A State of Jane (18 page)

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I scooped out the insides of my bagel and tossed them in the garbage. I sat back down at our kitchen table and while spreading low fat vegetable cream-cheese on both sides, I said to Lainie, “So, I think that guy Andrew at work might have feelings for me.”

Lainie looked up from her bowl of potato leek soup. She opted to save the turkey sandwich I bought her for lunch the next day. “Really? What makes you think that? Did he say something?”

Shaking my head, I said, “Not exactly.” I paused while trying to find the best words to describe it. “It's just he's….well, he's a guy's guy, totally crude, and he definitely plays around. But he's so nice and patient with me. He's always telling me I'm better than these losers who keep blowing me off.”

Lainie got up and grabbed a large bottle of Snapple iced tea from the fridge and two glasses. After she sat down and poured us both a glass, she said, “I keep telling you the same thing!”

I smiled at Lainie, who had surprised me more than once with her pep talks. “I know. But you're my friend. You have to say those things. Andrew has nothing to gain by being sweet.”

“Do you like him?”

I tried to picture Andrew moving in to kiss me and was able to visualize myself leaning into him. “I never thought about it until now. He's my officemate and that could be awkward but, yeah, maybe I do. I don't know. It's worth exploring, right?”

Lainie smiled. “That's what dating is about Jane. Go for it. But don't get your hopes up.”

“I won't. By the way, how do your parents feel about Antoine? Is he the ‘eligible bachelor’ they had in mind? Have they reserved the church?” I joked.

Lainie shook her head. “The folks are still on a need-to-know basis.”

“Gotcha,” I said, taking a bite of my bagel. “Your secret is safe with me.”

After I finished eating and got ready for bed, I searched my closet for what to wear to work the next day. I wanted to wear
something that made me look good but not like I was trying to look good. Maybe Andrew was right, playing with a guy's feelings wasn't the way to finding true love. Perhaps not all guys were assholes, and I was just looking in the wrong places.

C
HAPTER
31

When I arrived at work the next morning, Andrew was already sitting at his desk. I smiled brightly at him and said, “Good morning.” He smiled back and motioned to the cell phone he was holding against his ear.

I mouthed, “Sorry” and logged onto my computer while trying to overhear his conversation. All I got was, “Sounds good. Talk to you later” before he hung up, turned to me and said, “Feeling better today, Jane?”

“Much! Thanks so much for lunch yesterday. I needed that.”

“No problem. I wasn't sure if I'd made you feel better or worse.”

“Better. Definitely better. It just took a few hours for your words to sink in.”

Laughing, Andrew said, “So I don't have to worry about you studying law from a convent?”

I felt my face flush, which I hated, and said, “No. I've decided giving up on men would be a premature decision.”

Andrew winked. “Good. The male race thanks you.”

Feeling my blush deepen, I said, “Speaking of thank you, I'd like to take you out for drinks to express my appreciation for being so nice to me.”

“Totally not necessary, Jane. But who am I to refuse drinks?”

Figuring I would seem too anxious if I pushed him for a date, I just laughed and turned towards my computer, trying to force the smile off my face.

“I'm free Thursday.”

I looked over at Andrew and still smiling, said, “Thursday it is.”

Later that afternoon, I had left my desk to pick something up from the color printer when I walked past Bethany's cubicle. I heard her whisper, “Jane,” turned around and walked over to her. “Hey, what's going on?” I asked.

Twiddling a purple strand of hair around her finger, Bethany said, “Check this out” and pointed to her computer where a cat was dressed up like Elvis. “It's a fucking fashion show for cats.” Shaking her head incredulously, she said, “Have you ever?”

I looked at the screen again where a cat was now wearing a party hat and a red and black velvet blazer. “Gross. Why would someone do that to his pet? It's animal cruelty if you ask me.”

Bethany nodded. Minimizing the screen, she said, “I hear ya! What's up with you?” Motioning to an empty chair right outside her cubicle, she said, “Sit.”

I sat down, aching to tell her about drinks with Andrew. I wondered if she'd heard any rumors that he liked me. She seemed to be in everyone's business and I knew she was Facebook friends with everyone at work. I didn't think it was wise to make everyone at work privy to my personal information but was beginning to re-think my decision. Maybe I'd friend her later. Andrew too. Or maybe I'd just wait until we were dating and I could change my romantic status to “in a relationship.”

“I was out with the A-Team last night,” Bethany said. “They asked when you were coming out again.”

“Really? That's sweet.” I hoped she wouldn't try to set up anything definitive. Despite how much fun I'd had that night, it was an adventure I wasn't sure I wanted to repeat any time soon. Like Andrew had said, I hadn't been myself lately and staying out all night getting drunk was more Frances than Jane. I wasn't going to find the right guy pretending to be someone I wasn't.

As if reading my mind, Andrew appeared in front of Bethany's desk, his face flushed almost the same shade as his hair. Greeting us, he said, “Ladies.”

Bethany extended her hand across the desk and gave him a high five. “What's up, Andrew?”

Feeling shy and wondering if Andrew saw me sitting with Bethany before deciding to come over, I just smiled.

Andrew whispered, “Just had a three hour lunch with a vendor.” After a slight pause, he said, “Loaded.”

Giggling, I said, “How much did you drink?”

“We shared two bottles of wine but I doubt she drank more than two glasses.” Andrew shrugged. “The rest was all me, I guess.”

Bethany gave him another high five. “Nice, killa!”

I glanced at the clock on Bethany's computer. It was almost 5:30. “Well, at least it's almost time to go home. You can crash.”

Andrew gave us a sly grin. “Nah. I'm just here to log out. Going back out for Happy Hour.”

Shaking her head, Bethany said, “You party animal!”

I was torn between hoping he'd invite me to come along and fearing that joining them would mean we wouldn't go out alone on Thursday. “Have fun!”

“Thanks,” Andrew said before giving us a quick wave and walking away.

“He's too much,” Bethany said with a laugh. “Great guy.”

“I agree.” I watched him walk away, wishing Thursday night would come already so I could say it to his face.

C
HAPTER
32

Andrew didn't come to work on Wednesday and I worried he was sick and we'd need to postpone our drinks for the next day. I was getting really nervous about how to broach the subject of kicking our relationship up a notch. I didn't think he'd reject me, but I also knew he wouldn't make the first move and why should he? He knew I dated a lot and I'd even flirted with two of his friends. He probably had no idea I liked him. I wished I hadn't wasted so much time on other guys when Andrew was there the entire time, but I couldn't look backwards — onward and upward!

I decided to wait until we'd had at least one drink, so I'd be less tense and it wouldn't come out rehearsed. But I'd rehearsed it, make no mistake. My father always said, “Chance favors the prepared mind.”

I had planned to go shopping that night with Marissa for an anniversary present for Katherine and Katherine's husband, Martin, but called to see if she'd come over to help me pick out an outfit for my date with Andrew instead. It was almost 5:00. I was still at work and supposed to meet Marissa at 6:00 outside of Crate and Barrel.

Marissa said, “I really need to get going on this. The entire family is getting together on Sunday to celebrate. Our parents, his parents, Katherine, Martin, and, of course, me.” Attempting a laugh, she added, “No date, of course. Anyway, I really need your help. My
idea of domesticity is Ramen noodles in a hot pot. I have no clue what to buy a couple on their first anniversary.”

I pondered sending Andrew a text to make sure he was OK.

“Jane!”

Startled, I said “I'm here!”

“So you promise if I come to you tonight, you'll shop with me on Friday after work?”

“Promise.” I decided not to text Andrew and simply hoped for the best.

Later that night, Marissa and I rummaged through my closet for the perfect outfit.

Marissa pulled a pair of black dress pants from my closet and said, “What about these with your white silk blouse and red patent pumps? Katherine suggested wearing high heels so your legs would look longer and slimmer, but I told her that Andrew wasn't that tall.”

Shaking my head, I said, “Too corporate. We'll probably go someplace more casual. Andrew likes pubs. And why did you tell Katherine about my drinks with Andrew?”

“Where do you think you'll go?”

Aware that Marissa conveniently ignored my question, I scratched my head and scrutinized the pile of clothes in front of me. “I don't know. We haven't discussed it.” Neither of us had mentioned going out since Tuesday morning when Andrew said he was free on Thursday and I said, “OK.” I was a bit worried that he'd forgotten and sort of hoped he'd bring it up first so I wouldn't have to. I picked my gray pants off the floor. “Screw it. I'll just wear these pants and my black cashmere sweater and boots. It's not like Andrew doesn't see me every day. He either likes me or he doesn't.”

“You're right.” Marissa paused and then said, “But wear your push-up bra anyway!”

I nodded. “Couldn't hurt. And my best Hanky Panky thong.”

Looking at me questioningly, Marissa said, “You're not gonna sleep with him on the first date, are you?”

It wasn't really a first date since I'd known Andrew for years, but I hadn't thought about actually sleeping with him. That might be weird if we had to work with each other the next day. Although it could also be a sexy secret, like Meredith and Derek on the first season of
Grey's Anatomy
.

Interrupting my thoughts, Marissa said, “It's kind of premature to think about sleeping together since you haven't even told him how you feel yet. Have you thought about what you'll say if he doesn't like you back?”

“Of course,” I lied. “But I really can't see this going badly. Andrew flirts with a lot of girls but he's different with me. More caring. Each time I imagine the conversation, he's relieved and laughs at me for being so blind. The only thing I can't picture is what happens next. Do we just kiss and make plans to hang out again or do we move right to boyfriend/girlfriend zone?”

Marissa bit her lip. “I don't know. I always think it's smart to plan for the worst case scenario.”

Marissa bent down to fold some of the sweaters I had thrown from my dresser drawer onto the floor. Looking up at me, she said, “I have a date next week too. A guy from Match.”

“Cool. I spent all that money on eHarmony and never went on a single online date!”

“Anyway, he's thirty-one, a trader and looks cute. I prefer the creative type but you never know.”

“Online dating. The land of the super flakes!” I said, laughing.

Marissa frowned, her naturally full lips protruding in a pout which could rival Lisa Rinna. “Way to be supportive, Jane. Just because you had bad luck doesn't mean they're all flakes. You never even went on a date with anyone from online!”

Noting the defensive tone in her voice, I bent down next to her and said, “Sorry, Marissa. Don't mean to be negative. You know me — Miss Positive. Just keep your expectations in check”

“That's funny coming from you!” Marissa said.

Holding the cashmere sweater against my chest, I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“You were so positive you'd find another boyfriend immediately. I told you to proceed with caution and you laughed.” Pointing at the pile of clothes on my floor, she said, “And here you are. Still single and picking out outfits for first dates. Just like me. I told you it was hard.”

I rubbed my chin, contemplating. “Yes, you did. But then again, I had a really good boyfriend who placed the bar very high. You had crappy Dovid who didn't.”

Jerking her head back, Marissa said, “I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, Jane. I deserve to fall in love just as much as you do!”

“Of course you do! I just meant that Dovid wasn't exactly a shining example of how a girl should be treated, and Bob was. I was not expecting to meet one jerk after another when my only experience before him was so great.”

Marissa looked at me with her forehead scrunched, but didn't say anything.

“I didn't mean that to come out bad, Marissa. Really! Now are you
sure
this outfit is good for tomorrow?”

Marissa finally smiled. “I'm sure. Good luck and I can't wait to hear all about it on Friday.”

After Marissa left, I tried to come up with reasons Andrew might not like me. She was right. Over-confidence was dangerous. It would be really embarrassing if he said he thought of me like a sister. Since he had coined the phrase, “nail ‘em and leave ‘em,” maybe he'd say he wasn't looking for anything serious. Although I concluded that it was entirely possible the night wouldn't go as planned, I decided I had to try — nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even after imagining the worst-case scenario, I felt strongly that this time the following night, Andrew and I would be more than friends. And I'd never have to swim in the online dating pool again.

C
HAPTER
33

The next morning, I dropped my jacket and pocketbook in my office and, like every other morning, went to the pantry to get a cup of coffee.

Standing in the hallway outside of the pantry were Andrew and one of the associates. My heart skipped a beat, but I said, “Hi” as nonchalantly as possible.

The associate nodded his hello and Andrew said, “We're having drinks tonight, right?”

I smiled and said, “Yup!”

Andrew said, “Cool” and turned back towards the associate.