A Street Girl Named Desire: A Novel (17 page)

“I want you out of my house,” Hattie Mae said.

“I'm already gone,” Desire told her. Tiah couldn't even look at Hattie Mae as she ran after Desire and onto the street, where a limousine was waiting to take them to Lil Dollar's. It was the last time either of them would see Hattie Mae for a very long time. Many, many months later, both of them would squint out from a bright stage into an excited crowd and see her face, but neither one of them would ever be sure if it was really her or if it was simply their imagination. And they would never find out. During the entire ride to Lil Dollar's, the words their grandmother had
shouted after them haunted both girls, though neither one would ever admit it.

“Girls, I want y'all to promise me, promise me, that no matter what happens in life, no matter how hard it knocks you down, I want you to get on your knees and pray Pray until you get an answer from God! Pray until you get an answer from God …”

D
esire and Tiah had just hopped out of a cab on 117th and Manhattan after returning home from a whirlwind press trip to Las Vegas with Dollar. As soon they got their luggage from the cab and walked to their building, they ran into Lyfe, the dude they had given a beat down to several years ago. Lyfe hadn't changed much over the years and was now a crack dealer who regularly fucked over his customers by selling them speed. He still ran with flunkies, because he was a punk.

“Yo, Desire, what'sup, baby?” said Lyfe as he and his boys stared at Desire and Tiah'sasses and laughed as they passed. “When you gonna give me and my boys a private show?”

“Fuck you, nigga,” said Desire. She and Tiah kept it moving.

He laughed and said, “Yeah, that'swhat I'm trying to do, bitch. So how much it gonna cost?” He pulled out a knot of money.

Desire turned around, furious. She spewed, “Nigga, your bummy ass don't have enough money to even have conversation with me, much less fuck me with your lil dick ass.” His boys laughed as he tried to defend himself, but Desire continued. “Everybody know you be fucking crackheads, and they say you got a shriveled little dick that don't even get hard, so you better give that money to them bitches … Chump!”

Embarrassed, Lyfe managed to yell, “Fuck you, bitch. One day you gonna get knocked off that high horse, and I'll be standing there to piss on your black ass!”

Desire smiled and said, “You gonna be waiting a long time, faggot!” She disappeared into the building with Tiah, not thinking twice about Lyfe'sprediction.

Desire and Tiah were at Radio City Music Hall politicking with some industry execs at the Source Awards, which they were attending as guests of Lil Dollar. Desire heard her name being called from across the room. She turned and saw a guy smiling and waving wildly at her. She ignored him, because guys who recognized her from her stripping days often wanted to strike up a conversation when they recognized her. No sooner did she turn her back on him that she felt someone tapping on her shoulder. “Desire,” the man behind her said.

Desire turned around, pissed, but her expression rapidly changed when she saw the man'sface.

“It'sme, Desire. Carvelas.”

Desire took a step back, smiled, and asked, “Little Carvelas?”

His smile displayed a perfect set of white teeth as he nodded. “Yeah, little Carvelas.” Desire hugged him and pulled back to look at him. He had the same cute baby face, but he was now much, much taller.

“Damn,” Desire said, impressed. “You ain't little anymore. What happened?”

He chuckled shyly and said, “I guess I'm a late bloomer. Where your girl Tiah?”

“Oh, she running around here somewhere, probably getting her mack on. I'll find her, though. I'm sure she'd like to say 'sup.”

They stared into each other'seyes.

“What you doing here?” she asked.

“Oh, I'm the assistant sound technician for the show tonight.”

“So that'swhat you do now?”

“Yeah. It don't pay much right now, but I get to travel all over the world. It keeps me busy.”

“I hear that,” she said. They continued to admire each other.

“What'sup with you? What you doing here?”

Before she could answer, Lil Dollar walked up. Desire introduced them. Carvelas smiled and extended his hand to shake.

Dollar sneered. “Who'sthis nigga to be shakin my hand?”

Carvelas had kept himself out of thuggish circles, but he certainly knew who Lil Dollar was and what his reputation meant. He decided not to dignify him with a response that would get something started. But Lil Dollar wouldn't let things die down easy.

“Fuck, who you be to be shaking my hand? Who is you to be talking to my girl?”

“Look, man,” Carvelas said quietly, “I was just trying to say 'sup to my girl.”

“You ain't asked me if you could do that, nigga.”

Desire held Lil Dollar back as he moved toward Carvelas. Carvelas didn't budge.

“He'sjust one of my friends from off the block, from back in the day.”

“Well, he callin you his girl and shit,” Lil Dollar said. He threw Desire off. “I'm trying to figure out if he got a hidden agenda.”

“No agenda, man.” Carvelas was working and not trying to get involved with a fight that could make him lose his job. “Just wanted to speak to an old friend.”

As Carvelas walked away, Lil Dollar grabbed him by the shoulder. He spit out a razor that was hidden in his mouth.

“What the fuck …,” Carvelas began, and Desire moved between them.

“Baby, no!” she cried.

Her cry caught the attention of one of the many security guards scattered throughout the crowd to keep watch on the big celebrities. He came over and asked if there was a problem. Lil Dollar quickly lifted the razor to his mouth, where it magically disappeared. He smiled at the security guard.

“E'r' thing'saiight. My girl was just telling this nigga to get the fuck outta her face.”

Desire looked into Dollar'seyes and knew he was testing her
loyalty. “Yeah, I was just telling him to get the fuck outta my face.”

Carvelas knew that Lil Dollar wouldn't slash him with security right there. He stared at Desire long and hard, giving her a chance to prove that she could be loyal to an old friend by telling Lil Dollar the truth. She failed him as she drew nearer to Lil Dollar, who was getting ready to flare up again. Carvelas gave Lil Dollar a menacing glare and walked away, determined to forget about Desire Evans forever.

When Tiah and Desire walked on the set of Dollar'snext video shoot, they both were surprised at how much planning and how many people were involved in making a single video. All around them, there were makeup artists, lighting technicians, cameramen, production assistants and, of course, video hoes. Long weaves bounced atop the heads of girls who were all talking to one another cattily, not hiding the fact that they were competing for the spotlight. Some of the girls were so scantily clad, they may as well have been naked. They wore everything from Versace bikinis to Jimmy Choo shoes. The only thing excessive about what they had on was the dollar amount everything cost—not how much it covered.

Desire and Tiah stood on the sidelines and watched everyone at work as the video director described each scene to Dollar, to see what he thought. Inside, Desire was fuming. There had been many nights when, after lovemaking sessions where she gave Dollar every move she knew, she had tried to convince him to use her
more in his music and let her sing. But he had always told her he liked to keep business and personal separate. Desire had decided that the benefits she received from just being on his arm weren't worth losing over this one issue. However, she was growing impatient with simply being in this world because she was some big rapper'sbottom bitch. She put up with a lot including other bitches and his troubles with the law. She needed to set up some security for herself in case she and Dollar didn't last forever. And she knew from experience that almost nothing lasted forever.

Suddenly, the director yelled, “Bring the girls over.” Moments later, his assistant went to him with three barely covered girls for Dollar to approve. Dollar smiled lustfully as the three girls struck their best poses. Desire and Tiah turned their faces up because they knew, by what they wore, that these were only low-grade Reebok bandits. The director said, “These the chicks who gonna be lip-syncing the hook throughout the video.”

Desire and Tiah looked at each other as his words resounded in their heads.

Dumbfounded, Desire waited until the girls walked away before calling Dollar over.

“Dollar, why you didn't tell me you needed girls to sing backup in your video? I been asking you for the longest to hook up me and my sister, and then you go hire some knockoffs over your girl!”

Lil Dollar looked over his shoulder and cringed at the thought of anybody hearing Desire screaming at him. He whispered through his teeth, “Desire, chill the fuck out. I don't put this shit together … they do! I didn't even know.”

Not satisfied, Desire pouted and smoothly said, “Then fire them and put us in their place.”

“Desire, I already told you I ain't got no control over that shit. They pick the people who gonna be in the video!”

Desire wasn't having it. She exploded, yelling even louder, “How the fuck you ain't got no say in your own fucking video? What type of shit is that?”

Dollar remained silent as Desire pressed, “Who the hell I got to fuck to get a spot, Dollar? The director? “Cause I see that he's the one that's really running shit. Toby!”

Dollar stared at her with contempt. Desire stared right back at him, then she signaled to Tiah. The girls headed toward the door.

Dollar grabbed Desire'sarm. “Just gimme a chance, baby. Lemme go see if I can talk to the director, work something out.”

Desire waited patiently as she saw Lil Dollar talking to the director and pointing in her direction. The director looked as if he was sizing up Desire and Tiah. Lil Dollar came back a few minutes later and told Desire exactly what she wanted to hear.

“I got you and Tiah on as their replacements.”

Desire and Tiah jumped for joy. They had started out singing together in a small junior choir in a storefront Harlem church, and they had worked their way up to being front and center in a music video that was about to be aired all over the world.

“Hold up, hold up … it'sonly if they don't show up,” Dollar stated.

“Oh, hell no,” screamed Desire. “You got us on standby like we some fuckin groupies?”

“Desire, I tried, and that'sthe best I could do … it'seither that or nothing.”

Desire stared at him with malice for him being so weak. Here was a filthy-rich rapper that was paying for his own video, and he had to get permission from another motherfucker—who he'spaying. A man that would kill another black man for looking at him too long, but who was out of his neighborhood and in front of crackers, cow-towing like he had to apologize for his existence.

“So you want me to put y'all names on the list or what?” asked Dollar. “I mean, if this don't work out, I promise you can finally get in the studio with me. Hell, we can fire them background singers. I can take my baby on the road and put her front and center with me.”

Desire decided she was more interested in that promise than just being in the video. But she wanted the video too.

Desire smiled and said, “Yeah, baby, we could do that.” She gave Dollar a seductive hug and kiss. “Now go get us on the list.”

When Dollar was out of sight, Desire turned toward Tiah with a sense of urgency. “Tiah, listen, this is what I want you to do. I want you to find another girl who can sing and looks good—real good, no tramps, only classy. Meet me back here tomorrow at twelve sharp.”

Tiah asked her, “Where am I gonna find another girl like that on short notice?”

“I don't know, but find one!” Desire said. “This could be our chance to shine just like we dreamed. We got to take ours.”

As Desire signed the release form, she noticed the names, telephone numbers, and addresses of the three fleas that stood to steal her shine. She committed all their information to memory. And as she hugged Dollar, Desire stared over his shoulders at the three fleas rehearsing their dance routine.