A Matter of Trust (19 page)

“
Trish, thank you for
letting me help. I love you. It’s my pleasure to watch over you and
help you out. It makes me feel good and like I’m important to you.”
She teared up again, and he bent to kiss her forehead.

“
What about your job,
Jake? I don’t want to cause you any problems.”

“
My biggest problem right
now is getting you well. There’s nothing more important to me than
that. I’ll check on you later when I get the kids in bed.” Jake
tucked her back into bed and left the room.

Jake fell into a routine with Trevor’s
guidance, and Lexie had fallen asleep before he finished story
time, leaving only Trevor and Jake.

“
Lights out, buddy. You
did really well on your spelling practice and math tonight. I bet
you get a hundred on your tests tomorrow.” Trevor just looked up at
him with eyes so much like his mother’s Jake had to smile.
“Everything okay, Trevor? You got something on your
mind?”

Trevor nodded.

“
Let’s hear it, then.
What’s going on?”

The little boy swallowed hard, and
finally whispered, “Is my mom going to die?”

That definitely got Jake’s full
attention. “No, Trevor, she’s pretty sick, but she’s getting
better. No way is she going to die.”

“
My dad died.”

“
Yeah, I know. But your
mom’s going to be just fine. The doctor gave her some really good
medicine, and she’ll feel better real soon, honest.”

“
Do you
promise?”

“
A promise is a serious
thing, Trevor, and I never promise something that I’m not
absolutely sure about. I promise your mom’s going to get better.
Her fever is already lower than yesterday.”

“
Granddad says the same
thing. You should never break your promise. I’m glad you’re here.
I’m the man of the house, but I still don’t know how to do some
stuff. Like I don’t know how to cook yet.”

“
I’m glad I’m here, too,
Trevor. I care a lot about you and your sister and your
mom.”

“
I don’t remember my dad
very good. He died when I was little. One day he looked fine, and
the next day he died. When I saw you help my mom walk back to bed,
it kind of scared me. I thought she might die, too, but I believe
your promise now.”

“
I’ll let you in on a
secret, but you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

“
I have to tell my mom,
cuz she doesn’t want me to have secrets she doesn’t know. But I
won’t tell anyone else.”

“
Fair enough. My dad died
a long time ago, too. I was older than you at the time, but I still
remember how sad I felt. Sometimes, it’s hard for me to picture his
face when I think of him. But that’s okay, because when you love
someone like we love our dads, even though they might die, our love
for them, and their love for us doesn’t die, even when we don’t
remember what they look like. Ready for bed now?” Trevor
nodded.

Jake stood up and pulled the covers up
to Trevor’s neck, tucking him and his sister into bed. Right before
he raised himself up again, Trevor wrapped his little arms around
his neck and hugged him as hard as he could. Jake hugged him
back.

“
Thanks for taking care of
me and Lex and Mom, Jake. Goodnight.”

“
Goodnight, buddy. Have
sweet dreams. I’m right down the hall if you need me, okay?” Trevor
nodded and closed his eyes. Jake turned off the lamp, leaving the
night light on, and left the room.

Jake was exhausted. He walked back to
his bedroom – which was temporarily on loan to Trish – to check on
how she was doing.

“
Hey, you’re awake. Let’s
check your temperature.” Jake got the thermometer and ran it across
Trish’s forehead. “One hundred one, honey. Much better. How about a
little bite to eat?”

“
You know what I’d really
like?”

“
Tell me, and it’s
yours.”

“
What I’d really like is
for you to come over here and talk to me for awhile. How about it?”
She scooted over and patted the bed beside her. “Unless you’re
afraid of my cooties.”

“
I’ll take that chance.”
Jake lay on top of the bed, and put his arm around Trish’s
shoulders and pulled her over to rest her head on his
shoulder.

“
How do you
feel?”

“
Pretty lucky. Grateful,
too. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done without you,
Jake.”

“
Knowing you, you would
have found a way to cope. I don’t know how you do it all the time,
Trish. I’ve only tagged in the last couple of days, and I’m
exhausted. It’s no wonder you got so sick. How do you do it day in
and day out?”

“
I don’t think about it,
Jake. Stuff needs to get done, and there’s nobody else to do it, so
I do it. It’s just the way it is.”

“
How long has it been that
way, Trish? I’m thinking long before Pete died.”

Trish swallowed hard. Time to trust
Jake enough to tell him the whole story.

“
Jake, Pete had some
problems. I told you about his gambling. I was so naïve when I
married him. We’d known each other our whole lives. He always had
problems with self esteem, wanted to show everyone how successful
he was, always wanted the best of everything. We both had decent
jobs, but it was never enough for him. Pete insisted on taking care
of the bills, and I trusted him to do so. He kept getting
promotions at work, and I thought our standard of living had risen
accordingly. I was wrong.”

“
Pete worked as a
financial advisor. I guess playing the stock market is always a
gamble to some extent, and maybe that’s how he got started. After
awhile, I guess he expanded his interests to include the casinos
whenever he traveled for business, the slots, blackjack. It didn’t
stop there, though. He bet the horses, and eventually he gambled on
line.”

“
Little things started to
make me wonder about things. The electricity got shut off, and he
said it they’d made a mistake. My credit cards weren’t accepted a
couple times, and he insisted it was another mistake. Then, one
day, I went out to go to work, and discovered one of our cars
missing. I went inside to call the police, and Pete took the phone
out of my hand and hung it up. He told me he’d sold it and planned
on buying something newer and forgot to tell me. He told me that he
would carpool until we replaced it. It took another month before I
found out he’d lost his job. Shortly after that, we got notice that
the bank had started foreclosure steps, and he finally couldn’t
blame it on someone else’s mistake. Not that the ugly truth came
out then. No, instead he told me he’d lost his job a long time ago,
and he hadn’t wanted to upset or worry me.”

“
Trying to be the
supportive wife, I told him we’d get through it together, yada,
yada. Then, I decided to print out our credit report. I can’t even
remember how many collection agencies I found listed, and I started
calling them. That’s when and how I found out what had really
happened.”

“
That’s when you filed for
divorce?”

“
Yes. But that’s not the
worst of it.” Trish took another deep breath.

“
Honey, you don’t have to
tell me any of this.”

“
Yeah. I do. I told Pete
I’d filed for divorce, and that he needed to find his own place.
I’d already started looking for an apartment – there was no way I
could afford to buy another house with my credit shot thanks to
him. Anyway, Pete begged me not to do it, but I had made up my
mind. Aside from the debt and the gambling, the lying made it all
worse. It was having to uproot my kids and look for the cheapest,
furnished apartment I could find, because our furniture had to be
sold along with everything else we owned to pay off some of the
debt.”

“
Lexie wasn’t even a year
old yet. Trevor was just four. I told Pete he could see the kids
whenever he wanted, but he couldn’t live with us. Then, he started
telling me he couldn’t live without us, that he wished he was dead.
At first, I would talk to him and try to calm him down, tell him he
needed to move forward, that things would eventually be better, and
I tried to talk him into getting counseling.”

“
The kids and I were
living in a crappy place in a not so great neighborhood, and one
day, a guy showed up where I worked and said he came to repossess
my car. I told him there must be some mistake, that I owned the
car, but he showed me the paperwork on a loan that Pete had taken
out on it the previous week. Our divorce wasn’t final yet, and he
found a way to get the loan, even though my parents had bought it
for me before we got married. I guess the guy felt sorry for me
when he saw the two car seats in the back, and I convinced him to
give me twenty four hours to come up with the money. I called my
parents that night and broke down and borrowed enough to pay off
the car and move back to El Paso.”

“
Pete came over that night
after I put the kids to bed, and I reamed him for the car business,
and he tried to lie again. I told him he had to leave and that we
were moving back to El Paso. He said … he said he was going to kill
himself, that he didn’t have anything to live for. Jake, I … I made
him leave. I was so upset about the car, and the situation the kids
and I were in because of his choices, and I just wanted him to go.
And … he killed himself that night. My God, I sent him away, and he
killed himself. I have to live with myself knowing I might have
prevented his suicide, that my children lost their father, and I
didn’t lift a finger to prevent it.” Trish couldn’t meet Jake’s
eyes, and she’d started to cry. “How am I going to explain that to
my kids, Jake? How am I going to tell them that not only did their
dad commit suicide, but that it was their mother’s
fault?”

Jake held her against him. “Trish,
it’s crazy to blame yourself. Listen to me.” He cupped her cheek in
his hand and lifted her head, so she’d look at him. “The only
actions you can control are your own. You are not responsible for
Pete’s actions, Trish. Obviously, he had a whole lot of problems
that you could not change or cure. He couldn’t even change or fix
himself honey. You and the kids suffered for his choices. You did
the only thing you could do to try to salvage things for you and
the kids. Thank God they had you – have you.”

“
I’ve never told anyone
about that night. I’ve lived with the guilt of it all this time. It
took me getting this sick to realize that it’s affected everything
I do. I work all the time, because I’m trying to make it all up to
Lexie and Trevor. I don’t trust anyone, because the last person I
trusted turned my world upside down. I came back here for a fresh
start, and I just realized I’m still stuck in the same place as
when I was married to Pete and living in Dallas. I’ve been trying
to make things up to my kids, and instead I’ve compromised their
security all over again.”

“
Shhh. I’m going to say
this one more time, Trish, so listen up. You have not compromised
your kids’ security. You’ve done everything in your power to keep
them safe and well adjusted, and you’ve done a great job. You’re
not responsible for Pete’s actions or choices. I know you’re not
supposed to speak ill of the dead, but as far as I’m concerned,
Pete was a selfish, self-centered jerk who never deserved you or
those kids, and I wish to hell you wouldn’t waste any more tears on
him. He doesn’t deserve it. As far as what you’re going to tell the
kids, I have every confidence that when the time comes, you’ll know
what to say. Just like you always do.”

“
I know I can trust you,
Jake, and I’m going to try to be better at this whole relationship
thing. You’ve been so patient. Don’t give up on me, okay?” Trish
hugged him hard around his waist.

“
Not likely, honey. I told
you, I love you. I’ll be patient, don’t you worry. I’m hoping in
time, you won’t find it so difficult to ask me to help you
sometimes. I like that you’re independent, but it makes me feel
good to help you. Besides, I have a hidden agenda.”

“
You do? And what would
that be?”

“
I don’t want you to need
me because you have to. I want you to need me because you choose
to. There’s a big difference. Plus, I figure if I can wiggle my way
into your life deeply enough, you won’t kick me to the
curb.”

Trish smiled up at him. “You’ve given
me no reason to kick you to the curb, Jake. Quite the contrary.
You’ve done nothing but make me want to keep you
around.”

“
Now see there? My plan is
working.” He bent down and kissed her gently. “Although your lips
are always hot to kiss, your fever is still there making them
hotter. You need to go to sleep and catch up on more rest, so you
get well real soon. Then we’ll discuss how you can best repay me
for playing Mr. Mom. Deal?”

“
You got it.”

Chapter 10

Trish returned to work the following
week, but promised not to overdo. No more getting up so early or
staying up so late. Jake brought lunch whenever he could, and when
he couldn’t she made sure to take a short lunch break. She also
made it a point to eat something for breakfast, even if it was just
a granola bar. Sometimes, Jake would come by to eat dinner with
Trish and the kids, and sometimes, they’d all eat out together.
Friday became family night when mother and children would go to
Jake’s house for dinner and either an outing, movie night, or game
night, depending on the mood.