A Mate for Gideon (10 page)

She
shook her head, putting her hands on her hips.
Be brave Jenna
. This is
your chance. “I’m not going anywhere. Hear me out…please.”

“I
saw the answers with my own two eyes. I don’t need any explanations. There is
nothing you can say to change my mind so it’s pointless.”

Jenna
clenched her jaw for a few seconds feeling more frustrated than she ever had
before. “Then I’m staying right here.”

His
eyes narrowed into hers and he growled softly.

Adrenaline
coursed through her veins. She sucked in a deep breath, fighting for control.

“I
told you that I am not going to hurt you. Why do you keep insisting on being
afraid of me?” he stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“I
have my reasons but the explanation would involve a discussion you clearly
don’t want to have.”

“Just
go, Jenna. Pack your bags and leave tonight. Lazarus has said that you are not
interested in any of the males, but I know better. As soon as you realize we”—he
gestured between them—“are never going to happen, you will find another male to
take as a mate. I refuse to allow that to happen.”

“You
are wrong. You left me!” She was yelling but couldn’t help it. He could be so
damned stubborn. “It was never the other way around. You left.”

Something
ticked in his jaw. “You need to know that if another male chooses you, I will
tell him everything. If I have to, I will tell Brant.” He shook his head. “You
did a good job hiding evidence of your mate and child.”

Pain
coursed through her, followed closely by anger. “I’m not hiding anything so
knock yourself out. Tell everyone about us. It’s what I’ve wanted from the
beginning. I don’t want anyone else. Tell them.”

His
eyes blazed. “What game are you playing?”

She
shook her head. “None whatsoever. You left before without giving me a chance to
explain properly. Without so much as a backward glance. You”—she pointed her
finger at him—“left. You should’ve listened then. We could’ve avoided so much.
Don’t make the same mistake. Hear me out…please.”

“It
won’t make a difference.”

“It
might. You never know.” She kept her eyes on him.

He
removed his hands from his pockets and folded his arms across his chest. “Would
you agree to leaving immediately if I hear you out?”

What
choice did she have?
“Hear me out and then if you want me to
go, I will.” She swallowed hard.

He
nodded. “Fine.” He practically snarled the word. “Talk.”

She
felt herself flinch at his harsh tones.

His
expression softened just a smidgen. “Do not be afraid.”

She
sighed, feeling the tension inside her ease, just a little. “You will
understand my fear once we have talked.” She looked down at her shoes for a few
seconds before looking back up at him. She only hoped that she had the strength
to do this.

The
gold flecks in his eyes became more pronounced as they darkened. “I need to stress
to you that the chances of whatever you have to say swaying me is very small. I
find it difficult to imagine a future with you in it.”

His
words stung but Jenna nodded again. “I understand.” Pain seared her at the
thought of leaving here...of leaving him.

His
eyes softened up a little more. “I realize now that humans are very different from
us. It’s just…what I thought that we had…what we shared…it should’ve superseded
all of our differences. If you really cared for me, Jenna…loved me…” He shook
his head, looking so sad and defeated that she took a half a step towards him,
wanting to comfort him and to hold him. Knowing that this would be the total
opposite of what he wanted, she moved back against the tree waiting for his
eyes to once again return to hers.

“Tell
me about your first mate.” His eyes darkened back up and his fists clenched. He
actually looked angry.

Jenna
sucked in a deep breath. “Rob and I married far too young. We got along really
well and at first everything was great. We had a really good relationship in
all aspects.”

Gideon
growled, causing goosebumps to rise on her arms, legs, her whole body.

She
ignored him and the emotions that coursed through her and carried on. Gideon
had said that he wanted the truth. “We had only been dating for about six
months when we decided to tie the knot against the wishes of both sets of
parents. Everyone said to wait, to get to know each other better first. They
were right and we were wrong.” She licked her lips. “At two and a half years of
marriage, we found that we were living past one another. I did my thing and he
did his. We had separate friends, separate hobbies. I don’t know if you have ever
heard the saying like two ships in the night. That’s what we were.

“We
had almost been married for three years when we both decided that we would
rather go our separate ways. There was no fighting or arguments. I moved in
with my mother and we began making arrangements for the divorce, put the house
on the market. It was really quite civil. He’s a really good guy, we just
weren’t meant for one another.” She smiled. “I met you a couple of weeks after
moving out. Although we were still officially married at the time, as in
legally. By that stage, we hadn’t really been together in the longest time. We
hadn’t had sex in months.”

She
saw his jaw tense and his muscles bunch.

“Marriages
don’t always work out. I made a mistake. We were young and stupid. We rushed
into things.”

Gideon
nodded, his nostrils flared. “How long did it take you after we went our
separate ways…” He paused for a few moments and she watched as his throat
worked. “For you to mate with the other male? Couldn’t have been more than a
few months?” His eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes
began to blaze.

“Liam
and I never mated.” She blurted, having to work to maintain eye contact with
him.

“But
you were living together and pregnant with his child? That would be considered
mated in vampire terms.” His voice had deepened. His chest heaved. His eyes
were so dark, so intense. “I can scent your fear again.”

Jenna
struggled to keep her breathing even. Her eyes dropped to the ground. Now that
the moment had come, she wasn’t sure that she could go through with it. Panic
rose up in her.

“Look
at me,” Gideon growled.

Jenna
put a hand to her throat which she absently rubbed, while keeping her eyes on
the ground. She shook her head.

“Why
are you afraid of me?” His voice was soft. All the anger drained away. It
didn’t help, if anything it made things worse. How often had Liam managed to
convince her that the potential danger was over? He even stroked her hair or
massaged her back before laying into her. Her breath came in gulps. Her hands
shook badly. There was a buzzing noise in her ears.

Please
no.

Don’t.

It
was as if her conscience mind divorced itself from her body, her system went
into protective mode. Logic went out the window. She felt his hands on her and
she screamed. Deep inside she knew, that each time he beat her might be the
last, this might be that moment where he lost all control and she ended up
dead. Her body never to be found again.

His
hands clenched her tighter, which only made her panic more. She clawed against
him trying to get away. Any second now, blows would rain down on her. The
beatings and threats were becoming worse.

Love
and hate were intermingled when it came to Liam.

He
pretended to love her when he really hated her.

Hated.

“Jenna,”
a soft growl which he repeated. The arms banded around her and drew her near,
warm, sheltering, protective.

She
inhaled deeply. Musky, woodsy, power.
Gideon
. Not that monster. She was
safe. Somehow she managed to pry her eyes open. To unclench her fists. To breathe
again. Jenna stepped into him, feeling at peace for the first time in the
longest time. A sigh fell from her lips. Then she remembered how angry Gideon
was and with good cause. Her mind flew over the events of the last year and a
half and the tears began to fall.

This
was the first time she had cried since…

Jenna
hiccupped. “Oh god,” she sobbed. “I’m so glad I’m here with you.” She all but
whispered as she buried her face deeper into his chest. Although he felt tense,
he kept his arms banded around her small frame. He was tempted to bury his head
into her hair and to breathe her in but he refrained. Not fucking happening. He
needed to get to the bottom of this. Hear her out and send her on her way.

What
the fuck?

She
hugged him even tighter, making wounded noises. He could feel her soft mounds
flatten against him. How fucking inappropriate. He ignored his body’s response
to her.

The
acrid scent of her fear slowly lessoned.
Thank fuck
. What the hell was
going on? Was she playing some sort of game? It seemed real enough.

Her
breathing eased up and even though he could sense her calming, she still clung
onto him. He liked the feel of her all together too fucking much for his own
liking. Gideon straightened his back and relaxed his hold on her. He needed to
let her go. Needed to move the fuck away. He couldn’t make himself do it.

Jenna
only held him tighter. “No,” she moaned.

“Speak
to me.” He rubbed his hand down her back and she sighed. He told himself that
he only did it to help her calm, to get her to open up to him. After all was
said and done, he needed some serious answers. Gideon needed closure. The word tasted
bitter as it rested on the tip of his tongue.

“I
know…just hold me for a second longer…please.” The desperation in her voice cut
him. Against his better judgment, he nodded before pulling her more firmly
against him.

Jenna
sighed, sounding content. Despite himself, it felt good knowing that he had
made her feel this way. He was fucking pathetic. This female had all but
destroyed him. Could do it again if he was stupid enough to allow it. He kept
his arms around her.

It
was a long while before she started talking. “I met Liam about two months after
you left. At first I wasn’t sure why I was so attracted to him. Sure, he was
friendly, helpful, intelligent. One of the most charming men I’d ever met…”

Hearing
her talk of this male made him want to pace. To growl. To hit things. Instead,
he kept a solid handle on his emotions and allowed her to speak. She seemed at
ease and content in his arms. If it made it easier for her to speak, then he
would allow her to remain where she was. It had nothing to do with how
perfectly she fit against him. Nothing what so fucking ever.

Damn
but she felt so damned good. This was temporary, there was nothing she could
say that would make him forgive her and forget the past. To accept her back
into his life. His wounds were still too raw. They had been put there by her.
If he was honest with himself, they had never truly healed. This female had the
ability to devastate him and he could not allow for that to happen again.

“I
only realized later that it was his resemblance to you that had attracted me to
him in the first place. I missed you so much. It was like a limb had been
severed. You took a piece of my soul when you left that day.” She didn’t wait
for a response. “I was just so desperate for you. Liam radiated raw power,
masculinity and strength. Little did I know, that he was nothing like you.” She
was silent for a time, her shoulders shook just a little. “He’s extremely
arrogant, conceited, so self centered. He uses his strength to hurt rather than
to protect.” She sniffed.

Jenna
was crying softly.

“Hey.”
He moved his hand up and down her back, trying to console her. There were a
thousand questions that ran through his mind. He had to practically bite his
tongue to keep from asking them. Gideon continued to rub her back. He wanted to
tell her that she was safe now that she was back with him but she wasn’t back
with him so he pursed his lips instead. Besides, she would speak when she was
good and ready.

He
had a funny feeling that he was going to fucking hate what she was about to
say.

“It
happened so quickly.” Her voice sounded broken and small. It made his heart
bleed. “Liam was supposed to be a rebound thing. One or two nights. It was so
stupid of me. I was just so lonely and hurt. I just wanted the pain to go away
even if just for a short while.”

Gideon
resisted the urge to fidget. To pull away from her.

“Before
I knew it, he had moved in to my house. I moved out on my own once the divorce
became final.” She paused for a short while. “Liam took control of my life, of
me. Pretty soon, I wasn’t allowed to see my friends anymore, was only allowed
to visit with my mom if he was there with me. He took over.” She sucked in a
ragged breath.

“It
was around that time that my mom and step-dad moved away from Sweetwater. By
the time I realized what was happening, what kind of man Liam really was, it
was too late to leave. Then I found out that I was pregnant. Things just
spiraled out of control from there. I thought he would stop hitting me, but he
didn’t.”

Gideon
couldn’t help the growl that was ripped from him. “That fucker hit you?” He
growled. No wonder she was so fucking petrified of him.

She
instantly stiffened and gasped.

“I’m
not going to hurt you, sweetheart.” With his one hand on her lower back, he
gripped her closer and used the other one to rub her back. “I would never do
that to you. I’m just seriously pissed off that a male would dare put his hands
on you.” His voice shook a little, such was his anger at the motherfucker who
had done this. Her shoulders shook again and this time she made tiny crying
noises.

It
almost broke his fucking heart all over again.

Gideon
clenched his teeth and bit back a roar.

“I
should’ve left him. I should’ve somehow found the courage. I wanted to go to my
mom. The thing was, he threatened me with his gun, he even put it in my mouth a
couple of times, so deep down my throat that it made me gag.” She sniffed
softly. “He would threaten me often, told me that if I ever tried to leave him
he would kill me, that no one would ever find the body.”

Gideon
had to work hard not to react. Everything in him bristled. He wasn’t sure what
he wanted to do first, to keep holding her and soothing her. To whisper words
of encouragement in her ear or whether he wanted to turn and run to the nearest
SUV, to head for Sweetwater so that he could kill the fucker. Thank the gods Jenna
needed him right now or Sweetwater would be one less in population before
nightfall. It was going to happen soon though, maybe not today but fucking
soon.

“I’m
such a coward,” she sobbed. “If only…I could’ve saved him…” She was silent for
a few seconds. “If only I had done something to save my baby,” a broken
whisper.

His
heart clenched, he felt pain like nothing he had ever felt before. “It’s not
your fault.” He choked out, meaning every word.

“Yes
it is.” She sobbed even harder. “I knew how Liam was. What he was capable of.
He hit me more than once after I became pregnant, he even…he even…
hit me
in my stomach
.” She whispered the last few words.

Fuck!

He
closed his hands tighter around her. Feeling his own eyes burn. Gideon’s chest
heaved as he pulled a deep breath into his lungs. He swallowed hard.

“Liam
is a police officer…a cop. I knew that if I tried to run that he would find me,
but I should’ve tried anyway. You never know…maybe. At least that way we
would’ve had a chance. My son might have lived.”

For
the first time, he pulled her away from him so that he could stare deeply into
her eyes. They were red rimmed and bloodshot. Her lashes were soaked and so
were her cheeks.

“Listen
to me, Jenna. There was nothing you could’ve done. I don’t know all the details
but there’s one thing that I know with absolute certainty, you are not a
coward. Do you hear me?”

She
nodded, her eyes filling with fresh tears and she looked down at his chest. “I
wish I could believe you but it’s not true. You see, it is all my fault. I
overcooked his steak. I had my mind on other things and wasn’t paying
attention. I was so stupid…stupid. When he came at me, I tried to run away. I
was so afraid for the baby. I should never have run.”

“What
else should you have done then? I saw the fucker and he was big for a human.
You didn’t stand a chance against him.”

Her
lip quivered and the tears continued to fall. “I was going on seven months. My
baby was big enough to survive outside the womb.” She made a whimpering noise. “I
made it out the front door…onto the landing. He let me get that far. I know that
now. I should never have run, should never have overcooked his steak.”

Gideon
couldn’t help himself, he growled loudly. The growl slowly twisting and turning
into an anguished moan. He breathed deeply, fighting for control. “The steak,
his fucking shoes in the wrong place, anything could have set him off. You do
understand that it had nothing to do with the steak, don’t you? He had no right
to lay a hand on you ever…not fucking ever.”

“He
said that he didn’t mean to do it….” She whispered.

“You
don’t believe that do you?” He had to ask.

“No…”
She shook her head. “He said that it was an accident but I know better. When I
turned back as I was running…” She chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments.
“His face…oh god his face. It was like something from a horror movie.” Her eyes
were glazed over, they still leaked tears. “The rage in them…they were wild…like
an animal. He shoved me down those stairs.” She licked her lips. Using the back
of her hand to wipe her nose and face. “The worst of it was that he made me lie
to the staff in the emergency room. I had to pretend that I was clumsy, that I
was walking too fast and tripped over my own feet. He made it sound like I
killed my child with my carelessness. I’m such a damned coward. I stayed with
him for months after he murdered my child. I’m more of a monster than he is.”

She
pulled away from him. “I know that you already hate me…that you must be
disgusted with me. I’m disgusted with myself.”

Jenna
tried to move further away from him but he held onto her. “You were afraid and
had every right to feel that way.”

She
nodded. “Yeah, but it’s no excuse. He murdered my child and I stayed with him.
Night after night.” She was crying again. “Liam is a sick bastard. After the
whole thing happened, he made me pretend like what happened was an accident. That
my whole tripping and falling down the stairs was how it happened. He started
telling me to stop being clumsy. It was a new way, to him, of threatening me.
Stop being clumsy, Jenna. Then he’d punch me. I just stayed…why the hell did I
stay? What’s wrong with me?”

“You
had every right to be afraid. To be worried about what he might have done to
you if you had tried to leave. You were right to come here… I only wish I’d
listen to what you had to say sooner. I’m so sorry. Fuck…Jenna.” Gideon cupped
her cheeks, used his thumbs to try and wipe away her tears.

“He
made me quit my job. I had to carry a cell phone with me. Lord help me if I
didn’t answer a call or respond to his messages immediately. I had to ask him
for money and then prove my expenses. I was forced to return items in order to
save money so that I could get away. Still no excuse for staying.” More tears
leaked out of her eyes and it fucking killed him. “I’m glad I got away in the
end. I regret every minute I spent under that roof. I hate myself for staying.”

“No,”
he growled. “Don’t say that. You did the right thing in the end…did what you
needed to do to survive, Jenna. Please listen to me. He pretty much held you
prisoner. The fucker owned you and you still found a way to escape. That takes
serious guts. It may have taken a while but you did it. It took courage to
leave.”

“I
had to stay with him for months. Share a bed with him, let them touch me…” Her
voice had turned agonized and her eyes reflected the same.

Although
Gideon wanted to repeatedly punch the tree and to roar with rage, he refrained
from doing so. Instead, he stroked the wayward strands of hair from her face.

Jenna
flinched. Her eyes widened. He could scent her fear. “I’m not going to hurt
you, sweetheart. I told you that you are safe. I would never do that to you.”

Her
lip quivered. Jenna nodded. “I know.” She tried to smile. “It’s hard to forget,
it’s going to take some time. It’s not you.”

Gideon
pushed a breath out through his nostrils. “Like I said before, you are safe
now. You’re here with me. I’ll protect you and keep you safe. There is something
that I need to ask you though. It’s really important”

She
nodded. Her big brown eyes firmly on him.

“I
said that you’re safe and I mean it. We agreed no more lies between us.” He
paused. “Are you here because you want to…” He clenched his jaw. Hearing what
she had said changed things but he wasn’t ready to jump in head first into a
relationship either. “Because you want to try and make it work between us, or
are you here because you needed an escape from him?” It hurt to ask her. He
also felt like an A-grade prick but he needed to know before anything more was
said.