A red tainted Silence (55 page)

322

Carolyn Gray

I reached out and touched his wrist, and when I did so, he let out a long sigh. “All right. But don’t ever do that again, do you hear me?” Nicholas bit back a smile. I didn’t dare look at him. “I understand.” I took a deep breath. “Thank you for being there for me. I need you, Mutt.” Only then did my bodyguard relax and let a small smile escape. “You do, don’t you?

Don’t ever forget it.” Then he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Jeff winked at Nicholas, clapped me on the shoulder, and then followed his partner.

“Well, that went well. I really thought it was over.”

“I feel like a little kid,” I said, unable to keep the edge of a whine from my voice.

Nicholas laughed. “You deserved that. Mutt’s gotta be in control, Brandon. At least about this.” He sobered. “So you mind him, okay?”

“I will. I promise.”

Nicholas nuzzled my shoulder and sighed. “Say, how you feeling?”

“Much better. Why?”

“You wouldn’t want to ...” He winked at me. “Hey hey?”

“Nicholas! No. No way. I vowed never again in a hospital bed, and I meant it.” He pouted at me. “Darn, you’re no fun. Guess we’d better wait until we get you home, then.”

“Now?”

He shook his head. “Not until the morning. Sorry, babe. But I’ll stay with you tonight if you’d like.”

“I’d like.”

He stood and shimmied out of his jeans, then slid back into bed with me. “Turn over.

Let’s spoon.”

I smiled and did as he told me to. This time when I fell asleep, I was smiling.

A Red-Tainted Silence

323

“Mr. Ashwood? Time for your morning meds.”

My eyes fluttered open of their own accord. I sure as heck didn’t want them to open, because I knew what I would see -- hospital walls, hospital ceiling, the rails to my hospital bed. I’d ended up back here, and it devastated me.

I wanted to go home.

I looked at the nurse, a redheaded woman I guessed to be about twenty-seven or so -- I hadn’t seen her before -- and at the glass of water she held in one hand, the little paper cup she held in the other. She had that look in her eye I’m all too familiar with, yet hadn’t actually seen in a while -- she was a fan, an avid one, one of those who likely knew way too much about me to make me comfortable. A screamer. I could see the questions hovering at the tip of her tongue, but hospital policy prohibited harassing the patients.

I hoped.

I very carefully sat up, wincing as I took the water in one hand, the meds in the other.

My stomach was still sore beyond belief. I hunched over, stared at the little pink and burgundy pills, and felt like crying. Why did I have to end up here again?

And where was Nicholas?

“Go ahead and take them, Mr. Ashwood.”

“I guess you won’t leave until I do?” My throat hurt; my voice was scratchy. I winced, swallowing against the pain. Why did it hurt so much?

She smiled. “Exactly. Your doctor’s orders.”

“She doesn’t trust me.”

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The nurse laughed. “She just wants to make sure you don’t miss any again. She’ll be by here in a minute. She’s seeing another patient. So if anything, to keep me from getting in trouble?” She grinned at me, nodding to the cup. “Please?” All right, maybe she wasn’t so bad. I took the drugs, grimacing as I did so. My throat was raw and felt as if a cat had scraped it from the inside. I fell back against my pillow, and she took the glass from my hand. She poured me more water and left it on my table. I closed my eyes, hoping she’d get the hint and leave. She did.

But I heard other, familiar footsteps come into the room. I opened my eyes and smiled in relief. Mutt.

“Hey, Mutt,” I said, a little cautiously, as I wasn’t positive he’d entirely forgiven me yet.

He nodded. “Morning, Brandon. How you feeling?”

“Like hell.” I laid my hand over my stomach. “Hungry, I think. Why don’t you sit down for a minute?”

He shook his head. “On duty, boss. Your doc is just outside anyway.”

“Oh,” I said, wondering again where Nicholas was.

The door opened and my doc walked in, folder in her hand, her glasses perched on the end of her nose, a frown of disapproval on her face. Mutt took up his station beside the door -- even though this was the doctor Nicholas and I had had since the beginning of the madness, he wouldn’t leave me alone with her.

“Mr. Ashwood, good to see you awake. We’ve got some serious talking to do this morning.”

I held my breath, then let it out in a whoosh. I didn’t like the look in her eyes as she peered at me. I glanced anxiously at Mutt.

He nodded at me. “He and Jeff are on their way up. They just got here.”

“Where’d he go?”

“Home, long enough to shower and change.”

I nodded unhappily. I hadn’t even realized.

The doc raised one eyebrow as she opened the folder on my tray table. “We’ll wait for Mr. Kilmain to get here. I want him to hear this, too. Who else is living with you, who can help keep an eye on you?”

“My brother and his wife, my cousin ... Why?”

She started to answer, but the door burst open and Nicholas, his face flushed, his eyes bright with worry, hurried in.

“Oh, my gosh, sorry I’m late. I went home to change and ended up doing some phone interviews, and then Marisa called and she wanted to discuss the CD’s release date and something about they didn’t like the cover picture and want to redo it, and how am I going to do that? I’m not leaving, so I told her they’d have to send a photographer here --” A Red-Tainted Silence

325

“Slow down, Nicholas,” I said.

“I’m sorry.”

He took a deep breath and, after glancing at the doctor, kissed me on the lips. I couldn’t conceal my delight at seeing him practically crackling with energy.

He laughed. “Getting back to normal at last, aren’t I?”

“Beautifully so.” And here I was, falling apart. I bit back the bitterness and the fear. I cleared my throat. “Any news yet?” I asked.

He grinned, then eased onto the bed with me and put his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, grateful for his presence, his warmth. He smelled like soap and shaving cream. Wonderful. “I’ll tell you in a minute. This is more important.” My elation faded. The doc shuffled her papers again, then looked from me to Nicholas.

I know she didn’t disapprove of us, but now that Nicholas was better, I think he took her aback a little. Nicholas does have that effect on people. He can be quite the whirlwind. And he wasn’t even at full throttle yet.

She smiled, though, shaking her head at Nicholas. “It is good to see you doing so well, Mr. Kilmain. But now we’ve got a new problem.” She nodded at me. “Mr. Ashwood, Mr.

Kilmain has told you that you have a hiatal hernia?” I nodded. “Yes, he did.”

Nicholas squeezed my arm. “I tried to explain it, but I’m not sure I did too good of a job.”

“Nurse Goodall told me this morning. You weren’t too far off, Nicholas.”

“You understood what she told you?”

“Yes,” I said softly. I was terribly glad he was there, that I didn’t have to face this alone.

“Good. We have two options. Because it appears you are quite the bleeder, I want to do surgery as soon as possible. We can’t take the risk of another incident like you had this week.”

I froze, staring at her.

Nicholas tensed against me and held me tighter. “Surgery?” he said. “How? I mean, what will it do? Will it stop him from bleeding anymore? What are the risk factors? Can I be with him? Does he really have to have surgery?”

“Yes, he does have to have surgery, and as I’ve said, as soon as possible.” She turned her gaze to me. “Mr. Ashwood, the hernia is causing acidic fluids to build up in your lower esophagus, which is likely aggravating your throat quite a bit.” I nodded. “Smoking and drinking have aggravated the condition further.” She paused. “I understand from Mr.

Kilmain that you were until recently a heavy smoker, and a drinker.” I nodded and stared at my blanket.

“And that you have a history of getting sick easily.” 326

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I picked at the blanket.

“Since he was a teenager,” Nicholas said. “Right, Brandon?” I nodded again, but looked up at the doctor, unable to speak now as disbelief coursed through me. I’d had this for that long?

Her voice softened as she spoke. “And you’ve been under tremendous stress. Stress aggravates the condition even more, and over time, all these factors added together can bring about a lot of troublesome conditions, the most frightening of which is the bleeding and vomiting. It is a scary cycle, difficult to stop. And a potentially dangerous one, Mr. Ashwood.

Do you understand?”

I nodded, again.

“You’re saying he could bleed to death, aren’t you?” Nicholas said, his voice hushed.

“Yes, I am.”

I steeled myself as fear gripped the back of my neck and squeezed. I leaned my head against Nicholas and closed my eyes. I could bleed to death.

“So surgery is really the only option,” Nicholas continued.

“Yes. There is no other choice.”

Surgery. She wanted to do surgery. The thought terrified me. I groped for Nick’s hand and squeezed it tight. I’d never, ever had surgery in my life.

“How soon do we have to do it?” Nicholas said. With his other hand he stroked my head, smoothing my hair back. Soothing me. My throat clenched, and hot tears swam in my eyes. Even after two days of sleep, I was so damn exhausted, I had nothing to fight my raging emotions with. A single tear dropped onto Nick’s hand; he kissed me on the forehead. “It’ll be okay, baby. Don’t cry.”

“This is really shitty, Nicholas.”

“I know. I’m sorry about this.”

“When?” I asked the doctor, struggling to sound normal. I only half succeeded.

“I’d like to get you a little more rested, your insides a little less aggravated. Within the next week or so, no later than that.”

“Do I have to stay here until then?”

She smiled. “No, you don’t. You can go home today, as a matter of fact.” At my relieved exhalation, she held up one hand. “But you will have a long list of dos and don’ts. No more alcohol. No more smoking, or even being around it. You’ll be on a strict diet, and if your bodyguard has to tie you to the couch to keep you resting, then I’ll add that to the list as well.”

Nicholas giggled at that. “Mutt won’t have a problem with that. Will you, Mutt?”

“Not one bit.”

My face heated.

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“And just think, Brandon, you’ll have time to write all those thank-yous now.” I knew he was trying to cheer me up, but I couldn’t even muster a smile.

Surgery. I had to have surgery.

“I’ll have my nurse call you before you leave, to set a date. I’ll want you to come see me in a few days at my office, and we’ll discuss the procedure.”

“How will it be done?” Nicholas asked. “Can’t you, like, go in through his mouth or belly button or something like that?”

I glanced at Nicholas, but the doc was nodding. “As a matter of fact, yes. That’s one of the options, but we’ll discuss that next week. Now, I want you to get some rest. We’ll finish up this last IV, and then ...” She paused, flipping through her chart. “How about seeing if we can’t get that cast off today?”

“That would be wonderful,” Nicholas said. “Wouldn’t it, Brandon?” I nodded, seriously glad of some sort of good coming out of the day. “Yes.”

“Okay, then. And Brandon, I want you to stay as calm as possible. We don’t know exactly what triggered this last episode, and as it’s imperative we avoid that happening again, I don’t want you to leave your home or ever be alone. I realize the detective assigned to your case will have to visit with you, but I’m going to tell him, too, to leave you alone as much as possible.” She looked from me to Nicholas, then shook her head. “I hate to do this, but I think it would also be best if you refrained from ... more strenuous sexual activities until we get you through this.”

Nicholas moaned and buried his face in my hair. “But we just got back to normal again!

Does this mean I can’t even give him at least a blow--”

“Nicholas!” I barked. My face heated.

“Sorry. But, baby, I can’t stand the thought of not ...” He sighed. “Maybe if I’m gentle?”

“Nicholas,” I whispered, embarrassed beyond the usual. “Please.”

“Sorry.” He kissed me on the forehead. “You know I don’t like to embarrass you.”

“Yeah, right. Never.”

He snuffled into my neck. “But I miss you already. I don’t know if I can handle this.” The doctor closed her folder. “I’m not banning it entirely. Just use common sense. I’ll have a nurse call you to set up the appointment.” I nodded again and she left. When the door closed, Nicholas sighed. I squeezed my eyes shut as a shudder rippled through me.

“Brandon,” Nicholas said. “Look at me.”

I shook my head, covering my face with my hands. A choked sob broke through despite my efforts to keep it concealed, away from Nick’s ears. I coughed, then gasped as I tasted a strange, metallic taste in my mouth. Blood. Just from coughing?

“You okay, Brandon? Look at me.”

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I swallowed, grabbed the glass of water on my stand, and drank it all. I laid my head back, eyes closed, and licked my lips, praying there was no trace of blood for him to see. I’m so scared, so damn fucking scared. I felt a wet trail down my cheek. A finger brushed it away, and I felt Nick’s lips press against my cheek.

“Don’t cry. It’s going to be fine. You’ll see.”

“I’m sorry, Nicholas. I’ve ruined everything for you --”

“Brandon Ashwood. Just hush now. Look at me!” He raised my chin with his fingers, and I opened my eyes. He was inches from my face, frowning at me. “Don’t say that. You didn’t ruin anything for me.” He quirked his mouth. “It does suck, though. No sex for two weeks? Three? How can we stand that?”

“I’m scared, Nicholas.”

He scooted down in the bed and turned on his side. How many times had I done this with him? And now the tables were turned. He stroked the side of my face, then kissed me.