A Moment of Weakness (33 page)

Jade arrived first and ordered a decaffeinated latte. Her heart was racing badly enough without adding caffeine to the mix. She chose a table situated in a windowless corner of the café. Starbucks was adjacent to a large bookstore, and customers were encouraged to browse through the shelves while sipping their coffee. Jade was certain no one would bother them there. The few customers who sat at tables generally stayed near the windows.

She took a sip of her coffee and stared at the front door. All morning she’d been plagued by a sense of impending doom. Several times an hour this feeling had driven her to pray, seeking God’s protection in whatever the day would bring. Still, she was tempted with the notion of finding Ty at school and heading for the Canadian border.

It was raining steadily outside, and Tanner swept into the coffeehouse wearing a business suit and a long, sleek raincoat. The girl behind the counter watched him and nudged her coworker. Jade rolled her eyes. Yes, Tanner still turned heads. Was he carrying on with a handful of women despite his engagement, or had he finally learned to be faithful? Either way
she pitied his fiancée. If Tanner could abandon his own children, he was bound to bring her nothing but heartache.

Tanner spotted her and quickly ordered a coffee. When he had his drink, he joined her at the table. Again his eyes looked troubled.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Jade glanced at her coffee and felt her stomach begin to churn.

“How’d the visit with Ty go?”

Jade felt a stab of fear at the sound of Ty’s name on Tanner’s lips.
Get me through this, God, please
. “It was okay. Too fast. Too impersonal … deputies watching us the whole time.”

Tanner sighed. “Did you write down anything Ty said?”

Jade pulled a typed sheet of notes from her purse. “Right here.”

A smile lit Tanner’s face, and Jade’s heart skipped a beat. Why did he still have that affect on her? “That was fast.”

“My son’s at stake. It’s not like I have anything else to do.”

Tanner stared at her solemnly. “We’ll do everything we can to get it admitted during the hearing.” He reached across the table to take the notes from her. As he did, their fingers brushed against each other, and Jade jerked back, dropping the paper on the table. Tanner studied her for a moment, and then reached for the paper, opening it and reading slowly. When he was finished he said, “This is great, Jade. Pray they’ll let us use it.”

She hung her head.
He’s reading things his own son said. This is too close, Lord. Help me
.

When Jade said nothing, Tanner moved the paper to his pocket. “I have good news and bad news.”

Jade sat up straighter. “I can’t take any more bad news. Give me the bad news first.”

Tanner frowned. “I found out this morning. Judge Susan Wilder has been assigned the case. It’s a done deal.”

Jade felt the sting of fresh tears. “Great. What else can go wrong?”

Tanner nodded. “She’s not good for the case, but you’ve got to remember, Jade, God is in control here, not Judge Wilder.”

Oh, please, Tanner, stop the hypocritical religious drivel
. Jade was irritated with him. A man who’d abandoned his own children had little room to talk about God being in control. “What’s the good news?”

“The press conference is set. CNN’s covering the whole thing. All the networks, too.”

Jade looked up and felt her pulse quicken. “It’s that big?”

Tanner slid his chair in closer and leaned his elbows on the table. “Jade, this is national news. A mother’s never lost custody of her child because of her faith.”

“What are they going to ask me?”

“They know about your involvement in community and school issues. How you had magazines removed from store shelves and books eliminated from the library.”

“The magazines had pictures of some evil guy sacrificing animals on stage.”

“I know.”

“And the books had story lines about kids killing their teachers and classmates.” Jade had done the right thing by taking on those battles, and she would do it again if the opportunity arose. If someone didn’t take a stand, the children would pay the price. Jade wasn’t about to let that happen.

Tanner’s expression softened. “I know all that, Jade. I’m just telling you the media knows, too.” He hesitated. “I might think you’re a hero for doing those things. But for the most part, the media thinks in terms of freedoms. Freedom of speech, freedom
of expression, that kind of thing. They see pulling magazines and books off shelves as censorship.”

Jade sighed. “And that makes me look extreme.”

“Right.”

“So what do I do?”

Tanner leaned back in his chair and sipped his coffee. “You remain calm and pleasant. Discuss everything from the perspective of Ty and your intention to protect him. We want the press to see you as a concerned mother, one who cares deeply for her son. Not some angry radical Christian who next week might organize a hit on an abortion clinic.”

Jade stirred her coffee. The only thing that angered her was losing Ty. Certainly she could do what Tanner asked, remain calm and pleasant and avoid sounding defensive. “What if they try to trick me?”

Tanner uttered a laugh. “You can count on that much. They’re looking for a snappy sound bite they can play and replay on the news tonight. Something where you fly off the handle and declare them all ACLU-card-carrying liberals bent on the destruction of family values and churches in general.”

Jade couldn’t help but smile at his example. “So whatever I do, don’t get angry.”

“Whatever you do, don’t say something that could be taken out of context. No long pauses or lengthy explanations. They’ll cut what you say and use it to fit their storyboard.”

Jade wondered if she could remember it all. “Nothing extreme; no lengthy pauses.”

“Exactly.”

“What about my faith? If they ask me, should I quote the Bible, or is that off limits?”

“Everyone knows you’re a Christian. The story has been discussed and replayed in newspapers across the country all
week. There’s no point in backing down now.” He paused. “Besides, I don’t think that would please the Lord.”

Jade wanted to laugh at him. Here was a man whose children were growing up without their father. Who was he to remind her of what it meant to please the Lord? She forced herself to remember that whatever Tanner’s personal shortcomings, he was the expert when it came to these types of legal matters. “I never intended to back down.” She met his gaze straight on. “I only wanted to know if there were things I should avoid saying.”

Tanner studied her and set down his coffee. “Jade, can I ask you something?”

For the first time since seeing Tanner again she didn’t want to run from him. She wanted to take him on face to face and find out why he had lied to her all those years ago. “Anything.”

“Why are you angry with me?”

She set her drink down and crossed her arms. “I’m struggling with a lot of things, here, Tanner.”
Don’t cry. Whatever you do, don’t cry
.

He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, a gesture he’d done since he was a boy back in Williamsburg.

“What did I ever do to you?” He sounded sad, and he kept his eyes locked on hers. When she could stand it no longer, she looked away.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I loved you, Jade. I wanted to marry you. I go off to Hungary for a few months, and when I come home my mother tells me you married someone else. And now
you’re
mad at
me?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” If he pushed much more, she would tell him the truth: that she knew everything there was to know about his past.

“I don’t care what you want, Jade. We need to talk.” Tanner set his cup down hard, and Jade looked up at him. “I got off the plane from Hungary, and you know what I did?”

Jade waited.

“I looked all over that airport for you. I sent you a ticket, and I thought you’d be there.”

More lies
. “There was no ticket, Tanner. My father would have told me.”

“Oh sure, just like he told you about my phone calls.”

Jade considered that. “Why would you send me a ticket? You hadn’t written the whole time you were there. You expected me to look for a ticket in the mail when I hadn’t heard from you in two months?”

Tanner’s face twisted. “I wrote you. Every other day I mailed off another letter to you.”

“And I’m supposed to believe they all got lost in the mail?”

“No, try asking your father. Maybe he never gave them to you.”

A strange sensation began working its way from the back of Jade’s head down her spine.
It doesn’t matter if he wrote, he still lied to me about his past
. “That’s not the point.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m there at the airport, looking for you, expecting you to be there, and all I see is my mother. She tells me she has bad news. I was wrong about you, she says; you’ve married someone else.”

Tears flooded Jade’s vision, and she shaded her eyes with one hand.

“Do you know something, Jade; I didn’t believe her. I had to call Kelso General to see if she was telling the truth. I didn’t believe it until I talked to one of your coworkers, and she told me it was true; you’d married someone in Portland.”

“That’s my business, Tanner.” Jade uncovered her eyes, her voice little more than a whisper.

His eyes blazed with angry frustration. “Okay, so it’s your business, but couldn’t you have called me, told me what happened? I thought you loved me, Jade. I’m gone three weeks, and you marry someone else? I didn’t understand it then, and I still don’t.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Jade wiped her eyes and searched Tanner’s face. She didn’t want to tell him why she’d left. There was no point going back to that time in her life and risking the relationship she and Ty shared. If he ever found out about Ty, she’d be the loser. Mrs. Eastman had made that more than clear.

Tanner exhaled slowly and massaged his eyebrows. “Fine. But give me this.”

“What?”

“After the press conference let me take you back to your house.”

Jade took another sip of her coffee and noticed her hands were trembling. She didn’t want to spend more time suffering in Tanner’s presence than necessary. “What for?”

“So we can talk. I want to know what happened, Jade. I’m going on with my life, getting married, putting you behind me. But it’s taken a long time, and I think you owe me an explanation. At least that much.”

Jade sighed. Maybe if she could tell him the truth about what she knew, without telling him why she was at Doris Eastman’s that afternoon in the first place. Maybe then he’d come clean about his past, never make the connection about Ty being his son, and leave her alone. “Fine. What time do you fly out?”

“Not till midnight. I’m taking the redeye back to Los Angeles.”

Jade nodded. “Okay. But let’s get through the press conference first.”

They finished their cold coffees in silence and headed for the door. The media was set to meet them in the lobby of the Clackamas County Courthouse in two hours.

Forty-five members of the press showed up for the conference, and Tanner wished he could watch from a distance. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jade and his hunch that there was something she wasn’t telling him. Whatever it was it would have to wait. The media event was crucial to their case, and Tanner would have to maintain his concentration.

Tanner took his spot in front of the podium. He thanked them for coming and introduced the case by comparing it to conditions in the former Soviet Union.

“People in this country have never had to fear the government because of their faith. Religious freedom is something guaranteed each of us in the constitution. But here in Portland, in this very courthouse, a woman dedicated to her son has been stripped of her rights as a parent because of her faith.”

Tanner made eye contact with each of the reporters, careful to keep his face at just the right distance from the dozen microphones taped to the podium. He still thrived in public situations, and he felt confident as he continued. “If we allow this case to stand, then I’ll tell you where we’re headed. Ten years from now this kind of custody arrangement will be commonplace, and the people who make up the backbone of this great nation will find themselves being rounded up and arrested for attending church on Sunday.”

He paused and saw that eight national news cameras were focused on him. “We are here today to tell the people of this country that we will not stand by idly and watch our rights be stripped away. Mrs. Rudolph will win back custody of her son,
and men and women who make up the heart of our nation will be able to sleep better at night. We will fight to maintain the rights promised us by our forefathers. And we will pray, as they did, that the United States courts wake up and recognize the error of their ways.”

Tanner finished his opening comments and introduced Jade. He stepped away from the podium and watched her take his place. She looked innocent and utterly beautiful. But most of all she looked sincere. Tanner knew it wasn’t an act. Jade—the Jade he remembered—was the genuine article.

He studied her and watched her make a few opening remarks, informing the press that she had gotten involved in community affairs as a way of protecting her son. She hit on each of the issues upon which she’d taken a public stand and explained simply that if she hadn’t acted, the problem of immorality and violence among teenagers would only increase. Finally she showed them a few snapshots of her and Ty on various outings, sailing boats in a pond, singing together around a campfire.

The photos were something she hadn’t showed Tanner, and he watched her in amazement. First the detailed notes, now the photos. He should have realized she’d do everything she could to help her case. He fought for religious freedom on a national level, but in many ways she’d been doing the same thing in her community.

When she finished speaking, the press pounced with questions about her beliefs and about whether she was in favor of censorship.

“Sometimes censorship is necessary.…”

From his position several feet away, Tanner cringed. She had done the very thing he had warned her not to do.
Sometimes censorship is necessary.…
He could hear the line
played over the networks later that evening, and he wanted nothing more than to stop the cameras and give Jade a chance to answer the question again.