A red tainted Silence (51 page)

She held up her briefcase. “I admit I was a little taken aback, but the owners are thrilled. Come on in.” I began to wonder just how long I’d been out of it.

“Great. I’ll be moving a bit slow, just got out of the hospital.”

“I saw it all on television. Just take your time.” Nicholas motioned for Katie and looped his arm around her shoulders as they went slowly up the front stairs. He cast me a questioning look.

“I’m okay,” I said. Mutt and Jeff glanced at each other and moved to either side of me. I wanted to whine about that -- I really was fine -- but Nick’s relieved look stilled me. I was a good boy and let them help me up the stairs.

We went inside, and I knew immediately Nicholas was right.

We were home.

The cathedral windows showcased a large, white-carpeted living room. A giant fireplace dominated one side, and the other was the perfect place for a piano. In between was plenty of space for couches and a dining room set. My gaze was drawn back to where my piano would sit. Nicholas glanced at me, saw where I was looking, and grinned.

“Concert grand?”

I nodded. He laughed.

Everything in the house breathed light and air and spaciousness. Nick’s grin showed me how well pleased he was, too. We went through the kitchen and checked out the rooms.

Up one level, down another, but nothing too hard to negotiate.

Plenty of bedrooms, five in all. A second living area that simply screamed home studio.

My excitement was building, my earlier terror all but forgotten as we soaked in our new home. Our new, very empty home.

Then we came to the master bedroom. Nicholas reached it first. He turned to me, his eyes shining, and held out his hand. Glancing briefly at the realtor -- her eyes opened a bit wider, but she didn’t seem repulsed -- I slipped into Nick’s arms and held him tight. There were windows here, too, vaulted ceilings, pure white walls and white carpet. A fireplace and, in a bay of windows that looked down into the valley below, a hot tub big enough for at least four. Or more. Perfect for two men, in any case.

Nicholas wrapped his arms around my neck and pressed his body into mine. He couldn’t stop smiling, and I had to, too. “You like it, baby?” I asked him.

He nodded. “Yes! Please, Brandon, let me buy it.” Let him? Ha. He had tons more money than I did. And his new album -- a year later we would still be dumbfounded by how much money that brought him. But right then, I loved being asked.

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“How much?” I asked the realtor.

“Four and a half.”

“We’ll take it,” I said.

“That’s million.”

I laughed. “I imagined so. Take credit cards?”

The realtor opened her mouth wide. “I, um, well, usually these things take some time ... But I have a feeling that won’t be a problem with you two. Who’s name will it be in?”

“Both of ours,” Nicholas said before I could say “Nick’s.” I looked down at him, at the loving, incredibly warm human being in my arms, and felt tears well up in my eyes. “You’re sure?” I asked.

“Positive.” Then his lips met mine, and the deal was sealed.

Over the next few days, Katie proved yet again what a miracle worker she was.

Nicholas got the honor of furnishing the place, and I approved of his choices -- simple, classic lines, muted whites and beiges with splashes of color here and there. And lots of plants. Completely different than anything either of us had ever had in our homes.

The store where I’d bought the first bed bent over backwards, supplying us with everything we needed to furnish the entire house. The first thing to arrive, of course, was the bed, a beautiful cherry sleigh bed, king-size, which Nicholas insisted be placed right in the middle of the bedroom so we’d wake up and look out the windows and see mountains first thing in the morning.

Katie took charge of getting things organized, yanking her still-stunned friends into service to do everything from organize the kitchen to wash and fold towels and take directions from Nicholas on how to rearrange furniture. I’d never seen so much enthusiasm in my life over rearranging furniture. I think he had them move it several different times, acting the pure diva, just to give them something to talk about.

People milled in and out. Barkley went nuts, having been delivered by Adam at some point. I dreaded dog paws on white carpet, but we’d deal with that. Katie called a local pet store, and before Barkley could bark three times, a new dog run with all-weather -- and mudless -- flooring had been added to the back, along with a special private entrance so he could go in and out at his leisure.

Nicholas also bought him snow boots. And rain boots. And sweaters. And coats. I said nothing, just shook my head.

Jonathan chose one of the upper terrace bedrooms for himself and Amanda, and Jenn and her husband one of the lower. Adam decided to stay in town, as he planned to leave soon. We prepared a room for Sylvie and Tommy, who would, much to our relief, get to leave the hospital in just a few more days’ time.

I tried to get Katie to move in with us, too, but she insisted she couldn’t leave her mom and sister alone just yet. I understood.

300

Carolyn Gray

Nicholas ordered me a piano, insisting on a white one. “Got to stay with the theme,” he said. I’d just smiled, settling onto one of our new couches, trying to stay out of the way.

Kemma and her cameraman hovered throughout all the goings-on, interviewing everyone in the house, following Nicholas when he took a short trip to the store (in a wheelchair, I insisted) to buy groceries, escorted by Mutt, and then she interviewed me as I sat outside on the back porch with a new guitar.

Finally, at long last, everything was in place; everyone was gone except for my brother and his wife, Jenn and her husband, and Nicholas and me. Mention of what had happened at the other house had been avoided, at least around me. The owners were compensated and then some, but the guilt I felt over their house and possessions entrusted to us never left me.

Detective Anderson had come and gone, thankfully finding Jonathan enough help in the investigation of what had happened.

There were no clues. Jon had been the last one to be in the house the night before, and the first to arrive. None of the neighbors had seen anything suspicious, nor had the gatekeeper. Nothing.

I didn’t want to examine too closely my reaction to the deer in the bed.

I was frightened.

It sat there at the edge of my consciousness, the realization that I’d truly freaked out.

I’d totally lost control. I pushed aside Nick’s gentle questioning, and he said nothing more to me, just pulled me onto the couch and stroked my hair as he’d done in the car.

He, at least, was thriving. Now free of the hospital and the fear that had gripped him there, he seemed to grow stronger every minute of every hour. My joy in that I couldn’t deny; we were going to be hard-put to keep him settled down long enough to truly heal.

And, with his new album coming out, I figured I’d have to tie him to the bed to keep him calm. Normally, he would’ve been on the road already, creating a buzz for his new album, getting the talk going.

Ironic that his kidnapping and everything that had followed was the best publicity he could have ever hoped for. His first single would hit the airwaves in just two more days, and the energy that flowed through him was palpable.

Yet I felt wrung out, drained.

I lay on the couch under a blanket, Nicholas stroking my head as he watched Star Wars -- Katie had hit Blockbuster for us earlier that day. It was getting late. Jonathan threw another log on the fire and looked down at me.

“You okay, bud?” he asked.

He’d asked me that about fifty times in the last two days. I nodded. “Tired.”

“Maybe you guys should go on to bed, then. Busy day tomorrow.” I nodded. “Good idea.” I stood and grabbed my crutch.

“You go ahead, babe. I’ll be there in a second.” A Red-Tainted Silence

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“Okay.” I headed for the bedroom, hoping he wouldn’t be long. I smiled to myself --

after all, this was our first real night. I glanced at our bed, as yet unslept in. I felt my groin swell at the thought of Nicholas lying next to me in our bed in our room in our house. I could hardly wait until my cast was off so we could take advantage of the hot tub. I flipped off the light and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. By the time I was done, I realized I’d forgotten to take my meds for the night and had left them in the kitchen, alongside Nick’s.

I headed back for the living room, but stopped when I heard Jon and Nicholas talking in low, urgent voices. “I know, I’m very worried, too.”

“He won’t talk about it?”

Won’t talk about what?

Nicholas sighed. “No. Nurse Goodall told me to be patient, but I’m really worried. He’s not been eating good again. It was bad in the hospital, but did you see? He only ate about five bites of supper tonight. I watched.”

“Maybe his stomach still hurts.”

“That was days ago. I don’t know, Jon. I’m scared for him. He -- he still blames himself for everything.”

“I know. You’d best go to him. Want me to talk to him?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what would be best.”

“Just be there for him, like you have been. That’s all you can probably do for now. Go on to bed. I’ll clean up here.”

“Thanks. And Jon?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for being here. I know how mad you were at him.”

“Yeah, well, I probably still am a little, but now it’s mostly I’m mad at him for not talking to me.”

“And he’s not talking again. I’m not even sure if he realizes it.” A pause. “I know. And that’s what worries me.”

I went back to our bedroom and, leaving the lights off, peeled off my clothes and slipped into bed. I stared at the blank wall, trying to control the guilt that so loved to eat away at me. I wasn’t doing a good enough job. They knew something was wrong, knew that I was ... I was ...

Nicholas walked into the room, closed the door, and locked it. I sighed and let my hand drift to my groin. I was half-erect, but just listening to him as he took care of his nightly ablutions brought me to full mast. He crawled into the bed, his weight making me roll a little toward him. I, of course, was naked, but when I felt his bare skin spoon against mine, I shuddered with longing.

302

Carolyn Gray

“You awake?” he asked, kissing my shoulder.

“Been waiting on you.”

He chuckled, sliding a warm hand around my hip to find my hand where I toyed with my dick. He pushed my fingers away. “That’s my job.”

“Mm,” I said, stretching back and kissing him over my shoulder. “Get to it, then, boy.” He giggled and thumbed my foreskin. “I’m so jealous of you, you know.”

“Why?”

“Wish I wasn’t cut. Yours is so much prettier than mine.

I chuckled. “You have a beautiful dick, Nicholas.”

“Do I? Why, thank you.”

“I miss it,” I said softly.

He sucked in his breath. “Can I?”

“Are you up to it?”

He giggled again and pushed his quite aroused self against my backside. “That answer your question?”

“I don’t know. Being hard’s one thing --”

He smacked me on the butt, then said, “Where’s the lube?”

“My brother very thoughtfully put a tube in your bedside drawer.” He rolled over, and I heard him fumble with the drawer before he turned back to me.

“He’s still dying to know which of us is top, isn’t he?” he said.

“You never told him, did you?”

“Nope. And now it’s a moot point anyway. I want you to take me again, you know.”

“I’d like that. But not tonight.”

He breathed onto my neck. “No, not tonight. Move your leg up a little. There you go.” I relaxed as I felt Nick’s fingers brush against my opening. It was so much easier now, I realized as he slipped one finger inside me. I gasped a little at the invasion, but his soft murmurs in my ear quickly had me easing back down again. His free hand slipped under my head. I grasped his fingers and held on as he furthered his invasion.

“Hey, you must’ve been thinking about me. You’re so --”

“I want you, Nicholas.”

“Brandon,” he said, my name a rough whisper. His fingers left me, and I felt him --

raw, he was raw -- push gently into me.

“Nicholas,” I whispered hoarsely, clenching. “Condom.”

“No. We’re both clean. I checked with the hospital before we left.”

“You what?”

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He chuckled, still barely inside me. The little shocks as he moved just within me made me moan. He ran a hand up my side and kissed me on my back. “I talked with Nurse Goodall. She said not to worry, we’re both fine. And I for one don’t intend to have to worry about that status changing.” His unspoken question hovered in the air, but the answer to that was simple, and heartfelt.

“Me, either.”

He smothered my neck with kisses. I grinned in the darkness -- as if there was any doubt. I pushed the last vestiges of fear out of my mind. I would rather have waited a little while longer, but desire won out. I wanted him bareback, forever.

“I hate condoms,” I said.

“I know.”

“Take me,” I whispered, then kissed his hand.

With a gentleness that showed he had not forgotten the Brandon of old, he pushed his way inside me. I arched back against the blissful invasion, gasping as he found and nudged against my prostate. I moaned as he relentlessly pushed himself up to the hilt inside me until I was impaled. His hand found my dick, and so began the slowest, gentlest, most loving fuck I’d ever shared with Nicholas.

When at last we both came, holding on to each other as the gentle but earth-shattering waves of pleasure overtook us, I knew heaven had found us at last.

For a long time we lay together, the heat from our bodies cloaking us with a feeling of safety and love I thought I’d never feel again. Nicholas nuzzled against my neck, breathing,

“I love you,” into my ear, over and over again until he finally quieted, his breath evened out, and he fell asleep cradling me in his arms, our bodies still connected as I held him tight inside of me.