A Paper Marriage (19 page)

Lydie knew that she wanted to stay married to him, but, while she did love Beamhurst, she just could not get over the fact that he had bought a half of it-for her!

`It's too much!' she exclaimed. `You've solved all of our problems but-what about you? What do you get?"

'Oh, my dear,' Jonah answered softly. `While it pleases me tremendously to see that look of strain gone from the face of a man I admire so much, what I have, this day, is you.'

Lydie stared at him. He was rather marvelous, this man she had married. And she knew that what he was actually saying was that, having decided to marry, he had this day got himself a wife. But-was that good enough?

`Is it-all right to marry when-love isn't there?' she asked, and, not wanting him to see how much it mattered to her, she looked away from him, her eyes giving her wedding band serious study in the lengthening tense kind of silence that followed. Then she was at once wishing that she had never uttered a word about love. For as the tension, the silence stretched, she knew for certain that Jonah had never thought about love in any of this. She so desperately wished he would say something-the taut silence was getting to her.

Though when, after long moments of considering what she had said, Jonah did break the silence, he caused her to be totally panic stricken when he stated, quite clearly, `But love is there.'

As soon as his words hit her ears Lydie was on her feet. She leapt from the sofa, her emotions in complete chaos. And had taken several rushed steps across the room before she was aware of it.

But, halting, turning to see that Jonah was on his feet too, she stared at him absolutely stupefied.

`You know I love you?' she gasped, horrified, and saw him freeze in his tracks- shaken rigid. 'What-did you say?' he clipped, his tone all kind of shocked, as if he could not believe his hearing.

`Nothing!' she denied, faster than the speed of light. `I didn't say anything.'

But he wasn't having that, though still seemed too stunned to move. `You said you love me,' he reminded her, when she needed not the smallest reminding. And, shaking his head as if dazed, `I refuse to start off this marriage with lies, Lydie Marriott. Tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for me?'

She shook her head. Anybody would think it was important. `It doesn't matter,' she answered, making a poor showing of the off-hand tone she had been hoping for.

`Of course it matters!' he retorted. A few yards separated them but neither of them was moving an inch, she as frozen now as him.

`W-why?' Oh, why had she said what she had?

It was blatantly obvious now that Jonah had had no idea of her love for him. `Why? Because...' He hesitated, paused, and, as if he had just come to a decision, his head came up a proud fraction as he said, `I married you today, Lydie, purely because it was what I wanted to do.'

`For my father's sake,' she butted in. `You married me because my father...'

`My decision to marry you had nothing at all to do with your father or anyone else.' Jonah set her straight. `I married you for the reason I stated at our wedding reception, because-for weeks now-I've wanted nothing more than to be married to you.'

`Because you felt it was time for you to be married. That's what you said.'

`Oh, Lydie, Lydie, I have to tell you now that I discovered you are not the only one who can lie their head off,' he confessed, causing her to stare at him. But her eyes grew yet wider when he added, `I am not lying now-nor will I ever lie to you again- when I tell you that I married you for no other reason than that I want, and need, to be with you for the rest of my life.'

Her breath caught in her throat. `Y-you married me-for m-me?' she questioned with what breath she had left.

`I married you solely for you,' he confirmed. `I married you, my dear, dear Lydie, because I one day woke up to the fact that I had fallen quite, quite hopelessly in love with you.'

Lydie stared at him in stunned amazement, a kind of roaring going on in her ears. `You didn't!' she denied. And, remembering how sensitive he was with her sometimes, `You're only saying that so I shan't feel I have made such a complete fool of myself.'

But already Jonah was shaking his head. `No more lies, Lydie, from either of us.' She still didn't believe him. `Come here,' he said. `Meet me halfway. Let me hold you in my arms and convince you.' He took a step towards her; she took a panicking step back. He halted.

`Convince me from there!' she exclaimed. If he took her in his arms again she would be lost, would be deaf to anything but that which she wanted to hear.

Jonah smiled, as if he knew something of what she was going through. 'I'm feeling not a little emotionally shattered myself,' he admitted, every bit as if her statement that she loved him had knocked him sideways. `Shall we at least sit down?'

It seemed the sensible thing to do, and just then Lydie felt very much in need of something sensible to latch on to. She went and sat in the chair he had occupied earlier.

She had expected he would use the sofa but he made her heart beats start to jump around again when he took hold of another chair and drew it up close, opposite hers.

They were almost touching knee to knee when Jonah, his eyes on her face, asked, `Am I allowed to say how very beautiful you are, and how for me a day without you is a day without the sun?'

Oh, Jonah! If she hadn't been sitting down Lydie would not have given much for her chances of not collapsing into a chair. She strove to be sensible.

`This is you convincing me that you didn't say you I ..what you said, purely from some kind of sensitivity because of w-what I said?"

'You said you loved me, Lydie,' he reminded her gently.

`Don't!' she moaned.

`Don't be embarrassed, my darling. While I'm still having the greatest trouble taking it in, in actually believing that it can possibly be true, I want you to believe that I love you so very much that at times it has been like a physical pain.'

Lydie stared at him, her green eyes huge. She knew that feeling. 'But-you never said. Never so much as hinted...'

`How could I? I was terrified of frightening you off.' `You were terrified...' She found that hard to believe, and guessed her feeling of disbelief must have shown.

`I've sound reasons,' he cut in, `which I suppose stemmed initially from having you as an extremely shy but charming sixteen-year-old imbedded somewhere in my mind.'

`I was still sixteen in your mind?' she queried, intrigued in spite of her shaky feelings inside.

`Only to start with. You were beautiful then. In the seven years since you have blossomed to be even more beautiful than my imaginings.'

'You'd thought of me-since then?"

'Off and on. I made a return trip to your home three years ago-to give your father the money I owed him. I'd hoped to see you, but you weren't around.'

`You wanted to see how I'd turned out?"

'Something like that, though I never actually put it into words. Anyhow, there I am, ten weeks ago, returning to the office from doing some negotiating overseas, to have my PA tell me that a Lydie Pearson was anxious to contact me.' He paused, and then owned, `When at last I did see you, I found you quite captivating, my Lydie.'

Captivating? His? The whole of her felt weak. `I wasn't very pleasant to you,' she commented, trying desperately hard to keep both feet on the ground.

`You thought I'd reneged on the debt I owed your father,' he reminded her gently. `Somewhat to my own surprise, when it's usually my business head that rules me, I found I was reaching for my chequebook. As you know, I hold your father in high regard, and told myself I was writing that cheque because he had given me financial help when I asked for it. I knew full well that he was too honourable to ask for my financial help unless he could see a way of repaying it. But even while, as you rightly said, I was conning you into paying that cheque into the bank without delay, I was not thinking of being repaid-my head was full only of you.'

Lydie blinked. `You mean, you-er-were attracted to me?"

'Oh, Lydie, I wasn't yet ready to admit some woman had started to tie me up in knots,' he answered, his lips quirking.

`I did that?"

'As I said, I wasn't admitting it. Though I have to say it came as a bit of a jolt to see you at the theatre with your friend Charlie. I didn't likeit .'Lydie searched the depths of his fantastic blue eyes. His gaze did not falter. Could he really love her? She was too stewed up by all that had happened and was happening to know. She decided to stick to fact, as she knew it. `You said for me to come to your office the following Monday,' she remembered, but the way Jonah was looking at her, tenderly-dared she hope lovingly?-was making such a nonsense of her she could barely remember why she had gone to see him. `I came to see you,' she struggled through, `to discuss how I should repay that money.'

`And I found myself in a state of upheaval.'

`Upheaval?'

He smiled at her surprise. `I wasn't bothered about the money. You were the one making an issue of it. But perhaps I could use that to my advantage.'

Lydie was stumped. `Advantage?' She could not help repeating him again.

`I knew then that I wanted to see you again. Perhaps it was the last throes of my long-schooled wary bachelor faculty at work, perhaps it was because I knew that you were different-call it what you will-but, while I didn't want to deprive myself of your company, I decided that I didn't want any involvement. To see you at your brother's wedding seemed to me a good way to see you again while at the same time making our meeting less one-to-one personal.'

She was staggered. `That's why you wanted that wedding invite!' She stared at him in amazement. `But,' she began to recall, `the very next day, after Oliver's wedding, when I came to see you at your apartment, you were suggesting that I come here to Yourk House and spend the weekend with you!'

`Why wouldn't I? You'd just told me you'd previously stayed overnight with your friend Charlie! I didn't care at all for the thought you might be spending the next Saturday night in some man's bed. I know, I know, you were never lovers, but I didn't know that then and, while I wasn't admitting to feeling a tinge green whenever I thought of you and him, dammit, I was as jealous as hell.'

Lydie was fairly reeling. Jonah, jealous of Charlie? `You told me to dump him.'

But the next moment Jonah had taken her hands and was drawing her to her feet. 'Lydie, I can't take much more of this. I know I probably haven't convinced you yet, but I love you so much, and if you love me only half as much, you'll let me hold you.'

She stood with him. `You want to hold me?"

'I need to hold you, my darling,' he murmured. It only required one small step towards him.

Lydie drew a shaky breath-then took that small step. And the next she knew, she was in his arms, held up against him in a gentle tender hold.

Jonah held her like that for many long wonderful minutes as barriers they had both erected came tumbling down. But at last he pulled back, so that he could see her face, and look into her eyes.

`Love me half as much, sweet Lydie?' he needed to know.

She felt shy suddenly, but he loved her. She knew then that he would not lie to her about that. `M-more than that,' she whispered shakily.

`My darling,' he breathed, and tenderly kissed her. Joyous loving seconds passed. `Say it,' he pulled back to request. `Say it again.'

`What?' she asked huskily.

`You said, "You know I love you?" That's seared into my brain, into my heart, and I shall never forget it I'm still getting over the almighty shock to hear you say what I have so craved to hear. May I not hear it again?'

Shyly, she smiled at him. `I love you so, Jonah Marriott.' She pushed through an unexpected barrier of reserve to tell him, and, when he held her up close to him once more, `I feared so that you might see-and there I went, blurting it out.'

'I'm so glad you did,' he murmured against her ear.

`None other. I have never, ever been so crazed with jealousy. It hit me so hard! I was jealous and, I knew then, hopelessly in love.'

`Oh, Jonah!' she sighed softly. And, as she thought of that day, `I knew that same night, at the hospital, that I was in love with you.'

`Sweet darling,' he breathed, and held her close, and kissed her tenderly, and held her close again. `That was weeks ago ! All these weeks and neither of us knew!'

`I was afraid to tell you how it was with me,' Jonah owned, looking deep into her eyes.

`Afraid?' she prompted gently, and Jonah settled her into his arms, her head against his shoulder.

'I'd kissed you, the day after your great-aunt had died, and you'd pushed me away.' Lydie remembered; it had been a wonderful kiss. `And I knew then that I was going to have to take it very slowly with you.'

`That kiss turned my legs to water,' Lydie confided, and, when Jonah pulled back his head in disbelief and looked into her face, `I wanted to kiss you back,' she further confided.

`So you pushed me away?'

`I had to-I was drowning-and, well-um you weren't the only one to become acquainted with the demon jealousy.'

`You were jealous?' He looked incredulous but delighted.

Lydie smiled self-consciously. `I couldn't help thinking that you'd probably have your arms around some other woman that very night.'

Jonah smiled into her face. `What a joy you are,' he said softly, and kissed her. 'I'm going to have to stop doing that,' he said a moment later. `Your tempting lips are wrecking my sanity. Love me?"

'So much.' `Oh, my love.'

`All these weeks...'

`We've loved, and not known,' he ended for her. `And there was I, impatient, yet fearful you might marry someone else before I could get you to agree to marry me. As I saw it then, I had to act, and act fast.'