A Reluctant Companion (13 page)

When she had dressed, she left the suite, pausing briefly to see if Cleo was in her room. When the knock went unanswered, she decided she would go out into the city alone. Of course, there was no question of avoiding the assigned escort, and she didn’t try. Fleeing into the city wasn’t an escape attempt so much as it was an effort to get a handle on her erratic emotions and restore a sense of calm.

For the first hour, she wandered aimlessly around the stalls of Pike Place Market, buying nothing with Tiernan’s trading credits but an apple for breakfast, though she had no appetite. Her stoic guard remained at her back, but he was silent, making it easy to ignore his presence. The times she had been out with Cleo, the other woman had engaged in conversation with everyone—their guard, her, merchants, and shoppers alike. As much as she liked Cleo, it was a relief to have silence today and not have to put on a false front.

Slowly, she veered from the market, wandering the streets aimlessly. Her guard made no attempt to direct her, so she let her feet lead where they wanted. When she paused an hour later, it was to find herself in a completely unfamiliar neighborhood, but she wasn’t worried. Her guard would definitely know the way back home.

Home, she thought with a bitter sneer. Tiernan’s home was not hers. Whatever she’d thought she had found there was all an illusion she had created for herself. Whatever tenderness she’d thought she had seen in Tiernan was another lie. She must be so weak that she couldn’t face the reality of her situation without spinning a delusional fairytale.

A collision with a thin woman literally knocked her out of her reverie. Her guard surged forward, clearly intent on defending her, but Madison held up a hand. “Stop.” The man hesitated, and she turned her attention to the person with whom she had collided. “Are you all right?”

She was really more of a girl, with a gaunt face and bones in her wrist that were far too prominent. With a nervous glance at the soldier, she nodded. “I’m sorry I plowed into you, miss.”

“It’s okay.” The girl looked like she needed a few good meals and perhaps a warm bed. “Where were you headed?”

“The healer,” said the girl softly, suddenly swaying.

With a decisive nod, Madison put her arm around the girl’s waist and turned to the soldier. “Is there a healer nearby?”

Eyes wide, he shrugged. “I don’t know, Miss Cole.”

“Down the street, ‘round the corner,” said the girl in voice as thin as gauze.

Madison indicated the soldier should help bear the girl’s weight, and they eased her down the street, finding a small brick building with a hand-lettered sign that read:
Susan Ward
—
Herbalist, Healer & Doctor
.

They navigated the girl inside, and Madison was appalled to see the waiting room stuffed full of people in a similar state. Leaving the soldier to hold up the girl, she went to the front desk, where a harried-looking woman with frizzy brown hair seemed to be juggling multiple tasks. “Excuse me, but my…friend needs to see a healer.”

“Yours and everyone else’s,” said the frazzled woman, but not unkindly. “Has she been here before?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” She motioned the soldier to lead the girl over. “Have you been here before?”

The girl nodded. “Tara Seabolt.”

After a moment’s search in a book so large it filled half the desk, the receptionist nodded. “You were supposed to come back for a checkup months ago, Tara.”

Tara nodded before a racking cough shook her body. “Couldn’t afford it, miss.”

The receptionist frowned. “That never stops anyone else,” she muttered a bit gruffly. “It’s going to be a long wait, I’m afraid. We’re shorthanded.”

The soldier shifted Tara to help her sit in one of the last remaining spots on the hard wooden benches. She looked so frail there that Madison couldn’t stand it. “You have to see her now. She’s obviously sick.”

“Take a look around. Everyone here is sick, and there’s only Susan with no nurse or assistant today. We’ll get to Tara when we can.”

Madison straightened her shoulders. “Fine. What can I do to help speed up the process?”

The receptionist focused on her, as if finally paying attention for the first time. Her eyes widened as she took in Madison’s neat clothing and the soldier standing beside her. Looking a bit nervous, she said, “Do you have any medical training, Miss…?”

“Cole, and a bit. I’ve been caring for my mother the past three years. I’m not afraid of hard work, and I literally have nothing else to do, so put me to use.”

After a brief hesitation, she nodded. “Very well. We’ll take any volunteers we can find, Miss Cole. Hardworking ones are all the better.”

“Madison please.”

“Lucy.” She waved Madison around behind the desk, and the long-suffering soldier looked like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

With a sigh of impatience, she said, “Have a seat by Tara.”

“But, Miss Cole, the commander said not to leave your side.”

She rolled her eyes. “Tiernan specifically told you not to leave my side?”

The young man flushed. “Well, er, no. My commanding officer told me I had to stay by his companion’s side when acting as escort.”

“Over there is close enough,” said Madison in a tone that brooked no argument. After a moment, the young man complied, looking worried. He needn’t be. She had no intention of telling anyone he had left her to go all the way across the room. Idiot rules.

Lucy regarded her with wide eyes, but made no comment on the exchange she had just witnessed. “Well, Madison, let me show you how the intake process works. After that, we’ll have a quick tour of the clinic, and I’ll ask Susan where she’d like you.”

*****

Madison’s day flew by in a busy haze. It was wonderful to feel useful again, to know she wasn’t wasting her time with idleness and was actually helping others. It was just the panacea she needed to soothe her ragged emotions, and she felt calmer by the time she allowed the soldier to persuade her to leave the clinic and head back to Tiernan’s mansion.

It was dusk when they returned, and the young man looked nervous, as though expecting Tiernan himself to come chastise him for allowing her to stay out so late. As if he would care. After yesterday, he probably didn’t even know she was gone. Would he even come back to the room tonight? Probably, since it was his room, but he might also tell her to move to another one. She should cling to that hope instead of the pathetic desire to find herself back in his good graces.

Enough self-pity. After seeing the suffering she had witnessed today, she had no right to be wallowing about in it. Yes, her life was in shambles right now, but she had shelter, food, clothes, and safety—far more than many of the people who had come through Susan’s clinic that afternoon.

At the guardhouse, she parted from her soldier after extracting a promise that he would act as her escort tomorrow as well. She walked the rest of the way to the entrance by herself, though four guards stood around the area. Once inside, she hurried to the kitchen, lucky enough to find one of the prep workers with a free moment to brew a cup of the disgusting contraceptive tea. After gulping it down, she left the area and walked sedately up to the room she shared with Tiernan. She was tired and sore from the multitude of tasks she’d performed, but she felt good and looked forward to returning tomorrow.

The room was deserted. She washed and dressed in a nightgown that was pretty, but not too enticing. If Tiernan came to her tonight, she wasn’t sure how to greet him. She wanted to be cold and rebuff him, but she also wanted to throw herself into his arms. The equanimity she’d found throughout the day was seeping away, and she was a nervous wreck by the time full darkness set in. Her long day and previous night of little sleep caught up to her, and she finally gave up her vigil to go into the bedroom. Five minutes after slipping between the covers, she was asleep.

*****

Feeling a fool and cursing his cowardice, Tiernan finally let himself into his suite around one a.m. It was dark and quiet, as he’d expected. She would have gone to bed hours ago, no doubt tired out by her impromptu trip around the city. Shopping could wear a woman out, he thought with a derisive grunt.

He stripped off most of his clothes before reaching the bedroom. Moving quietly to avoid waking her, to be solicitous of course, he opened the door and walked in on bare feet. She lay in the middle of the bed, one arm tucked around his pillow. Was she missing him? Had she missed him last night? He’d like to think his absence had taught her something, mainly that he didn’t need her. She need never know he’d gotten rip-roaring drunk and had passed out in his office like a teenager after his first taste of alcohol. Aidan had certainly gotten a kick out of discovering him in that sorry state early this morning.

He slipped into bed, holding his breath as she stirred but didn’t wake. As though drawn to her by forces he couldn’t resist, Tiernan settled as close to her as he could. Carefully, he moved the pillow from her embrace and plastered her against him instead. She snuggled closer, making a little mewling sound that was oddly appealing. Her breath caressed his neck, and he warred with his baser urges as his cock hardened. Eventually his better nature won, and he was content to hold her as she slept. “Not such a tyrant now, am I?” he whispered as he caressed her back.

She snored softly, oblivious to his words, though not his presence. Madison fit against him like a matching puzzle piece, and he had to restrain the impulse to tighten his grasp, pulling her even closer. He had to handle her delicately. A treasure like the woman in his arms was fragile and needed protecting, not brute force.

“I lied to you,” he whispered again, feeling like a coward for not telling her the words when he was sure she could hear and absorb them. “I was jealous as hell that some man dared send you a message. I’m sorry I hurt you, Madison.”

She mumbled something and snuggled closer. Maybe his words penetrated her unconsciousness. He hoped that was true, because he didn’t know if he’d have the strength of character to make the admissions in the light of day, when his words could be construed as weakness, and she might think she could use them to her advantage.

Chapter Nine

Madison woke to find herself pressed against Tiernan. Her eyes widened when they met his, and she opened her mouth to speak, though she had no idea what she was going to say. He kissed her before any words could emerge, and it was the same sort of soft, coaxing kiss that always melted her. The angry, shamed part of her still wanted to push him away, suspecting he had spent his absent night with another of his companions, and she remained stiff for a long moment, until his gentle mouth and softly caressing hands smoothed away her resistance.

Their lovemaking was slow, almost tenuous, as they let their bodies speak all the things they both wanted to say. Or maybe she was misinterpreting his apologetic touches and soothing kisses. Perhaps she was fooling herself so she could continue sharing her body with him. Even the doubt of that couldn’t hold back her cries of passion, and she was eager for him when he lifted her thigh and entered her carefully, drawing out his possession until she thought she might scream with frustration and need.

Afterward, they lay together as the bliss faded gradually, still not speaking. Without knowing what she wanted to say, she was reluctant to break the silence. They had been so harsh with each other at their last meeting, and she didn’t want to hear or utter further words that could cut so deeply again. Their tentative peace, while not truly resolving anything, seemed the safer and easier course. With that in mind, she didn’t push him to speak, and she didn’t utter the question burning on the tip of her tongue.
Whose bed were you in two nights ago?

Did it matter? Would knowing which of his other companions had been his partner for the evening make it any easier to deal with his infidelity? No. It would just make it harder, because she would have to look at that woman and hold back the compulsion to demand details, to ask if he’d at least been hurt, bitter, or reluctant? Had he called Madison’s name or mentioned her at all to the woman he’d been with, or had she never crossed his mind?

Besides, he wouldn’t and didn’t consider it infidelity. They had an arrangement, strictly physical at the core, with no commitments. Madison doubted he would even understand why she would be jealous or upset. In all honesty, she didn’t quite understand why she was so torn up over the whole thing. He wasn’t supposed to mean anything to her. Even if the sex was great, she should be happy for the nights he didn’t spend with her, because it meant he was distancing himself. That was what she wanted. She couldn’t question that. She absolutely would not be like Nina, futilely loving a man who was incapable of returning her feelings.