free of all family ties.”

She
knew that Kit could do it, would do it, if he wanted to. But he loved Bella, so
he would not leave her, despite how crazy she made him.

“Freddy
said much the same to me last year after Kit and I had a similar row.” Bella’s
hands took her shoulders and gave a light caress. “Maybe you are right. I only
wish Kit would find a good wife to take care of him, to keep him from excess.
Perhaps if he’d met you a few years ago…”

“What
do you mean?” Why would Kit have considered her as a bride when he could have
any eligible countess or baroness on the Continent? What woman wouldn’t throw
herself at a young, handsome marquess with a body made to be worshipped?

“I
have only known you for a day, but it is quite clear to me that you are in love
with my brother. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way he follows
every word from your lips. He has never been so attentive to any of the heiresses
I have introduced to him, believe me. No matter what I do, he refuses to take a
wife.”

Did
Kit care for her after all? Did she mean more to him than a diversion? What if
he loved her as much as she loved him? She’d been quick to assume that he hadn’t
meant it when he’d told her he loved her.

“He
has never shown interest in anyone before? Are you certain?”

There
was a knock at the door. They looked up to see Miriam again. “His Grace is
awake and wishes to inquire after Your Grace and my lady.”

It
was decidedly improper for the duke to see her in dishabille, but the whole
situation was a big mess already. What harm would there be at this point? “Tell
his grace we shall promptly meet him in the drawing room.”

“We
might as well continue this conversation downstairs. If anyone knows Daniel, it
is my husband.” After wiping her face, she got out of bed and put on her
slippers. They went down to the drawing room, where a fire had been lit to
stave off the chill.

To
Violet’s surprise, the duke was already dressed for the day. He wore a green
wool jacket, pale trousers, and polished hessians. With his golden looks and
well-formed physique, he looked like a fashion plate brought to life.

“Good
morning, ladies.” He bowed.

“Good
morning.” Violet settled on a seat close to the fire, while the duke and
duchess took a settee across from her.

“I
am sorry that
Kittrick
left so abruptly. He has a
wealth of patience at cards, but when it comes to Bella, he is thrifty. But I
do hope that he has not discomfited you with his lack of courtesy.”

Violet
was not surprised when Bella blurted out, “I think Danny is the one who is
discomfited. He has never been in love before and I think that frightens him
even more than my constant meddling.”

He
seemed to ponder that for a bit.
 

“What
I do not understand is why you think that he is in love with me,” Violet
interjected.

Freddy’s
slow smile warmed her skin, easing the ache in her chest. “If Kit wasn’t
fascinated with you, he would have left as soon as he was fit to walk. The fact
that he stayed here for weeks, that even when he was well enough to ride out,
he wrote to tell me not to expect him until Christmas speaks to his affection.”

Was
he so rash? It was hard to reconcile this Kit with the man she knew. Of course
he’d resisted being confined to one room, but he’d never displayed a desire to
run out at the first opportunity.

“Does
he always run?” she asked.

Blond
curls bounced as Freddy shook his head. “It is not running. Kit thrives on
adventure. He goes wherever he thinks he shall find it. If he enjoys himself,
he can be quite patient, as I said.” His blue eyes stared into hers. “I think
you are a challenge for him.”

Why
would he say that? “I do not understand. I have done nothing to thwart his
plans. Yes, I kept him confined to his room on the doctor’s orders, but other
than that, I have made no restriction to his behavior.”

He
bit back a grin. “What
did
you do to
get him to stay confined?”

With
her cheeks burning as hot as the fire in the hearth, Violet looked away. Then,
sheepishly, she mumbled. “I think one could argue that it was the marquess who
bargained for an incentive to remain in his quarters.”

The
duke’s tone changed. “My wife thinks you are in love with
Kittrick
.
Are you?”

Their
stares made Violet squirm in her seat. Her fingers fidgeted with the arm of her
chair. A silent pause filled the air. Should she confess what she’d never said
aloud? It was obvious to her staff, to the duke and duchess. Was it obvious to
Kit as well?

“Yes.”
It was barely a whisper, but she was heard.

“Did
you tell him?”

“No.”

“What
did he say to you when he left?” While the duke’s tone was soft, his gaze was
not. It surprised her because Freddy seemed like the amiable, gentle one, but
he commanded her as easily as Kit and Bella.

“Last
night he’d drank half a decanter of brandy. He said he loved me, but I thought
it merely an enticement to convince me to side with him. He gave no indication
that he could be serious. His tone, his demeanor all suggested otherwise.”

“May
I speak freely, madam?”

Violet
was afraid of what he might say. The truth about Kit was unraveling around her
and it was not what she’d expected.

“
Kittrick
is not a man who would ever say such a thing in
jest. And if he uttered those words to you and you did not return the
sentiment, he would assume that there was no reason for him to stay. He did not
leave because of the argument with Bella, however much that might have vexed
him. Kit left because of you.”

Her
fingers dug into the wood, leaving marks. Was it true? Was his childish behavior
due to the fact that he was afraid to admit his feelings to her? Obviously his
father had not presented a good example for how to behave with women, and if
he’d spent most of his life in conflict with the only woman in his
life—Bella—how would he know how to handle such an important
confession?

“I
assumed that he was immature, spoiled, and angry because I would not let him
blame Isabella for his own choices.”

Freddy
smiled. “Which may still be true. But he is also a man who has never allowed
himself to have tender feelings for a woman beyond the bedchamber. The marquess
is used to winning—cards, women, whatever he wants. Maybe he could not
handle the fact that he loved you and believed you did not love him back.”

It
made sense to her now. Though he’d behaved like an imbecile, it did not mean
that his feelings were disingenuous. She sat silently for a moment and
processed the truth. Kit was in love with her.

She
had no title, no inheritance to offer him. And no desire to be his mistress. So
where did that leave them? Could she consent to be his lover for as long as
that would last? Or would it be better to let him go and hope that he would one
day forgive her for rejecting his feelings?

Dropping
her head into her hands, Violet let the tears flow.

“Come
now,” Freddy said, coming to kneel beside her and take her hand. “Do not be so
hard on yourself.”

Through
the well of tears, she looked at his kind face. “Even if I go to him and
apologize, even if I confess my love, what good would it do? He has no wish to
marry and even if he did, I have no title, no grand estates, no large sum to
offer him. I live comfortably, but I cannot compete with countesses and
duchesses. And I could not respect myself if I sacrificed my dignity to become
his mistress. If I did, the day would inevitably come when he would have to
take a wife and I could not bear to watch him with another woman, watch her
raise his children.”

Violet
was practical. She knew what being his mistress would mean. As much as she
loved him, that road would lead to a torture that she could not suffer.

Bella
came and lifted her chin. “You are such a silly goose, Violet!”

Violet
blinked and stared at the other woman, who had a big grin on her face. “What?”

“You
were very clever to knock my brother from his tower of self-indulgence, but you
are not being very smart at the moment.”

She
waited for the duchess to explain.

 
“I will admit that I hoped he would pick
a wealthy lady of his station, but my brother has never been one for following
the dictates of society. He would marry a cobbler’s daughter if he wanted to,
my wishes be damned. The idea that you are too far beneath him is ridiculous.”

“Violet,”
Freddy intervened, “You have a fine house. You are a gentlewoman. While you do
not have a grand inheritance, why would you think that you are not good enough
for Kit to marry?”

She
looked into their concerned faces, surprised at their willingness to think of
her as a worthy sister-in-law. “The poor marry for love,” she said. It was
something her mother had said over and over to her when she was young. She did
not want Violet to take after Miriam’s mother for some foolish romantic notion.

“True
enough,” Freddy said. “But so do we.” The heated look he gave Bella made the
duchess blush. He rose to a stand, taking Bella’s hand in his. “You have made
an assumption about what
Kittrick
desires. Maybe you
should ask him before jumping to conclusions as my wife does.” He winked.

“But
how can I do that? I do not know where he is.”

“Surely
he arranged to have his things delivered somewhere.”

Avery!
Kit said he would leave Avery with instructions to forward his belongings.

Violet
squeezed each of their hands. “Yes, he did.” She hopped up and went to the bell
pull. She went to peer down the hallway to see who was coming. Was there still time
to catch Kit and bring him home?