A Mate for Gideon (14 page)

Jenna
gasped. She watched as Gideon narrowed his eyes. His jaw clenched and his
muscles bulged under the soft leather as his hands curled into fists. He gave a
jerk of the head. “This isn’t a joking matter.” He growled under his breath,
his eyes flashing to her.

Jenna
felt disappointment rise. Gideon didn’t plan on touching her tonight. As much
as she wanted to talk, she had missed him so much. Needed him.

“Who’s
fucking joking? It looks like both of you can use some lightening up.” Lazarus
turned to look at her. “Oh and…” He paused for a long while. “Please be sure to
scream my name when the time comes.”

“In
your fucking dreams,” Gideon somehow managed to growl even though he was
whispering. He walked over to her, grabbed her hand and led her to a bedroom
just down the hall. Lazarus’ chuckle sounded from behind them.

Jenna
had to smile. Lazarus was such a sweetheart. They rounded the corner. The room
was tastefully decorated, but Jenna could see that it wasn’t lived in. She
assumed that it was the spare bedroom.

Gideon
gestured for her to sit. She perched herself on the edge of the bed, keeping
her eyes on his. Her heart was beating so rapidly, she could feel it in her
chest.

He
went down on his haunches in front of her, threading their fingers together. “I’m
sorry about Lazarus, he can be an uncaring Neanderthal at the best of times. We’re
going to talk…take things slow. Can I get you something to drink?”

Maybe
he wasn’t as attracted to her as he used to be. She’d lost a bit of weight.
He’d always admired her curves. There was a time he couldn’t keep his hands off
of her even if he tried.

Jenna
shook her head. “I’m fine, thanks.” She tried to smile.

He
radiated raw energy and tension. “What about something to eat? I noticed that
you didn’t have much this evening.”

She
felt her mouth gape for a second or two before she managed to pull herself
together. “You were there?”

He
nodded. “Yes.” His eyes darkened. “I think you should eat something.” Gideon
rose to his feet and she had to crane her neck to maintain eye contact.

So
he did think she was underweight since he was trying so hard to feed her. “I
said I wasn’t hungry,” she snapped. Jenna took a deep breath. “Are you trying
to avoid me?” She blurted. He’d said no lies, she had agreed and intended to
keep her word.

Gideon
huffed out a breath of air. His jaw flexed. “No, I’m not. I wouldn’t be here
otherwise. It’s just that, I don’t know how to act…how to be around you. You’ve
suffered so much.” His eyes clouded. He looked down at his boots. “Should we be
talking about all that happened or would it be better if we avoided the subject?
Seems a bit fucked-up to talk about the weather or trivial shit.” He made an
agonized noise and ran a hand through his hair. “I am very attracted to you,
yet it wouldn’t be right to touch you.”

Jenna
stood up and moved towards him, she slid her hands around his waist, feeling
him tense up even more. “I don’t want to talk more about…it. Not right now
anyway. I just want to be with you. I don’t care if we talk about the weather
or trivial shit…” She chewed on her bottom lip for a few seconds. “I would
really like it if you touched me though. Our separation should never have
happened. We need to make up for lost time.” She looked him deep in the eyes
and his intense, dark expression turned even stormier.

He
stepped back, breaking contact and began to pace the room. Gideon put a hand
through his hair and a growl escaped from somewhere deep in his throat. “I’m
just so fucking angry. I want to go and kill that son of a bitch that did that
to you. Tear him limb from fucking limb. I’m angry at myself as well…I should
never have left you.” He clenched his jaw for a few seconds. “I’m sorry to have
to say this, but when I think about it, I start to get angry at you…” He turned
back to look at her. “You should’ve told me that you were mated, Jenna. That
day, out on the lake, you had plenty of opportunities and then again later on.
You shouldn’t have waited.”

“We’ve
talked about this. I told you that I was sorry.” She took a step towards him.
“I didn’t know where things were headed after that first night. I was shocked
that you wanted to date me. I was sure it was only to get into my pants…that it
was a game to you. It was supposed to be a bit of harmless fun. You’re a
vampire. Back then, relationships between our species were unheard of.” She
folded her arms across her chest. “Then later on, when things started to get
serious between us, I was so afraid of losing you. I knew if I told you, then
it would be over. You seemed to be looking for an excuse to end it and I wasn’t
about to give you one.”

He
quit pacing and swung around to face her. “That’s not true. You were everything
to me. It broke my fucking heart when you told me you were mated.”

“Admit
that you were afraid, Gideon.”

“I
fear nothing,” he growled.

“Bullshit.
You told me more than once that if your king found out about us that, at best
you would be imprisoned and at worst, put to death. You were so worried about your
people finding out. You were hurt when I told you about being married but you
were also a little relieved. I could see it. I only wish you would admit it.”

“No
fucking way,” he growled. “I will admit that I was concerned about how my kings
would react. Rightly so. My leaving you had nothing to do with Brant or anyone
else. You lied to me. That is why I broke it off but I shouldn’t have. It is
something that I will need to live with. I was wrong…very wrong and it ended up
costing you in the end.” He moved towards her, so close that she could feel his
body warmth. “I won’t be making the same mistake again.”

“You
had better not.”

“I
told you that I won’t.” Another low growl. “We have agreed to work on a
relationship. To see where this goes. I understand that we will need to…talk
about it but we also need to be able to move beyond it. I understand why you
were deceptive and I hope that I can trust you now.” He paused. “I’m pretty
sure I can and that is what is most important.”

Jenna
stared at Gideon. His eyes were still dark and so intense. Every muscle in his
body bulged. His neck muscles were corded. Even his jaw was clenched. He
radiated fierceness. At first, she smiled, then, she began to laugh.

His
frame softened and a quizzical expression took residence on his face. “What is
it?” Even the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

“I
can’t believe it.” It was like a weight lifted off of her shoulders. “I’m not
afraid…Gideon, I’m not afraid of you.”

He
frowned. “I should hope not. I thought we had established that I would never
hurt you.”

“I
do know that. Logically at least” She was still smiling, couldn’t help herself.
“The problem was that I couldn’t seem to get my body to understand that before,
but it looks like I’m getting there. This is a breakthrough. I hated being
scared of you. Hated it,” she said the last with venom. “I had no control over
it even though I knew you would never hurt me.”

By
now he was smiling. Too damned handsome for his own good. His eyes lightened up
quite considerably, she could see the gold flecks buried deep inside them. Then
he turned serious. “We’ll get there…I know we will.”

Jenna
closed the distance between them. It happened quickly considering Gideon moved
towards her too. His lips closed over hers and his hands bracketed her waist.
Jenna clasped his shoulders, feeling his thick muscles beneath the soft
leather.

She
moaned as he deepened the kiss. Gideon growled softly as she pushed herself
more firmly against him. He threaded his hand into her hair, angling her so
that he could devour her mouth.

“I’ve
missed your kisses,” he whispered against her lips.

She
didn’t mean for it to happen, but suddenly she couldn’t help but to think of
the other women that he had been with since they had last been together. How
many others had he kissed? Held? Done much more with?

He
must’ve picked up on her unease, because he pulled away slightly. Jenna opened
her lids, seeing a deep V between his eyes. “What’s wrong?” Gideon licked his lips.

“I’m
sorry,” she stammered. “It’s nothing.”

Gideon
held onto her. “You tensed up.” His nostrils flared. “I can scent your pain.
Speak to me. Why are you upset?”

Jenna
swallowed thickly, feeling her cheeks heat. “You and those enhanced senses.
Enough to drive me crazy.”

He
placed both hands on her hips. “Speak to me, Jen.”

She
looked away for a few seconds. “It’s just…I I had a chat with Lazarus…I know
how vampires are…your vampire ways as Lazarus put it.” She sucked in a deep
breath, not sure how to continue.

Gideon
raised his brows, he squeezed her hips just a little tighter to let her know
that he wasn’t going to drop this. “What vampire ways?”

She
huffed out a breath. “It’s just that, you’ve been with a lot of women since we
were last together.”

His
jaw ticked and his grip tightened almost to the point of pain. His eyes
darkened and his lips turned white as he pursed them together. He didn’t deny
her statement. It was in that moment that she realized she had been hoping for
just that.

Jenna
pulled her lip between her teeth and bit down. “I know we weren’t together. I
had hurt you badly. It’s still difficult for me. I really shouldn’t be jealous,
but I can’t help myself.” She tried to pull away from him but he held onto her.
“The thought of you with all those women hurts me.”

“What
did Lazarus tell you?”

“It
wasn’t only Lazarus, we were briefed during a training session that vampires have
high sex drives, that you have sex often. I did already know this but I never
gave it much thought before. We were briefed that you sleep with a lot of different
partners, sometimes even with multiple partners in a day or even at the same
time. I can’t help but to think of how many women you have been with since we
were together. I know it’s wrong of me.”

“What
did he tell you?” A low growl.

“He
just said that vampires have sex often…really often. That it’s normal and
nothing to be ashamed of.” Jealousy burned in her gut. She hated the thought of
him with others even though logic told her that she shouldn’t feel this way.

He
narrowed his eyes. “You should be happy that I have rutted many females since
we were together. If I had just been with one female it would’ve meant that I
had feelings for her.”

Happy?
Like
hell.

She
felt her lip quiver and bit down on it.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry
. Shit,
hearing him say it hurt like hell.

Gideon
made a low growling noise and pulled her against him, staring deep into her
eyes. “You should know though that I didn’t so much as touch a single female
for the longest time at first. It was only when I saw you…with him.”

Her
heart clenched. He had waited…almost nine months without sex. Hearing him say
it did make something ease inside her. It also made her feel guilty and sad.
Pain coursed through her. If only she hadn’t been so stupid. It was such a
difficult time after Gideon left her. Her emotions were all over the place. She
wasn’t thinking clearly. Jenna could see now how vulnerable she would’ve been.
The perfect opportunity for a predator like Liam.

He
shook his head, looking solemn. “I haven’t kissed a single female since you. I
couldn’t even if I tried.” He cupped her jaw. “I’m not going to lie to you,
Jenna, I have rutted other females. Quite a number of other females.”

She
squeezed her eyes shut, trying hard to stop herself from crying. She was angry
with herself for allowing Liam to worm his way into her life, upset with Gideon
because he had had loads of sex with other women, upset with herself for being
upset with Gideon because it wasn’t his fault.

“Hey,”
he whispered. “It was only sex. Taking care of a mutual need. It’s different
with you…it has always been different with you.”

Jenna
opened her eyes. “Show me.” She needed that closeness, that oneness with him. “I
need you, Gideon.”

He
shook his head, his eyes clouding. “I want to, Jenna. I want you so badly.” He kissed
her, his nostrils flared as he released her. “But we can’t.”

“Yes,
we can and we’re going to.” She palmed his cock. It was hard and thick…just
like she remembered.

Gideon
groaned. It was his turn to squeeze his eyes shut for a second. Then he cursed,
softly. “We can’t. I need to speak with Brant first. We need a plan. We said we
wouldn’t rush.”

“I
don’t care about Brant or Zane or anyone else for that matter. It’s just you
and me and these four walls.
You
said we wouldn’t rush. Do you want me?”

“You
know I do.” He answered quickly and with a fierceness that should’ve scared her
but didn’t.

“Prove
it,” she growled right back.

“Jenna,
don’t fucking tempt me. When I scent of human come morning, I’ll have a ton of
explaining to do. It could end up getting you booted out of the program. I
won’t risk that…I won’t risk you.”