A Million Kisses or More (13 page)

“She decided to take a shower so we can start with a clean slate tomorrow,” Ana explained, distracted by whatever thoughts were in that pretty head of hers.

“Don’t you think you should do the same?” he grinned, looking over the colorful makeup smeared all over her face.

“I will but I wanted to talk with you,” she said. “About us.”

“There is no us,” he said solemnly, his good humor disappearing. “You’re too young for me, Ana, and I shouldn’t even be here talking about any of this.”

“I’m twenty-two, twenty-three the day after Christmas.”

Her words were too good to be true and yet, at the same time, they caused a surge of panic to tear through him. Dumbly, he stammered, “That’s just not possible.”

“Are you saying I don’t know my own age?” Humor and disbelief laced her voice but at his nod, she glowered at him. “Fine, even if I was eighteen, nineteen, whatever,” she ground out. “I’d still be a legal and consenting adult. But I’m almost twenty-three so what’s the problem?”

“There is no problem,” he said too quickly, cringing at the reservation he could hear in his own voice.

She smiled at him, silently calling him on his bullshit.

“Carrie got pregnant with Jolie when I was eighteen,” he said and the familiar feelings of terror and confusion filled his gut as he remembered seeing the second line on the pregnancy test. At the time, it had been a sentence worse than death but, in truth, it had been a blessing. While it had changed all of his plans, he could never regret Jolie. “I don’t want that for you.”

“I’m actually in a position to raise a child but that’s neither here nor there because you’re still sitting there with a look of dread on your face,” she said with a look that almost dared him to contradict her. It was almost comical hearing those words coming out of her garishly painted lips but he wasn’t laughing. “What’s the real reason you’re so… hesitant?”

Truth be told, he wasn’t sure why he wavered because every bone in his body wanted to claim her right then and there but he couldn’t. He licked his lips, trying to put into words thoughts he hadn’t wanted to think but were always there. It was easier to think she was too young than to examine why he was trying to resist her. Finally, he admitted, “I’m not hesitant, just… cautious. I have a daughter to worry about and she likes you a lot.
I
like you a lot. And yet you’re leaving in two and a half months.”

“But I’m coming back,” she said, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

He smiled at that, taking a bite of ice cream to give his thoughts a moment to unravel. “Really.”

“If there’s a reason,” she said, looking at him with such hope in those green eyes he was tempted to promise her the moon if she’d return. Then he wouldn’t have to fight an attraction that was inevitable. But even though she wasn’t as young as he had assumed, she still deserved to live her life to the fullest.

“I don’t want to be the one who holds you back by making promises that neither of us might be able to keep,” he said, forcing the words out of his mouth. He barely knew her and yet he wanted to beg her to return. Hell, he wanted to beg her not to go in the first place.

“Has Jolie held you back?” she asked softly.

He shook his head no, “But she changed the direction I was heading. Why did you let me think you were eighteen?”

Her grin was mischievous and a little guilty, “This… attraction between us is so strong. I hoped one of us was strong enough to resist, at least for a little while.”

“You trusted in my strength to resist you?” he asked, flabbergasted by her admission.

“As long as you thought I was too young for you….” She let her words trail off as she shrugged her shoulders. “Anyway, I’m done playing. I’m willing to try,” she murmured, lowering her lashes. “Even if it’s only for a couple of months.”

He smiled, “You are too tempting and if I have a taste, I’d want the whole thing.”

She smiled up at him, her eyes twinkling with humor, “And if I’m offering?”

Scrubbing his hands through his hair, he groaned and chuckled, “You’d make a monk turn his back on his vows of celibacy and I’m no monk, even though it has been way too long…. Jesus, forget I said that.”

She made a face at him as she oh-so-casually asked, “So, you’ve only been with Jolie’s mother?”

“I didn’t say that,” he hedged, looking down at his brownie and glaring at it as if it had suddenly turned sour. At her snicker, he glanced up and saw the look of expectation on her face, as if she wanted to hear the details. “After the divorce, I made some bad choices.”

“
One night stand
bad choices or
spending too much time in a bar getting shit faced
bad choices? Or possibly even,
Oh, crap, how did I end up in prison
bad choices?”

“A little bit of the first two and thankfully none of the third,” he admitted, reliving the numbness he had felt in those early months after Carrie had left, after the divorce. “I had a young daughter, a career I didn’t want, and no idea what I was doing. So, yeah, I drank a little bit too much and slept with a few women I probably shouldn’t have. There were a few broken hearts along the way, though that had never been my intention, and I have a few regrets.”

“Did you escape unscathed?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows to help him understand her meaning.

“I’m clean, if that’s what you’re asking.”

She glanced at him, her lips pursing as her eyes narrowed. He held up his hand to stave off any more of this line of questioning. He had been in the military and had all of his shots and then some and all of his physicals came up clean. Looking back, he was grateful he hadn’t ended up with something incurable. “Don’t go there, Ana.”

Her lips curled upwards into a knowing smile and he wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to kiss her or yell at her. “I never caught anything so wipe that smirk off your face, trouble maker.”

“Sorry,” she grinned.

“No you’re not,” he grinned back.

Sobering up, she asked, “What happened? Why did you end up divorced?”

He should have expected it but he still found that her probing questions made him uncomfortable. Oddly, he wanted to answer her, to tell her everything. Maybe it was because she was leaving in two and a half months that he could bare his soul to her, tell her things he hadn’t told anyone, things he hadn’t wanted to tell himself. Or maybe it was simply because of who she was. Either way, he knew that if she did come back in a year, he’d grab onto her and never let her go.

“I told you about joining the army, right? And how Carrie hated it?” he asked, acid burning his guts at the memory. At her nod, he continued, “That’s not exactly true. The first year or two was great. We lived on base, she was expecting our child and it was wonderful.”

When he didn’t continue, the wound still painful even though he had moved on long ago, Ana softly asked, “What happened?”

“I got deployed for nine months,” he said, watching her face twist up with the knowledge of what he was going to say. With a wry smile, he huffed out a breath, “Yeah. She didn’t handle the situation very well or maybe she was lonely, I don’t know. When I got home, she told me what she had done. I was pissed….”

“Understandably so,” she interjected softly.

With a smile, he continued, “But I was willing to try to make it work. After all, we were married and had a child together.”

“And you were high school sweethearts.”

He nodded, “But she said the experience made her realize she wasn’t ready to settle down and she asked for a divorce.” Ana sucked in a loud gasp but she didn’t say anything so he continued, “I had a few weeks of leave, so I brought my two-year old daughter up here to live with my parents while I finished up my four years.”

“And you went a little wild yourself?” she asked in that same, soft voice, sympathy burning in her amazing eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, shame still making his guts twist in on themselves. “I was single, I no longer had a wife and child to be responsible for, and I was in a town where beautiful women threw themselves at a man in uniform. I took full advantage of my new situation, even after I realized it was killing me.”

Her eyes darkened in sexual awareness but she simply asked, “What made you finally admit you weren’t doing okay?”

“I was at some girl’s apartment and when I pulled a condom out of my wallet, a picture fell out, a picture of Jolie. The girl picked it up and she said what an adorable little girl I had. In that moment when I was looking at that picture, I realized that I barely knew my daughter. As soon as my contract was up, I moved back home.”

“Impressive,” she murmured, admiration making her green eyes shine even brighter. Or maybe it was the purple eye shadow and glitter. Chewing on her lower lip, she finally asked, “So, did you go through with it?”

“With what?” he asked, a little confused by her question.

Her eyes darted to the side before she leaned closer and lowered her voice, “Did you and the random bar bunny have sex?”

His eyes widened in his head and he was torn between laughter and embarrassment. Without giving him a chance to answer, she nodded towards his bowl and asked, “Are you going to finish that?”

The sudden change of topic had his head spinning and it took him a moment to catch up. Looking down, he saw that his ice cream was now soup, with large chunks of brownie soaking up the liquid. He might have just spilled his guts to this beguiling creature but that wouldn’t prevent him from eating dessert. “Oh, hell yeah.”

She chuckled as she stood up and walked around the table. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she bent down and pressed a soft kiss against the top of his head. “You’re a good man and I’m sure none of those women you took to bed have any regrets.”

He paused with a spoonful of browning and melted ice cream halfway to his lips. Knowing he was going to regret the answer, he asked anyway, “What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re the type of man who knows how to please a woman,” she said, making him sputter and cough uncontrollably. Patting him on the back, she continued, “I’ve read your books, Harris Fallen. You can’t tell me you don’t practice what you’ve put in there.”

“Is that the reason you want to sleep with me?” he asked, his chest tightening at the thought. Setting the spoon down, no longer hungry, he looked at her.

With a thoughtful frown, she slowly nodded her head before she shook it no. “It is but not in the way you’re thinking.”

“What am I thinking?”

“That I want to sleep with you because you’re my favorite writer,” she said slowly, forming her words as if she was figuring out her thoughts as she spoke them out loud. “I do but that’s only part of the reason.”

“You’re not making any sense,” he grumbled, wondering if the first woman he’d been attracted to in a long time only wanted him for his hobby. It didn’t change the fact that he wanted to have sex with her, especially now that she was no longer jail bait, but it kind of hurt.

“I’ve met plenty of good looking guys in my life,” she said, plunging a dagger into his stomach with the confession. “But while I’ve… appreciated how attractive they were, none of them made me want to jump their bones within minutes of meeting them. I mean, I was attracted to you the moment you rescued me from freezing to death….”

“You wouldn’t have frozen to death,” he interrupted. “It wasn’t cold enough.”

“It was for this girl’s blood but that is irrelevant,” she said, returning to her explanation of why she wanted him. “Most of the guys I know haven’t read a book that wasn’t assigned for class and when I saw your bookshelves, my interest notched up. And then to discover you had the
Justice Kane Chronicles
, I was captivated. And
then
to learn that you’re the author…. Well, let’s just say my brain was engaged long before I met you and after all of the rest, you were doomed. You have no idea how sexy intelligence is.”

His lips quirked but he refused to smile. “Doomed?”

“Yes, doomed. You’re destined to be mine.” Framing his face between her hands, she held his eyes, “I’m madly attracted to you, mind, body and soul and I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone in my entire life, all twenty-two almost twenty-three years of it. Even if you weren’t the author of my favorite books, I’d want to do such wicked things to you that you wouldn’t be able to see straight. But I’ve read your books and the fact that you have a dirty mind doesn’t hurt.”

“I’m a guy,” he said, studying her eyes and seeing the sincerity and attraction burning brightly within them. “By definition, we all have dirty minds.”

Her smile was slow in forming but when it appeared, his breath caught in his throat. It didn’t matter that she was wearing twenty pounds of makeup or that she was leaving in a couple of months, he wanted her. As she leaned down to kiss him, he leaned towards her and felt the crushing disappointment when she hesitated. In a low voice, she explained, “My lipstick stains and you still have to work.”

“Damn,” he swore, making her laugh. He loved her laugh and he wanted to hear it every day for the rest of his life. As long as he didn’t think about the fact that she was leaving in a few months, he’d be okay. Maybe he could do casual with her, though he doubted there would be anything casual about a relationship with Ana Smithfield. Standing up, he brushed his hands against his polyester slacks. “I should go tuck Jolie in. I’m surprised she hasn’t come down and tried to sneak in a few more minutes before bed time.”

“She did but she stopped in the doorway and winked at me before she ran back upstairs,” Ana told him. “I think she’s trying to play match maker.”

“I wouldn’t doubt that,” he said. As he turned to go upstairs, Ana was right beside him and he found that he liked the idea of that, of having her beside him. That didn’t mean he was going to act like the rest of his family and rush out and ask her to marry him. It would be incredibly stupid to want a lifetime with her when he barely knew her, especially after the fiasco of his first love, his ex-wife. He had known Carrie for ages and their lifetime together lasted less than three years. Why would his odds be any better with a near stranger, no matter the fact that the chemistry between them was off the charts?