A Song for Us (27 page)

I slowly began to walk again. The nurse who stood by the doors slid his card so they would open, and we made our way to the elevator. The doors opened and a nurse stepped out as we slid in and pressed the button for the first floor.

ERIC

T
HIS ISN’T YOUR
fault.” Cass leaned back against the wall next to me as I stared at Tuck and the twins.

“I just need to take some time off.” I flexed my hands, my fingers still throbbing from my fight with Derek.

The doors opened in front of us and we all stopped talking as our eyes fell on Sarah and her sister, Jenny.

Sarah looked completely shocked, her eyes wide, but Jenny was smiling at all of us. They stepped forward, their arms linked together.

Cass flew forward, wrapping her arms around Sarah as they both laughed.

“I am so glad you are okay,” Cass whispered, and kissed Sarah on the cheek.

“I didn’t think you guys would be here,” Sarah said, and I took a deep breath, not realizing how much I had missed the sound of her voice. I stood there just watching as everyone hugged her and told her how much they’d missed her.

Eventually the conversation died down and her eyes met mine. Everyone took notice.

“We’ll wait out at the car,” Cass said as she placed her hand on Sarah’s shoulder, then all the guys but me followed Cass toward the front doors.

“You okay?” Jenny asked, and Sarah nodded, her eyes still on me. Jenny followed the others, leaving only Sarah and me.

She took a step closer and I stayed against the wall, my hands shoved in my pockets.

“I didn’t think I would see you again,” she said shakily.

“I’m so sorry, Sarah.” I shook my head as I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

“I’m the one who should be sorry. I put you through a lot of shit.”

I laughed as I thought over how much we had been through the past week. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Are
you
okay?”

“I am now.” I wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around her, but I forced myself not to move. “I thought you . . .” I cleared my throat as I tried not to relive the feelings of helplessness when I didn’t know if she was even alive.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and took another step closer.

“Hey, I’ve gotten to meet Jenny. She’s a lot like you, but her taste
in music sucks,” I joked, and Sarah smiled. God I loved to see her smile.

“We will have to fix that.”

It didn’t slip by me that she had said
we
.

“The world is waiting.” I pushed from the wall and began walking toward the front door with Sarah at my side.

Jenny was waiting just outside the doors, leaning against her car. The band was standing around a dark SUV parked in front of her.

I blew out a heavy breath and turned to Sarah. I hated spending a second away from her, but I knew what she needed right now was her family. Jenny and I had talked for hours about Sarah’s life, and I knew I had to do what was best for her, not me.

“Don’t party too hard,” I said with a smile that I knew didn’t reach my eyes.

“You’re not coming with me?”

I shook my head and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I slowly let mine circle her body, not sure if I would ever be able to let her go.

“Please don’t leave me, too,” she whispered against my ear, and I stiffened, hating myself for having to walk away.

Tucker’s hand landed on my shoulder and he pulled me back. I reluctantly let go of Sarah and watched as her sister opened the car door for her to get in.

“Come on, man. She’ll be fine,” Chris said, then through the windshield of her sister’s car I watched Sarah fasten her seat belt.

SARAH

T
HERE WERE NO
words to describe the pain of watching E get in his car and pull away. I was left with a virtual stranger. Jenny grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before pulling out onto the road.

“Mom is really excited to see you,” she said as I reached out to turn off the annoying pop music that blared through the speakers. I found a station playing classic rock and turned up the volume to let Jenny know I didn’t feel like talking.

My entire world had changed so quickly I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I didn’t have a boyfriend or a band. Suddenly, I had my family back . . . and E was gone.

We drove for nearly three hours and only stopped to get
gas and a bite to eat. I didn’t say a word to Jenny, but she didn’t seem to mind the silence between us.

We turned off on a tree-lined street with small, two-story houses lining the way. The car slowed and pulled off in front of a pale blue home with white shutters. I looked over at Jenny.

She smiled brightly at me. “It’s going to be fine. I promise.”

I nodded and she slipped out of the driver’s side as I opened my door and pushed to my feet. I groaned and stretched as I stared at the house.

Jenny came to my side and linked her arm in mine as she had at the hospital. “Come on.”

I reluctantly walked toward the front door and waited for Jenny to open it and step inside.

“Mom?” she called out as I followed her in. The house was small but clean, and the walls were lined with pictures. My eyes danced over then as I examined how sad I had looked as a child.

“Jenny, have you brought her home?” a familiar voice called from another room, and I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from crying out. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed my mother until I heard her voice for the first time in too many years.

“Come on.” Jenny’s eyes lit up and she headed down a narrow hallway. She paused at a closed door and looked to me before pushing it open.

As I stepped inside, my eyes scanned the bedroom. It was pale pink and the curtains were white lace. The sun shone through the curtains, covering the walls with a crazy shadowy pattern. My eyes fell to the bed, with a matching pink blanket, and my mother propped up with pillows. She looked so much older, and almost frail. She was bedridden from a bad case of the flu. Jenny said my mother’s health had deteriorated over the years, but it didn’t prepare me for seeing her, once so beautiful and active, now so much older and weak.

“Mom?” I could barely hear my own voice.

“I’ve missed you so much, Sarah.” She held out her arms and I ran to her, overwhelmed by too many emotions, falling over her chest as I hugged her and cried happy tears for the first time since I could remember.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“I’m so sorry, too . . . so sorry.” She was sobbing as well. “But why didn’t you come home? You could have always come home, Sarah.”

Then her eyes danced over the red lines that marred my arms.

“I was scared. I didn’t know Phil was gone. I didn’t know if you would believe me. I figured you would want me gone anyway when you found out. . . . I felt guilty, like I had done something wrong.” My voice trailed off.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” She put her hands on my cheeks and looked straight into my eyes. “I thought all this time
you blamed me. Sarah, you and Jenny mean more to me than the world. I would have protected you, sweet girl. I swear I had no idea.”

“I know you didn’t, and I didn’t ever blame you. I just didn’t know how to deal with everything, so I ran.”

“I tried to find you, but after a while the police assumed you . . . that something had happened. You didn’t make it easy. Without credit cards or anything of that nature, you had just vanished.”

“I thought about coming home so many times, but I didn’t know that Phil was gone, and after a while I couldn’t look you in the eye after just leaving like that. I know I put you through hell. I’m so sorry for all of this.”

“It’s okay now. I have you back.”

“I’m so sorry for leaving you, Mom.”

“Life is too short. I’m just thankful for today.” She pulled me down against her and Jenny’s arms slid over my back as she joined our hug.

ERIC

Y
OU SURE ABOUT
this?” Tuck asked me for the hundredth time. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed Sarah’s guitar. The guys had packed up all my belongings from my room and moved them to a new hotel after the incident.

“You know I am.”

“We support you no matter what you decide to do, but it won’t be the same without you.”

“It’s only a few months. I’ll be back in time for the next tour.”

Cass made sure I had all of my belongings before we said our good-byes. “Don’t forget about us,” she said as she hugged me.

“Not possible,” I replied as I hugged each of the twins.

“Stay out of trouble,” Tuck said with a laugh.

“I’ll do my best, but no promises.”

I looked at the band one last time before I turned and left. This escape was long overdue. I dumped my bags into the back of my waiting rental car and pulled off into traffic. I pulled out my new cell phone that I had picked up yesterday and flipped through the contacts. I found Jenny’s number and typed out a quick text as I stopped at a red light.

How did it go?

She’s handling it well. She misses you.

I tossed my phone on the dash as traffic began to move and cranked up the radio. I had my own healing to do and I needed to start getting my life together if I ever wanted to have a future with someone else.

I DROVE FOR
hours, not stopping to sleep until my eyes burned and I could no longer focus. I pulled off at an old truck stop and slept in the driver’s seat of the car until the sun blinded me through the wind-shield. I sat up, groaning as I watched people walking in and out of the gas station.

I pulled back out onto the highway and continued on my trip across the country. I only stopped for food and fuel, burning away the daylight.

As night fell, I finally allowed myself to think about Sarah. I had been trying to push her from my thoughts. It was too painful. As
fucked-up as this trip had been, she was finally in a better place in her life. I hoped to be able to get myself to that point as well. I had carried demons with me for too many years. I wanted to move on and finally be able to be happy. That would start with confronting the past. If Sarah could do it, so could I.

I stared off at my house in eastern Tennessee. The yard now had a stone border around it at least three feet high. I could still see it as it was that day my brother was killed. I got out of the car and walked up to the edge of the property as the front door opened. My mother stood in the entrance with her hand over her mouth as if she had just seen a ghost.

“Mike!” she called over her shoulder, and my father soon appeared behind her. I walked around the stone wall and slowly made my way up the driveway. My mother practically fell down the steps as she ran to meet me. I lifted her in the air as I held her, my eyes slowly opening and landing on my father. He nodded and I returned the gesture as I set my mother back down.

“Are you here to stay?” she asked excitedly.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “No, Ma. I have things to handle in California. I’m just here for a visit.” I didn’t need to tell them about my community service. This was more for closure and not to catch up.

“Son,” my dad said with another nod. He had lost weight, but he didn’t look as healthy. I guess years of carrying around guilt will do that to you.