A Matter of Trust (14 page)

Trish tapped her coke can against
Eva’s. “Thanks, Eva. I know you had it rough. Pete never got
violent with me, thank God. But he sure did mess things up for me
and the kids. You’re right, trust comes hard.”

Eva hugged her. “Time will help. In
the meantime, being aware of your feelings and fears is half the
battle towards conquering them.”

****

They’d unpacked and put everything
away by six that evening. The other two couples had just left, and
Jake and Trish sat in the living room, relaxing on the
couch.

“
Jake?”

“
Hmm?”

“
I really like the house.
Thank you for renting it to me. And thank you for not charging me a
deposit. It was really nice of you.”

“
Sure, honey. I’m glad
you’re here.”

“
Jake?”

“
Yeah.”

“
I really appreciate you
offering to sign for the furniture I need, but I’m just not
comfortable with that. I think I’m going to shop used. If I find
something I want, can you load it in your truck for me, so I don’t
have to pay movers?”

Jake looked at her and put his arm
around her shoulders, pulling her closer. “Of course, I will,
honey. I’d be happy to. Just say when. I like helping
you.”

“
I know. You’re really
handy to have around.” He kissed the top of her head. “A girl could
get used to it, even when it scares her. I know you’re nothing like
Pete, and I know you don’t want to be compared to him. That’s not
what I’m doing. I guess I’m comparing how I am with you and how I
was with him. I had blind faith in him, and I regret that. I’ll
never be that way again. If something bothers me, I’m going to tell
you or ask you for some clarification. That’s not because I don’t
trust you. It’s because I need to know that I’ve learned from past
mistakes. It’s like a check mark showing that I’ve covered all the
bases. Me, not you.”

“
Okay, Trish. I’ll try to
remember that. And I’ll try not to crowd you, okay? I won’t take it
personally when you don’t ask me to help, or at least I’ll try not
to, okay?” She nodded.

“
Jake?”

“
Yes, honey.”

“
Are you ready to christen
a couple of these rooms now?”

He used body language, rather than
words to answer her question.

Chapter 7

Trish felt anxious all day on
Wednesday knowing that the kids were due back that night. She
couldn’t wait to see them. Of course, time crawled. It helped when
Jake showed up with lunch around noon.

“
Are you antsy?” Jake
smiled as he asked the question he already knew the answer
to.

“
You better believe it. I
can’t wait to get my hands on my babies. It seems like they’ve been
gone forever. Speaking of the kids, I wanted to talk to you about
something.”

“
Sure, honey.
Shoot.”

“
I love it when you stay
the night with me, but with the kids back, I’m really not
comfortable with that. I hope you understand.”

“
So, you’re cutting me
off?” The smile made the question a joke more than an
inquiry.

“
No! I mean, …”

“
I’m just kidding, Trish.
Of course, I understand. I didn’t expect to spend the night with
the kids home. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either. What do
you want to do about letting them know about us?”

“
Well, they already know
you, so they’re not likely to be bothered if you hang around. I
guess we’ll just play it by ear and see how they react to us
spending time together.”

“
How have they reacted in
the past when someone picked you up for a date?”

“
Date? They’ve never seen
anyone pick me up for a date. I don’t date. Well, I guess I’m
dating you, but I’ve never dated anyone else since Pete died.
You’re it. Virgin territory for them.”

“
You haven’t dated for
over two years?”

“
Nope. I had no intention
of ever dating anyone again. You kind of blindsided me. I just
couldn’t resist or ignore you.” She reached over and kissed
him.

Jake gave her a big smile.
“Irresistible, huh?”

Trish smiled back. “You were.
Are.”

They both leaned across her desk for
another kiss. “Hey, we never christened your office, did
we?”

“
I’m back from lunch,
Trish. Need anything?” Diana poked her head in to check
in.

“
No, Di, thanks.” Trish
looked at Jake. “Rain check?”

“
You bet. So, I thought
maybe you’d like the kids to yourself for a couple of days. What do
you think about going somewhere this weekend?”

“
I don’t think I want to
drop them off at my mother’s so soon after their
return.”

“
Of course not. I thought
we could do something as a family, you, me, and the kids. Maybe
pizza or Goony Golf? What do you think?”

Trish sat quietly. “I don’t know. I
really hadn’t thought of all of us going out together. I don’t know
what I think.”

“
Okay. Why don’t you think
about it between now and then? We’ll talk about it later. Right
now, I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll see you
tomorrow?”

“
Sure, Jake. Thanks for
lunch.” Jake came around the desk and kissed her goodbye and
left.

Trish had been so caught up in taking
a chance with herself, she hadn’t thought much about how it could
affect the kids. They already loved Jake. What if he became a
bigger part of their lives – someone they grew to depend on and
trust – and their relationship didn’t last? How would that affect
the kids’ stability and outlook? They’d already lost their father.
Was it fair to take the chance of them getting used to Jake being
around with the possibility that things wouldn’t work out between
them? They’d already been through so much already.

****

The kids came home later that evening,
and there were lots of hugs and kisses all around. After visiting
with her parents for about half an hour, Trish took the kids over
to their new home. They both loved their rooms. Trish had bought a
set of bunk beds at a garage sale, and Jake had set them up for her
and brought home the new mattresses she’d bought. Lexie loved her
pink ballerina bed set, and Trevor liked the Spiderman set up in
his room. They all agreed to spend this first night together in
Lexie’s room, after their long time apart, and because they’d all
moved into a new house.

Trish had blocked off the next day on
her calendar, so she could spend the day with the kids. She took
them to the park close to their new home, and they rented movies
for the afternoon. They met Trish’s parents at McDonald’s for
dinner, and they followed her to the new house, and she showed them
around. Her mother agreed to come over in the morning to stay with
the kids while Trish went to work. Trish stayed up late that night
to work on some things for the Lit Center, and she ended up short
on sleep. Again. An early alarm made sure she got to work extra
early to make up for time lost the day before. Thank God it was
Friday.

Jake couldn’t come by for lunch, but
he called and asked if she wanted to bring the kids over to the
ranch for a barbecue. It was getting colder, so this would probably
be one of the last ones until spring. She agreed to bring them by
after work and said she’d bring a side dish.

Trish had just unbuckled Lexie’s car
when she heard Trevor yell, “Hey Jake!” He ran over to him while
Lexie lost her patience telling her mother to ‘Huwee!’, so she
could go see ‘Zake’ too. Jake had just set Trevor back down, so he
could go find Granddad when Lexie caught up with him.

“
Zake, Zake,
Zake!”

“
Hey, sugar! How’s my best
girl?”

“
Good. We got a new
house.”

“
I know. Isn’t that too
cool? Do you like it?”

“
Yeah.” Her mother
interrupted her with a warning ‘Lex …’

“
I mean, yes. I’m not post
to say yeah to gwown-ups. I do like it, Zake. When are you coming
to see it? I wanna show you my woom. It’s pink, my favorite
color!”

“
I’ll have to come by
pretty soon, baby. Thanks for inviting me.”

“
Sure. I love you, Zake.
I’m gonna mawwy you when I gwow up.”

“
I’ll be an old man like
Granddad by then, but I love you, too. Why don’t you go catch up
with your brother and Granddad while I help your mama carry in
stuff?”

“
Kay, bye.” She kissed him
quickly on the cheek and hugged him tight before he let her
go.

Jake watched Lexie hop, skip, and jump
into the house and could hear her yelling for her brother from all
the way outside.

“
I think they’ve both
grown a foot since they left with your folks.” He pulled her into
his arms for a hug. “Tell me about your day.”

“
She loves you
already.”

“
Yep. She wants to marry
me. That young lady is by far your stiffest competition. What’s
wrong?”

Trish forced a smile. “Nothing. It’s
just, no matter what happens between us, if you disappear, they’re
going to be hurt, and it’s too late to do anything about
it.”

Jake looked down at her with a half
frown on his face. “Trish, I don’t plan on going anywhere any time
soon. Are you planning on getting rid of me?”

“
No. It’s just that I’ve
been wondering if it would be a good idea to all go out tomorrow,
like you suggested, and I’ve just realized that regardless of what
we do from now on, it’s too late to protect them from losing you if
you ever leave.”

“
Trish, I need you to hear
me when I say I’m not going anywhere. I’m sticking around. Honey,
you can’t protect them from everything, and you shouldn’t. You
think I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love and
depend on? My parents died when I was a teenager. Even if you could
cushion them from everything that could hurt them, which you can’t,
what do you think would happen when you weren’t around anymore?
They wouldn’t know how to handle adversity, and life is full of
it.”

“
You don’t have to tell me
about adversity. What you say makes sense, but my kids have been
through enough already. I don’t want them to be hurt anymore. Lexie
doesn’t remember her father, and Trevor hardly does. Someday,
that’s going to bother them, and I don’t know what I’m going to
tell them.”

“
You’ll know when the time
comes. Don’t borrow trouble. So, what about a family outing
tomorrow?”

Just then the front door opened, and
Trevor and Lexie came bounding out. “Mom, we’re gonna go see the
new bunny. Wanna come?”

“
No thanks, son. You mind
Granddad, okay?”

“
Yes ma’am.”

Avoiding answering the million dollar
question, Trish turned around and walked inside. She honestly
didn’t know what to do about Jake and the kids. She had to be very
careful. It was her fault they didn’t have their father, and she
didn’t want to be responsible for them losing anyone else. The
guilt she already carried daily staggered her at times.

Trish was subdued for the rest of the
evening. Jake walked her and the kids to her car, carrying an
already sleeping Lexie. When she’d finished strapping everyone in,
she turned to say goodnight to Jake.

“
Trish, talk to me. Tell
me what’s wrong.”

“
Jake … I’m afraid.” She
looked up into his eyes with tears in her own. “I’m so afraid I’ll
make the wrong decision, and my kids will end up paying the price
for my mistakes again.”

“
What do you mean
‘again’?”

“
I … I have to go. Can I
call you tomorrow?”

“
Sure.” He squeezed her
shoulders, half afraid he was losing her. “Don’t make up your mind
on anything right now. Wait until we can talk it through, okay?
It’ll be alright, honey. I love your kids. I love you.”

Trish’s eyes widened, and she pulled
away from him and got into her car.

Jake watched her drive away, and it
felt pretty final.

Damn it. I pushed her too
hard. I shouldn’t have told her I love her yet. Stupid! She was
already scared, and now she’s terrified. Nice going,
asshole.

Chapter 8

Trish put the kids to bed when she got
home. She had too much on her mind to sleep, so she tried to work
on some interventions for the latest students she’d tested, but she
found she couldn’t concentrate. Finally, she lay down on the couch
and tried to work her way through the many thoughts running through
her mind. It all came back to one thing: She had to protect her
children. She let her feelings get in the way once, and she
couldn’t do that again.

What should she do? Trevor and Lexie
were already attached to Jake. Should she risk allowing him to
become a bigger part of their lives, or should she stop things
right now before they went any further? Jake was great with the
kids. She trusted very few people around her children, and he made
the short list. She still trusted him with them as far as safety
and protection went. She knew he’d put himself between them and any
threat. But what about emotionally? Could she risk another loss
like the one they’d already experienced with their
father?