A Place of Peace (15 page)

He squelched the jealousy rising within him, reminding himself that Miriam had insisted she wasn’t seeing another man. There had to be an explanation. Perhaps her family, including her brother or brother-in-law, had come by for supper.

Timothy rapped on the door, and laughter emanated from the other side.

A few moments later, the door creaked open, and Miriam’s face appeared. When her gaze met his, her wide smile transformed to a look of shock. “Timothy?” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”

Hope evaporated from his soul. He’d expected a happier welcome from her. Mustering his last shred of courage, he opened his mouth to speak.

However, she turned to her guests and spoke first. “Please excuse me. I’ll be right back.” She then squeezed through the door and gingerly closed it behind her.

Timothy couldn’t help wondering if she were hiding her guests from his sight. Or was she embarrassed Timothy was visiting?

“I’m sorry for interrupting your supper,” Timothy began, studying her eyes.

She appeared anxious. He wished he could read her mind. What was she hiding? She’d seemed so transparent last night. Why was her demeanor different now?

“Oh, that’s fine.” Her smile was forced as she hugged her arms to her body and glanced out toward the field. “Is it raining again?”

“Ya,”
he said. “It’s just a mist now, but I think another storm is coming.”

She met his eyes again. “Wie
geht’s?”

“I was hoping we could talk.” He gestured toward the swing. “Do you have a moment?”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Well, I have company.”

“I see.” He blew out a sigh and wracked his brain, wondering if he should just cut to the chase and ask her to court him.

“What if we talked tomorrow?” Her forced smile was back. “You could stop by the bakery—if that’s okay with Naomi, of course.”

“Ya.
That’s a good idea.” He stepped toward the stairs.

The door opened, and Zach Fisher stepped out with a curious expression. “Is everything all right, Miriam?”

Timothy’s stomach roiled.

So this was her mysterious guest.

Zach Fisher.

He inwardly groaned. He should’ve known better after Zach’s actions with Miriam at the funeral. Zach had looked like a man on a mission to win a young woman’s heart when he spoke to Miriam that day. From the looks of things now, Zach had won.

Zach met Timothy’s eyes and smiled. “Timothy.
Wie geht’s?”

“Gut.”
Timothy cut his gaze back to Miriam. “I’m sorry I bothered you. Enjoy your supper.” As he started down the stairs, a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Wait.” Miriam’s eyes were urgent. “I didn’t mean to run you off.”

“It’s fine. We’ll talk later.” Timothy frowned. “It was nothing at all. I didn’t mean to waste your time.
Gut nacht.”

“Timothy —” she began.

Ignoring her, he untied his horse and climbed into the buggy. As he drove past the cabin, he saw Zach place his hand on Miriam’s shoulder. Bile rose in Timothy’s throat at the sight and at the realization that he’d lost Miriam again—forever this time.

Unless, of course, he’d never had her at all.

Perhaps he’d been wrong last night. Maybe Lilly had told the truth, and Miriam had left him for someone else. Now she had Zach.

The mist turned to large drops, and Timothy shook his head, red fury surging through him. He’d been played for a fool—again —and he was tired of it. He was also tired of missing Miriam, or pining for her, as Beth Anne had said.

Now was the time to make a change. He needed to take control of his life and his emotions.

He wanted a future. He longed for a family. He was sick of being the only Kauffman without children running around and tearing up his mother’s house.

He’d been a fool to hold onto a memory that had been nothing but a lie.

Steering onto the main road, he headed back to Bird-In-Hand and Naomi. It was time he made things right and concentrated on a real future.

Miriam stared after Timothy’s buggy. Guilt soaked through her like the rain splashing on the railing in front of her. She wanted to kick herself for not inviting Timothy to stay, but the situation was awkward with Zach in the house and Timothy standing on the porch.

Now Timothy was driving off through the storm, and she couldn’t help thinking he was driving out of her life—forever.

His eyes had been so urgent. She’d longed to hear what he had to say, but she was worried about Zach’s feelings. He’d dropped all of his plans to join her for supper, and he’d seemed so excited about it when she’d called to invite him.

Now she’d missed her chance to talk to Timothy, and he’d seemed so intent on speaking to her. Whatever he had to say must’ve been important.

I’ve made a horrible mistake.

“What do you think that was about?” Zach asked, breaking through her thoughts. “He left in a bit of a huff, ya?”

“I’m not sure what he wanted.” Miriam bit her bottom lip and tried to stop the regret rising in her soul.

Taking her hand, Zach gently turned her toward him. “I’m so glad you called me.” His expression was intense, causing her heart to thump with anxiety. “I was beginning to think I’d scared you off the other night.”

She forced a smile. “You didn’t scare me. You’re harmless, Zach.”

He gave a bark of laughter. “I’m not so harmless.” He lifted her chin with the tip of his finger. “I’d be honored if you’d court me, Miriam Lapp. What do you say?”

Alarm slammed through her. She was at another crossroads. Should she make a commitment to him? How did she know if this was how her life was supposed to go? But she couldn’t risk losing Zach’s friendship either.

“How about this,” she said, the words escaping before she could stop them. “I care for you, Zach, but I want to take it slow. I’ve had my heart broken, and I don’t want to experience that again.”

He smiled. “We’ll take it as slow as you’d like. I’ll never hurt you, Miriam. You have my word.”

Closing his eyes, he leaned down, and her hands trembled. He was going to kiss her, and she wasn’t ready for it. It was too soon!

As if on cue, Edna’s voice rang out. “Food’s gettin’ cold! Get back in here, you two!”

Stepping back from Zach, Miriam gave a nervous laugh. “We better go back in before she comes looking for us.”

“
Ya
.” He took her hand and led her back into the kitchen.

“Who was at the door?” Edna asked as they sat down at the table.

“Oh, it was nothing important,” Miriam muttered, more guilt poking at her as she spoke the words.

Raindrops splattered Timothy’s hat and shirt as he approached Naomi’s porch. Lifting his trembling hand to knock on the door, he stopped, closed his eyes, and breathed a deep sigh, willing the anger to leave his heart. Miriam wasn’t meant for him, but Naomi was. Now was the time to come clean with Naomi and ask for her hand before she changed her mind and decided not to wait for him.

He tapped on the door and mustered all of his courage from the depths of his soul.

A few moments passed and then the door opened, revealing Naomi. She stared up at him, her eyes wide with wonder. “Timothy?” Her gaze raked over him. “You’re soaked!” Taking his hand, she pulled him toward the foyer. “Come in and get dried off. We just started supper.”

“No, I’m fine. Really.” Grasping her hand in his, he gently stopped her from walking. “I was hoping we could talk. Alone.”

Her smile transformed into a frown. “It sounds serious.”

“It is.”

“I guess I knew this was coming. I’ll save you the trouble. It’s over. You don’t love me, and you want me to move on and find someone who does.” Tears filled her eyes. “I understand.
Danki
for the time we spent together.”

She attempted to yank her hand back, but he held onto it, pulling it to his chest.

“You got it all wrong, Naomi.” He shook his head.

“I do?” Her eyes widened, and her expression softened.

“Absolutely. I didn’t come here to break it off, but I understand if you want to end it with me.” He braced himself, awaiting her rejection, the second of the night.

“No, no.” She stepped toward him. “I don’t want to end it.”

“Gut.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I’m here to apologize.”

“Apologize?”

“I’ve thought about what you said in the buggy yesterday, and you’re right.” He took her other hand in his and squeezed them both. “I’m sorry for taking you for granted. You were right about Miriam—I did still care for her, but I’ve realized I was totally wrong.”

She studied his eyes, her expression anxious.

“I spoke with Miriam, and I thought I still wanted to be with her. But what she and I had years ago is over. We both agreed the past is the past, and it’s gone.” He ran his thumbs over her palms. “She’s seeing Zach Fisher now. At first I was angry when I found out, but now I see I’m not supposed to be with Miriam. I’m supposed to be with you. I’m sorry for not seeing that before.”

Naomi gasped, and a single tear trickled down her face.

He swiped the tear away with the tip of his finger. “I’ve spent the past four years pining for Miriam, convinced God had wanted me to marry her. I blamed myself for our breakup, thinking I’d driven her away. Yet I see now I haven’t been listening to God at all. You’ve been right before my eyes, and I didn’t see it. I’m so sorry for not treating you right. You deserve someone so much better than me.”

“Stop,” she whispered, taking his hand in hers. “You’re talking
narrisch.”

He chuckled. “Funny, I keep hearing that word.”

Leaning down, he brushed his lips against hers, expecting to feel the electricity that had flashed through him when he touched Miriam’s hand last night.

Instead, he found her lips warm and sweet, but no spark. No explosions. No heat. Perhaps that was how love was supposed to feel—warm, comfortable, complacent, and nothing more.

Meeting her gaze, he found her eyes wide and sparkling.

“Would you allow me to court you, Naomi?”

“Ya,” she breathed.

“Would it be too bold to ask you to marry me in the fall?”

“Ya!” She squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I mean, no, it’s not too bold. Of course, I will marry you. I love you, Timothy Kauffman.”

He held her close. “I love you, too.” As he spoke the words, they felt like a lie. He hoped he could say he loved her and mean it —soon.

S
aturday night, in keeping with Kauffman family tradition, Timothy, his brothers, brothers-in-law, and father leaned against the fence surrounding Eli’s pasture and listened to a story his brother Daniel shared about one of the young workers at the furniture store. Timothy laughed at appropriate times, but his thoughts were tied up with his future.

Ever since he’d proposed to Naomi on Wednesday, she’d been different. She seemed to cling to him every time he saw her, and she was even bubblier, chatting endlessly about their wedding. She’d arranged for them to meet with the bishop next week in order to obtain his blessing and begin their plans.

Timothy longed to ask his brothers if they too had felt such a heavy load on their shoulders when they were planning their weddings, but it was an Amish tradition to keep upcoming weddings a secret, until they were “published,” meaning announced at a worship service closer to the wedding.

He suspected deep in his heart that he wouldn’t feel this aversion to her behavior if they were truly meant to be together. Yet, he couldn’t face that fact. He didn’t want to even consider breaking Naomi’s heart—not after the way Miriam had broken his. He couldn’t bear inflicting that pain on sweet Naomi, who longed to have a family with him. Miriam had told him that she was his past, and it was time he faced that reality.

He wished he could get Miriam out of his head and concentrate on his new life with Naomi, but Miriam’s beautiful face still haunted his dreams at night and his thoughts during the day.

The screen door leading to the kitchen banged shut, drawing Timothy’s eyes to the back porch across the dirt driveway.

Beth Anne stomped down the stairs as if on a mission. She stalked across the dirt lane and stood by the fence. After nodding at the group of men, she trained her eyes on Timothy. “May I speak with you in private?”

“
Ya
.” He followed her through the fence, and they strolled toward the large barn across the vast field. “Wie
geht’s?”
he asked when they were out of earshot of the group of men behind them.

“Don’t play coy with me,” Beth Anne said.

He stopped and gave her a confused look. “What did I do?”

“I hear congratulations are in order,” she said with a knowing smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She folded her arms in front of her chest. “I hear you proposed to Naomi.”

He groaned, covering his face with his hand. “She told you?”

“She told all of us while we were doing the dishes. She said that she was so excited she couldn’t wait until you were published.” Beth Anne frowned. “You don’t love her, Timothy. Why are you marrying her?”

He glared at her. “It’s my decision who I marry. I don’t need your permission.”

“You don’t love her.” Beth Anne enunciated each word. “You’re going to be miserable and make her miserable too.”

“How do you know I don’t love her?”

She wagged a finger at him like a schoolteacher. “I just tested you, and you failed. You groaned when you found out she told me. If you loved her, you’d be overjoyed right now.”

He blanched as if she’d struck him.

She’s right.

“The poor girl is nearly turning cartwheels in there. She’s so young and desperate to be in love and have a family. I remember being that immature and lying in bed at night imagining what it would be like to be in love and getting married. She’s a sweet girl, but she has a lot of growing up to do. I was really stunned when I heard the news.” Beth Anne gestured toward the house. “I snuck out while she was surrounded by our sisters and
Mamm.
Everyone is thrilled. Naomi said she knows she should’ve waited to tell us when you’re published, but she’s so thrilled she can’t keep it to herself. She told Lilly Lapp yesterday, and it was so easy to share that she wanted to tell the whole district.”