A Million Wishes (15 page)

She stopped moving and her mouth was in a surprised “O” with tears slipping down her ivory cheeks.

“
I love you Mikayla. I want you to marry me. I was going to get a ring this week while you’re finishing up at school but now is a good a time as any. Marry me. Love me back Miki. I need you so bad babydoll. You are the bright spot in my life, you always have been.”

He was hoping she would say yes but from the look on her face that wasn’t going to happen. He felt like a shit for just blurting it out instead of doing something sweet and romantic for her, but she had the ability to rip his emotions from one end of the spectrum to the other, and he needed her to realized just what she meant to him and how serious he was about being with her.

Miki shook her head and pushed at his chest backing away from him. “I…Noah, I can’t. I’m sorry…” and she ran out of the house so fast he barely had time to blink. He stood there for a minute stunned and then turned on his heel. She was crazy if she thought she could get rid of him that easy. He’d been a fighter his entire life, fighting for what he believed in and fighting to stay alive. Noah knew what he wanted and he wasn’t letting it go without a fight. There was already a hard frost on the ground and it had been snowing for a while now.

Chapter 12

He knew where to find her. Knew she’d be in the one place that had offered her solace her entire life. But he decided that was simply not enough. No way was he letting her be there alone, without him. He wanted to be her comfort and her strength. He wanted to be her rock and love her until she finally believed her place was with him. Not alone. It was cold out and she’d left without taking her jacket or a blanket or anything. She’d been so upset that she had left, ran from him, not caring that she could freeze to death out there, crazy woman. Sometimes she drove him nuts. Other times just a mere look from her and he was stiff as a rod, raging hard and thick in seconds, all for her, because of her, his darlin’ Miki girl, his sweet babydoll. Yanking her coat off the rack he took off after her, slamming out the door and into the freezing night.

She couldn’t believe it was happening. The boy she had loved her entire life was now a man in love with her. She didn’t deserve him. She was broken for crying out loud. Not even her Noah could fix all that was broken within her. So when he told her he loved her, loved her in the way a man did when he wanted a woman as his wife. She ran, haphazardly across the field to her spot, her sanctuary. The place she always came to when she was hurt, shattering, breaking into millions of pieces that could never be fixed. She was unfix-able, unclean. Not worthy of someone like him. He was a good man, a strong man. He deserved a woman that could love him, make love with him, and give him beautiful golden children that looked just like him. She could do none of that. The sexual abuse she’d endured from her stepfather and the beatings from her momma had made sure of that. Her young body ruined for any other man, simply broken.

Suddenly she heard him. The frosty grass crunching underfoot signaled his approach.

“
Miki, babydoll come down here, it’s freezing out here and you didn’t even take your damn coat.”

She shivered, finally noticing the cold, her sniffle punctuating the quiet with proof she was up in the branches of the frosty tree. “Go away Noah. Just leave. I can’t be what you want. I’m not what you need so just GO AWAY!” She was yelling now, tears making her throat scratchy and hoarse.

“
Dammit woman if you won’t come down then I guess I’m coming up, so move your little ass over and make room for me.” He stuffed her coat under his sweat shirt, climbing, pulling himself up the tree, cursing at the slick branches, scooting until he reached her and draped her coat over her shoulders, pulling her shivering body against his.

“
Noah, would you stop it? I told you to leave. Why can’t you just go?” Tears were welled up in her green eyes and he reached to touch her face and pull her tight, kissing her forehead and tucking her head under his chin, hugging her trembling frame.

“
I am not going anywhere babydoll. I’m not leaving you, not giving up on us and yes I mean us. You were meant to be mine since the day we met little girl and I’m not letting you get away from me. I refuse. So deal with it. I love you Miki and if you don’t love me, well then, I guess I’ll just have to love you enough for the both of us.”

Never had she ever thought she would find someone that was willing to overlook her brokenness and still love her and want her love too. She had loved him her whole life, wished that he could feel the same, but never dreamed that it might actually happen. But she couldn’t, she was scared, so very scared that when she told him he would cast her away.

“
Do you love me Miki? Honestly? Just tell me, I can take it. Can you not love me now that I lost half my leg? Is that it?” His voice broke and she looked up into his eyes and saw the uncertainty, the fear of rejection, and realized that her taking off made him think it was something to do with him. That she didn’t love him or want him. That wasn’t the case at all. He was everything that was perfect and beautiful in her life.

“
Oh Noah, I’ve loved you since I was a 9 year old stealing peaches off your Momma & Daddy’s tree’s. You’ve always been my knight in shining armor baby. You getting injured and being so damn strong only makes me love you more, not less.” She wiped the tear that had dripped down his cheek and then wiped her own.

“
Then I don’t get it Miki, why did you run off when I told you I love you. You ripped my heart from my chest and stomped on it. I thought I was losing you…that maybe I was wrong and you didn’t want me too.” His voice hitched again and he squeezed her tighter, burying his face in her neck.

Miki sighed and leaned against him, tears flowing freely down her pink cheeks. “I’m sorry Noah. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just, I didn’t want to explain. I didn’t want you to know how messed up I am and know why I don’t deserve you. I’m…I’m so ashamed Noah. I can’t give you what you need. What you deserve. I can’t give you what you’d expect from your woman. I’m…I’m broken Noah. So broken that I lost most of the pieces of me and I’ll never get it back again.”

“
Darlin’ girl, there is nothing you could do or have done that would make me stop loving you baby. You’re my girl whether you think you deserve it or not because I want you to be mine. I love you no matter what baby. Now tell me what’s got you so upset kitten, what do you have to be ashamed of?”

She cleared her throat and prayed, she prayed like she never had before that he would understand and let her go. He deserved so much better. “Noah you want a wife and family. I can’t do that, at all. Growing up, after Daddy passed on and Momma married Lucas, he…he did things to me, awful things, and painful things. I tried to tell Momma to get her to stop but she never believed me. She beat me for it and said I was a liar, that Lucas wouldn’t do such filthy things. But he did Noah, so many times, until I left. My doctor tells me it was either the beatings or the rape and damage while I was so young, I can’t have kids Noah. I can’t be a wife because I can’t imagine having sex without fear slamming into me so bad it makes me sick. I can’t be touched like that. I just can’t. I’m broken Noah and you can’t fix me. No matter how much you say you love me you can’t fix me.”

By the time she was done talking she was sobbing. Sobbing for the little girl that no one fought for. Sobbing for the fact she could never hold a child of her own in her arms. Sobbing because she knew that she would grow old alone and never know what it felt like to be loved and have a family and a husband of her own. His hands were stroking through her hair and he held her tight to him, not saying a word but shimmying out of the tree, hopping down to land on his right leg, holding his hand out to her. “I can’t pick you up and carry you down like I used to when you were being bratty so you have to come to me Miki. Please.” She stood and began walking down the long branch, hopping the short distance to the ground where he enveloped her in his arms. He gave her soft little kisses on her forehead and cheeks while she cried her little heart out. He hooked his arm at her knees and picked her up, limping back to the house feathering little kisses on her face, each little sniffle she made breaking his heart.

Once inside he kicked the door shut behind him and walked over to the fireplace where the flames were dying to low embers. Ever so gently he sat her on the sofa and whispered in her ear, “I’m just going to stir the fire up and add another log ok babydoll? I’m not going anywhere; just want to get you warmed up ok? Do you want some hot coffee and chocolate?” His voice was in such a low, husky timber it soothed her, she nodded her head and touched his cheek, realizing then that she was freezing, shivering to the point her teeth were chattering.

“
I’ll be right here babydoll. It’ll only take me a few minutes.” He pulled a quilt off the back of the sofa and eased her coat off and wrapped her in it all snuggled up then went to poke at the fire and add more logs. She slowly started warming up by the time he came back and she could hear the coffee pot perking. He still didn’t say anything but his brow was furrowed like he did when he was deep in thought and she didn’t know what to say so she sat there, waiting.

Noah sat on the coffee table in front of her and took her foot, placing it in his lap untying her shoes and slipped them from her feet, sitting them to the side and rubbing each foot in his big hands and it nearly had her crying again. No one had ever treated her so gently, with so much love before that she wasn’t sure what to do. Her voice was soft, “Thank you Noah.” He looked at her and softly smiled, leaning in to brush his mouth on hers. Standing, he went over to her bag and retrieved her warm fuzzy slippers and put them on her feet. That was enough to make tears drip down her cheeks and hiccup a soft cry. His arms were around her, hugging her close to him again and she pressed her face against his neck and breathe him in. Warm strong male, a hint of sandalwood and leather mixed with the frosty night air that clung to them both.

“
I love you Miki, no matter what has happened in your life. Each thing that you’ve been through could have devastated someone without your strength. I admire you babydoll for overcoming things you went through that no one, especially a little girl should ever have to go through. If I had known Miki, god if I had known, I would have killed Lucas for touching you that way. I am so sorry babydoll, so very sorry you ever went through such terror. I’m glad they’re dead because I think I’d kill them both.” His voice was laced with bitterness and regret. Why didn’t he see and realize back then that’s what had her so scared and skittish?

“
How could you still love me Noah? I can’t be who you need and deserve. It’s not in me.” Her answer sounded so sad, a little girl voice that was so unsure of herself and her worth.

“
How could I not love you Miki? I love you more and more every day and finding out this, this hurt and pain you’ve carried your entire life on your own, babydoll, I just want to love you through it, to prove to you just how much you do deserve. To show you how lovable you are and show you that if I had too I would wait forever to touch you intimately Miki. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you or scare you baby. I want to show you how a man is supposed to treat a woman, to protect you and cherish you. So what if you can’t have babies. Think of all the kids out there that want so badly to be adopted and have a family. We could have as many kids as we wanted baby and love them just the same as if they were our blood. I don’t care about that, not at all. Even if you never wanted to adopt I’d still want to spend the rest of my life loving you if you’ll let me. You need me Miki, just as much as I need you.”

His mouth feathered over hers, brushing her tear stained cheeks and over the freckles that dotted her pert nose. His mouth brushed her forehead, then along her jaw until he heard her breathing change and felt her arms wrap his waist. He was dying to taste her mouth again, ached to feel her tongue slip against his like it had earlier, before he’d spouted off about loving her and marriage, scaring her off. Tipping her chin with his finger he took her mouth slowly, savoring her sweetness, waiting for her to open to him, not forcing anything. It took only moments before she seared his soul. Her mouth opened and she dipped her tongue against his lips and soon as he parted them she slid her tongue inside his mouth and stroked it over his, purring. Fuck did she realize she was purring while she stroked her tongue against his? Instantly he was rock hard and his fingers were digging into the mass of her luxurious hair and pulling her head back more, drinking from her lips the essence that was simply her.
His.
Instinct took over and he sat, tugging her closer and letting her guide the kisses lest he devour her if he took full reign. He nearly lost all control when she wiggled to halfway straddle his lap, careful with his left leg, not jarring him at all. She nestled her soft bottom against his groin, finding him hard as steel and biting his lip while she rubbed against him again.

Noah growled, long and deep, stroking his hands through her hair, massaging her scalp. He was half afraid if he slipped his arms inside her blanket he’d turn into a teenage boy eagerly trying to fondle a pretty girl again. She deserved more than that. She needed patience. So he forced his body to relax and he licked over her lips, tugging her bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling it until she was panting. Her eyes were such a dark smoky green when she pulled back and stared into his eyes. He watched her while she lightly touched his face and ran her hands over his short cropped hair. “I remember growing up when you wore your hair a little long and you had the sexiest curls that would fall across your forehead. I wanted so badly to touch it, to run my fingers through it and see if it felt as thick and soft as it looked.”