A Matter of Destiny (21 page)

There was an occasional flash of light now as the tempestuous weather moved on. Sharon felt Joe's lips brush her forehead just before she fell asleep.

As Sharon slept, Joseph tried several times to think himself into Serena's presence, but failed. Was she upset with him over what had happened? He'd always known her to be unflappable. Regardless, he
had
to talk to her.

Suddenly, a flash of light, and he was standing before her. Joseph was silent as Serena closed her eyes and read his thoughts. He'd make no excuses, but take whatever punishment she demanded.

Finally, she spoke. "Remember when I told you there would be dire consequences if you fell in love?"

"I remember." Joseph swallowed noisily. "She's not to blame," he said in Sharon's defense. He thought he saw a faint smile on Serena's lips.

"When you make love to a mortal, you begin to lose your powers immediately. That's why you couldn't transport your consciousness into my presence."

"You mean..."

"Yes, I summoned you when I felt your anxiety." She paused, studying him with understanding eyes. "The process of becoming a mortal has begun, Joseph. Be sure of what you want. You'll have one last chance to return to the guardian status, or you must live out a normal lifespan on earth."

Joseph knew he should feel dismay at the prospect of becoming a full-fledged human being, but an unspeakable joy began to grow inside. He could barely contain his excitement, but asked in a subdued tone, "Are you disappointed in me, Serena?"

"Old friend, you've never been a disappointment, only very interesting."

"I can't believe this is happening...I didn't know it was possible."

"Anything's possible, Joseph."

"I know, but...what if..."

"Human beings have to deal with 'what ifs' every day. Are you up to the task?"

"I'll do anything to be with her, Serena. Anything."

"Well said." A worried wrinkle appeared over her brow. "You just have a little time, Joseph. When the process is complete, there's no turning back. I don't know if we'll see each other again."

"Will I remember?"

She shook her head as the glistening diamond of a tear appeared. "Not when it's finished."

"Thank you," he said simply, unable to speak the fullness of his heart.

Just before he was whisked away, he thought he heard her say, "It was simply a matter of destiny, my friend."

What did she mean by that?

The next morning, sunbeams streamed through the bedroom window, nudging Sharon awake. The sun's warmth felt good on her face. Stretching her arms above her head, she was startled to discover she was naked. The memory of the night before hit her full force. The date with Joe...the storm...pleading with him to stay, then sometime during the night...

Embarrassment flooded through her.

What had she done? She glanced around the room. She was alone, but the dent in the extra pillow proved she hadn't been. Sharon pulled the covers up tightly. How could she?

She couldn't honestly deny that last night she'd wanted Joe as much as he'd wanted her, but the light of day cast a glaring judgment on her actions. What had made her respond with such abandon, and what must he think of her?

She'd never given herself to anyone but Tom. Sharon covered her face with her hands. Just last week, she'd assured David she'd done nothing to shame him. She couldn't say the same now.

As if in self defense, Sharon remembered the letter. Was it just yesterday that it had arrived? What a shock knowing Tom had betrayed her. She'd needed to feel loved, if only for a little while, and Joe was there, like a port in the storm.

But that was no excuse for her wanton behavior. She flushed hotly as if reliving his touch. At least Joe was gone, and she wouldn't have to face him yet. She didn't know what she'd do when that moment came.

She got out of bed and washed quickly, then dressed in jeans and a black sweater. Her mood was somber, and she chose the colors accordingly. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was wildly askew, just like the morning of Tom's funeral.

Sharon stared at herself as if seeing a stranger. It was as if someone she didn't know had made love to Joe.

Her thoughts shifted to her neighbors. Celia Moran was sure to have noticed Joe's car parked out front all night. She'd spread the news all over town in a matter of days, if not hours. What if the boys found out?

As Sharon brushed her hair, savagely tugging at the roots, she blushed again as she thought of the night before. It was her fault. She'd begged him to stay; he'd only accepted what was offered. She'd have to forget the pleasure Joe had given her, pausing with the brush in mid-air. She'd never forget as long as she lived.

As she slowly descended the stairs, Sharon heard the rattle of pots and pans, then Joe's cheerful whistling. He was still here! What would she say? Maybe if she stayed upstairs, he'd go away. No, she thought dismally, it would be better to face him now, before time made it even more difficult.

When she stepped into the kitchen, Joe was at the stove, turning over what appeared to be hash browns. Coffee was already perking, and a pitcher of orange juice sat on the table. Sharon had never seen him look so happy. Her stomach churned as she watched him.

He apparently sensed her presence because he turned toward her with a wide grin. "Morning, sweetheart. Sit down. Breakfast'll be ready in a minute." He pulled out a chair for her.

Sharon stood still, staring at him blankly. Why did he have to look so appealing? His hair was damp as if he'd just stepped out of the shower. "Joe, you shouldn't be here."

His smile drooped a little, but he seemed not to understand. "Come on, what're you waiting for? I have enough food here for four or five people. Aren't you hungry?"

"Joe." This time, he faced her squarely, his gaze intent. Despite the pain and embarrassment she felt, Sharon had to go on. "You have to leave. Things got out of hand last night. I shouldn't have let it happen."

Sharon was torn between wanting him out of the house and needing to run into the safety of his arms. She saw instantly that she'd killed the light in his eyes. Joe was no longer trying to smile, his face devoid of emotion.

"Don't do this, Sharon, not after last night." His voice sounded hollow and flat.

Sharon felt hot at the allusion to what had happened between them. He wasn't listening. Didn't he realize this wasn't a casual, everyday occurrence for her? "Joe, please go," she begged.

Suddenly, he threw the spatula into the sink with a loud clatter and started toward her. The look in his eyes alarmed Sharon, but she didn't dare move. His hands gripped her shoulders so tightly she gasped with pain.

"I was a substitute, wasn't I? You wanted me to stay so you could pretend I was your beloved husband. Well, I'm through playing your games. I won't bother you again."

Sharon began to shake, and Joe released her abruptly, pushing by her. The front door slammed, and then she heard him drive away.

She couldn't stop trembling. She stumbled over to the table and sank into the nearest chair. Slowly, she lowered her head onto her arms.

Was he right? Had she used him as a substitute? The memory of his caress filled her with longing. No, she'd thought of no one else when Joe had held her in his arms. But he must've believed she'd wanted an affair and must hate her now. Not that she blamed him.

"Oh Joe," she sobbed, "why did I let this happen?" She'd taken a good friend and turned him into an enemy.

He'd leave Hollow Bend soon, then maybe they could both get over the hurt. Sharon wondered if she'd ever feel happy again.

That's when she smelled the hash browns burning on the stove.

Chapter Nine

Sharon put away the meal Joe had prepared as silent tears rolled down her face. If she'd felt alone before, it was nothing compared to the way she felt now.

Maybe it would be better when the boys came home, but wouldn't they be able to tell the breath had been knocked out of her? At least, that's how it seemed to her.

She forced herself to go back upstairs and change the sheets on the bed they'd shared, though the chore didn't help her to deny what had happened there.

For a long moment, she buried her nose in the soft folds of the fabric as if to recapture the cherished feelings of last night. If only...

Sharon was afraid to finish that thought. She shouldn't have become involved with another man. Besides, Joe had made no promises and uttered no words of love.

So why had it been so wonderful between them?

She carried the bedding down to the washing machine and turned the dial to Hot, admitting it would take more than laundry soap to wash the memory from her mind. She'd been so ready to be loved.

The shame of it washed over her again.

Sharon hoped for the tenth time that Celia hadn't seen Joe's car. She realized it wasn't the gossip she minded as much as having something so private made public.

She cleaned compulsively that day, anything to stay busy and to keep the visions of their passion from tormenting her, but what haunted her most was the anguish in Joe's eyes. He must care for her, mustn't he? At least, he had.

How could she face him at school? She had to keep the job, even if it did mean running into him. She'd worry about that later.

Sharon picked up her sons at the Greyhound station about five o'clock that evening. She could see by the glow on their faces they'd had a good time, though they couldn't wait to see Caddy.

They were too busy playing with the dog and telling her about their weekend to notice how quiet she was.

"You'll have to come next time," David said.

She shot him a wry grimace. "I intend to, David, I intend to."

Sharon was nervous about going to work the next morning, but Esther soon had her so busy she didn't have time to think. It wasn't until the lunch hour was nearly over that she saw Joe.

He didn't even glance at her, but smiled warmly at his companion, Susan, the secretary.

Sharon knew the other two were friends, but the sight of them together tore her composure to shreds. The woman only had eyes for Joe, as she laughed at something he'd said.

Joe looked ruggedly handsome with his dark hair curling over his collar, and she remembered the vibrant texture when she'd run her fingers through it. Susan... Was that the name Joe had whispered before kissing her at the 4-H Dance?

Esther interrupted Sharon's thread of thought. "How about restarting the coffee pot, dear. We'll need some for the stragglers."

Sharon moved toward the twenty-cup pot as if in a daze. A few minutes later, Esther asked, "Sharon, what are you doing?"

Sharon looked around at her boss, bewildered. "What?"

Esther pointed to the measuring cup in Sharon's hand, and she glanced down. She'd piled the coffee into the sink instead of the pot.

"Oh no. I'm sorry, Esther."

"It's all right, child. Just come back to the present. The sink's clean. Scoop the coffee into the pot. It'll be fine."

Sharon did as instructed, trying to keep her mind on her job. Did Esther realize why she was so flustered? She hoped not.

Turning slowly, she saw Joe and Susan leaving the cafeteria. They had their cups with them. Sharon felt relieved and desolate at the same time.

As Joe walked Susan back to her office, he tried to listen to what she was saying. "And then, Mr. Basil asked me to type them all over again!"

He nodded in sympathy, his thoughts with Sharon. He'd been all ready to tell her what he'd given up for her, thinking she'd be thrilled. She hadn't even given him a chance. He'd never felt this awful confusion and loneliness before.