A Place of Peace (17 page)

Miriam sobbed as she read the letter a second time. Pulling out a few more envelopes, she found similar notes. She counted all of the envelopes in the box and found twenty. Each one was stamped but never mailed. She wiped her eyes, wondering why.

“What are you doing here?” a voice barked behind her.

Startled, Miriam gasped, turning to find her father standing over her.

“Give me those! They’re private.” He reached down and ripped the letters and box from her hands before she could react. “Now, get out!” He pointed toward the door.

Miriam scrambled to get up, fury and hurt rushing through her. “Why didn’t
Mamm
mail those?”

He stuffed the letters back into the box and placed them on the bureau. “They’re none of your concern.”

“They’re addressed to me,
Daed.”
She jammed a finger in her chest. “Remember me —Miriam? Your middle
dochder?”

He stood silent, his eyes stone cold.

She shook her head, ignoring the angry tears streaming down her hot face. “Why are you treating me this way?”

Scowling, he didn’t answer.

“Mamm
forgave me. See the letters?” She pointed to the box. “Have you read them?”

“Your
mamm
had a soft heart. I remember transgressions.”

“What transgressions do you think I’ve made?” Her voice trembled with her heartbreak.

“You were seeing many men behind Timothy Kauffman’s back. You were irresponsible and allowed Jeremy Henderson to perish while you stood on the porch kissing and doing other inappropriate things with Timothy Kauffman.”

She shook her head and stepped toward him. “None of that is true. I wasn’t seeing anyone but Timothy, and we weren’t kissing when Jeremy died. Did Lilly tell you those lies? Lilly has been telling a lot of tales lately.”

“I know it’s the truth.” He nodded toward the door. “Go now. Go back to Indiana and leave us be. You’re not welcome here.”

“But I—”

“Go!” His voice boomed off the white bedroom walls.

Swallowing a sob, Miriam rushed down the stairs and out the front door, nearly knocking over Lilly and Gerald. Miriam pushed past them and started down the path to the cabin.

“Miriam!” Lilly called after her. “Wait up!”

Miriam increased her speed, loping down the path.

“Miriam!” Lilly called.

A strong hand reached out and yanked Miriam back. “Just wait a minute.”

Miriam faced her younger sister and wiped her cheeks.

“I wanted to tell you something. I figured it would be best if you heard it from family.”

“What?” Miriam asked, her voice thin.

“I talked to Naomi King yesterday.” A smirk spread across Lilly’s lips. “She’s marrying Timothy Kauffman in the fall.”

Miriam’s eyes narrowed to slits. “What makes you think I’d believe anything you tell me?”

Lilly’s smirk was replaced with a frown. “Suit yourself, but it’s true. She said Timothy came to see her Wednesday night and admitted he’d taken her for granted. For four years he’d been pining for you. He’d talked to you and you said he’s your past but Zach is your future. Apparently, Zach was at Edna’s for supper Wednesday night.”

Miriam cupped her hand to her mouth.

Lilly’s eyes narrowed to slits. “So it’s true?”

Miriam glowered. “What do you care? Do you enjoy shoving the knife deeper into my back?”

Her sister’s face fell to a frown. “Are you courting Zach Fisher?” she asked through gritted teeth.

Miriam shook her head. “I can’t believe we share the same parents. You’re the most hateful person I’ve ever met!”

She then rushed back to the cabin, flung open the door, and slammed it shut. She leaned back against it and sobbed. Staring up at the ceiling, she prayed for comfort and peace. She needed a sign.

“What should I do next?” she whispered.

Go back to Indiana.

The answer came from somewhere inside her, and a calm filled her, choking back the panic.

She had nothing left in Lancaster County, except for Edna, Hannah, and Zach. But the hurt buried deep in her soul swelled.

She’d lost everything once again—Timothy and her family. She’d lost her family years ago, but she now had fresh pain with the knowledge that her mother had tried to reach out to her. Bertha had loved her despite all that happened, but Abraham wouldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt.

And Timothy. She’d almost gotten him back—even as a friend—but now he was planning to marry someone else. Was that what he’d come to tell her? Did he want her to know he was going to marry Naomi before the news hit the grapevine?

A fresh stream of tears trickled down her cheeks. She owed all of this hurt to her sister, her flesh-and-blood sister, who’d set out to ruin her life and won. How could Hannah be so loving and supportive while Lilly was only focused on hurting Miriam?

Miriam knew what she had to do. She tiptoed to Edna’s bedroom and found her sleeping. She backed out of her bedroom and closed the door.

Stepping into her room, Miriam changed into jeans and a T-shirt and then packed the rest of her things. After writing a letter, she left it on top of her frock on the kitchen counter before packing the car. She drove down the lane and stopped at the phone shanty. Pulling out her address book, she located the numbers for the bakery and Zach.

She dialed the bakery first. Elizabeth Kauffman’s voice sang through the phone, explaining their location and hours of operation. After the introductory message ended, Miriam cleared her throat.

“Beth Anne, this is Miriam Lapp,” she began, hoping to sound confident. “I wanted to tell you I’m heading back to Indiana because of an … unexpected emergency situation at my other job.” She bit her lip, wracking her brain for another excuse.
“Danki
for your friendship.” Her voice quavered with the regret and hurt swelling in her heart. “I’ll miss you.” She hung up the phone and swiped the tears from her cheeks.

Clearing her throat again, she dialed Zach’s shop. His sweet voice brought a fresh batch of tears to her eyes. When the beep sounded, she had to fight to find her voice. “Zach, it’s me, Miriam. I’m sorry, but I have to leave. Some things happened with my family and …” She took a deep breath, but the tears flowed despite her efforts. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” She hung up the phone and dissolved in sobs, leaning against the shanty wall.

After a few moments, she collected herself and trudged to her car.

On her way out of town, Miriam slowed down and then parked at the side of the road in front of a large farmhouse, lit up like downtown Lancaster at night with outside lights shining from the four corners.

She wished she could go back in time and relive that awful day. If she had the chance, she never would’ve put Jeremy down for a nap. Instead, she would’ve held him, rocked him, and made sure he continued to breathe. She never would’ve answered the door when Timothy stopped by to talk. Their conversation had gone terribly wrong when they’d argued about their future.

If she’d held Jeremy and not spoken to Timothy, then maybe Jeremy would be alive today and turning five next spring. And maybe she would’ve worked things out with Timothy …

She wondered how the Hendersons were doing. Had they rebuilt their lives? Had they welcomed a new baby into their family? She cupped her hands over the keys and considered walking up to the house and asking the family how they were coping since losing their precious child, the child they’d left in Miriam’s tender care that fateful day. Miriam turned off the ignition, yanked out the keys, and stared at the house.

Instead, she closed her eyes and rested her head on the steering wheel. She was too afraid of the answer. She couldn’t face the guilt that would haunt her if Colleen told her that her marriage had fallen apart because of Miriam’s negligence. The letter from Miriam’s mother had said that Colleen and Trevor were doing well. Miriam hoped that she’d been right.

Shoving the key back into the ignition, Miriam started the car and sped down the highway, away from the only place she’d ever called home.

H
annah hurried across the field behind Abraham’s house Sunday evening. She’d been concerned when Edna and Miriam hadn’t attended church service. After Lilly explained that Edna wasn’t feeling well, Hannah’s concern grew to worry. To make matters worse, Lilly didn’t know where Miriam was.

While her children and husband visited with family at her father’s house, Hannah headed to Edna’s cabin to find out what was wrong. She tapped on the cabin door, and Edna called for her to come in.

“How are you?” Hannah asked when she found Edna lounging in her favorite easy chair.

“Heartbroken.” Frowning, Edna held up a piece of paper.

Hannah knitted her eyebrows with confusion and flopped onto the sofa next to Edna’s chair. “I don’t understand.”

“This will explain everything.” Edna handed the letter to Hannah.

Hannah opened the paper and recognized Miriam’s handwriting on sight. She cupped her hand to her mouth as she read it.

Dear Aenti Edna,

Hannah wiped an errant tear and then met Edna’s gaze. “When did you find this?”

“This morning.” She nodded toward the kitchen counter. “She must’ve packed up and left during the night. I never heard a peep, but I’ve always been a heavy sleeper.”

Hannah sniffed and folded the letter up. “I don’t understand how things have gone this far. Why would Lilly possibly want to ruin Miriam’s life?”

Edna’s frown deepened. “The only reason I can imagine is jealousy. I reckon Miriam got something Lilly wanted, but I just can’t figure out what it was.”

“It ends now. I’m going to set things straight.” Hannah stood and held up the letter. “May I keep this?”

“
Ya.
” Edna shook her head, her eyes shining with fresh tears. “If I read it again, I’ll only cry.”

“I’m going to go have a talk with
Daed
and Lilly. Do you need anything?”

Edna sighed. “I just need you to make things right in this family. It’s gone on too long.”

“I’ll do my best.” Hannah hugged Edna and then headed back to her father’s house, where she found Lilly and Abraham visiting with other family members in the kitchen.

She asked them to follow her into the laundry room, and she closed the door behind them. “I’ve stayed silent long enough.” She looked back and forth between her father and Lilly.

“What’s this about, Hannah?” Abraham asked, scowling.

“It’s about Miriam.” Hannah eyed Lilly, and she could’ve sworn panic flashed in her younger sister’s eyes. “She’s gone. She went back to Indiana.”

“Gut,” Abraham said, heading toward the door. “That’s where she belongs. Now I’m going to finish my pie.”

“I’m not finished,” Hannah snapped.

Abraham faced her, his eyes narrowed to slits. “You don’t talk to me like that, Hannah.”

“I’m not a child anymore,” Hannah challenged. “You can extend me the courtesy of hearing me out.”

He folded his arms across his chest. “Make it quick.”

She glanced at Lilly. “Your youngest daughter here is the one who spread the lies that caused all of this trouble for Miriam.” Hannah trained her eyes on Abraham, ignoring the daggers his glance shot her way. “You may believe Miriam was having affairs behind Timothy’s back, but it simply isn’t true. Also, I don’t believe she was responsible for Jeremy Henderson’s death. There’s a syndrome called Sudden Infant Death. It’s also known as crib death, and it’s completely inexplicable and tragic. No one could’ve saved Jeremy. You’ve misjudged Miriam, and it’s time you forgave her. She’s your
dochder. Mamm
is gone, and we all miss her. Her death taught us that life is precious, and we need to love each other while we have the chance.”